Salvador and Scooter's Bodacious Equestrian Experience

WEIRD LOOKIN' SKAGS

Salvador woke suddenly but kept his eyes shut. The pain swelling in his body probably wouldn't let them crack open anyway. The Gunzerker could feel a weight on his chest, adding to the pain he was already feeling, and causing him to sink in to the dirt below. He needed to piece together the recent events, try and find out what went wrong. He'd cycled his assigned ignition primer, Axton had cycled his, and then everything went blank. His memory was completely gone beyond that point.

The Gunzerker's ears twitched slightly as his hearing began coming back to him. He could barely make out what sounded to be like female voices.

"What do you reckon' we do, Twi?" one of them said, a southern-accent strong in her voice.

"I don't know... Are they... You know... Dead?" another voice asked, this one sounding softer and more knowledgeable.

Salvador shook his head weakly and sniffed through his nose in an attempt to clear it. He instantly caught a whiff of fresh grass and a hint of... Apples? He couldn't recall a time he had smelled anything like a fresh apple on Pandora. It was mostly just trash, body-odor, more trash, and the occasional pile of rancid droppings left behind by the undesirable creatures that inhabited the planet.

"Ah don't think so... I just heard one of em'." the southern-voiced female added.

Curiosity eventually got the better of Salvador, causing him to open his eyes slightly. He caught a small, blurry glimpse of two creatures standing in front of him, most likely hostile like every thing else on Pandora.

"Shh... I think they're waking up." the female with the soft voice said.

The Gunzerker tried to lean upwards into a sitting position, but was instantly stopped by the weight on his chest. A scowl came across the man's face as he cocked his head upwards and saw Scooter laying on him.

"Scooter?! Get off me pendejo'!" Salvador said, shoving the mechanic off of him.

Scooter instantly woke up with a small snort, and fell to his back as Salvador sat up.

"Huh-? Uh-What?! Ellie... Don't forget to wear a..." Scooter mumbled, trailing off.

Salvador simply shook his head and rubbed his eyes, trying to clear his vision. Looking to his left, he caught site of two bright-colored, giant-eyed, four-legged creatures, staring at him worriedly.

"Qué coño?!" he said, jumping to his feet, and back a few steps.

The creatures simply stared at him in awe, their jaws almost touching the dirt floor beneath them. Scooter quickly shook awake upon hearing Salvador's outburst, and sat up groggily. His jaw nearly dropped to the floor as well as he took in the sight of these strange creatures. The Mechanic instantly sprang to his feet and dived behind a nearby pile of lose hay.

"Skags! Holy hell! Their eyes 'r bigger' than Ellie's funbags!" Scooter shouted fearfully, cowering behind the hay.

Salvador, on instinct, reached for both digistruct modules on his sides, hoping to retrieve two of his weapons and blow the weird-looking creatures to high hell. He was surprised however, when neither device provided a weapon.

"Stupid pedazo de mierda..." he said, looking down the the two small boxes on each hip.

"What'chu you waitin' for, Sal?!" Scooter shouted.

One of the creatures, orange, with blonde hair and a brown hat atop it's head, leaned to the other creature, this one being purple with a matching hair color and a small appendage protruding from the colored hair.

"Say somethin' Twi..." the southern-voiced creature said.

Salvador's eyes went wide as the words left her lips, and looked to Scooter, who held the same expression.

"Holy sheet! Skags can talk!" Scooter said frantically.

The mechanic stood up in a crouched stance and looked slightly over the pile of hay.

"Hey... Uhh... Weird lookin' Skag things... Do not eat us, we taste like crap." He said with a smirk, giving a thumbs-up to Salvador.

The purple creature stepped forward and cleared her throat.

"Hello... Uhm... I'm assuming we can understand eachother...?" it said, trying it's best to sound professional.

"Taste. Like. Crap." Scooter said, sinking back behind cover.

The creature raised an eyebrow and looked to Scooter, then to Salvador.

"Can you understand me?" she asked, trying to communicate with him.

The Gunzerker nodded dumbly.

"Uhh... Good. Very good... Do you... Have a name?" she continued.

"What the hell are you?" Salvador asked distantly, ignoring the creature's question completely.

It looked confused for a moment, like it had never been asked that question.

"M-Me? I'm a unicorn." she said, an expression of "duh" written across her face.

Scooter peeked out from behind his makeshift cover again, an eyebrow raised.

"That thing just say it was a unicorn?!" he asked, pointing a greasy finger at her.

Salvador looked between Scooter and the creature for a moment before falling back onto the ground and inhaling deeply as he stared blankly upwards.

"I've got to stop drinking..." Salvador said in an exhausted tone.

The purple-haired creature sighed deeply, trying it's best to not become agitated. She smiled slightly and looked to Scooter once more.

"Do you have a name?" she asked, an annoyed tone in her voice.

Scooter ignored the question just as Salvador had done and quickly walked away from the pile of hay, cautiously approaching the "unicorn".

"Helllllll, I didn't know Skags could be unicorns!" Scooter said, a wide grin spreading across his dirt-stained face.

"I'M NOT A SKAG!" the creature shouted angrily, closing it's eyes.

The mechanic jumped backwards in fear as the words echoed off of the structure they were in. After a few seconds of awkward silence, the unicorn cleared her throat again, and continued.

"I am a pony. I'm unicorn, and my name is Twilight Sparkle." she said, trying her best to sound courteous and official.

Scooter paused for a moment before bursting into laughter and falling back onto the dirt floor. He rolled around for several moments, nearly laughing himself to death as Twilight grew angry again.

"The hell kinda' name is that? You a stripper unicorn or something?!" Scooter ask, barely able to breath.

Salvador groaned and ran both hands down the sides of his face.

"Unicorns... Stripper names... What the hell did you put in that beer, amigo?" he asked.

The mechanic stopped dead and looked to his gunzerking friend with a scowl.

"Woah brah', I don't ever spike no-" Scooter began.

He was quickly cut off however, as a purple glow surrounded his body and levitated him upwards. The mechanic instantly started screaming and flailing his limbs in every direction.

"Woah! The hell?! Siren dude-thing, 's that you?!" he screamed.

"Your name! Tell me your name, now!" Twilight shouted angrily.

"Scooter! Dang... Just put me down, freaky skag thing!" Scooter shouted, still flailing wildly in Twilight's magical grasp.

The orange creature next to Twilight raised an eyebrow towards her.

"Uhh, Twi? I think this is turning into an interrogation..." she said nervously.

"Applejack! These things could be dangerous, we need to take every precaution!" the purple unicorn said, releasing Scooter from her levitation.

The greasy mechanic fell to the floor of the barn with a harsh thud, causing a small amount of dust to cloud around him as he coughed, trying regain his breath. He then looked to Applejack, an expression of awe on his face.

"Did someone really name you after a cereal...?" he asked, dumbfounded.

Applejack seemed surprised by the question and blinked.

"A what now?" she replied.

"Ah knew it! I told some people we should start namin' things after food! That would make things sooooo much easi'er to 'member." Scooter said, a wide grin on his face.

The orange pony sighed and looked to the ground covering her face slightly with her hat.

"What do you 'reckon we do, Twi?" she asked, returning the brown stetson to the top of her head and looking to her horned friend.

Twilight put a hoof under her chin in thought for a moment. The creatures didn't necessarily seem all that intelligent. At least one of them didn't anyway. After several seconds of thought, a bright smile spread across the mare's face.

"I know! I'll take them back to the library, where we can keep a close eye on them. Then, send a letter to the princess. She'd know how to deal with these... uhh... Things." Twilight said.

Applejack nodded and motioned to Scooter with her hoof.

"C'mon, Scooter. We're heading to Twilight's house." she said in the nicest tone she could muster, despite her annoyance to the situation.

Scooter's jaw dropped yet again.

"Ho-lee sheeet! Unicorns live in houses?!" the mechanic asked, awestruck.

Twilight sighed yet again and lowered her head.

Nothing's ever simple... Is it? she thought.

* * *

As the four walked through the center of Ponyville in the direction of Twilight's house, Salvador mumbled quietly to himself, while Scooter questioned legitimately everything he saw, forcing Applejack to answer stupid question after stupid question. Thankfully, the early time of the day granted them the luxury of having no questions about the strange creatures following them around.

"So... Them there flags... Ponies build those, too?" Scooter asked, pointing to some of the various flags hung throughout Ponyville.

"Yes, Scooter." Applejack replied with a sigh. "Same with the Town Hall, the six houses, the fence, the restaurant, and the water fountain. Anything else?"

Scooter paused for a moment, still following behind Twilight and Salvador, Applejack trotting beside him.

"Nah. I'm good." he said with a shrug.

Applejack sighed in relief and smiled slightly.

"So... I never got your name." Twilight said, nervously looking to Salvador.

She hadn't felt anything but... Pity, when she had seen Scooter. But when she looked at the Gunzerker, she felt something completely different.

Fear.

Something about the human intimidated her extensively. Almost to the point in which she would like to go home and hide under her bed for a few years.

"Salvador." he replied, his voice gritty and low.

Twilight nodded and continued trotting, remaining silent for several seconds.

"Is that your friend?" she continued, tilting her head back to the oblivious mechanic.

Salvador nodded wordlessly.

"Alright... Well it makes sense, you both seem to be the same species and-"

"Stop." Salvador said, shaking his head.

The unicorn instantly shut her mouth and slowed her trot as Sal brought a hand to his face and scratched at his eye with the center of his palm.

"I just want this hangover to pass so I can figure out who the hell you are, amigo." Salvador continued.

Twilight had no idea whatsoever what this hangover was supposed to be, but nodded regardless and continued trotting. Within a few more minutes of awkward silence, save for the pitter-patter of footsteps and hoofsteps on the dirt paths of Ponyville, the group reached Twilight's library.

"Y'all livin' in a tree?" Scooter asked, raising an eyebrow.

Twilight nodded solemnly.

"Yes. It's actually a library." she said matter-of-factually.

Scooter shook his head slowly.

"That's just unhealthy." the mechanic replied quietly.

The purple unicorn twitched in frustration as she pushed open the door to her home, and invited the inter-dimensional guests in. Scooter carelessly entered the home, while Salvador groggily stomped in.

"So... What's with all this 'princess', stuff?" Scooter said, adding finger-quotes to stress his point.

Twilight raised an eyebrow as she entered the library and used her magic to shut the door.

"Princess Celestia?" she asked.

"Uhh... Yeah. That one. I aint' never heard of no princesses on Pandora. Just seems weird." Scooter continued.

"Pandora?" Twilight asked, growing more confused.

Scooter chuckled lightly and looked to Salvador for a moment.

"Well duhhhh. The giant piece of crap planet that yur' standin' on. Jeez..." The mechanic continued.

The unicorn furrowed both eyebrows quizzically and gently tapped her hoof to the floor.

"This is Equestria, you're not on... Pandora, or whatever." she replied.

Salvador's eyes went wide for a moment as the words processed in his mind. He quickly spun around to face Twilight.

"What did you just say?" he asked.

"You're not on Pandora?" Twilight replied.

The Gunzerker's expression instantly sunk upon hearing the statement a second time. He sighed and let his head fall into one of his hands.

"Oh crap... Daaaaaamn.... I swear I left the washer' runnin'." Scooter said, a frown washing across his face.