The Secret of Pony Island

CHAPTER I: THE IDOL OF THE MANY HOOVES

Spike pondered his options carefully. On one side he had wanted to become a pirate ever since he was a child, back at home, and had heard of their exploits, glory and lust for adventure. Granted, the pony who had told him about this was on his way to be hanged for piracy, so maybe he wasn’t a trustworthy source, but the idea had stuck.

On the other side, he could quit right now. He knew for certain that were always openings for pirates and former pirates, heck, some people even hired FAILED pirates. He wasn’t too sure about the employment prospects of a failed wannabe pirate though. He briefly wondered if that offer to become a flooring inspector was still open, floors were still unable to kill you, last time he checked.

All three pirate lords waited for the drake to make his decision, observing his changing expressions with interest. The little guy seemed to be deep in thought. Finally, after several minutes of waiting, the pegasus filly got fed up and threw her mug at the dragon, disrupting his chain of thought and bringing him back to the present scene.

“Come on, make a choice, I’m dying of boredom here!”

Having been so rudely interrupted, Spike could only glare in anger at his offender. “Fine, I’ll do it, I’ll take your tests and become the best pirate the world has ever seen.”

“Sure, sure, whatever you say lad.”

“Now get out of here, and remember you have to bring us proof that you have completed each test, wouldn’t want to pass a cheater.”

“Really? You are okay with killing, stealing, sacking, and looting but all of the sudden cheating is wrong?”

“Nobody said life’s fair, now get out.”

Spike could only sigh and do as he was told.

MEANWHILE,
DEEP UNDER PONY ISLAND™,
LESOMBRA’S GHOST SHIP RESTS ON ITS DOCK IN A RIVER OF LAVA

Cue: LeSombra's Theme

To say that LeSombra was a bad guy was quite the understatement. If you asked his mother, of all people, what she thought about her son, her words would not be fit for reproduction in any format. And she loved him.

As it were, LeSombra had been, during his lifetime, the most ruthless, despicable, sadistic, horrible, evil, twisted, crazed, filthy, dishonourable, cheating, psychopathic, humourless, arrogant, aggressive, boastful, cruel, cunning, dishonest, selfish, vengeful, and self-indulgent unicorn to grace the face of the Earth. Dying had only made it worse.

Now that he didn’t have to take care of earthly concerns such as eating, bathing, sleeping or breathing, LeSombra was free to sail to his heart’s content. And nothing made his heart more content than attacking an island, stealing everything that wasn’t bolted to the ground, razing the city, killing all of its inhabitants and forcing them to become part of his crew of the damned. All in a day’s work.

And it had all paid off. LeSombra’s evil shadow was now cast over the Caribbean and no one, be it pirate or civilian, dared sail their vessels for fear of losing it, and their lives, to the ghost pirate and his armies. He had everything he had ever wanted, and what he didn’t have he could easily take, all except one thing.

LeSombra’s ghost pirate ship was a sight to behold. Made from the finest ghost trees, held together by the most expensive ghost tar and the strongest ghost nails, and armed with the most powerful ghost cannons. It really was a testament to good craftghostship. Its owner had christened it: “The Crystal Slave” and its cargo hold was filled with the greatest treasures, pilfered from all corners of the Caribbean: gold, bits, statues, works of art, champagne, and diamonds. If it was valuable, LeSombra had surely stolen it.

The captain’s quarters were too filled with their share of amazing items, though of a much darker nature. Indeed, LeSombra had made it his mission to gather a great deal of voodoo artifacts and wonders, all of which served to grant him even greater powers.

For LeSombra, however, this still wasn't enough. Though he thirsted for blood, glory and treasure, none of it could sate him. He craved something else, but just as his maggot-ridden brain started to drift towards that subject, there was a loud knock on the door of his cabin.

The dreaded ghost lord grunted his permission to enter and the door creaked open, pushed by one of his crewmembers, his first mate Femurshy. Her skeletal hoof reached up to salute her commanding officer as soon as she was inside.

The captain growled his acknowledgement and Femurshy brought her hoof down, standing a few feet away from her commander. He wasn’t exactly kind to messengers when they brought news, be them good or bad (and they were usually good).

“Uhm… captain… I have… uhm… some news.” She announced timidly.

“Rawr... yargh…” LeSombra coughed and cleared his throat before spitting, a big ball of phlegm hitting the floorboards right under Femurshy’s hooves. The skeletal pegasus eeped and tried to hover away only to discover, again, that she didn’t have any feathers anymore.

“Yes?”

“Nevermind!” Femurshy squeaked, shrinking in on herself when the captain noticed her, "Nothing important! I’ll take care of it myself! No need to bother!” She turned to leave but stopped in her tracks when she heard the wooden floor creaking behind her as LeSombra stepped closer.

“Tell me the news right now or I’ll have you impaled on the main mast.” LeSombra’s eyes regarded her cowering form with cruel indifference and she felt herself crushed under his sight, barely managing to whisper out her message.

“Th-there’s… there’s a new pirate… no, I’m sorry, a new… uhm… wannabe pirate on…” She gulped, trying to find the courage to continue speaking. “O-on Mêlée Island.” Femurshy finished and closed her eyes, expecting the worst. After a couple of seconds, and not feeling the fires of hell burning her to ashes, she managed to open them again. LeSombra was standing there, staring ahead. “I-I’ll just… take care of him, sir, I mean if that’s okay?”

“No.” LeSombra’s voice boomed throughout the cramped cabin. “No, I’ll take care of him myself, I don’t want any amateurs ruining my plans.” He turned around, looking out his window, the sight of some prisoners being lowered into the lava lifting his spirits. “Ah, hear that?”

Femurshy peeked over his shoulder, she didn’t like what she saw, not one bit. “Wh-what, sir?”

“The screams of the damned, it makes one glad to be dead…” He turned to face her, showing his fangs in a terrifying smile. “… Doesn’t it?”

“Yes, sir! Very glad, sir! Couldn’t be happier, sir!” She retreated lightning fast, putting some distance between her and her employer.

“I still think it was very convenient that your cutie mark happened to be a bunch of crossed bones.”

BACK ON MELEE ISLAND™

Spike found himself outside of the Scumm bar again, but this time he was finally getting started on his dream of becoming a pirate! All he had to do now was decide what trial he wanted to begin with. The pirate lords had said he had three of them: defeating the sword master, stealing an idol from the governor’s house and finding a buried treasure.

Right now, Spike didn’t have a sword or a shovel. On the other side, stealing the idol and then selling it would provide him with the much necessary funds to acquire the other two and fulfill his quest. Thus, he concluded, he would start by stealing the idol. With that objective in mind, he took the road towards town, the night eerily quiet save for the creaking ships.

The creaky wooden boards under the dragon's feet became solid cobblestones as he approached the town gates. Much like in the rest of the Caribbean, the capital of Mêlée Island was fortified, no doubt a protection against the same pirates that now filled its streets and wallowed in their unemployment. It came as no surprise that the gates weren’t guarded, the government’s logic dictated that with no pirates to catch, the police budget could very well be cut to save on spending.

A sign caught Spike’s attention, stuck as it was to the walls. It featured a mare, the dragon noticed, one of the most beautiful mares he had ever laid his eyes on. Even though the paper was yellow and faded he could make out her pure white coat and her amazing purple curls, her azure eyes pierced his own with a determined stare. Whoever this mare was, she was sure to be something. Spike blinked, momentarily breaking the spell the sign had put him under and took a closer look: bright red letters placed above the picture of the… goddess, as his mind put it… read the following: “Vote Rarity for Governor”.

“Rarity…” Spike sighed, her name was as divine as she was as, but he kept on reading, the message continued, though it used a much smaller and less conspicuous font. It said: “OR ELSE”. The dragon gulped, that was enough of local politics for now.

The drake pushed the thoughts of Rarity to the back of his mind and made his way into the city, taking the main road through town. The capital, much like the lookout, was built on a hill ,snaking upwards around its face. The street was lined with houses and shops of all kinds, though they were all currently closed and silent. Spike didn't know whether that was due to the pirates or the fact that it was night time.

Hearing some music ahead, our hero sped up his pace, trying to found the source. It didn’t take him long to navigate his way through the city and he soon found it. There, sitting on a corner, sat a group of ponies of low moral fiber (that is to say, pirates), one of them was playing a small instrument while a bunny danced to the tune. Opposite of them stood a fidgety looking pony wearing a coat, his eyes constantly darting around, as if he was expecting someone.

Deciding that the group looked more willing to give him the directions he needed, Spike walked up to them, putting up a friendly smile. “Hey there.”

The pirates were a strange bunch, two earth ponies and one unicorn, all mares. One had a pale yellow coat and a rose cutie mark, the second a plum coat and some fruit as her cutie mark and the third one, the unicorn, a light blue coat and an hourglass. All three regarded him with a cold stare but said nothing in return.

Spike tried again. “That’s a very talented rabbit you have there.”

After a short silence, the pony playing the instrument, the one with the rose cutie mark, stopped. “Yeah, it is.” The second pony started laughing, the third one shut her up with a well placed hoof to to head.

“Uhm… did you teach him that?” The dragon ventured.

“Yeah, bunnies are naturally smart.” The musician pointed out. Her third comrade added: “There’s a legend that says a bunch of them once crewed a ship and took it all the way to Pony Island and back.”

“Really?”

“Nah, I think that was rats.” Corrected the first pony.

“Oh… say, I was wondering if you could give me directions to the governor’s mansion, I’m kinda new to this island and well… you know…”

The mare with the fruit cutie mark started laughing again and pointed at a nearby door. Spike raised an eyebrow, inquisitively and she responded with a forceful nod, stopping only when the unicorn bopped her in the head again.

“Right…well, thanks then, see you later.” The dragon bid farewell and went to open the door, stepping inside. He found himself in a dark, small room. There was another door in front of him. He reached over and opened it, stepping outside. He was on the other end of the street, the musician pony waved at him.

The drake was speechless, he had seemingly travelled several feet just by opening a door. Doors weren’t supposed to work like that, you just opened them and stepped into the next room, not the other side of the city. He tried again, this time ending up on a balcony overlooking the bay. A third and a fourth try yielded the same results and made him appear all over town in the process.

Finally, after a fifth try, he stepped out into the same spot he started on. The three pirates laughed.

“How… what… I don’t even…” His mind struggled to comprehend what had just transpired until it finally gave up and shutdown, leaving the dragon to stare into nothingness for several minutes until the reboot finished.

The pirates washed away their tears from having laughed so hard. “Ah, just messing with you, governor’s mansion is over there, right on cliffside, can’t miss it.”

Spike opted, for the first time, to give up and remain silent as he sullenly made his way up the street. He walked with his eyes fixed on the ground, firm on the belief that if he just ignored everything, it would all go away. His concentration backfired when he crashed into someone and fell on his butt.

A harsh voice, full of indignation and anger, scolded him. “Watch where you are going, lizard!” Spike was ready to respond with his own insult when he looked up and found himself face to face with a really big unicorn, he hadn’t even flinched when the dragon collided with him. The pony in question had a flowing blonde mane, perfectly trimmed, and a white coat with a compass rose cutie mark. And he looked really pissed.

The drake grunted and picked himself up. “Sorry about that.”

“Of course you are, citizen, I could have you arrested for assaulting an officer of the law!”

Spike was confused, he wasn’t aware of the fact that there was a law in the Caribbean, or that it had officers that enforced it. “The what?”

“Of course a good for nothing pirate like you wouldn’t know about it.” The unicorn scoffed. “My name is Blueblood, Prince Blueblood and I’m the Sheriff in Mêlée Island.”

“You're royalty? How did you end up as Sheriff?”

Blueblood growled. “No, I’m not royalty!”

“Then what gives with your name?”

The white unicorn was now red with fury. “MY PARENTS HAD HIGH EXPECTATIONS, ALL RIGHT?”

“Okay, okay, calm down, I’m sorry.” Spike tried to defuse the situation.

“I’ve had it with you pirates infesting my island, if it were up to me I’d have you all hung.” The unicorn informed Spike. “You are just lucky the Governor doesn’t allow me to run this place and now get out of my face, coal-head, if I ever see you again then you are going straight to jail.”

“Coal-head?”

“Yes, because dragons breathe fire and coal is a very com- Oh forget it and get out of my way!” Blueblood bellowed. Spike could only shrug and step to the side as the furious sheriff stomped past him and went around the corner.

"Huh!" Spike grumbled as soon as Blueblood was out of earshot, "Wonder what's bugging him?” Still, the dragon reminded himself, he had a job to do and being a pirate (or rather, a wannabe pirate) he couldn’t allow himself to be slowed down by the sheriff of all ponies.

The cast iron gates that led to the Governor’s Mansion were, suspiciously enough, open and unguarded. Spike regarded the situation, either the place had been looted and then emptied, or no one dared enter, no matter the gates.

Then again, he was aiming to be the greatest pirate that ever lived, and all the greatest pirates that ever lived were known for being daring, dashing rogues that laughed in the face of danger and spit on the face of death. What Spike didn’t know was that most of the greatest pirates who had ever lived were dead, killed in easily avoidable situations that more prudent individuals would have easily survived.

Our draconic hero made up his mind and strolled ever onwards, the fire of determination burning strong in his eyes.