Crusader Sky

They floated over the plains of Equestria as the ship flew north. Birds soared past, like escort fighters. A serene calm was draped over the barely-cloudy skies over the peaceful land. However, none of the brave and adolescent crew had the slightest idea of where they were going.

But it mattered not.

The thrill and suspense of adventure was enough nourishment for these three young souls. It would not be long before they discovered new lands, befriended pirates, became polygamous lovers, battled monsters, and halted an invasion of Changlings. All actions of which would seal their names in history as the greatest heroes that ever lived forever.

...Or so they thought.

"It's been two days! I am sooo bored!" Applebloom complained, playing with one of the ropes that held the blimp in place.

Sweetie Belle was steering the ship as always, though not with the grace and energy she had a couple of days ago. She was slumped over the wheel, using her chin to steer while trying not to fall asleep. She wasn't exactly watching where they were going, not even bothering to look up, just kind of steering back and forth randomly. Sweetie didn't even notice that she had just run over a passerby pegasus that was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

But why did it matter?

She would just make Applebloom clean off the blood smears later.

...Being captain was cool.

Scootaloo was lying on her stomach with her barely-written song and a pencil in front, groaning in frustration. Writing a hip-hop song was harder than it looked. She was not Tupac.

"We are adventurers, which is cool and all but I have no clue what we are adventuring to," Sweetie Belle griped.

"We could adventure into each others' souls."

Applebloom and Sweetie Belle both turned to stare at Scootaloo.

"...and bodies."

They continued to stare.

"What!?"

Sweetie Belle pushed herself off of the wheel and trotted up to Scootaloo bearing a worried glance.

"Scootaloo, I think you might have a problem. Should I give you the number for Pinkie's therapist?" she asked with a sympathetic tone.

Scootaloo dropped her pencil in protest, grunting at an unnecessary volume at the power behind the action.

"Oh come on! Honestly, what does a filly have to do to get laid around here without every pony thinking she's crazy?"

"I'm sorry Scootaloo, but I just don't feel comfortable knowing that we have a psychotic mass murderer in our crew."

"MASS- WHAT?! Girl, I just want some sexy time!"

Applebloom had picked this opportune moment to interrupt as she galloped in between the two arguers and jabbed a hoof at another airship.

"Girls, look! We have company!"

When they turned to face this new stranger, they saw that it was in fact another airship, approaching broadside from the starboard side. It was flying a black flag with an image of Star-Swirled the Bearded taking a piss. The ship was about the same size as the Crusader but this ship had a much larger crew scurrying around the deck and shouting orders in a strange dialect.

A small colt hopped out to the edge of the ship, making himself most visible to the three friends.

"Prepare arrggh! To be arrggh! Boarded arrggh!" the colt cried out intensely.

"AWW! He looks so adorable in his cute little pirate outfit!" Applebloom cooed.

Scootaloo gasped at Applebloom.

"Don't tell me you're straight! Now my day is ruined!"

The colt drew a sword at pointed at the three fillies. Many of the other crew members drew muskets and sabers alike, ready for action. Who knew what catastrophic danger three seven-year old fillies could bring so it was better safe than sorry.

Definitely not overkill.

Sweetie Belle noticed the weapons but it was the flag that scared her. It reminded her how much she had to use the bathroom.

"Don't pee on us! We come in peace!" she pleaded holding out both forehooves in a peace sign.

It was then when a large, dirty stallion within the crew trotted through the crowd of armed pirates. As the crew moved aside for him, mainly because of the smell and not because of his intimidating stature and poise, he stared daggers at Sweetie Belle.

"Oh Celestia! He's gonna R-Kelly me!" She thought frantically as her eyes widened in fear.

"We don't arrggh! Understand arrggh! Your accent arrggh!" he bellowed epically.

All three of the fillies blinked absently as the pirate ship closed with theirs and docked. Pirates started to board the Crusader and began scanning for any possible threats. That orange pegasus filly looked like a mass murderer and definitely not a horny fillyfooler to them.

"Don't pee arrggh! On us arrggh! We come arrggh! In peace arrggh!" Sweetie Belle responded.

The captain froze for a moment, his mind trying to process what travesty he had just heard. The gray unicorn rubbed his horn as he was at a loss for words.

"Dude that's gross, how could you even think that? You girls are weirdos," he responded in a normal speaking tone.

Sweetie Belle's face betrayed confusion.

Like a lot.

You know, like when you upload Kaspersky anti-virus on your computer and they don't even give you the license-type of confused.

"Wait...if you can talk right, what was all that 'arrggh' stuff about?"

The captain blinked and then nodded and smiled knowingly as he gestured to the young colt. The colt was trying to pound on his chest like he was going to cough something up.

"Oh that! Well, me and junior here were choking on the meatballs we had for lunch."

"Oh...okay then," Sweetie responded awkwardly.

"But what about the creepy flag y'all got?" Applebloom inquired, jabbing a hoof at the inappropriate display.

The colt spoke this time.

"That's all they had at the bit store," he explained.

"But you were asking about our accents, what about that?" Scootaloo chimed in because she was feeling neglected and wanted to be loved...roughly.

The captain rubbed his chin in thought.

"Continuity?"

They both looked up at the sky in thought, before they simultaneously came to a conclusion.

"Continuity!" they both confirmed together.

The colt ran up to the three fillies excitedly.

"So, do you girls wanna join our crew? We could really use some gender diversity!"

It had now come to Scootaloo's conclusion that this colt was out to steal her fillies, something that was not about to happen on her watch. She would show this upstart pony that this was her territory homey! She would bust a cap in him if she had to. Looks like she had a new rival to deal with and in a war of love, things never end pretty...no matter how pretty the participants are. She would show him the hard truth and break him! Break him like the loser he was.

"Hmm, joining a crew of dirty, sweaty and sex-starved stallions as underage filly-virgins? Tempting..." Sweetie Belle thought out loud.

"How about you join us on our ship instead? We have these rainbow-cupcakes that we got from Pinkie Pie!" Applebloom exclaimed, pulling them from literally nowhere.

Scootaloo hopped onto Applebloom, her face ecstatic.

"And they actually taste like Rainbow Dash!"

"...Wait, how would you-"

"I would know, because I would sneak into her cloud house at night and lick her while she was asleep!" Scootaloo declared, quite proud of herself.

"I knew she was a psychopath...still cute though. Would bang." Sweetie thought.

"We will join you!" the colt cried out with a perverted smile on his face.

"She even squirted on me! In fact, those cupcakes taste exactly like that juice! It's almost as if-" Scootaloo paused as she realized something.

A sad face took over her happy face.

"Rainbow would rather bang Pinkie than me..." she whispered solemnly as she sniffed back a couple of tears.

The entire pirate crew cheered as they started dragging all of their supplies and weapons onto the fillies' ship. Commotion between the two ships started as this procedure occurred. They carried food, water, muskets, swords, and even cannons onto the Crusader, stocking for everything they would need for the upcoming journey.

The pirate captain looked at his ponies gathering the supplies as he turned to Sweetie Belle.

"We need to establish a chain of comma-"

"I'm in charge or I'll tell the Royal Police that you molested me with a screwdriver," Sweetie Belle threatened.

"-Oh, okay then," he responded sheepishly.

The colt was helping Applebloom pack a box of explosive gunpowder next to a box of flammable matches and flesh-tearing musket balls. The young pony knew for a fact that this was the safest way to store their weapons and smiled in content while eyeing Applebloom's flank. He then turned to her and nervously introduced himself.

"I-I'm Stiffler," the spotted white pegasus announced nervously.

Applebloom gave him a friendly wide smile.

"Nice to meet you Stiffler, I'm Applebloom!"

They both turned away and blushed, hinting at shipping that is moving too fast-paced for this point in the story.

Once the transition was complete and the pirates' old ship set ablaze, the Crusader set sail throughout the skies. The extra crew were a godsend, helping the ship function more effectively than before. Wherever they were going, it would come much faster now. Also, the new cannons and weapons would offer the vessel added protection against any foes that may lie in its path. This mare of war was finally equipped for a real adventure.

"So, what is your name anyway, creepy weird guy?"

Sweetie broke the silence, staring up at the older pony with false innocence in her eyes.

"I am the Dread Pirate-" he started.

"Roberts!?" Applebloom squealed happily.

"No! Shut up slave!" he scowled at her.

She cowered away and dipped her head sadly. It wasn't easy being an earth pony in Equestria, except if you were Pinkie Pie because she's too awesome to be discriminated against.

"I am the Dread Pirate Jenkins," he announced in an icy tone, his face darkening.

"Leeroy Jenkins."

There was an awkward pause after that, while he was locked in his epic pose with his chest puffed out, every pony expecting something else to happen. The entire crew stared at the spectacle for a good few seconds before Leeroy let out the breath he was holding in.

"So-how-did you girls-fly the ship on you-r own?" he asked between huffs of breath.

Sweetie Belle brought her hoof to her chin looked skyward as she pondered the enigma with the best calculus she could comprehend. Such an algorithm might take months or even years to crack. She was determined though, she was not giving up without a fight. This was one of those events in history that get talked about thousands of years into the future for being so significant. Scientists, scholars, and the guy at the taco stand have all tried and failed miserably at solving the mystery that Sweetie Belle had mastered with relative ease.

Back in Ponyville, Twilight Sparkle orgasmed in her sleep, magiculating all over her pillow.

"Continuity?"

The Dread Pirate Leeroy Jenkins nodded in agreement.

"Continuity."