Professional cooking

"Applejack, I just wanted to say how much I admire your noble sacrafice...", Twilight started saying when they were alone in the kitchen, but AJ, who was just putting her hat and saddlebags on the counter, didn't want to listen.

"Aw shucks, sugar, y'all really think Ah would miss the chance to be the only one who won't have to eat a dang pony flesh tonight?", she tried to joke about the whole thing, pretending she didn't even care. Twilight wanted to say something more, but Applejack was already busy gallopping around the kitchen and handling everything like a professional chef, already familiar with the surroundings as somepony who had helped preparing royal wedding in this very room.

"Let's see", she opened the cupboard with condiments, "Ah always ate loads of apples, so Ah would probably taste best with lemon pepper, oregano and... curry will do!", she took out three cans and put them on the counter.

Twilight and Rarity were astounded by their friend's devotion to helping prepare herself for dinner, but they knew Applejack wouldn't hesitate a second knowing that fate of everyone was at stake, so they didn't question any of her actions and just waited patiently to help their friend, who at the moment was examining the stove.

"Yup", AJ said after opening the door and peeking inside, "Ah should easily fit in there for roasting", she closed the door and cranked up the temperature, already starting pre-heating the oven so that there wouldn't be need to waste precious time for that later.

"Twilight, you go to that bookshelf over there and look for some good stuffing recipe in one of those cooking books", Applejack commanded, "Rarity, take five plates and bring them to the dining room, don't forget 'bout knives and forks too!"

"Stuffing?", Twilight and Rarity asked in unison, not very familiar with this kind of cooking since ponies rarely ate meat, and mostly when having griffons as guests.

"Well, before putting me in the oven, y'all have to fill me with something tasty first", Applejack explained, having experience with preparing all kinds of meals for all kinds of clients, "You wouldn't want to eat me with all those organs still inside, would ya?", Rarity shuddered at those words, imagining having Applejack's colon on her plate, and she quickly got herself busy taking the plates from a cupboard.

While Twilight was busy browsing through the cook books, Applejack was looking for a perfect platter to be served on. After rejecting platters from the stash that were too small or too big for her, she picked a nice oval one with fish ornaments on the rim. She looked at it for a while, then decided that it won't do after all and replaced it with similar one with apple ornaments.

"Hey Applejack, how about this one?" Twilight came over to her, hovering an open book with her magic. AJ took a look at the page, which described how to make a roast stuffing with buckwheat, sliced cabbage and tomato sauce. It was easy to make and all the ingredients were available.

"Perfect!", Applejack said, knowing her friends would love this one, and then Rarity came back from the dining room.

"Everypony is getting nervous back there", she reported, "Fluttershy just kept appologizing you in advance for participating in the dinner, and Pinkie asked if we will have to eat your hat too!"

"Rarity, good that you're back!", Applejack addressed her, "You and Twilight take some cabbage and start slicing it as thinly as you can, while Ah will go bring that sack of buckwheat from over there!"

AJ came over to the corner of the kitchen where huge gunny sacks were piled and quickly found one with buckwheat. She grabbed it with her teeth and started pulling it towards the table, where Twilight and Rarity were busy cutting the cabbage with knives levitated by their magic.

"Thinner, girls, thinner!", she instructed them, seeing how the cabbage they had shredded so far was still in rather big pieces, "it needs to be as thin as possible to mix well with the buckwheat!"

Rarity and Twilight moaned in dismay, but started shredding the cabbage more thoroughly, while AJ opened the sack.

"When you're done, take a huge bowl and mix it together, and don't forget about the sauce", she ordered them. "Ah'll be over there by the stove, makin' the gravy"

"Darling, aren't you getting too much into this?", Rarity was slightly creeped out by how seriously a pony could take being served for dinner, "I know you want to make it the best you can, but are all those details really necessary?"

"Remember what Twilight's book was sayin'?", AJ reminded her, "The better Ah'm served, the more immune y'all get after eatin' me", she didn't admit that it was also partly because she'd kind of feel ashamed to treat her friends to a roast without any sauce.

While her friends were busy shredding the cabbage as thinly as they could, Applejack was putting the ingredients in a small water-filled saucepan. Luckily the kitchen was really well equipped, so it wasn't hard to find bouillon cubes, onions, flour and butter which was just enough to make a quick gravy. Of course Twilight and Rarity could just use her own juices after taking her out of the oven, but she knew it would only took them even more time, so it was better to already have a pre-made gravy at that point. She put the saucepan on the stove, and while it was cooking, she came over to see how her friends were doing.

"That's all you've made?", she looked at the pile of cabbage on the table, "Do you know how much you'll need to fill me up? Here, lemme help y'all with that"

Twilight and Rarity moved aside a little to make room for AJ, who grabbed another knife and joined her friends in shredding. Having lots of experience in cooking, she was going much faster than both unicorns, despite holding it wrapped with her earth pony's hoof, and by the time gravy was ready some ten minutes later, the heap of shredded cabbage was much bigger.

"Alright, y'all can finish the rest without me, while Ah'll go take care of the rest of preparations", Applejack said and left towards the stove, where an aromatic smoke was raising from the saucepan. After taking a spoonful of hot gravy and test-tasting it, she concluded that it wasn't the best she had made, but good enough for a quick batch made from bouillon cubes. Having taken the saucepan off the stove, she went to look for the tomato sauce, and just a moment later she came back with a huge glass bottle to the table, where Twilight and Rarity were still working hard with the cabbage.

"Is THIS enough?", Rarity asked beggingly, pointing at a tall heap in the middle of the table.

"Will do", AJ said, putting the bottle on the table, "Now you use your unicorn powers to put it all in the bowl, while you Twilight do the same with the buckwheat in the sack. I'll take care of the sauce"

She grabbed the bottle with her teeth by its rectangular bottom and emptied it all into the bowl, where cabbage and buckwheat were levitating into in two streams of unicorn aura. With cooperation from three friends, the bowl was soon filled almost to the brim, and Rarity levitated a big mixing spoon to blend the contents together. After a moment of making circles frantically, the cabbage, buckwheat and sauce finally formed a unified mass, and she licked the spoon curiously to check the taste.

"Eww!" she made a grimace, "Darling, that tastes gross!"

"Of course it does, sugar!", Applejack rolled her eyes, "First it must be inside me while Ah roast in the oven. Why would anypony want to eat the stuffing raw?"

"Oh...", Rarity felt embarassed, not knowing such things since she had only had meat once, and it was a cutlet.

"Okay y'all, now listen up", Applejack became more serious, "Now that everything is ready, Ah can explain to you how to make the roast, so pay close attention and remember every detail, cause once y'all get goin' with it, Ah won't be able to help you anymore, obviously. First y'all need to stick a tube in the artery – Twilight will know how to find it – and drain all the blood so that you don't get messy doin' the rest. When you finally get rid of it all, you have to make a long cut in the underside", she ran a hoof along her chest and belly to demonstrate, "and remove all that stuff that Ah have inside, just put it in a bucket or something. You can give it to those guard dogs outside,  poor doggies haven't been fed for Celestia knows how long. Then you fill me as tightly as you can with the stuffing, and once it's all inside, Rarity will sew the cut closed again. Next comes the tricky part, Rarity will have to carefully shave off all mah fur, so that you can sprinkle those condiments from the counter all over mah skin, or else the meat won't taste good. And then, with all the stuffing and condiments, Ah am ready to be put in the oven!"

She came over to the oven to explain everything better and opened the door. The heat from the inside blasted her in the face, indicating that pre-heating the oven earlier did its job, and it felt kind of weird to her knowing that pretty soon she would be inside this little inferno.

"After you put me inside and close the door, you'll have to wait for about an hour or two before I get nice and crispy. You can look through the glass once in a while to see how it's going. Then when you finally take me out and put me on the platter, warm the gravy up on the stove and pour it all over mah back. If there's some left, you can serve it on the side in a sauceboat. Then if you like, you can also decorate the platter with some nice garnish."

"Oh, don't worry about that, darling!", Rarity became excited at the possibility of trying her hoof at decorating a fancy meat dinner.

"And Rarity", Applejack turned to the elegant pony, "If you make me too frou-frou on this platter, I hope Ah give you an indigestion", she wanted to make it clear how she didn't want to be served.

"Applejack, a properly served roast for five ponies does have to look presentable!", Rarity scolded her, "You're not being served on a country fair, you know!"

"Fine!", AJ sighed, certainly not enthusiastic about the prospect of looking like some fancy-schmancy dinner for Canterlot snobs.

"Don't worry Applejack, we'll make you into a marvelous roast!", Rarity was already imagining all the possible garnish configurations to decorate her friend with, "We can even put a nice apple in your mouth which I'm sure would fit here perfectly!"

"Wait!", Applejack protested, then trotted over to her saddlebags and, after fumbling around a little, took out one of the apples she had carried with herself, "If an Apple family member has to be served for dinner, then only with Sweet Apple Acres apple in their mouth!"

"As you wish, I'll remember that" Rarity levitated the ripe, perfect apple over to the table.

"Alright, you girls remember everything?", AJ asked, to which the two unicorns nodded their heads, "Great, so I hope you'll make a great roast out of me that everypony will love, and that after eatin' it y'all will be able to save Equestria!"

"We promise to do our best!", they swore solemnly.

"Just make sure y'all eat everything, is that clear?", she regarded them sternly. "I ain't sacrificin' mahself so that you'd leave half of it on the plater!"

"Of course we'll make sure to eat every last bite!", Twilight smiled assuringly, trying to ignore the weirdness of the situation.

"Perfect", Applejack said and trotted over to one of the drawers. She took out a metal meat mallet with her teeth and brought it to Rarity.

"Here", she put the handle in the unicorn pony's mouth, "Let's get it started already"

"What do you mean?" Rarity asked nervously with the mallet in her mouth.

"For Pete's sake, you unicorns are so removed from reality!", Applejack sighed, "You can't just start preparin' me right now, first you need to hit me in the head as strong as you can, just like we do to pigs on the farm when we want to sell their meat to the pet food factory!"

"Applejack, I can't do this, you're my friend!", Rarity started protesting, feeling sweat coming on her forehead.

"C'mon sugar, just one good hit, Ah won't even feel anything!", AJ was starting getting impatient.

"I c-can't!"

"Just do it and let's get it over with!", AJ practically yelled at her.

Rarity wimpered under her breath, but she bowed her head back, took a deep breath and hit as hard as she could, just as her friend had asked. Unfortunately, with all the hesitation and guilt blocking her, as hard as she could only meant strong enough to give Applejack a big headache.

"OUCH!!! For Pete's sake sugarcube, do Ah look ready to be put in the oven to you?!", AJ was really angry now, with her head pulsing with pain like a locomotive's whistle, "C'mon, do it again, harder!"

Rarity simply backed away a little with fear, not being able to bring herself to it, which only made Applejack even more impatient. Annoyed that they were wasting precious time while Equestria's fate was hanging in balance, she grabbed the mallet in Rarity's mouth with her teeth and tried to take it away from her, although not really knowing what to do with it. The white unicorn didn't want to let it go, scared of what her friend wanted to do, and the two mares started fighting over the mallet. For few seconds, it was just moving back and forth from one pony to the other, until finally two opposite pulling forces launched it in the air. After spinning around few times, the heavy utensil reached the zenith and started falling down, landing straight on Applejack's head with a loud crack. The earth pony dropped to the ground with a derped expression frozen on her face.