Sometimes a pear will do

Twilight mopped a little sweat off her brow as she worked on a series of theoretical diagrams. She had a dozen books open and in use as references and three black boards on the go.

It was amazing how much work she was getting done in so little time. She had never before felt so much passion and energy for single scholarly topic.

Well not since the last time she had worked on this particular topic. Right now though she could begin to wonder why she had abandoned this delightful avenue of research.

Regretfully though it was just theoretical. The purple unicorn needed just one extra ingredient to make this into a proper exploratory paper.

“Spike!”

Her assistant. He was missing. Why was he missing? She needed him for this. This had happened last time too. That was curious. What was also curious was what had happened to her notes from last time? It had been rather bothersome starting over from scratch.

There was a knock from the door.

“I'll be right there,” Twilight called as she turned away from what was the most accurate, if slightly generous, chalk drawing of a dragon's fully erect twin headed phallus in all of Equestria.

She really hoped this wouldn't take long.

A curious looking creature. A tall lanky biped with a flat muzzle, short cropped brown mane and dressed in impeccable clothes stood at her door. It didn't look up at her and instead stared at the ground.

It held out a note.

Intrigued Twilight took the note. Written on the floral pink stationary that Fluttershy favoured was written:

“My sweetest Twilight Sparkle

This poor creature is lost and wants to get home. I hope you can take the time to help him find his way.

Also as his current medical adviser I suggest that he not perform sexual intercourse for at least one day.

Hugs and Kisses
Fluttershy”

“Huh,” replied the purple unicorn. Her friends were always a little strange weren't they? “I do have a few atlases if you want to use them,” she offered helpfully.

“Ah, n-no, you see I used a kind of spell to travel here from another world.”

“'A kind of spell?'” Twilight raised an eyebrow at that. “'From another world?'”

“You're... You're supposed to be really good at magic so I thought you might be able to send me back.”

“Huh,” she replied confusedly.

This was an interesting proposition. She made a list of tomes and materials that she would need. She gave a smile as she found them all to be readily available. She gave a bigger smile as she realized that this would make a very good foot note article in her current project.

“Yes, yes of course I can help you. Please come this way...?”

“Mike.”

“I keep a laboratory in the basement for this kind of scientific emergency.”

“Oh,” replied Mike with some trepidation as he followed the unicorn into the dark and slightly depths of her basement.

“Please, disrobe and get on the rack,” Twilight instructed as she sorted through sheets of arcane parchment looking for her copy of Mordenkainen's Analysis Matrix.

She found it rapidly and rolled it out on her work table. Once it was pinned in place by a paper weight from the gift shop in the Crystal Empire she was ready to move on.

“'Disrobe and get on the rack?'”

“Oh, right. The second rack from the left is the adjustable one. It should be able to fit you.” The prodigal student set up her preferred mystical forensics guide on the book stand.

“You want me to get naked?”

“Oh, right. There should be a closet next to the restraints, you can keep your clothes there.” Twilight started setting up the flood lights.

“Is this really necessary?”

“Absolutely.” Finished with the flood lights she began to set up the cameras.

“You're in heat and going to rape me aren't you?”

“Not to worry. I control my hormones, they do not control me. What is more I certainly won't be doing anything improper with you.” Twilight assembled a tray of assorted dishes, swabs, forceps, tongs and scalpels and placed them next to the rack.

“Please don't hurt me. I just want to go home.”

“Don't worry, I am a professional and I am here to help you.” The mare finished flossing and then proceeded to gargle with salt water

“What is going to happen after I get into the rack?”

“I am going to take a sample of your tissue for analysis. It is an essential first step towards sending you home.” After snapping her splash guard goggles, safety first, into place she buttoned up a fresh lab coat.

Slowly and mechanically Mike disrobed and placed his clothes into the closet. Naked and covering his groin with both flipper paw things he made his way to the rack.

Twilight Sparkle having finished with everything else tapped her hoof in her impatience to satiate her scientific curiosity.

After it became evident that the subject didn't know how to get into the rack the unicorn moved forward to help. Firmly strapping down each limp and extending the modular components of the rack until test subject was held firmly secure.

She left the rack in the vertical position.

First came the basic measurements. The total height and length of each limb. The creature winced when she measured the length of the phallus. She made a special not of it on her note pad.

Then the first round of photographs for scientific posterity.

Twilight grabbed a slim reference volume and a stop watch. She wrote down the time.

With both eyes locked on the first page Twilight carefully performed the steps by wrote.

Twilight pressed her nose into the subjects stomach, his inner right thigh and inner left thigh. Forming a little triangle.

“Twilight... I'm not supposed to be having sex. I don't want to have sex.”

“This isn't sex. This a proven scientific procedure for taking a semen sample.”

The page turned. She pressed her face into his groin and breathed slowly out of her nose bathing the subjects genitals in her warm breath.

“But, but, but I have hair follicles. And skin. Lots and lots of skin.”

She opened her mouth and started to gently nibble with her lips.

The genitals began to fill with blood taking on the classic erect posture.

The page turned. She ran her tongue along the bottom of the shaft from base to tip.

A quick prod of her hoof showed that the phallus had reached maximum erectness. She measured the length and width and wrote it down. She made a note of the time and triggered the cameras.

The page turned. She took the head in her lips and played her tongue along the glans in three steady circles.

She squinted at the bottom of the page for a moment and raised an eyebrow in disbelief. Lips over her teeth she slid her mouth down the shaft pressing the penis against the top of her mouth with her tongue.

First the depth of one quarter of the total phallus length, then to the depth of one half and then all of it. She stopped to write down the time.

The page turned. First at a rate of one stroke per half second and then slowly building speed she went to work.

Her eyes left the page and the book settled down to the floor as Twilight began to relax and enjoy what she was doing.

Eventually though a rather breathless Twilight Sparkle stopped to consult her stopwatch and her trusty copy of Fellatio for Bookish Mares.

“I don't understand, according to the book this should only take ten minutes and it's already been twelve.” With a confused look she flipped to the trouble shooting section of the guide.

“Twilight... Please understand, I've been having sex with ponies almost non stop for the past few days. I really need to take a break... Please?”

“Oh, you're right. Right here, 'if a male has ejaculated recently then oral stimulation may prove insufficient and more extreme measures may be required,'” she read from the book.

“Please, stop.”

Twilight rotated the rack from the vertical position to the horizontal. There was a clang as it settled into it's new position. She made sure put the locking bolts in place before climbing on top.

She squirmed a little to hike up her lab coat.

“Will you just listen to me!”

“I know you're impatient to get home. But now we're going to be using the best tool for the job, this shouldn't take very long at all.”

With her back to the subject she slid her vulva down the length of his phallus. She wrote down the time and triggered the cameras.

And for an amazing period of time Twilight didn't think about or pay attention to anything at all.

Reflexively she triggered the cameras again and wrote down the time, before dismounting.

Twenty-six minutes. That really would have taken forever orally.

Twilight stopped just as she was about to swab some of the hard earned sample. Individual cells had effectively no harmonic reinforcement. That meant that any such cells sampled in this manner would be effectively washed in her own magical field and thus useless for data gathering.

What had she been thinking?

She plucked a hair follicle out of his mane and placed it in the centre of her copy of Mordenkainen's Analysis Matrix. A slight charge of her horn got the thing running.

She turned around and unstrapped her handy test subject. Why had she strapped him down again?

She then consulted the matrix.

“Good news, Mike.”

The creature moaned miserably.

“According to this, there is no point in my figuring out a way to send you home.”

It moaned again. This time in such as a way as to describe a question.

“The spell used to send you here has a finite supply of energy. It will exhaust it self in a few more hours.”