A Celestial Comedy

Canto 1: The Descent

I yawned as I closed my World Literature textbook, turned word-weary eyes to my clock. It read 1:37.

"Okay, it's time for bed." I didn't bother changing out of my day clothes, so I made straight for my bed. As I leaned into the bed, I seemed to slip right through the sheets, the mattress, and the floor. It took me a second, but then I realized I was falling down a black pit, spinning out of control.

I finally screamed as I thought I was about to die, but as my scream died out, a chorus more joined me.

Looking around, I saw others falling with me, down down down into the nothingness. I tried to stop my constant spinning, but someone bumped into me and made me spin faster. I kept catching glimpses of a red light below me. As I fell closer and closer, I wondered if the descent into Hell looked like this.

The red light came closer and closer, and the screams grew louder and louder. I screamed again as a bottom appeared through the redness, thinking my end had come ... then, as I stopped, everything went black.

Later...

I groaned as I opened my eyes, but at first all I could see was darkness.

Okay, buddy, where are we?

I looked around me, hoping to get some kind of bearings to my location, but the red light had disappeared. All I could see in the dimness was a dense forest that seemed to stretch on for eternity.

I soon decided that it was worse to stand still, so I began to wander, although I figured I'd end up walking in circles. After all, I figured, that's what happens in dreams.

However, as soon as I made that choice, a sunlit hill appeared before me through the trees. An inexplicable joy filled me as I rushed for it, but then at its base a creature barred the way.

It resembled a wolf, but upon seeing it clearly in the light I saw it was made of bark and branches. Baleful green eyes glared down at me, a snarl building in its throat.

"What the..." I asked aloud, "...a timberwolf?"

It suddenly howled, and the beast was joined by two more, one rounded one side of the hill to face me. They advanced as one, taking a step forward, to which I answered with a step back. We continued to step one at a time till I returned to the sylvan shadows, then they stopped advancing and simply watched where I reentered the forest.

I tried to go around them, but they, as if sensing me, would follow where I would go, ensuring that I couldn't leave the woods. A desperate longing to go into the light filled me, but I knew that I could not reach it for fear of being eaten ... or getting splinters.

Really, dude? I wondered, You're worried about getting splinters over getting eaten by monsters in a strange place with no hope of rescue?

As I thought this, a bright light flashed behind me, causing the timberwolves begin to bark and growl in my direction. I spun around to see in the darkness of the deeper forest a tall, lean figure whose exact features were hidden by the shadows.

"Please," I cried, desperate, "help me out here, whoever you are!"

"And here I thought we had enough humans coming into Equestria these days." A bored-sounding voice replied.

I froze as I recognized the voice. It couldn't be ... could it?

The speaker approached, entering better lighting, and I couldn't help but gasp as my suspicions were confirmed. He had the head of a horse, the wings of a blue bird and a bat, a horn and antler, a feathered torso, a lion's paw, an eagle's talon, the legs of a lizard and donkey, and a dragon's tail.

Yep, I thought, it's Discord.

He looked down at me, and I couldn't help but be daunted by his appearance and the knowledge of his powers. However, he smiled at me and I also couldn't help but remember that he was "supposedly" reformed in season three.

That still didn't hold water for me.

"So, you are still human," he observed, "so you obviously weren't transformed into a pony, neither of which are very original." He struck a thoughtful pose. "Now, the problem is deciding what to do with you."

That comment scared me. "Please," I quickly said, "I don't want to cause any trouble, I just want to get out of here!"

"So do most of them," Discord countered, "but they all end up staying." His grin turned sinister and his yellow and red eyes seemed to glow in the dark. "Do you know what happens to bronies who stay here too long?"

I shook my head.

"They usually end up falling into the Black Pit, Tartarus."

"I ... I--"

"However, some can manage to earn a place in the middle grounds, Purgatory. But then, the chosen few get to stay in Equestria itself. Where will you end up?"

"Can I just get out of this forest? I'll do anything!"

"REALLY?!?" he asked, suddenly interested.

"S-sure," I stammered.

"Then could you put in a good word for me to the princesses, if you make it that far, that is?"

"Canterlot? Am I in Equestria?"

"No, my dear boy. You are in the Everfree Forest. To get to Equestria from where you stand is to travel through Tartarus and Purgatory, and then you get to go into Equestria."

"Wait, hold up, I thought you were reformed by Fluttershy, you still need a good word put in for you?"

"Well, I may have slipped up a little, but that's neither here nor there. So, do we have a deal?" He held out his paw.

I couldn't help but feel like I was making a deal with the devil, but I couldn't miss this chance. If bronies could get to the princesses, then maybe they could send him home!

"We have an accord," I replied, taking his paw and giving it a firm shake.

His smile widened and, turning, snapped his talons. Instantly a flash of red and blue light appeared to my right, and there stood a golden door. Upon it were horrific scenes of humans and ponies in tortured agony.

"Is that..."

"Yes, my little brony," Discord muttered, "THAT is one of many Gates to Tartarus. They're everywhere in Everfree, it's amazing you didn't fall into one on your own. Somepony's looking out for you, it seems. By the way, I didn't catch your name."

"It's Dan, Dan T. Alighieri, but my friends call me Dante."

"Hmm," he hummed, "Well, Mr. Dante, if you'll have me, I'll be more than willing to accompany you on your journey, to make sure you don't stray or fail, as far as I can take you. I cannot yet enter Equestria again till the princesses allow me; that's where you come it. Don't worry, another guide shall take you to them once you enter Equestria."

"I'd be most welcome for a friend in such a place, as I have none here."

"As you are aware, I am familiar with the feeling of being friendless, and I would be grateful if you could be able to call me 'friend' when our journey ends."

"And I, Discord."

"Then shall we?"

"Lead the way, my guide. Uh, one more question..."

He looked at me.

"Is this a dream?"

"Is it?" He asked in return. I shrugged, and we began to walk.

And as we approached the door, the Gate opened, revealing a fiery blue light and loosing the screams of ultimate suffering. I was tempted then to not go in, but Discord put a reassuring paw on my shoulder, and we entered together.