Salvador and Scooter's Bodacious Equestrian Experience

APPLES AND E-TECH

Rainbow Dash approached the door to Twilight's Treehouse reluctantly, Pinkie Pie bouncing happily at her side. The rainbow maned pegasus held a wry expression, irritated that her regular "Afternoon Nap" had been interrupted. She looked to the bubbly pink pony bouncing next to her and raised an eyebrow.

"What are you so happy about? Twilight asked us to help her." she said, the irritation beginning to show in her boy-ish voice.

Pinkie Pie stopped bouncing for a moment and shrugged.

"I dunno'. Maybe she's got a giant cupcake or something that she wants us to eat for her!" the earthpony said with a wide smile, her eyes happily glistening in the sunlight of the afternoon.

Dash rolled her eyes as the two reached the door

"I'm pretty sure she just wants us to... Write a stupid paper or something." the pegasus said, reaching a hoof up to the door reluctantly.

Before the rainbow-maned pony could knock, the door opened, and she was pulled in without warning along with Pinkie Pie. As soon as her view adjusted after being roughly pulled in, she saw Applejack over her, holding a hoof to her mouth and pointing to two creatures standing in front of Twilight.

"So then the Lilith lady phase- uhh... Thing-y'd us, and I ended up here." Salvador said, looking the unicorn in the eyes sincerely.

It wasn't hard for the Gunzerker to do so, seeing as he was about the height of your average pony... But still, he meant business. Scooter stood just next to him, also trying to explain the situation to Twilight.

"Yeah, and then Ah got the whole dang' city to float, y'know cuz' I'ma bonafide bad ass n'stuff? So ah was' jumpin' up and down, and all'a sudden, 'whole damn citys' just like whoosh, see'ya later, Scooter! So ah fall down n'shit, and then I'm here, my best bud Sally with me." Scooter said, his dialect barely legible to the purple-maned unicorn in front of him.

While Twilight took a few moments to reflect on the interesting explanation of their arrival, Rainbow Dash stared in disbelief at the two humans. She quickly shook her head and leaned closer to her stetson-wearing friend.

"What are those things?!" she asked in a quizzically and hushed tone.

"They call themselves' humans, er' somethin' like that. Just... Keep quiet for a sec." Applejack said, trying to hush her friend once more.

"Humans?! That sounds awesome! Are they like, aliens?!" Pinkie Pie asked, bouncing over to the two.

Salvador and Scooter paused for a moment before looking in the direction of the three ponies on the other side of the room. The Mechanic's face quickly molded into a bright smile as he examined Rainbow Dash's mane.

"Say whaaat?! This one's got RAINBOW HAIR?!" he asked, rushing over to the pegasus.

Dash had no time to react before the greasy mechanic began poking at her face with his index finger.

"This is the coolest shit ah'seen in all mah' life..." he said, repeatedly prodding at cheek, leaving behind a distinct smudge of black grease.

The pegasus quickly shoved Scooter away and backed up, putting her hooves up in defense.

"Hey! Watch it!" she said, her previous annoyance finally bubbling over into anger.

She placed a hoof to her face for a moment, and wiped some of the grease from her cheek. After examining it for a moment, she growled and narrowed her eyebrows.

"Twilight... Who is this...?" she asked, trying to keep herself reserved.

The purple unicorn sighed and pointed to the both of them with a wry expression.

"This is Scooter... This is Salvador... They're aliens."

Dash opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off as Pinkie Pie jumped in her way.

"I know it! They are aliens! I love aliens, they like, do alien things and stuff like that!" she said joyfully.

Salvador eyed the pink pony with an arched eyebrow, pondering why the hell she was so happy. But, after a moment of her high-pitched voice and bubbly attitude, he began to chuckle slightly. Something about her made him laugh.

"Ha! Ten seconds after meeting them and I already got one to laugh!" Pinkie said, looking back to Rainbow Dash with a grin.

Scooter turned his head to Salvador and looked down to the Gunzerker with an eyebrow raised.

"What?! She's funny!" Salvador said with a shrug, pointing both arms towards her.

"Ah'm never gonna' let you live this down..." Scooter said, stifling his own chuckle.

"Bite me, Cabron'..." the Gunzerker replied, rolling his eyes.

As the two humans argued, Twilight managed to make her way around them, and next to her three friends. She exhaled deeply and brought a hoof to her chest before extending it outwards.

"I-I need to calm down, and get a letter to the Princess. Can you take them for a bit? Please?!" she asked.

Rainbow Dash shook her head quickly and pointed to her greasy hoof.

"Uh, hello?! No! I don't want to be anywhere near Touchy-Face Mcghee!" Dash said, her tone still irritated.

"Oh, hush." Applejack said shaking her head towards the rainbow-maned mare. "We'll take em'. Ah need some help around the farm while ah'm fixin' the farmhouse anyway. Ah'm sure those fellas' would love ta' see the Zap Apple Harvest. Might even calm em' down." she replied with a smile.

Twilight elicited a relieved sigh and smiled at her farmpony friend.

"Thank you. I'll be make sure I'm not too long." she said.

"Does this mean I get to hang out with the aliens more?!" Pinkie said, her expression completely ecstatic.

"Yes Pinkie... Please stop interrupting." Twilight replied.

"Okie Dokie Lokie." the pink pony said, backing up a few feet, her smile still holding.

* * *

"Where the hell are we going again?" Salvador asked, walking down a dirt path just outside of Ponyville, Scooter, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack by his side.

"Mah farm... Yah' don't remember the twenty other times ah told'ya?" Applejack replied, slightly annoyed.

Salvador chuckled and pointed a thumb over his shoulder.

"I was staring at that bush over there and forgot." he replied.

Scooter swiftly spun around and stopped walking, looking towards the direction of Salvador's point, searching frantically for the bush.

"Where? Ah wanna' see everything this' places' got'ta offer." he said, scanning the road behind him.

"idiota..." Salvador said under his breath with a slight chuckle. "Is' nothing, amigo. Let's just get to this farm." he continued shaking his head slightly.

The mechanic shrugged and continued down the path with the colored equines and his badass, midget friend. Eventually, the five of them reached the front gate of Sweet Apple Acres. Salvador and the four ponies passed through the entrance with ease, but Scooter ended up having to limbo his way under.

As they approached the barn, Applejack flagged Big Macintosh, who was standing next to it, eyeing the broken roof with a confused expression. He quickly noticed his sister, and opened his mouth to speak as he pointed towards the barn.

"Ah know. These two... Uhh'... Guys, did that earlier." Applejack said, nodding back to Salvador and Scooter.

Scooter gave a dumb wave while Salvador rolled his eyes.

"Uhh... I..." Mac replied with a single blink.

"They're super advanced, technological, alien life-forms!" Pinkie blurted out, causing Applejack to sigh once more.

"Aliens...?" the large earth stallion replied, scratching his head.

"They're gonna help you with the Zap Apple harvest." Applejack said, before Pinkie could further exaggerate the situation.

Macintosh looked over his sister's shoulder once more at the strange creatures, and eventually shrugged.

"Ahlright. As long as the barn gets fixed..." Mac said hesitantly, pointing to the bright-red structure behind him.

Applejack nodded and pushed the two humans forward, motioning for Pinkie and Dash to retreat in the barn with her. The two quickly complied, leaving the humans standing in front of Big Macintosh, and awkward silence hanging in the air. Macintosh ran a hoof along his brow with a wry expression while Salvador and Scooter stood in front of him, awaiting his word.

"Well... It doesn't look like y'all can kick... But ah guess y'all can pick. Let's get to work." Mac said, motioning to the rows of apple trees, each one bearing rainbow-striped, glowing fruit.

Scooter turned and caught one glimpse of the fruit, and his jaw fell open.

"Daaaaaamn, is everything rainbows here?!" he said with a chuckle.

Mac nodded, keeping his un-amused expression, and walked past the two.

"Just about... Now hurry up. AJ said ya'll were helpin', and this harvest is the most important." the large, red stallion said, disappearing among the Zap Apple trees.

Scooter nodded and looked to Salvador with a wide grin.

"Damn, man. This right here is the shiiiiiit! Pickin' rainbow fruit, surrounded by a bunch'a unicorns?!" Scooter said, walking towards the first apple tree.

Salvador grumbled angrily under his breath.

"I don't care where we are, I just really need to shoot something already..." the gunzerker said in a low-tone, grinding his teeth together in anticipation for a fight.

Scooter chuckled and rolled his eyes as he reached the first tree and took off his hat, revealing a head of hair that was even greasier than the rest of his body. He tossed it on the ground and began to climb the base of the tree, struggling to grasp each branch.

"Heh, out of shape, aren't you amigo?" Salvador called up to him, cupping both hands over his mouth.

"Hey, shut up, Sal! Ah ain't been outta the garage in a while!" the mechanic called in return, reaching for the nearest rainbow-striped apple. "Gah, look! Ahm'a bout' to eat mah' first Rainbow-Apple'a-Awesomness."

Scooters hand reached out spastically, trying to wrap his fingers around the fruit and pick it free from the wooden branch. After a few seconds of effort, and a few choice insults from Salvador, the mechanic was finally able to retrieve the fruit, and threw both arms into the air victoriously.

"Yeah-ha-ha! Look at me now, Mama- AH! WHAT THE HELL?! " Scooter screamed, dropping the fruit from the tree.

The apple glowed brightly as it fell, shrouded in a thick layer of blue sparks. It fell fast and hard, landing directly on Salvador's head, and sending an electrical charge throughout his body. As the apple rolled away, the gunzerker stumbled backwards, covered in sparks from head-to-toe. It was usual for the vault hunter to feel this kind of punishment, along with the charging up of his "heads-up-display".

Salvador stopped dead, and looked down to his digistruct devices, which were both glowing brightly,

"What the hell...?" he asked quietly to himself.

"Ah shit man, sorry! You OK? You lookin' brighter than Lilly after she swallows one'a them purple crack-rocks!" Scooter shouted from the tree branch.

As the electricity continued swirling around Salvador's body, a wicked grin grew on his face, along with his H.U.D continuing to charge up. Scooter quickly noticed the change in expression, and the glowing boxes on Salvador's hips.

"Oh no... Now Sally... Calm down, bro... Ah'ma need you to calm your nips there pally..." Scooter said, putting his hands towards the gunzerker defensively.

As the digistructs were finally fully charged due to the electricity, Salvador's grin had reached full-mast, causing his grizzly face to shine with a wicked smile. Scooter sighed and propped himself against the tree, covering his face.

"Aw, this is gon' suck..." he said quietly.

One signal on his H.U.D was all it took for the Gunzerker to begin his rampage. He threw both of his arms under their opposite sides, and pulled two massive weapons from each digistruct module. In one hand, a brightly glowing BANDIT assault rifle. The other, a Hyperion shotgun. Without hesitation, Salvador threw the muzzles of both weapons in the air and unleashed a barrage of fire, laughing maniacally.

"Tiiiiiiime to COMPENSATE!" Salvador screamed as loud as his vocal chords would let him, mindlessly firing his weapons in to the air, a shower of shells and bullet-casings showering the ground beneath him.

Nearby in the barn, Rainbow Dash was the first to hear the gunfire, and trotted hurriedly to a nearby window to catch a glimpse of the rampage going on in the apple fields.

"A-AJ! Get over here!" she shouted back into the barn nervously.

The farm pony raised an eyebrow as the sound of rampant gunfire made it's way to her ears, and trotted towards the barn window as well.

"What is all that racket?" she asked, nearing the window, and propping herself onto the sill next to Rainbow Dash.

She was greeted by the sight of a tremendously-short Salvador, ripping through all of her Zap-Apple trees with two mysterious tools.

"B IS FOR BULLETS, BITCH!" the Vault Hunter shouted in the distance.

"What in the buck is he doin'?! He's supposed to pick the apples not blow em' away!" she shouted angrily.

Before Rainbow Dash could respond, she was cut off by the sound of the barn doors slamming open. Scooter stood hunched-over, panting heavily. He stood up straight, a look of complete terror on his face, and shouted at the top of his lungs.

"SHUT YUR' PONY MOUTHS AND GIT YUR' ASSES IN TO COVER, PRONTO!"

Rainbow Dash looked to Applejack fearfully, who did the same in return, frozen by fear as the rampage in the fields continued, the gunshots coming closer. The greasy mechanic broke off in to a sprint towards the two, and dived in to the ponies, knocking them both behind a bale of hay.

"VIO-LENNNNNNCE! Salvador screamed, stomping throughout the fields, mowing down several trees and shooting apples as they sprang in to the air.

For some reason, the apples granted him a small XP bonus for each one destroyed, so he saw no reason to stop. The rampage continued for several more seconds, nearing the barn. Once the large red structure came into view, Salvador reloaded both weapons within a split-second, and aimed them both at the barn. Because the color red is always bad, right?

Rainbow Dash and Applejack screamed in terror as bullets ripped through the wooden structure of the barn, while Pinkie Pie bounced around playfully, giggling as shards of wood flew around her.

"Ha! It sounds like a song! It's like; 'Ratta-tat-a-rat-a-tah-ta-ta-ta'!" she said, a wide grin on her face.

Scooter looked up from behind the hay bale and motioned to Pinkie wildly.

"Find some cover, yah' dumbass piece'a cotton candy!" he shouted.

Pinkie stopped dead, her expression completely blank, bullets whizzing past her face and causing her mane to blow slightly in the direction of the gunfire. After a moment, she smiled again, and began bouncing towards the hay bale her friends were taking cover behind.

"Great! I'm cotton-candy!" she shouted with glee.

After several more seconds of the intense rampage, the gunfire stopped abruptly as Salvador's energy ran out. He sighed in relief and placed the shotgun in his opposite hand back to the Digistruct, where it quickly pixeled away. Scooter let go of the two ponies under him and looked down at his torso, before jumping up, both fists in the air victoriously.

"Yeah! Picked'a apple today, AND ah ain't dead after Sally throws a pissy-fit!" he said, a bright smile on his face.

Pinkie Pie instantly joined him in his cheering, throwing both hooves into the air.

"Yeah! Hooray for not dying!" she said, her eyes closed due to the massive smile stretching across her face.

Applejack slowly poked her head out from behind the hay bale, her anger slowly rising as she examined the nearly-demolished structure around her. The walls were almost completely punched out by the massive amount of bullets, and the roof was barely staying up.

"What... What... What... What just HAPPENED?!" Rainbow screamed, still trying to catch her breath.

Scooter stopped hopping for a moment and nodded his head towards the field.

"Oh, Sal's gotta shoot shit or he get's'all pissed off."

Almost perfectly on time, the gunzerker kicked open the door to the barn and raised his gun into the air.

"Finito!" he shouted joyfully, before holstering his weapon in the digistruct and walking towards Scooter.

Applejack's eye twitched as the anger began to boil over, her face almost completely red, and her teeth grinding against eachother as several planks fell from the rafters above her.

"I think I broke the apples!" Salvador said, approaching Scooter.

He quickly noticed her angered expression however, and raised an eyebrow to everyone else in the room.

"Sheesh... What's her prob-?"

"Get out." she said in a low, grim tone.

"Huh?" Salvador replied, slightly confused.

Applejack pointed a hoof to the pink party pony standing next to Scooter and then to Salvador.

"Get'im out. Take him anywhere, do whatever. Just get'im out. Now." she said, keeping her tone firm.

Pinkie Pie shrugged and trotted past the gunzerker, still in her bubbly attitude.

"C'mon alien thing! We've got lots of cool stuff we can do!" she said happily, exiting the mostly-destroyed barn.

Salvador looked to Scooter, completely confused. The mechanic simply shrugged.

"You should do what she says, man. One'a them horses'll kick yur' junk harder than a skag on it's period." he said motioning to Pinkie.

Salvador sighed and followed Pinkie Pie out of the barn, his head in his hand once more.

"Try to have some fun, and this is what I get... Pendejada..." he said, his voice irritated and low.

Applejack briskly pointed a hoof to Scooter, her face still wrapped up in a scowl.

"Yur' helpin' me fix this." she said angrily.

Scooter nodded as fast and as quick as his neck would let him.

"Yes ma'am." he replied.