The Secret of Pony Island

CHAPTER III: FISH AND SHOWMARES

Spike exited the shop and closed his eyes, inhaling deeply and taking in the smells. It was mostly a mix of sweat and trash, but it was okay, the dragon had a purpose now and no one would be able to keep him from fulfilling it.

He let the air escape his lungs slowly. Now, he thought, where can I find some fish at this hour? The answer was, of course, the SCUMM bar, it was the only establishment still open at this hour of the night.

The drake started walking, passing by groups of pirates and citizens alike with a smile on his face. In his current state, he couldn’t help but feel that things were going to be just fine. The ambience didn’t disappoint, everything seemed clearer, the faces friendlier, as if the whole world was conspiring to be happy with him.

He strolled into the SCUMM bar, happily ignoring the drunken patrons and the three pirate lords and making a beeline for the kitchen’s door. He knocked twice before the someone responded, the door creaking slightly open and the stallion he had seen earlier poking out to see who was bothering him.

“Eeyup?”

“Why, hello there my good fellow, how is this gorgeous evening treating you?”

The red stallion shot him a quizzical look, his eyebrows arched high in his face.

“I was wondering if you had any fish you could spare, official pirate business you see.”

“Ten bits,” he responded with a flat and bored tone.

“Well, I don’t have ten bits on my per-“ Spike tried to explain himself but the stallion snorted and closed the door. The drake waited and then knocked again.

The door opened.

“Ten bits.”

“As I was trying to explain before, I do-“

SLAM

The dragon sighed and knocked for the third time. As before, the stallion opened it just barely and stated his price. This time, however, Spike moved his foot forward, blocking the door. He looked up with a victorious smile.

“I don’t have ten bits,” he stated, finally managing to say his piece.

“No bits, no fish.”

“There’s no way in Tartarus you’ll give me that fish?”

“Nnope.”

“You will only give it to me if I pay you ten bits?”

“Eeyup.”

“Do you take cheques?”

“Nnope?”

“Is there anything I can say or do that will convince you of giving me that fish?” Spike tried to muster the best puppy-eyes he could.

“Nnope.”

Drat, this guy is made of stone, Spike considered. “All right, I’ll be back with ten bits.”

“Eeyup,” the red pony agreed.

“I’ll remove my foot now.”

“…”

The drake pulled his limb out of the door and the cook promptly shut it again, leaving Spike alone with the three pirate lords, who were observing with mild interest.

“Now where can I find ten bits?”

He stepped back outside and basked in the breeze while he collected his thoughts. He didn’t know anyone who would be willing to lend him the money, nor did he have anything to sell but his labour. Spike was going to have to get a job.

The wind got stronger, and a flying sheet of paper impacted his face. “Warglblar-“ The drake struggled to get it off him, finally succeeding and giving it a good look. It was a flyer, the yellowish paper a bit faded around the edges.

On it was a picture of a mare, though not the governor. Instead, the advert showed a smiling pony, her teeth gleaming, her face locked in a smug grin that seemed to tell the viewer: ‘I’m great, deal with it’. The text below claimed the MOST AMAZING and SPECTACULAR SHOW of MAGIC and SKILL had recently arrived to the island, and that all, stallion, mare or foal were invited (for a fee, of course) to attend. The address given was a huge tent in the middle of the island.

The drake scratched his chin. “Well, maybe she’ll need an assistant?” With no time to waste, he set his destination and started walking.

Later

The ‘circus’, if Spike could call it that, was truly a sight to behold. The tent was gigantic, set in the middle of a clearance and taking up most of the available space. The fabric was blue and gold, and the main post, right in the middle, had a large, shining star set at its top, illuminating the night like a lighthouse.

Its surrounding area, or what was left of it, had been occupied by several smaller tents and carriages, its contents unknown to the dragon, but they were decorated in the same extravagant manner. The main entrance was flanked by a booth, with a large red sign reading “TICKETS” stuck over it.

He could hear muffled voices coming out of the main tent, though the specific words were unintelligible. With a smile on his face, the drake stepped forth towards the door, only to be stopped by a cane getting in his way. His eyes followed it to the hoof holding it, a stubby opal limb.

The owner of the aforementioned leg, a likewise stubby colt with an orange mane and a scissor cutie mark, cleared his throat and put on his best serious face. “Where do you think you are going, pal?”

He was accompanied by another colt, a gangly and tall pony with an amber coat and a snail cutie mark. His expression, however, looked far more pleasing, as if he was lost in some strange but satisfying thought.

“Uh,” Spike stuttered, trying to come up with a good excuse. “I wanted to… see… the magic show?” He flashed them a winning smile.

The colt frowned. “Do you have a ticket?”

“Why yes, I do.”

“Let me see it.”

“Sure,” the dragon made a show of going through his pockets, his face going from pleased to horrified as he shuffled his claws. “Oh no, I must have left it in my other pants, you know, my going-to-magic-shows set of pants. If you just let me in I’m sure I can go and get them afterwards.”

The pony was clearly not amused. “You see that, Snails, this guy is trying to con us!”

His companion nodded amiably. “Yeah, nobody… uh… cons us, Snips!”

Snips turned his gaze back to Spike, who was halfway to the door, having attempted to sneak in. “Stop that!”

“Aw, come on, can’t you just let me in as a favour?”

“No can do, the Great and Powerful Trixie would have our coats if we let anyone in without paying.”

“Fine,” the drake sighed. “How much?”

The stubby colt pointed his cane at the sign.

STALLIONS: 10 BITS
MARES: 7 BITS
FOALS: 5 BITS
ASK ABOUT LADIES’ NIGHTS!

Spike raised a finger. “What about ladies’ night?”

“I’m glad you asked,” the one named Snails smiled at the dragon before him. “Each and every Thursday, the Great and Powerful Trixie, our benevolent overlord and the greatest and most powerful magician in existence, puts on a special show. As you must be well aware of, mares are superior to stallions in every conceivable way and as such must given special privileges, such as seeing the the Great and Powerful Trixie for free!”

Both Spike and Snips stared at Snails, who immediately returned to his dumb, blank stare into nothingness.

“Wow… that was incredibly sexist.”

“Whatever, that’s the deal about Ladies’ Night, now are you going to buy a ticket or not?”

“Well, I would if I weren’t a…” Spike stopped, was he really going to do this, put his personal honour and dignity on the line just to get into a magic show for free? Oh, who was he kidding, he had run out of those long ago. “A lady…”

Snips deadpanned. “A lady… do you really expect us to fall for such a low trick? We can see you are a dude from miles way, ain’t that right Snails?”

Snails drooled a bit.

“Well,” Spike struggled to remember his Gender Studies classes. “Of course you’d say that… cis scum.”

“Cis what now?”

“You need to check your privilege, though I can’t say that I’m surprised that a bigot like you walks around using the wrong pronouns and questioning peoples’ chosen genders, I bet mares have trigger warnings just by being close to you, not that any would like to,” the drake smirked, it seemed taking a liberal arts course had finally paid off, take that, 1%. “Typical product of oppressive cis straight white-pony male patriarchy.”

The colt opened his mouth to defend himself but was promptly interrupted.

“I’m offended, wounded even. By referring to me as a dude instead of a transethnic genderqueer multiple being, or xhezi for short, you have committed a hate crime. I bet the SHEriff will have a great time arresting you.”

Snips just stared at the dragon before turning to his companion. “Did you understand a single word of what…”

“Xhezi,” Spike helped.

“A single word of what xhezi said?”

Snails shook his head.

“Huh, I guess… xhezi really is a woman after all.”

The drake beamed at the two colts, most of his face currently occupied by the smuggest grin he had ever been able to produce. “Now if you two gentlemen excuse me, I have a show to catch,” he bid them goodbye, moving for the door and pulling it open before stepping inside.

"Call me!"

Spike let the tent’s flaps fall back behind him, drowning Snips' voice, as he entered the circus, his eyes easily adjusting to the dark and smoky ambience. The inside was set up in a fairly common manner, with a stage on the centre of the large tent and some bleachers right in front of it.

The audience was currently occupying all available seats, and if their 'ooh's and 'aah's were anything to go by, they were certainly enjoying themselves.

Every now and then there would be a loud poof sound followed by an explosion of lights and coloured smoke that lazily drifted to the ceiling. Each of these was punctuated by more of expressions of delight. A loud, booming voice could be heard, even above all the noise, announcing the tricks that, Spike assumed, were about to take place.

The drake moved to the side, taking a seat to the left of the stage, giving him a perfectly clear view. No one had bothered to prepare any chairs or benches, so he assumed the show only sold a predetermined amount of tickets per viewing. Indeed, from where he was standing, Spike could see the tent’s back exit and several items, a collection of swords, some torches and knives, a rabbit, which would otherwise be out of sight for the rest of the public.

Settled and comfortable, the dragon took heed of the show. There on the stage stood an azure mare, a unicorn, wearing some very outlandish clothes, a purple cape and a purple wizard hat, both adorned with a star motif. Her mane, visible under her headwear, was a very light and pale blue.

She didn’t seem to have noticed Spike’s presence to the side, being concentrated on the larger part of the crowd right in front of her, apparently in the middle of telling some kind engrossing of tale.

“And that it’s how the Great and Powerful Trixie single-hoofedly destroyed the Death Moon, defeated the tyrannical gryphon empire and brought peace to the Galaxy!” Just as she shouted the last word, there was another explosion that engulfed the scenario in a shower of red, white, and blue sparkles. Some strange music blared in the background, giving the whole thing a very… interesting ending. Without realizing it, Spike found himself clapping along with the rest of the viewers.

“And now for her next trick Trixie will need a volunteer!”

The crowd erupted in cheers and many hooves shot up followed by cries of ‘Oh, oh, pick me!’. Trixie’s smug grin didn’t falter as she slowly scanned the public for a proper volunteer. Meanwhile the dragon remained in the sidelines, observing the process.

Trixie looked and looked and looked, Spike noticed that her confident smile was slowly disappearing from her face, perhaps none of the ponies were useful volunteers, but that’d be odd, why would a veteran magician offer to perform something that she wasn’t sure she would be able to pull off?

Regardless of her reasons, the unicorn soon found herself unable to stall any longer and with a worried expression she pointed her azure hoof at the loudest earth pony in the group. “Y-you there, come up to the stage!"

“Woo!” The pony she had chosen jumped up in joy. The volunteer was completely forgettable, his coat a dull shade of yellow sporting some strange cube as a cutie mark. “Did you see that, Trixie chose me, woo!” He stepped forward, the crowd parting to let him through and he soon was up on the stage alongside the magician.

“Right then, what is your name?” Trixie inquired.

The excited stallion squealed like a schoolgirl. “Oh, oh, I can’t believe I’m meeting the Great and Powerful Trixie, my name is Set-“

“Great, that’s great, now if you please get into that box over there?” The performer pointed at a long, pony-sized rectangular box currently sitting on a table. “Just open it and step inside, Trixie will take care of everything else.”

The spectator-turned-participant complied with his idol’s orders and entered the box, closing it after he was done. Four specially made holes allowed his legs to stay out of the hole, wriggling uncomfortably in the air.

“Behold as the Great and Powerful Trixie saws off this pony’s hooves and then puts them back together through the power of her mind and will alone!” She levitated a saw as she said this, the clean and definitely sharp metal gleaming under the lights. The audience ‘ooh’d’ and then remained respectfully silent, leaning towards the stage.

Spike could swear he saw the unicorn gulp and sweat under her hat as she turned her back on the bleachers and approached the box. The earth pony, on the other hand, was all smiles, waving one of his legs at the crowd.

“Trixie warns you this might sting a little.”

The saw, enveloped in a pale magenta magic aura, came down and started moving, the sound of the serrated edge making its way through flesh and muscle breaking the silence. The ‘volunteer’ looked down once, shivered and then closed his eyes, his head going limp.

After a couple of minutes of work, Trixie turned back to her public, holding both the bloody saw and the pony’s front leg. Her own coat, cape and hat were splattered with her willing assistant’s vital fluids.

The azure unicorn put on her largest smile, beaming at the crowd. “Ta-da!”

A cricket chirped outside.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie will garner the mystical and forgotten forces of magic, the heavens themselves will part at her word and even Mother Nature will bow to her will, reuniting this eh… limb with its rightful owner, it’ll be as if this had never happened!” The leg in question floated down to the still unconscious earth pony and was stuck on the stump with a loud squelch.

Then it promptly fell off, hitting the wooden stage with a thud and spilling more blood. Spike and the rest of the audience stared dumb-founded, Trixie’s smile faltered, her lips trembling and large beads of sweat streaming down her face.

The stand-off between the magician and the public lasted for a while, the tension in the air getting thicker with each passing second. It was like a barrel of powder ready to explode, all it would take was a tiny spark for it to blow up and take everyone with it.

The spark came in the form of a pony entering the tent, his voice sounding both apologetic and amused. “Hey Trix, sorry about bailing before the final act but I really had to use the little colt’s room, hope they weren’t disappointed.”

More than a hundred pair of eyes turned his way and the stallion froze on the spot. Spike could observe he was dressed with common clothes, nothing flashy like Trixie’s, and that one of his legs had been replaced by a very life-like replica.

Well, this explained why the unicorn had become so nervous when choosing a volunteer.

The dragon’s memories about the following events were never very clear, and for good reason. The entire audience rose as if it were a single pony and rushed the stage yelling and hollering in anger, whether they were worried about their friend or just wanted to tear Trixie apart, the drake could not tell.

Fortunately for her, the stallion bolted for the door as soon as they moved, distracting a couple of the mob’s leaders and giving the magician enough time to cast another explosive spell, creating an instant smoke screen to cover her escape and leaving the now legless ‘assistant’ behind.

Once again, sitting on the sidelines paid off as the smoke only covered the front of the stage. Spike was treated to the sight of retreating unicorn and she jumped off the stage and out of the tent, catching a glimpse of her carriage.

When the smoke cleared away, the angry mob was left with no one to lynch. Grumbling and disappointed, the pirates recovered their wounded mate (who had just woken up and was still gushing about ‘how cool it was that the Great and Powerful Trixie cut my leg off!’) and exited, some claiming they were going to get a full refund (they didn’t).

Spike waited until they had all left before going after Trixie. He didn’t want anypony to ruin what was perhaps his only chance at scoring enough dosh to see him through his trials and adventures.

Finally satisfied that he was alone, the dragon ventured outside of the tent, following the hoof-marks the performer had left in her haste to escape. As expected, they lead to a carriage parked right next to the main stage. Both the windows and the doors looked securely locked.

Still, Spike thought, he wasn’t about to leave without checking first. He knocked on the door once… twice… thrice… but there was no answer so he tried again and again. The dragon kept knocking on the door until, finally, an annoyed voice spoke up.

“Cease that at once! You are giving Trixie a Great and Powerful head-!”

Spike grinned. “Aha, so you are in there after all!”

“No, Trixie is not here, this carriage is empty, you can leave now,” her tone was now one of panic, she probably remembered the look on the face of some of her ‘admirers’.

“Uh huh, and I’m Princess Celestia. Now please, can you open this door? I really need to talk to you,” the drake pleaded.

“How can the Great and Powerful Trixie make sure that this is not a devious and malignant trap devised to capture her?”

“I give you my word as a pirate.”

The sound of hooves tip-toeing on wood reached his ears and soon the door creaked open, but only a bit, enough for the unicorn to take a peek outside. Her eyes darted around, unable to find the speaker.

“Where did you go?”

"Down here!" Spike grumbled, fuming. He was getting tired of being reminded of his short stature.

“Y-you? You are a pirate, really?”

The dragon swore he could hear some soft giggling inside but nodded in agreement.

“Ha! You look more like a library assistant to the Great and Powerful Trixie.” Spike regarded her with a cold stare. “But Trixie guesses you are inoffensive enough, you may enter.” And with that she let the drake in.

Unlike Zecora’s store, Trixie’s carriage was sparsely decorated. There was a bed built against one of the walls, a desk cluttered with papers and dirty plates, and a couple of shelves stacked with books. That was about it.

The magician caught Spike’s surprised look, grinning smugly. “Just because Trixie puts on a wonderful act for the audience doesn’t mean that she has to do the same at home,” she took a few steps back, allowing herself to rest against the desk. “In any case, you said you had something you wanted to tell to Trixie, a declaration of love perhaps?” The unicorn chuckled. “If so, save it, Trixie gets hundreds, nay thousands of them every day! Alas, the life of a true artist is full of sacrifices and thus Trixie must wander from town to town, leaving a trail of broken hearts.”

The dragon just stared at the performer, unable to believe what he was hearing. Was this mare really that self-absorbed?

“I see you have been rendered speechless by the Great and Powerful Trixie’s radiant beauty, it’s to be expected, of course.”

Spike shook his head and mustered the most sarcastic tone he could. “Oh, woe is me for I will never be able to have Trixie, whatever shall I do with my life now?”

The azure unicorn frowned. “Trixie will have you know that she is no stranger to sarcasm.”

“Good, then we are on the same note.”

“What do you want, dragon?”

“I want to work for you, and the name's Spike, by the way.”

Trixie gave Spike a long, thoughtful look and then burst into laughter. “Y-you… work for Trixie?” She laughed until her legs couldn’t hold her anymore and she hit the floor, she laughed until tears came out of her eyes.

The drake would have half a mind to leave right there and then, but he really needed the money, humiliation or not. “Yes, I work for you, you pay me with bits, that’s how capitalism works.”

“Oh my Celestia, you are serious? Allow me to laugh harder,” and she did.

Spike’s foot tapped on the floor as he waited for the magician to finish mocking him. Speaking only when he was sure Trixie had recovered some semblance of control.

“Are you quite done?”

“Yes, yes, Trixie thinks so and she must really thank you, it had been a while since she last laughed so.”

“Always a pleasure.”

"Now tell Trixie, what skills do you have? Perhaps you wish to be a clown for her act? She could imagine you falling all over yourself and being mocked by the audience! But Trixie has no patience for clowns, she accepts none but the highest quality of assistants, those who are deserving of working with her!"

“Oh, you mean like that pony back there, the ‘bathroom break’ guy? Sure, high quality material right there.”

“Trixie resents that accusations, he came highly recommended,” the magician defended herself.

“By whom, Discord?”

“Enough of this, tell Trixie what you want.”

“That’s fair, I’ll be your assistant, get my limbs cut off, the whole deal and you’ll pay me one hundred bits.”

“One hundred bits? The other pony only got twenty bits per hour!”

“Yes, but he also almost got you killed, I won’t.”

“Hmmph, you drive a hard bargain.”

Spike couldn’t but notice a subtle change in his would-be employer’s demeanour, the mare was taking a more relaxed stance, her eyelids dropping slowly. Is she trying to seduce me? Spike thought. Being a dragon and first-hand witness to Trixie’s personality, he didn’t find her attractive at all, if anything this was off-putting.

“Take it or leave it.”

“Fine,” She smiled widely. “But you will have to wear this costume if you wish to be Trixie’s assistant.”

“What costume?”

Trixie levitated a small bunny-suit.

“N-no, you can’t be serious!”

Trixie’s smile was now taking the better part of her face, it was clear she was enjoying this. “Take it or leave it.”

In Spike’s defence, he really did try to come up with a good counter. His brain worked over and analyzed each and every single retort, chance or possibility that would allow him to retain employment while avoiding that horrifying suit. He didn’t find any.

Fresh out of options, the dragon conceded defeat. “Okay, I’ll do it.”

“Yes!” Trixie hoof-pumped much to the dragon’s surprise. “Uh… Trixie means that you need not look so sad,” the magician cleared her throat, blushing as she did so. “And it is agreed then, you will be Trixie’s little bunny.”

“Right,” the drake scratched his nape, this was starting to become awkward. “So, when do I start?”

“The next show won’t be for a couple of hours, Spike the Dragon may rest here until such a time. In the meantime Trixie has some paperwork to do,” the mare declared as she turned to her desk and started shuffling notes.

Spike observed her with little interest before jumping up into her bed. He decided that staring at the wall would be better than staring at Trixie’s rump and so he laid down with his back turned to her. He could hear the unicorn working in the background, speaking to herself about something being cute and taking pictures. Whatever, the mare was crazy anyway.

Still, Spike conceded, it had been a pretty tiring day and he couldn’t stave off sleep for too long, his last thoughts before succumbing to the dreams were about the governor and her –beautiful- purple locks.

Several hours later

Spike woke up slowly, his consciousness trickling into his brain and bringing the dragon back from the magical world of dreams. He wasn’t too sure about it but he remembered something about marshmallows and fire. It was okay though, he was used to dreaming about food, the ones about ice cream where his favourites. It was a shame the accursed weather of the Caribbean made real ice cream melt in mere seconds.

As was common when he awoke, the drake stretched his arms, hoping to hear the ‘pop’ that often came from his joints when he did so. That is, he would have had his arms not been pinned by some strange force.

His half-asleep mind only processed this information for a couple of seconds before going into full panic mode, Spike started struggling, scared for his life, trying to get off of whatever was holding him. All efforts were in vain, however, and while his legs and tail were free whatever it was that held his arms did not want to let go.

Fully awake now, the dragon opened his eyes. He was welcomed by a wooden wall covered in posters. This he remembered, it was the wall from that mare’s cart… what was her name again? Trixie, it was Trixie.

This thought calmed him somewhat, he was still in Trixie’s cart and not kidnapped and taken away to some faraway amusement park of horror where he would be forced to spend the rest of his life chained to tiny castle singing about how small the world was.

He looked down, hoping to catch a glance of his captor. There were two azure hooves crossed over his chest, holding his arms against his sides. That was odd, Spike thought, he didn’t remember having any hooves, azure or otherwise.

His current position facing the wall kept him from seeing anything else so he wriggled and turned some more until he was fully around. Now, our dragon didn’t consider himself to be especially handsome, even if he did pose in front of a mirror every now and again. As far as he knew, ponies liked ponies, zebras liked zebras and dragons didn’t like anyone. Thus, it was very confusing to find that he was now face to face with the ‘Great and Powerful’ Trixie, of all mares, and that she was currently fast asleep, snuggling him tightly against her chest.

Spike instantly made up his mind. If his inner clock wasn’t wrong then it was almost time for the show. A sleeping Trixie meant no show, no show meant no pay, no pay meant no fish, no fish meant no robbing the governor, no robbing the governor meant not becoming a pirate. He had to wake the magician up.

He considered his options, but felt that shouting in her ear would be liable to predispose the unicorn against her new ‘assistant’, breathing fire on her face was also out of the question and he couldn’t tickle her with his arms trapped. The drake stood there, uncomfortable and a bit weirded out until it hit him… or rather his tail hit her.

It wasn’t such a bad idea, all he had to do was poke her with his pointy tail and she’d eventually get up. Spike put his plan into motion, using his dexterous appendage to repeatedly bop the unicorn magician in the chest. At first there was no reaction but soon she stirred. The drake held his breath, elated and hopeful, only to have it crushed out of his lungs as Trixie just held him even tighter.

With his life (and ever decreasing oxygen reserves) now on the line, Spike started poking her harder and faster. He was about to black out when the azure pony’s eye fluttered open as she let out a massive yawn, the dragon couldn’t help but notice that her breath smelled like fresh mint, a clear sign of proper dental hygiene, if anything.

Trixie stared at Spike with half-lidded eyes, smiling widely. The drake could only look back at her in shocked silence as she moved her face forward, nuzzling him and mumbling incoherently. That was the last drop.

The drake cleared his throat as loudly as he could. “Ahem.”

The unicorn’s eyes shot wide open in sheer terror, pushing Spike away from her as far as she could. There was a tell-tale blush on her cheeks as she stammered: “Y-you are n-not the Fluffy and Comfortable Teddy.”

“That would be a no.”

His would-be employer jumped off the bed, leaving Spike alone on the comfortable mattress, magically procuring her hat and cape and immediately donning them.

“Now, I’m not one to complain, but just what was that about?” The dragon stood up, trying to straighten his shirt before sitting down and letting his legs hang over the side of the bed.

“Hmmph,” The azure unicorn harrumphed. “Obviously the Great and Powerful Trixie must have been unable to find the Fluffy and Comfortable Teddy, she must have fallen asleep after hours of incessant searching and that’s when you…” She pointed her hoof accusingly. “Decided to take advantage of the Great and Powerful Trixie’s gentle and caring nature to get close to her!”

Spike raised an eyebrow, there was a teddy bear sitting right on top of Trixie’s desk, clearly visible behind her.

“Of course.”

“Good, it’s settled then, and now neither you or the Great and Powerful Trixie will speak of this ever again, is that clear?”

“I’m sure that would be quite the scandal, I can already see headlines!” Spike fanned his arms open in front of him. “Trixie Tries To Tackle Dragon, Defeated During Struggle, Snuggled.”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie does not find that amusing,” She replied with a furious frown as she opened the door. “Now get out of Trixie’s cart, the show business doesn’t wait for anyone.”

The stage was suddenly illuminated by the lights of a dozen floating orbs made out of pure magic. They cast a blue’ish, mystical tint over the whole place, Spike guessed they were used to create a proper ambience to what his employer called the ‘show business’.

Be it as it may, they seemed to have a good effect. The group of ponies, apparently having not heard of Trixie’s foray into eighteenth century battlefield surgery, went silent, their eyes wide as platters and fixed on the platform.

There was a sudden explosion and smoke filled the room as loud music blared from some unseen place, this was quickly followed by several rays of light, red, green, blue shot forth from the centre of the stage. The magician’s voice, magically enhanced, boomed over the already deafening music.

“LADIES AND GENTLECOLTS, PREPARE TO BE AMAZED FOR…” The smoke was thrown apart by a gust of wind, revealing Trixie standing on a small podium, the lightshow coming out of her horn, a winning smile on her face, cape billowing in the air. “TRIXIE HAS ARRIVED!”

The crowd went wild while Spike observed from behind the stage, scratching his butt. The bunny suit had turned out to be not only incredibly humiliating but also tight, uncomfortable and itchy. None of that seemed to matter to his unicorn employer, who was glowing from all the attention her theatrics were gathering.

Still, he was lucky, his services would only be needed for the last part of the spectacle. For now all he had to do was sit on the ground while the performer played the crowed like a finely tuned piano. He could not deny she was skilled in that regard, every single one of her lines, tricks or explosions were quickly followed by cheers and wild shouting.

After an hour or so, his cue came up and Spike sighed dejectedly, getting into the cage Trixie had made available for him. He closed the lock, which he noted was broken, and waited until his prison was enveloped in a magenta aura and floated up and into the stage.

The magician winked at him before turning to face the audience. “TODAY TRIXIE HAS A SPECIAL TREAT FOR YOU, STRAIGHT FROM THE BADLANDS, ONE OF THE MOST FEROCIOUS PREDATORS TO EVER LAY ITS EYES ON PONYKIND… A DRAGON!” She claimed as she stepped to the side, letting the ponies see Spike. “BE AWED AS TRIXIE TAMES THIS DANGEROUS BEAST AND BINDS ITS WILL TO HER OWN!”

The dragon in question shot the spectators the most bored look he could muster. “Roar.”

Several mares fainted in the arms of their couples, a foal started crying and sobbing in sheer terror.

“DO NOT BE AFRAID,” his boss assured them. “TRIXIE WOULD NEVER FORGIVE HERSELF IF SOMETHING WERE TO HAPPEN TO HER BELOVED AUDIENCE!”

However, with the crowd busy staring at her, the azure unicorn gave the cage a good kick, the door flinging open. The public gasped, holding their breaths as Spike stepped outside, menacing with his spikes, fangs, and playcolt bunny suit.

“Roar,” he said flatly.

“OH NO, IT SEEMS THE BEAST HAS ESCAPED AND SEEKS REVENGE, BUT WORRY NOT, TRIXIE WILL SUBDUE IT WITH HER AMAZING POWERS!”

Spike felt the aura envelope him again, making him float in the air until he was eye to eye with Trixie. There was just something he didn’t like about that glint in hers but he had a job to do. He opened his mouth, just as the unicorn had instructed him to do, baring his pointy teeth and preparing a fireball. Trixie just stared.

Sweat ran down his forehead, if the magician didn’t move her face away from his maw she’d find herself on fire pretty soon. But Trixie didn’t move or flinch. He tried moving his own head away, but found it securely locked in place by magic. Spike was about to shout for help when the fireball formed in his mouth and shot forward… missing Trixie, who had moved away less than a second before.

“AHA, AND NOW OBSERVE HOW THE CONFUSED BRUTE IS AN EASY PREY TO TRIXIE’S DARING TRICKS!” She held Spike’s mouth open and removed her hat, her mane sparkling under the lights. “I SHALL NOW PUT MY HEAD IN THE DRAGON’S MAW!”

“Wait, wha-“ Spike barely had time to complain before the magician shoved her snout into his mouth. Unluckily for both of them, his ‘maw’ wasn’t as large as a grown dragon’s and Trixie found herself unable to cram more than a couple of inches inside, and quite uncomfortably at that.

The drake tried to say something, anything to get the mare off his face, but all he managed to do was give his employer a face-full of spittle. Undaunted, the performer removed herself from Spike and stuck her hoof in instead, looking at the crowd.

“AT ANY MOMENT THIS VICIOUS DRAGON MAY CHOOSE TO EAT TRIXIE WHOLE, SEE HOW SHE DOMINATES IT WITH HER SUPERIOR INTELLECT AND SKILLS!”

The crowd swooned as she withdrew her hoof and put Spike back down on the stage. The drake promptly scurried off to find a glass of water. Didn’t ponies realize that using their hooves to walk and put things in their mouths was disgustingly unhygienic?

Another explosion of colour and smoke went up behind him as Trixie carried on with the show and announced her next act.

“AND NOW FOR OUR LAST TRICK,” she paused for dramatic effect, the public already on the edge of their seats due to Trixie’s unwavering valour in the face of danger. “THE DRAGON WILL SHOW ITS SUBMISSION TO THEIR BETTERS BY KISSING TRIXIE!”

Spike, who was halfway through a mouthwash to get the taste of her hoof off his tongue, did a spit-take. "WH- I DON- THAT WASN'T IN THE CONTRACT!"

The mare was grinning from ear to ear. “TRIXIE SAID THE DRAGON WILL KISS HER NOW!”

“NO,” Spike folded his arms. “NO WAY NO HOW!”

“Do it or you don’t get paid,” the tricky unicorn said high enough for the dragon to hear but low enough so that the audience wouldn’t pick it up. She also flung her cape back, revealing a bit-pouch hanging inside.

“Yo-you are a horrible pony,” the drake sighed in defeat. “And I can’t believe I’m seriously going to do this.”

The mare laughed before bringing her head down to the drake’s level. “YOU MAY NOW KISS TRIXIE, DRAGON!” She pursed her lips and closed her eyes, expectantly.

He looked around, looking for an escape. There was none. Do or die, was the thought that crossed his mind as he closed his own eyes and leaned forward, thinkofRaritythinkofRaritythinkofRarity…

The showgoers exploded into a fit of applause, whistling and shouting as Spike’s lips made contact with Trixie’s. He left them there just the right amount of time for everyone to see them and then pulled back, holding in his gags and trying to keep a straight face. She, on the other side, craned her neck back up, the blush on her cheeks visible only to the drake.

“THE DRAGON SUBMITS TO TRIXIE!”

More applauses and hollering, Spike couldn’t take it anymore and jumped off the stage while his employer was showered with praise, flowers and bits. It had been a successful night for the showmare.

“Ninety eight… ninety nine… one hundred,” Trixie counted the last bit before handing the pouch over to Spike, who gingerly accepted it. The drake was more than happy to be back in his old clothes and, more importantly, about to leave the crazy mare for good.

Once the bits secure in his bottomless pockets, the dragon couldn’t help but smile. He was one step closer to realizing his goal of becoming a pirate.

“Trixie must give praise where praise is due, you have been by far the best assistant Trixie has ever had, she would have half a mind to hire you permanently…” She paused, giving the dragon an inviting smile. “If you were interested, that is, though who would deny himself the chance to work for Trixie and bask in her perfection?” She punctuated her statement by swinging her head and hair dramatically under the moonlight.

“Right,” Spike scratched his nape. “Good luck with that, Trixie, but I… uh… have other things to do and Igottagonowbye!”

By the time she looked down, Spike was gone, the only reminder of his presence being the tracks he had left on the dirt in his haste to escape.