Crusader Sky

"War never changes?" Applebloom suggested.

She was scratching her chin with a hoof in deep, concentrated thought.

Sweetie Belle did not look amused. She frowned and scrunched her eyebrows in disapproval.

"That's got to be the dumbest thing I've ever heard."

"Fight the power?"

"We're not protesting racism Applebloom," Sweetie Belle droned.

"Now go grow my food, hornless swine."

Applebloom groaned.

"Kay, so Cutie Mark Crusader Philosophers is outta the question I guess," Applebloom sighed as she stared at the wooden floor of the clubhouse.

They both turned to Scootaloo, who was lying down across the room from them, a pencil in her mouth. She stopped writing and tossed away the crumpled up paper, whilst groaning in frustration. She bucked the white ball towards the wastebasket, almost making it all the way in. She would be an athlete like Rainbow Dash in no time. She then turned to her two best friends.

"Hey guys, I'm trying to write a song. Can you help please? You know coming up with lyrics isn't my thing."

Sweetie Belle's face lit up immediately.

"Of course! What kind of song were you planning on making?"

She batted her eyes at Scootaloo sweetly. Sweetie Belle was in her element.

"Well, I kinda wanted to go for a party song with a good beat, clever lyrics, with an ego-boosting theme," Scootaloo admitted proudly.

Sweetie Belle frowned in dread.

"Like hip-hop?"

"Yeah! That's a great idea, Sweetie Belle!" Scootaloo cried with excessive joy.

"Sorry I asked..." Sweetie Belle mumbled under her breath as she trotted away.

Scootaloo was about to return to her songwriting when the sound of loud cracking trees and screams of tubular terror made her break her pencil.

"What was that?" Applebloom asked.

"I dunno, let's go check it out. I mean its totally not like we're going to run into a group of pirate ponies that are getting eaten by timberwolves or anything," Sweetie Belle said ominously.

****

"Sweetie Belle, you are totally wrong! These guys aren't pirates!"

Scootaloo threw her hoof up in sincere disappointment, pointing at a timberwolf that was chewing on the bottom half of a surfer pony. The blonde pony and his compadres were screaming as they were getting eaten alive.

"Dudettes! I'm like-totally getting eaten by this gnarly um...gnarling thing! Could you like-help a bro out? This like, totally blows and stuff!" the still-alive top half of him said as he flipped his blonde mane out of his eyes.

Scootaloo ignored him as she crossed her forelegs together across her chest, sitting on the grass with a pouty face.

"You promised me that there would be pirates, but I see no pirates babe! I feel cheated..." Scootaloo complained.

Applebloom walked up to the pouty Scootaloo and patted her back with a sympathetic face.

"I know, so do I."

They looked again to the scene in front of them to find that indeed, a pack of timberwolves were devouring surfer ponies and not pirates. But then they saw something that caught their eye, something so undeniably awesome that the awesomeness could not be denied.

"It's a flying boat!" Applebloom squealed with glee.

A giant airship was roped to the ground not too far from the ambushed surfer ponies. It was the size of a three-story building and was attached to a giant pink blimp. It looked like it was at least a third-rate warship, from Sweetie Belle's expert observation. The annoying laugh of the doomed surfer ponies broke her concentration when she was trying to analyze the airworthiness of the vessel.

She then turned to her friends with a wide smile.

"Hey guys! If we can't find pirates, then maybe we can become pirates!" she squeed with delight.

Scootaloo raised a hoof to the sky.

"Sounds kinky! I'm in."

Applebloom scanned the scattered band of surfer ponies' butts getting devoured by wooden predators.

Well, at least they weren't predators with wood...

"Yeah, me too. But we better protect our behinds though," she muttered with caution.

It was then when something in all of their heads clicked at the same time. It was so obvious to them, how could they not have seen it before? Their destiny had carved its path and had lit the way with the lanterns of fate so clearly that they could nearly grasp it in their hooves physically. It would be a crime to let such an opportunity pass them by. They all nodded to each other in unison as they realized what they must do, what they must become. All of them hopped into the air with their hooves to the sky and made their decree to the world.

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADER BUTT PIRATES!"

...

An awkward moment of silence.

The gleeful smiles that were frozen on their faces began to melt, as the words finally sank in. They blushed as the surfer ponies literally died laughing as the timberwolves crunched on their bones, ending them forever for life. It was then when they noticed their folly.

"Th-that doesn't sound right," Applebloom commented.

"Yeah, we probably should have reworded that," Sweetie Belle chimed in.

"I for one, was okay with it," admitted Scootaloo.

Both of them stared at Scootaloo with wide eyes before turning their attention back towards the flying craft. Then they all gazed at all of the dead surfer ponies that the timberwolves were feasting on.

"Well, it doesn't look like they're using it anymore. Let's take it!" Sweetie reasoned.

****

The mare of war sailed with the wind, which was an amazing feat considering that the ship had a blimp and not any actual sails. Sweetie Belle stood at the helm of the ship, eyes closed with her nose to the sky like a Canterlot elite, showing her dominance of this vessel. A clean bicorne hat rested on her head as she steered the ship, complimenting her deep blue fusilier uniform.

The true look of a air-faring captain.

Neighpoleon would be proud.

Of course, her friends were wearing the same thing, but they weren't the ones looking awesome steering the ship, right?

Scootaloo drew a spyglass out of her pack and scoped out the open air ahead. The sky was nearly clear, with only a few clouds in the sky. She could see Canterlot on her right, dug in along the mountains. It was the perfect place for a raid ship to ambush them, she would have to stay wary of any incoming vessels.

"Everything is quiet captain. Too quiet..."

Scootaloo shifted her eyes back and forth after she finished her report. Sweetie Belle looked back at her with a smile.

"Very good, Lieutenant Scootaloo! Is our slav- ur, I mean, Applebloom doing all the manual labor?" she asked with a greatly exaggerated Braytish accent.

Scootaloo winced at the mincing of an entire equines' culture as the terrible attempt at the accent raked her ears.

Singing was one thing, but accents, completely different.

"Yes Captain!" Scootaloo saluted with a painful frown as she buzzed away from the helm, rubbing her ears in agony.

She joined Applebloom on the deck of the ship, awaiting the captain's inspiring speech. Sweetie Belle marched up to both of them and the two crusaders responded by snapping to attention.

"Alright, lackeys! I'd like to welcome you to the Crusader! As captain of this vessel, I expect my orders to be obeyed without question and that every crew member gives me their undying loyalty."

She got in Applebloom's face and butted snouts at 'every', causing the earth pony to darted her eyes around nervously.

Scootaloo raised a hoof.

"Does that include sex because I would like that very much."

Sweetie Belle blinked absentmindedly before continuing her speech.

"So without further adieu..."

Sweetie Belle took a deep breath in.

"Does any pony know where we're going!?" She yelled frantically as her voice cracked.