The Ways of the Heart

Sweat dripped to the ground in a pool as I struggled to catch my breath. This shouldn’t have been as hard as it was for me now. It was probably because the greenhouse/rec room felt hotter than usual, but it was most likely because I was way out of practice. I don’t know why I was slacking off with my kickboxing, but that meant I had to go hard to catch up on it. And even though I wore boxer’s tape on my hands, my well-calloused knuckles stung with a slight pain that I hadn’t felt in a long time. It wasn’t a ‘bad hurt’ though; it was like a ‘good kind of hurt’ as they say. Angry thoughts ran around in my head about how I shouldn’t have taken a day off and calling myself all sorts of curses and names. But I knew that I would only do worse if my anger controlled me.

‘Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Clear your mind. Focus your emotions. Do not be angry.’

I repeated my teacher’s exact words in my head and followed her instructions to a tee. Simple, but more than effective. All of my negative thoughts went away as I finally opened my eyes. I readied my stance and focused on the punching bag. My fists grew tighter and tighter as I readied to strike. The wraps around my hands groaned audibly from the increasing pressure. I breathed in and breathed out one last time before I stepped forward quickly and followed with my onslaught.

Two quick shots to the face. Liver blow. Right rib cage. Uppercut. Kick to the throat. Left jaw. Blow after blow, the sounds of my punches and kicks became louder until they filled the entire room. I put everything into everything, all my energy into my moves. I continued with it for a time of I-don’t-know-how-long, and ended it with one last hard punch. As soon as it connected, I finally fell down to the ground on my knees. My muscles were aching, my throat was dry as a desert, and my lungs felt like they were on fire. Though I felt like I was suffering, I was still proud of myself for getting back into the swing of things.

“And the champion falls to the ground!” a familiar voice shouted. “Will he get up this time?! Is the ref going to start the count?!”

“Shut up, Ron,” I said with a weak chuckle.

“Sorry. I just can’t help it when you look like you’ve been ten rounds with Iron Will,” he replied with a chuckle of his own. “Oh and you look like you might need this.” As he said this, he tossed something over to me. It landed a little ways away from me and rolled over to my leg before stopping. Turns out it was a water bottle. Almost instantly, I grabbed the bottle and unscrewed the lid before taking a big gulp of the liquid. It didn’t even take a few seconds before the refreshing effect of the water took hold. I turned my head to face my British roommate and thank him, but I stopped when I noticed his choice of clothing. From the perspective of a Doctor Whooves fan, Ron looked like he was cosplaying as a human version of the Tenth Doctor. He was actually able to pull it out with a full blue suit with red pinstripes and a dark-colored tie. His normally wavy hair now had a messy style to it that looked exactly the same as the Doctor’s mane, and he even had those ‘brainy specs’ perched on the bridge of his nose. Ron was known for doing some pretty out-of-place things, but this was a new level for him.

“Are we finally heading to Barcelona, Doctor?” I joked.

Rolling his eyes he sarcastically responded, “Yes, and it is gonna be fantastic. Now go take a shower. You smell like something ate you and shat you back out.”

I scoffed in response thinking it couldn’t possibly be that bad. But when I took a whiff of my armpit, I found that he wasn’t that far off. I guessed that I had gotten a little carried away beating on the punching bag. There was no way that I could go to the party smelling like this, so I had no choice but to take a shower. As quickly as I could manage, I pushed myself off the floor and stumbled to my feet. I found that I could barely stand because my legs were just about to cramp up, so all I could do was wobble to the door.

Just as I was a few feet from the door, Ron began to grow impatient. “Come on champ! Let’s go! Allons-y!” I gave him a face that screamed ‘Are you fucking kidding me?’ as he shouted the Doctor’s catchphrase. “Okay that was a bit much.”

“No shit, Sherlock.”

It was a good thing that the house was only 20 feet from the greenhouse. The picturesque view of the place did wonders to give Ron and I a sort of unexplainable happiness. I guess being reminded of the fact that we had a real roof over our heads was the reason why. Of course, neither of us could have made enough money to afford a nice home like that. The place where we lived was actually the small house built into the big one. The ponies living there were kind enough to rent it out for us for a modest price every month, a nice change in pace from those usual Canterlot jerk-offs. Not only that, but it was a pretty nice place for being kinda small. It had cable, plumbing, electricity, heat, a kitchen and two bedrooms for Ron and I with mine being upstairs. Be it ever so humble, there’s no place like home. As I finally wobbled to the door and opened it, the heavenly feeling of good air conditioning hit me.

“Thank you God,” I whispered relieved.

“Yeah, great. It’s cold. Now get in the shower before you stink up the place.” Ron said this while giving me a light kick to my ass.

I could tell that he wanted to get to the party as soon as possible even though we would have enough time to get there. But, I didn’t want to irritate him more so I just wobbled along as fast as I could. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that the TV was still on. And what just so happened to be on the TV you may ask? Not surprisingly, an episode of Doctor Whooves. In fact, I would bet my life that it was the one where the Ninth Doctor regenerated into the Tenth. No comment.

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I breathed a heavy sigh as I was finishing up in the shower, feeling clean as a whistle and totally refreshed. I knew that any girl would be expecting nothing less, so I made sure to get every inch of my body. Though I was probably a little paranoid for scrubbing myself down with three different brands of body soap. But, in my opinion being cautious is a lot better than being lazy. Speaking of being cautious, I wanted to give myself a once-over to see if I was at least presentable. With my hair still pretty damp, I took the towel and wiped off the steam that had collected on the mirror. No noticeable blemishes, no dirty spots, no sweat stink; everything looked pretty damn good. It also took me a while to notice, but I saw that I had a good bit of fuzz on my face. And to think it only took me two weeks to grow just that much. I decided not to shave it because it would take so long to grow it back. That and I wanted to try something a little different with my look. After making sure I was okay, I tied the towel around my waist with a knot and opened the bathroom door. The air conditioning hit me once again with a now uncomfortable cold from taking a hot shower. It made goosebumps run up and down my spine, but I resolved myself to tough it out. Quickly but calmly, I walked out and down the hall. to escape the ‘Ice Planet Hoth’ cold. As I was, Ron called out to me from downstairs.

“Your suit’s on your bed by the way!” I heard Ron shout from downstairs. “Something told me you would forget, so I went ahead and picked it up for you!” It was then that I realized I had forgotten to pick up said suit on my way home from work yesterday. Good thing too because I wouldn’t have to kick my own ass to make up for it. Yet another reason to prove that Ron was the best roommate in the world. Even if we were pretty different from each other, we were like the brothers that neither of us had. “Oh and by the way, it’s 4:15 so you’ve got plenty of time!”

“Thanks Ron!” I shouted back.

“No problem, but you owe me now!”

I thought I would just buy him the most expensive drink on the menu to make up for what he did for me. That usually worked. Anyway, as I finally made it to my bedroom, I took a minute to take in the sights around me. My Wonderbolts poster hung on the far right wall with autographs from Spitfire, Soarin’ and Rainbow Dash, the Three Co-Captains. The three of them had actually given it to me after I won a contest at one of their shows on the ground. On the opposite wall, there was another autographed poster, this one of famed actress Sapphire Shores. ‘Keep Calm and Chive On. Yours - Sapphire Shores’, it read. I had no idea what the phrase ‘Chive On’ meant, but I just kept it at that since it was a great honor just to meet her. Then, there was my antique record player perched on my chester drawers. A modest collection of old music stood between two book-stoppers spanning species, several genres and generations. The last thing worth mentioning was a bookcase that housed a huge textbook collection from my college days. I considered myself lucky to get into any college, much less one like the University of Baltimare. It was there that I discovered my love for biology, and I managed to get my Bachelor’s degree in the subject after four and a half years. It was fun, but I had the worst timing of anyone or anypony. Turns out there weren’t many job openings in all of Equestria for anything having to do biology when I graduated. I had done job hunting for about 3 months before I just decided to give up. I had actually stumbled Donut Joe’s and ordered a cup of coffee with the last of my money. Joe asked me what was wrong, and I hadn’t even finished explaining before he stopped me and told me that I got the job.

I snapped myself out of my and went back to the task at hand. To this day, I tend to do that from time to time. Just space out with random thoughts going through my head. Though I’m sure that I’m not the only one, so hopefully I’m not insane or anything like that. I tightly shut my door and grabbed a pair of underwear before letting the towel drop. I slipped the boxers on and made sure that they were snug in all the ‘vital areas’ if you get the picture. I then took one glance at the mirror beside my chester drawers to make sure that everything I needed was in that vicinity. I liked to have everything organized and in one place so that I wouldn’t be rushing everywhere trying to find it. But instead of just rushing through it as usual, I decided to take my time with getting ready. As Ron had said earlier, I had plenty of time so why not spice it up a bit? I went over to my album collection and pulled out one of my favorites. In my mind, it was the perfect kind of music to get sharply dressed to. I carefully took the vinyl disc out of its cover and placed it on my record player. As the needle touched the record, its age was made audible as the trademark static was the first noise to greet me.

(Listen to this!)

As soon as those first notes were plucked, the music enveloped me and I felt like a silky smooth blanket had wrapped itself around me. I began to dance to the rhythm of the music as I could feel the artist’s emotions pour into me like a glass of fine wine. With my body feeling like water, I took the first pieces of my suit out of the plastic covering. The snow-white dress shirt and black dress pants were ironed to pristine quality as expected for the party of the century. I slip the pants on first to find that they fit me like a pair of leg-shaped gloves. Next, I slip the shirt on while leaving it open to expose my chest. I grab my deodorant from the top of the drawers, flip it in the air from behind my back, and flick the top off. Putting a generous amount under both arms, I button it up and tug it into my pants. Then comes the belt, the cuff-links, the Rolex, the tie, the socks and the shoes. I go over to the mirror to check myself, but I find that my hair is already starting to frizz up because of it drying off by itself. Quickly, I grab my hair gel and put a bit-sized amount in each hand. I slick it into my hair and grab my comb to style to my preferred setting. I try several different styles that don’t seem to work before settling on my usual style of flipping it to one side. It was simple yet profound, saying that I was formal while not being a totally stuck-up Canterlotian prick. Finally I slip on my black suit coat, le pièce de résistance, to complete the look. Normally, I didn’t like wearing formal clothes at all because they weren’t really my forte. Even so, I had to admit that I looked pretty damn good.

With my routine finished, I turned the record player off and gently took the needle off the record. Thanks to the bluesy sounds from the music, my confidence levels managed to hit a peak that would definitely come in handy that night. Feeling like a movie star on the red carpet, I walked out of my room with a goofy smile on my face. I couldn’t help but think about all the things that I could do at the celebration. Dancing, mingling, showing off to the women, stuffing my face, and most importantly drinking. Those thoughts were suddenly interrupted when I heard mumbling coming from downstairs. I could only make a guess about what it was, which turned out right. Ron was rushing all around the house as if he had turned into a schizophrenic psycho. All he needed was a straitjacket and he could convince anyone of his insanity. But, I knew him better than that. When it came to situations like this, he was known for getting paranoid at the last second. I knew that he would be rushing out the door, so it would be good to get everything else taken care of before he barreled his way through the front door. Looking around the room, I made sure that I wasn’t forgetting anything. Of course, I had to maneuver around my roommate while he continued with his episode. The keys to the house, my wallet, my emergency handkerchief, and my breath mints; everything I needed was in my pants pockets. I also made sure that our two fancy-looking tickets were in the pocket lining the inside of my suit coat. They were a goldish yellow color with the ends wrapped in two purple and pink ribbons. I picked up the remote and turned off the TV along with most of the lights, and waited by the open door. Just as I predicted, Ron came rushing towards me and zoomed out the door. With that, I turned off the last light, closed the door and locked it behind me.

“Hurry! We’re gonna miss our portal!” I heard Ron shout.

Giving my watch a quick glance, I could see that his panic was very misplaced. “Ron, it’s not gonna disappear right as we get over there!” I shouted back.

“But what if we miss it?!”

“We’re not going to miss it!”

It was a good thing that the portal stations were made as an alternative to taking the train. Put in your preferred destination, and it would give you a time when it would open. There were only two problems with it though. First, the portals would only stay open for about seven seconds. If you missed your portal, then you missed your chance to go somewhere. However, that wasn’t the case since we had two minutes until our portal and the station was a thirty-second walk away from the house. The other problem, if you could call it one, was that they cost a crapton of bits. I suppose Ron and I were some the lucky ones since our pony tenants had paid for one without charging us extra to use it.

Remember how I said earlier that Ron was normally very panicky before these kinds of things? Well, it was starting to annoy me. He was pacing back and forth next to the portal while taking quick and wheezy breaths. Right about there was when I decided that enough was enough. I took Ron by the shoulder and slapped several times across his face. “Will! You! Pull! Yourself! Together!” I said with each slap. As if waking from a 20 year coma, Ron’s eyes shot open before instantly calming down.

He gave a heavy sigh and said, “Thank you. I needed that.”

“Any time, pal. And if you really want to get into the party, you might wanna take one of these.” I then reached into my coat pocket and pulled out the tickets. He took one out of my hand and I put the other one back in my pocket. Curiously giving the ticket a glance, Ron gave it a quick read.

"Dear Guest and Resident of Equestria, you are cordially invited to the 27th Birthday Celebration of Her Majesty Princess Twilight Sparkle. There will be entertainment, food and drink, and music. You will also get the chance to meet and talk with Princess Twilight herself as well as Princesses Celestia, Luna, and Cadence.. The event will be held at the Royal Palace in Canterlot at 7:00 p.m. sharp. Please dress formally for this momentous occasion. Gifts are encouraged but not required."

As soon as he finished, a goofy grin appeared on his face as he bounced on the tips of his toes. ‘There’s the Ron I know and love,’ I thought to myself. And just as this thought came to my mind, the portal lit up and a picture of Canterlot appeared. It was then that I realized I was a little nervous too. Taking a deep breath I said, “Well, no turning back now.”

“Be sure to turn your swag on.”

And with that, we stepped through the portal and the sounds of a bustling capital city were there to greet us.