Sometimes a pear will do

A violently pink pony languished on her bed amid the streamers, limp balloons and empty cupcake wrappers. She gave a happy little murmur. Her various guests had slowly started to peel away and depart earlier that day and now at long last the party was at an end.

This year's bachelor party was the best bachelor party yet.

Nearly every unattached stallion and male in Ponyville had attended. There had been cake and punch and music and dancing and even a little 'just friends' pin the tail on the pony. Sure, they were just hiding away but that didn't mean that they couldn't have fun.

But the base of Pinkie Pie's tail was achy. That meant that somewhere in her domain there was a pony that was unhappy. It wasn't unusual for this time of year, not even the massive sarsaparilla hangover pounding in her head could hide that fact, but this ache was especially acute.

She shook the extra confetti out of her mane as she trotted to her bathroom.

She hopped into the shower and gave a quick scrub to get some of the dirt from her week long party out of her coat. She didn't have time the shampoo her mane. Or to have a proper bubble bath.

Bath towel draped across her withers she went to the sink. There she got her case of pills. Rotated the dial and swallowed the thus liberated pill with a sip of water.

It was kind of sad. As part of her responsibilities as premier party pony of Ponyville there was exactly one kind of party that was denied to her.

But that didn't matter. What mattered was her service to the community. Making Ponyville a happy and joyous place.

And her tail was telling her that somewhere she needed to spread a little joy.

That was more important then getting her cupcake iced, wasn't it?

Of course. Sure. She gave herself a firm little nod to confirm this fact to herself.

* * *

There. In the early morning drizzle. Not far from the library. Sitting on a bench with it's head held in it's forelimbs. Looking so sad and dejected. So tired and miserable. Persecuted even.

Not a pony. Or even an equine.

Stealthily she moved towards it, careful not to alarm it.

Poking her head up from behind the bench the pink pony selected a cupcake from her saddle bag. She put the sugary treat on the seat of the bench and slid it towards the creature.

Their eyes locked as it made notice of her. It looked so scared.

“It's true some days are dark and lonely,” it said to her.

“And maybe you feel sad,” she replied her eyes going wide and a sudden smile blossoming across her lips.

“But Pinkie will be there to show you that it isn't that bad.” It's face was twisting around. Like it was trying to express every emotion at once.

“There's one thing that makes me happy and makes my whole life worthwhile,” Pinkie began to grin.

“And that's when I talk to my friends and get them to...” it began to sob.

“Oh my poor whatever you are.” Overwhelmed with sympathy she lunged forward and captured the weakly resisting creature in a hug. Seating herself in it's lap she pulled it's head down into her the crook of her neck with her hoof.

Quietly, she waited. Stroking it's back with her hoof while she waited for it to finish.

Him she corrected as she felt a bulge swelling into her backside.

And what a silly him at that. She wasn't even in heat. He'd clue in and it would go away. And then they'd laugh about how silly it was. Unless he was some kind of pervy pervert that wanted to have sex out of season. But then they laugh anyway because because that would be wrong and stuff. She'd never actually...

Sprinkle her cookie.

Of course not. Pinkie didn't really want to know what that was like. Didn't interest her in the slightest. Nope not curious. Not one bit. It was perfectly fine if she never...

Jelly her donut.

Careful not to stop her comforting she shifted and swung her leg over him so that she could straddle him and press down into the bulge so she could imagine what it might be like to...

Cream her eclair.

Maybe he wasn't the only pervert who wanted to have sex out of season on this bench. But that was fine. Pinkie could think perverted thoughts and feel perverted feeling without actually doing them like some kind of pervy pervert.

Finally he stopped sobbing and with a sniff pulled back from her mane.

She offered him the cupcake again and this time he accepted. With great joy he bit into her cupcake.

She went back to hugging him. Feeling kind of sneaky sneaky she pressed down into his bulge till bit into her other cupcake.

“You feeling any better?”

He nodded back to her.

“So are you thinking about pounding my cake? Wait, no that doesn't make any sense. You can't pound a cake, well you could but why would you? What haven't I used yet?”

He kind of went limp under her, like he was relaxing or something.

“Ooh ooh ooh! Dust my angel food cake! That's a good one. No no wait, no it isn't it has to many syllables. Glaze my donut? No it's to close to jelly my donut. Oh this is so hard sometimes.”

She felt him free his erect penis and vaguely noticed as she impaled her muffin on it.

“Oh how about tunnel my muffin! That's a pretty good one. It even has double points for double entendres because tunnelling into muffins is kind of what willys do into vajayjays.”

She started ridding him in a absent minded way.

“Vajayjay, what a funny word. I'm sure that my Granny Pie never called it that. I wonder what she did call it? Probably something not as funny. I wonder if she ever did this? Well on a park bench I mean. She had to have done this at some point of there wouldn't be a Pinkie Pie, right?”

He gave a little sniff.

She stopped.

“Oh, are you okay? You want to do this right? I forgot to ask if you where a pervy pervert. I just assumed. You are, aren't you?”

He swallowed and looked into her eyes with a funny uncertain little smile.

“Yeah. That. I'm that.”

“That?”

“I'm...” he strugged, “A pervert.”

And then he was gone.

With a little yelp Pinkie hit the ground.

She wondered if maybe she had hurt his feelings but reassured herself that he would probably be okay. She then thought back to the... Cookie creaming? Cake tunnelling? Sex. It hadn't been bad.

Even if she had missed out on the icing.

She was definitely going to have to find time to give this a proper try. Maybe she'd skip her medication next year and try it out as a non pervy pervert.

With a smile she trotted back to Sugar Cube corner.