Stallions Being Totally Judgemental

The group stared in annoyance as a prismatic mare twisted and twirled her way overhead, intent on entertaining those who happened to be watching. With a bright, colorful flash, she disappeared as quickly as she had arrived, leaving behind nothing but a shimmering rainbow, marking her place in the sky. For little foals, it was another amazing feat accomplished by their hero. Not for Caramel.

"What a bitch!" Caramel hissed, rolling his eyes at the another over done show from the confident mare. "I have to give her two out of ten. I wouldn't touch that flank even if I had a suit armor and a ten foot pole to do it with."

"Whats wrong with her?" Noteworthy asked, taking another bite out of his delicious cinnamon roll. "Shes good looking, perfectly built, and she's probably gonna be a wonderbolt!"

"Yeah! Dashie is super awesome, super fast, and SUPER FUN!" Pinkie squealed, hopping in place with energy. "Aint nothin wrong with somepony that fun!"

The doctor stared as his perverted friend with prying eyes. "Of all the stallions in Ponyville, I figured that you would be the one to choose one of the best looking mares in town! What the hell's wrong with you? Did you finally get the gist of all of those restraining orders?

Big Mac said nothing as he sat and watched the argument take place, with a flurry of thoughts swirling around his simple mind. He had his own opinion on Rainbow Dash, but he knew the rules of judging a mare. You had to listen to a judges case before you made your own.

Caramel sighed as he listened to the others sound off on Rainbow Dash's supposed perfection. The list of perks the colorful mare had going for her went on and on and on, but they had yet to convince Caramel. There was a trend going on and they weren't picking up on it yet.  "Y'all idiots keep talking about her good looks and perfect plot, but I want y'all to name me a few decent qualities about her other than her good looks. Three things and I'll change my score."

"Well she's loyal." The Doctor stated, rubbing his head with a perplexed hoof.

"Wow she's loyal!" Caramel exclaimed, waving his hooves in the air in a sarcastic display of awe. "Somepony throw the doc a party! He found out that Rainbow Dash is loyal all by himself!"

"Wow way to go doc!" Pinkie cheered, oblivious to the sarcasm Caramel had employed.

"Shut up Pinkie!" The doctor hissed, as the mare fell into another fit of snorts and giggles. "What about you Note? You got anything?"

"No." Noteworthy huffed, hanging his head in defeat. "So what's your point plot head? Are you sure you aren't scoring her that low because she put a hole in your roof?"

"My point is obvious! How the hell can you be with somepony that stuck up just because of a decent plot and pretty eyes? I mean sure, at first it will be bearable when your riding her like a madpony, but, twenty or thirty years down the road, her good looks are gonna fizzle out and all y'all will be left with is a big mouth and a big head." Caramel turned to look at Noteworthy with a questioning gaze. "Would you really want to be with somepony like that for the rest of your life?"

"No." Noteworthy answered, with understanding seeping into his voice. Doctor Whooves nodded in agreement.

"Ya got a good point!" Pinkie Pie admitted, with a bright smile. "What do you think Big Mac?"

"She don't need to be scored." Big Mac grunted, with a bit of anger seeping into his words.

This caught the attention of the whole group. "What are you talking about?" The doctor asked, staring at him with confusion.

"Shes bucking Applejack." He hissed, grinding his teeth in a silent fit of frustration. "I caught 'em in the barn a week ago. As far as I'm concerned, shes as much of a stallion as we are."

An awkward silence descended on the group, as the revelation finally registered. All of them sat in uncomfortable silence. All except Caramel, who was laughing his flank off, as he rolled around on the ground clutching his aching ribs.

"Oh dear Celestia that's rich!" Caramel managed to spit out, as the others stared at him. "Did she taste the rainbow!? HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

With a loud roar, Big Mac hopped out his chair, ready to rip his tormentor apart, only to be stopped by the small baker. "It's not worth it Big Mac. Hes just foolin around! Right Caramel?"

"Yeah Big Mac!" He replied, as he wiped tears of laughter from his eyes. "It was just a joke!"

"What was just a joke?" A young voice asked, as it approached the group.

They turned to see Spike, who looked like he had a run in with a gallon of cider. Red eyes, obviously a side effect from crying, a sagging head, hung in shame, and a trail of smoke worming its way out of his mouth. "What are y'all guys talking about?"

"Who cares about what we were talking about! What happened to you!?" Pinkie Pie exclaimed, looking at depressed drake with sad eyes. "Did Twilight use you as a target for her crazy spells?"

"I wish." He hissed, as he made his way to the curious group with a sad little sigh. "I went and asked Rarity out."

"Oh. So how did it go?" Noteworthy asked with a mouthful of cinnamon roll.

"How do you think it went?" Spike asked, plopping himself on the ground next to Pinkie Pie. "She shot me down. She told me that I wasn't mature enough to be going on dates."

"Ouch!" The group replied collectively.

"SPIKE! SPIKE WHERE ARE YOU!?" Making her way down the road was the white unicorn, who was calling frantically for the purple drake.

"Oh crap." Noteworthy muttered, trying to hide his face behind a half eaten cinnamon roll. "Drama."