SMP-5N

So far, my scans of the city had located 12 possible entry points involving brutal massacres, and 2...slightly less so.

"Unable to detect entry positions minimizing casualty." I muttered from my lying down position in the foliage outside. "Preparing forcible entry procedures." Ooh, that sounded interesting. A notification appeared on my HUD, telling me 'Destroy Wall'. Hmm, no. Deciding to opt for a more fun option, I stood up from my position in the bushes. Almost immediately, I got a reaction.

"HALT!" A commanding voice bellowed from atop the walls. I looked up. One of those horses, presumably a guardhorse. "BY THE ORDER OF THE PRINCESSES, I AM COMMANDING YOU TO HALT!"

"Negative." I replied, spinning my blades up to full speed. They made the familiar whupping sound as the rotors span at 500 revolutions per second. The horse looked confused, and took it as a threat.

That's when I discovered that the tiny horse was a unicorn.

Quite surprisingly, a blue glow began to illuminate the top of its head, illuminating the air around it with crackles of electricity. Finally, the unicorn released the bolt, sending it soaring towards me at a low speed. It was a speed matching that of my EMP function on my eye. It didn't impact at all: the projectile ricocheted back to the unicorn. The bolt seared back through the air to the upper floor of the walls as the unicorn dived to cover. Suddenly, just what I didn't need.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

Dammit! A siren! Not the magic kind, either! I began to go as fast as my legs would carry me, arms to the side to deflect all projectiles that had begun to fire from the upper walls. All of them were different colours, illuminating the spinning rotors with a rainbow of light colours. I realised where I was heading exactly: to a main gate that now had a portcullis shielding it. Quickly, I moved under the roof of the gates. The portcullis was blocking all access: not for frickin' long. Letting out a growling noise, I pressed the rotors against the steel gate. The results were immediate; sparks flew in all directions as both rotors chewed through the iron. Pretty soon, bars of iron were lying on the floor as I began to head through the gap to the main street.

More horses were screaming in terror as I began to quickly stomp down the central road, smashing the cobblestone road and market stands as I went. My rotors didn't rest for one minute; I had too many projectiles to deflect back to the attackers.

"GET HIM!" the same guard from earlier yelled. I turned my upper torso, resuming my forward momentum towards the castle. However, seeing the horde of guards approaching close together in their gleaming steel armour gave me a quick idea on how I could subdue them. I hadn't actually hit any living thing with my EMP yet, and now seemed like a good enough time. I stopped my rotors, clamped them together, and lowered my hands in one smooth motion.

EMP ACTIVATING. CHARGING INITIATED. ESTIMATED TIME TO FIRING: 5 SECONDS.

Should be good enough. I was detecting that the soldiers were a good 13.34 seconds away. The system locked on, and I felt the energy built up around my individual optical sensor.

Release.

The electrical pulse came from me this time, except 3X faster than that of a unicorn. My shot promptly hit its mark; the lead guard yelled out in pain, stumbling as his metal plating made contact with the two beside him. The electricity shocked all three, and the effect passed on as they each crumpled into twitching heaps of singed flesh. A few of the civilian horses screamed, running out from the sidewalk to check if the other horses were OK. I quickly started up again as I stomped towards the castle. I decided to alert Jack that the planet was hostile.

"Handsome Jack, this is SMP-5N." I said down the ECHO. After a moment, somebody picked up.

"Loader, this is Mr Blake. I'm Jack's assistant. What do you require?" came a different voice. Instead of the masked image of Handsome Jack, there was an image of a man with a large forehead, grey hair, and brown coat.

"Planet has been deemed hostile. The city I was heading to contains many guards, presumably to defend their 'Princesses'. I may require extraction." I said down the radio. "Please confirm?"

"Confirmed. Loader, prepare to die."

"Wha-"

A massive burst of energy was felt in my stomach. My optical, audio, and balance sensors fell offline instantly. I knew something crashed into me. However, just when I thought it was over, there was a light.

Loader reconstructing. Beginning digital respawn.

Oh cool. Not dead.

"Loader, welcome back." Mr Blake's voice came again. I knew I'd have to wait to see him, but I could probably speak.

"Greetings, sir." I replied. "Mission was a failure. Apologies."

"What? No, it wasn't!" he laughed. "With your Intel gathering, we now know that these creatures seem to be the dominant species, and intelligent. Without your infiltration methods we'd never know if they were civilized. They are. So, congratulations."

"Sooo, I'm not being downgraded to a LWT Loader?"

"No. In fact, you're being upgraded. Your new body is that of a GUN Loader." Mr Blake continued as the reconstruction finished. "You now have a choice of captured weapons or currently available weapons in the armoury. May I recommend a fully automatic rifle? You will be fired into the city centre, after all."

"Confirmed, sir." I replied, acknowledging my new body. I now had hands, and gave a few flexes to get used to having such appendages again. Being slightly taller than a PWR Loader, I stood up to my full height of 8 foot 3 and looked around. I seemed to be in a docking bay of some sort; Hyperion Engineers wandered about pressing buttons on consoles and launching Loaders towards a planet. Each time, a bright flash came from outside as the machine shot towards the planet and impacted at great speed.

In the centre of the bay, however, sat an empty SATURN Loader. The pinnacle of cash-wasting machines, the SATURN was so large that it fired Surveyors as weapons, had at least 4 Auto-Cannons on a leg and shoulder and feet the size of a truck, coupled with the fact that it cost a good few hundred billion, meant that SATURN Loaders would eventually become the most powerful thing in the universe.

"Head towards the Armoury and collect a weapon." Mr Blake continued, giving me a push towards the door. "Your squad should already be there."

"Acknowledged." I replied, taking my first steps in my new body towards the door.

On the way, I passed a few loaders with familiar names. Most seemed to be of people that were my close friends back at home. Well, before I ended up a machine. Such names included CRN-5H, KIL-B4, LVS-L4, LYL-E3, and my personal favourite, GLB-R7. All of those, I noticed, seemed to be mechanized versions of my good friends. For example, CRN-5H was now a Loot Wee Midget WAR Loader, possibly some joke of his original stature. I couldn't help but stop to ask.

"CRN-5H?" I asked the group of Loaders. The midget loader turned.

"Affirmative." he calmly replied, having to look up at me.

"Does the name SMP-5N contain any similarities to your best friend who recently diappeared?"

"Affirmative. Hello, Simpson." the midget replied.

"Simpson. Good to keep conversation." GLB-R7 added, as the JET Loader extended a hand to shake. I firmly grabbed it and shook.

"Touche. Where are you going?" I asked.

"Orbital Launch Room." LYL-E3 replied. He'd ended up as a WAR Loader, except full sized. "The same query might be asked for you, SMP-5N."

"To the armoury. I'm going to uncharted territory. It is populated by magic horses. And usually it takes a good few hours to reconnect with the Hyperion network. Sigh. I miss humanity."

I didn't really. If I worked hard enough, I'd not get on the wrong side of Handsome Jack and his SATURN.