Stallions Being Totally Judgemental

"Oh Spike! Thank Celestia I've found you!" Rarity cried, trotting over to the group only to be halted by a herd of stallions glaring daggers at her. "I tried to find you over at the library, but Twilight told me that you had stormed off! Why won't you talk to me spikey wikey?"

The stallions began to whisper among one another, as Spike pulled himself off of a small patch of green grass. "Theres nothing to talk about Rarity. I like you but you don't like me. Thats it. It's over."

Rarity tried to respond, but the sad drake turned his back on her, effectively cutting her off. "Oh Spike, is this really how it's going to be?" Rarity asked, sitting down a few feet from the disgruntled drake.

"It's just that I don't know what it would take to get you to say yes!" Spike exclaimed, with a look of desperation plastered on his scaly face. "Whats wrong with me?"

"Do you want me to be brutally honest?" Rarity's look of pity had completely disintegrated, only to be replaced by a look of seriousness.

Spike nodded, as he rubbed a tear from his cheek.

"Fine. You want to know why I don't want to date you? First of all, you're just so unassertive! You're a dragon, yet theres nothing about you that says dominant! For Celestia's sake Spike, you wear an apron and cook for a mare! I know that you're an assistant, but you have to show me a little passion! I'm a mare NOT a stallion!"

Spike flinched, obviously hurt by that insult, yet he stood his ground and waited for the next wave of verbal abuse. "And?"

"And you just don't have anything that screams remarkable!" Rarity said with a huff, stamping her white hoof on the ground in frustration. "I understand that you're a young dragon but you have to show me that you're worth my time! Being my friend doesn't mean you're going to win my heart on a whim! Show me that you're unique in your own way and then we'll talk."

"Damn! I could feel that burn from all the way over here!" Note worthy whispered to a chuckling Caramel.

"And how am I going to raise a family with a dragon Spike!? I understand how you feel about me, but I have to think long term and, ten or twenty years down the road, I don't think I want my foals to be raised by a dragon capable of ripping apart a town in minutes!" With her soliloquy finished, Rarity took a deep breath. "Now it's your turn Spike. Tell me every little detail you loathe about me."

"A-are you sure?" Rarity nodded in reply.

Spike let loose another sad sigh, before he looked at his crush with a frown. "Well first of all, you are the biggest tease I have ever seen. It really makes me wonder how you even managed to pay off that stupid boutique in the first place!I don't think you've even made a profit since Twilight and I came to Ponyville!"

"Damn right Spike!" Caramel cheered, bro hoofing a proud Noteworthy. "Show that skank whose boss!"

"And you're so damn petty!" Spike exclaimed, waving his arms in exasperation. "How the hell does a dressmaker, obsessed with marrying a prince, become the element of generosity!? What have you done for other ponies? How does a few cheesy dresses earn you that honor!? I've done more in our stay at the Crystal Empire than you have in you entire LIFE!"

While Spike vented every angry thought he could think of, Rarity sat there with an emotionless mask on, preventing any emotion from seeping through. She listened to every word without even blinking.

"Oh that's right, I saved the Crystal Empire! While you were pawning off cheap dresses to a bunch of sad ponies, I was busy saving the Crystal Empire from King Sombra!" Spike roared, with a stream of smoke pouring out of his mouth. "I guess that doesn't matter though does it!? I'm not a rich, sophisticated, or a pony! That's all that ever really mattered to you wasn't it!?"

"Is that everything Spike?" Rarity asked calmly, as she stared at the dragon with curiosity.

"A mare that almost gave up her friends for a life with a bunch of fancy ponies? A mare that got jealous of her friend over some stupid modeling job?" With that said, Spike began to chuckle a little. "That's weird. I never realized until now that you aren't even the best looking mare in town. Fluttershy is. You get a four out of ten."

While Spike finally went silent, the stallions that had been listening to his rant began to clap. "Way to go Spike! You're more of a stallion then Caramel is!" The Doctor exclaimed, taking another slap to the back of his head from an amused Caramel.

"I guess I never really loved you. It was just a stupid crush." Spike admitted, looking nervously at the silent mare. "So what do we do now?"

"Nothing Spikey wikey. I will always be your friend." Rarity replied, looking down at her dear friend with a serene smile. "Lets get out of here. If you don't get back to the library soon, Twilight will rip Ponyville apart."

"Sure." Spike whispered, following Rarity as she lead the way back down the dirt road, beginning their long trek back towards Ponyville's renowned library.

"Well than." The Doctor exclaimed, scratching the back his head with a hoof. "What do we do now?"

"Lets go get a drink. I could really go for a mug of apple cider right about now." Caramel stated, pushing himself off of his comfortable seat.