Stallions Being Totally Judgemental

"Alright doc, who's up next?"

The four stallions had stationed themselves at Sugarcube Corner for their weekly get together. What do they do while they sit at a small table and sip hot chocolate? Judge any mares that pass by of course! The group often found themselves abandoned as their female counterparts went on odd and exciting adventures without them. This, however, was their time and they liked to keep things nice and simple.

A certain doctor had been sitting quietly at the table with the other stallions, when he noticed a lavender mare making her way down the road. "I believe thats Twilight Sparkle." Doctor Whooves said, taking another small sip from his white mug. "Personal student of a princess and the element of magic. And the verdict is?"

"Nope." Big mac stated, catching the groups attention. The red stallion sat and stared at the lavender mare with uninterested eyes as she scolded the small assistant riding on her back. "I would have to give her a five out of ten."

"What do you mean nope!? She seems pretty healthy and shes damn near royal blood!" Noteworthy stated, looking at the calm Big Mac with disbelief. "Whats wrong with her?"

Big mac heaved a loud sigh, as he watched the happy, lavender mare stroll by, with a purple drake in tow, carrying saddlebags filled with fresh scrolls, new quills, and enough ink to last her another month. "That." Big Mac huffed, pointing a red hoof at her saddlebags. "Do ya really think she's interested in raising a couple of colts?"

"So?" Caramel interjected, shrugging his shoulders at a seemingly small issue. "It's just like what Note said! Shes royalty so I'm sure she has quite a few bits to throw around. She can hire a baby sitter while I soak up a little sun on a beach!"

This got a round of nods from the other stallions, yet Big Mac remained as silent as ever. "So wheres her fancy mansion? Why is she still workin at a library?" Big Mac stated, with a thick southern drawl. "She must be a real pain in the flank to be with."

"He does have a point." The Doctor sat his empty mug down with a satisfied little thump and turned to face a confused Caramel and a curious Noteworthy. "Can you imagine what it's like to be with a mare whose always working? And I'm not sold on her being the smartest mare in Equestria. She still has to study friendship for Celestia's sake! Friendship!?That's foal stuff!"

"Dude the bits!" Note Worthy exclaimed, staring at the Doctor with unbelieving eyes." If I got her to say yes, I wouldn't have to work another day in my life!"

"I don't think so!" A high pitched voice squealed, directly behind a startled Note Worthy. "And look at that chubby flank! Ew! Too much cushion for the pushin! Would not bang!"

"Pinkie Pie what are you doing here!?" Doctor Whooves hissed, with a sharp blush coloring brown cheeks a dull shade of red. "Did you hear everything we said?"

"No you silly billy!" Pinkie giggled, poking the Doctor's nose with a small hoof. "Only the part about the smarts! And I have to say I'm a little offended! If you guys wanted to judge a mare, don't y'all think y'all should be taking some advice from an actual mare?"

"HA! A mare giving us advice on other mares!? It smells like sabotage to me." Caramel joked, giving the pink mare a sly smile. "If you really wanted to get with all of this than you just have to ask!" Caramel stated, gesturing a hoof to, what he thought was, his attractive body.

Pinkie simply rolled her eyes and sat next to the smug stallion. "Nope! Personally, I have agree with the judge on this one." She replied, pointing a hoof at the silent, red stallion. "She isn't interested in a stallion right now! As far as I know, I don't think shes ever been kissed!"

"Really?" Noteworthy was looking at the small baker with mixture of shock and relief. "Shes NEVER talked about another stallion?"

"Only about her brother and I hope that doesn't count." Pinkie Pie answered, giving Note Worthy, who was silently celebrating in the background, a small wink. "So, as far as I know, shes ready for a certain blue stallion to sweep her off her feet."

"Busted nerd!" Caramel joked, slapping Note Worthy in the back of his head. "Thats what you get for opening your big mouth you idiot!"

While the two in the back traded blows and insults, the Doctor stared a Pinkie with a raised eyebrow. "Is there a reason why you're telling us all of this Pinkie?" He found it odd that Pinkie would part with that kind of secret without her friends consent. As far as he was concerned, it had always been mares versus stallions. "Don't you think that she'll be a little mad when she finds out that you're telling us about her pathetic love life?"

"Shouldn't you be a little more worried about a grey pegasus letting you out to play with your friends?" Pinkie Pie snorted, before bursting into a fit of giggles.

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!" Two stallions cheered, poking the back of an annoyed doctor. "Shes already got you tied to the old ball and chain!? And hear I thought you where the brains in the relationship." Caramel exclaimed, as he jostled the Doctor's messy mane with a hoof.

"I can never catch a break these days." The sad stallion muttered, trying his best to ignore the jeers from his friends."You still didn't answer my question Pinkie."

"I just wanna hang with the guys doc! Is that really so bad?" Pinkie pleaded, giving the confused mare the biggest, cutest set of puppy eyes he had ever seen. "I guess, if you really want me to leave than I can just go and sit in the kitchen all alone."

"Dawwww!" Caramel squeed, staring at the dramatic mare with mesmerized eyes. "Just look at her doc! How could you be so cruel to something so sweet!? You're a heartless bastard!"

"FINE! She can stay!" The Doctor hissed, facehoofing at the pathetic sight. "Just stop bugging me. I don't think my mind can take anymore punishment!"

"Shut up." Big Mac grunted, raising an authoritative hoof that demanded silence. "Rainbow Dash is coming."