Salvador and Scooter's Bodacious Equestrian Experience

BLAZIN' CUPCAKES

"Making cupcakes?! Are you freaking kidding me?!" Salvador asked, a look of complete disbelief on his face.

The bright, colorful decor of Sugar Cube Corner's kitchen already irritated the Gunzerker enough, ten seconds in Tiny Tina's Den had him dry heaving for hours, but the concept of singing cheerful songs and baking delectable treats made him want to jump off of cliff... Again.

"Awww come on, it'll be fun!" Pinkie Pie said, bouncing away from the swinging doors of the kitchen towards the stove.

"No." Salvador replied, walking away from the swinging flaps of wood as well.

Pinkie rolled her eyes playfully and turned one of the nobs on the oven, causing a small flame to appear inside of the metallic box. She then spun around quickly to face Salvador, her eyes glowing in anticipation.

"So what do you want to do first? Personally I loooooove getting all of the materials ready with all the anticipation and stuff, or we can even sing a song first! Oooooh that's so much-" Pinkie said cheerfully.

"Cut it, pony." Salvador said, hopping up onto the counter with a small grunt. "I aint' singin' and I told you I aint' makin' cupcakes."

Pinkie frowned slightly and looked to the ground in thought. There had been ways of manipulating other ponies into doing what she wanted, an ancient secret passed down between cute, bubbly mares for generations. She hated doing it, but she wanted to make this new alien feel happy at any and all costs...

She had to pout.

"What are you doing?" Salvador asked, looking up at Pinkie's face.

The party mare's bottom lip quivered slightly as it protruded from her face, her ears fell down and drooped slightly, and her irises grew and almost filled her entire eye ball. An irresistible pout.

"Pleassse...?" she asked quietly.

"Stop that." the Gunzerker replied with a wry expression.

"Pleassssssssse...?" Pinkie asked again, her face twisting even more into despair.

"No."

"Pleassssssssssssssssssssssse...?" the party pony said, suddenly appearing next to the grumbling man.

The Gunzerker jumped in fear and fell from the counter as he elicited a high-pitched scream of intense fear, smashing onto the wooden floor with a loud smash!

"Oh gosh, are you OK Sally?!" Pinkie asked worriedly, hopping off of the counter beside him.

"Fine... Now just make your cupcakes and don't ever do that again." Salvador said, pulling himself up and dusting off his bright-orange shirt.

"Together, right?" she asked with a bright smile.

Salvador narrowed his eyebrows at the bubbly pony for a moment before sighing and hanging his head.

"Sure. Fine. Whatever pendajo'." he said, annoyed.

Pinkie Pie's smile, unbelievably, grew in size as she bounced happily in front of Salvador.

"Great! You're going to love this, Sal!" she said.

Pinkie reared up on her hind legs and cocked her head upwards as she placed a hoof on her chest. She inhaled deeply for several seconds, her head moving back as she did so, and prepared to belt a note at the top of her lungs. She was silenced however, as Salvador grabbed her lips and pulled her close to him.

"But I aint' singing." he said in a low tone.

Pinkie nodded and smiled through his grip on her lips.

"Mmph. Hudda mmph mmph!" the pony said, her mouth tightly constricted.

Salvador rolled his eyes and chuckled, releasing her lips.

"That's fine, it'll still be fun!" Pinkie repeated.

The Gunzerker rolled his eyes with a smirk on his face as Pinkie shuffled away from him towards the cupboard. With excellent precision, Pinkie quickly grabbed each ingredient needed to prepare the treats in under a second, then kicked he door to the pantry shut as she approached the counter. While the pony worked, Salvador looked around the room. The colors still irritated him beyond relief. But the decor, it was all hearts. Kinda like Moxxi's place.

He could probably get used to that.

"Over here, Salvador!" Pinkie chirped from across the room, breaking the Gunzerker's concentration.

The man shook his head and blinked as he made his way over to Pinkie.

"What?" he asked sharply.

"You're going to help me put together the batter!" she replied happily.

"Yaaaaay." Salvador said, unamused.

"Here. I'll read off the ingredients and you just add them to this bowl, alright?" she said, pointing to a large, blue bowl just in front of them, filled halfway with clear, sparkling water.

Salvador nodded and placed his hands over the collection of ingredients just beside the bowl, awaiting her orders.

"OK, we need a 2 cups of flower." Pinkie said, picking up a list from the counter.

The Gunzerker paused for a moment before looking to his pink companion.

"The hells' a cup?" he asked, confused.

"You don't have cups where you're from?" she replied, just as puzzled.

"Well if I knew what the hell that was, I'd tell you."

"Uhh... Well... It's a thing you... Drink out of."

"Like a can?"

"Uhh... Yeah."

"Then why did't you just say a can of flour, puta'?!"

"Well, I just kind of figured-"

"Screw it! We'll put the whole bag in!" Salvador said, taking the sack of flower and slamming it into the bowl. "What's next?!"

Pinkie looked to the ripped open sack of flour in the bowl and cringed slightly. Maybe a bit of burlap sack would make them taste even better?

"Uhh... Eggs?" she said, worriedly.

"Eggs, huh?" Salvador replied, taking the carton of eggs in both hands.

He eyed the small cardboard carton for a moment before slowly cracking it open and taking an egg gently in his hand. By now a bead of sweat had formed on Pinkie's brow as she bit her lip in anticipation. The eggs were probably the most important part of her famous cupcakes, just a tiny bit of shell and the whole batch was ruined! A knot formed in her gut as she pictured Salvador accidentally dropping part of the egg into her batch. Mass hysteria. Ponies dying in the streets. Equestria quite literally imploding on itself.

"Careful now, Sal... This is the most important part..." Pinkie said shakily.

"I got it, I got it..." Salvador replied, his hand shaking as he brought the egg in his hand carefully towards the bowl.

"Diligence... Diligence..." she said, her teeth chattering.

As Salvador brought the egg close to the edge of the bowl, he gently knocked it on the edge of the plastic dish. His face fell into an expression of determination as it didn't crack, and knocked it against the edge once more, a bit harder. Nothing. The egg didn't even crack in the slightest.

The Gunzerker began to twitch slightly in anger as he continuously knocked the egg against the side of the plastic, each time growing angrier and angrier as the egg took no damage.

"Sal..." Pinkie said quietly.

Suddenly, a blood thirsty roar erupted from the kitchen as Salvador slammed the egg into the bowl of water and flour. Then took another from the carton and crushed it in his hand, and let the contents seep into the bowl.

"Ha! Now THIS is fun!" he said, continuously throwing egg after egg into the mix of egg shells and muck.

Pinkie watched in disbelief as the Gunzerker laughed maniacally and emptied the whole carton of eggs into the bowl and proceeded to punch it's contents with extreme prejudice. After several seconds, he stopped and turned to Pinkie, covered in egg goop and flowery muck.

"This is freakin' awesome! What's next, comadre'?!" he asked happily, a vicious smile on his face.

The pink party mare was seconds from passing out, her eyes fluttering and the knot in her stomach tightening as she saw the mess of cupcake battered splattered around the bowl. But then, she noticed something amazing. Salvador's smile. She'd accomplished what she'd set out to do... Salvador was crazy happy. After a few short seconds, she smiled as well and looked to the list.

"We need to put it into the tray, and bake it at 350!" Pinkie said, narrowing her eyebrows and slamming a tray cupcake tray onto the counter.

"Yeah-ha-ha!" Salvador roared happily.

Without warning, the Gunzerker took the blue bowl of crap high over his head, and slammed it onto the tray, splattering Pinkie and him in the goopy mess.

"GET OFF MY PLANE!" he shouted, repeatedly slamming the bowl onto the tray, denting it and filling a few of the slots with rancid cupcake mix.

Pinkie backed away slightly from the spray of muck and sighed in relief. Her batch may be ruined, but at least the alien was having a good time.

Several more slams of the bowl later, Salvador took the tray in both hands, and turned to Pinkie.

"WHERE'S THE OVEN?!" he asked, the vicious smile on his face even larger.

Pinkie giggled and pointed to the oven she had already preheated, just beside the counter.

Salvador spun around quickly, growling as he eyed the oven. He reached one arm to the metallic handle on the am of the oven and threw it open, causing a large slam to echo off of the kitchen's walls as he tossed the cupcakes inside.

"HA! Nothing to it!" Salvador said, turning around and posing triumphantly for Pinkie.

The party mare's eyes quickly grew in fear as she noticed the oven door still hanging open.

"Salvador, look out! That's really-" she began.

She was cut off however as Salvador was fully engulfed in flames.

"DANGEROUS!" she called, placing both hooves on either side of her head, her face twisting into an expression of sheer terror.

Salvador stood wordlessly for a moment, raising an eyebrow to Pinkie.

"The hell are you on about compa- Wait... What's that smell?" he asked, sniffing at the air.

He then looked down to notice his body swallowed in a brightly-glowing flame.

"Oh. That." he said nonchalantly.

Pinkie narrowed both eyebrows in disbelief, frozen in fear.

"Doesn't that hurt you?!" she asked, terrified.

"Nahhhh. Not until my shield goes out." Salvador said with a shrug.

The Gunzerker's pupils quickly shrank however, as the distinct sound of breaking glass echoed in his ears. He instantly began screaming at the top of his lungs and fell to his knees, trying to pat out the flames surrounding his body.

"ACK! GAH! MAKE IT STOP!" Salvador screamed rolling back and forth on the floor of the kitchen.

Pinkie shuffled nervously for a moment and rushed to the sink, where she began filling up a bowl of water.

"Don't worry Sal, I've gotcha'!" she said, forcing a smile onto her face.

After a few moments of waiting for the water to reach the brim, Pinkie rushed over to the Flaming Gunzerker and threw the bucket onto him, dousing the flames immediately. He sat with a blank expression for a few moments, blinking several times.

"Are you... Alright?" Pinkie asked, certain that she'd caused some sort of serious brain damage.

"Yeah. Just waiting to heal." he said with a shrug, standing back up.

"Oh! Well I have some band aids in the bathroom-"

"No. Band aids are for pussies and Hyperion dick-weeds." Salvador said, shaking his head.

Pinkie raised an eyebrow, curious what as to what a Hyperion was.

"Well uhh... How do you heal-?" she asked nervously.

"Ah, dammit. It stopped..." he said cutting her off and turning to her. "Punch me in the face, compadre'."

Pinkie had pretty much heard it all from her friends, but this alien had a weird way of showing friendship. She cringed slightly at the thought of hurting him, and backed away a few inches.

"Punch you... I-In the... In the face?" she asked with a nervous laugh.

Salvador nodded and pointed to his chin.

"Ci, amigo. Right here."

The pink party mare shook her head slowly.

"I uhh... I can't do that. I don't exactly like punching things."

"OK, listen Pinkie. I did all of that annoying crap with the cupcakes and the fire and the blah blah, the least you could do is slug my in the jaw!" he yelled.

Pinkie sighed and nodded. Without further warning, she cocked her hoof back and threw it into Salvador's jaw, knocking him a few feet backwards.

"Oh gosh! I'm so sorry Mister Salvador! Please don't stop being my friend!" she screamed, immediately regretting her action.

Salvador smiled widely as he began to slowly feel rejuvenated, and roared in happiness as he took Pinkie's head under his arm and ran his fist through her mane.

"Haha! Thank you compadre'. Feelin' better already! Now, what's next for those cup thingies-" he said.

"Pinkie, Salvador!" Rainbow Dash screamed from beyond the kitchen.

The rainbow pegasus quickly shot into the room and landed on her four hooves, sliding to a stop just in front of the two.

"Haha, that- tickles! Hehe! What's up Dashie?!" Pinkie asked, giggling as Salvador frazzled her mane with his fist.

"We need you back at Sweet Apple acres, like, now." Rainbow said sternly.

Pinkie raised an eyebrow and pulled herself out of Salvador's grasp, her mane sticking up and outwards.

"What's wrong?" she asked worriedly.

"It's Scooter... and Scootaloo." Dash replied, swallowing hard.