My Two Pieces of Eight

The sunrise announced the beginning of a new Saturday, and Cluckwork, Sweet Apple Acre's trusted rooster, applied to his duty of waking the Apple family. Apple Bloom didn't need a second notice; she was out of bed and ready for action as soon as she heard the cockcrow – after all it was a crusading day, and there was no time to waste.

She got into the shower to start her morning routine (always the first, as everypony else was busy preparing breakfast). She was extra careful to brush her teeth as diligently as possible. If she didn't and Applejack found out (and she would find out – she seemed to have a sixth sense regarding these things), she would only receive a stern rebuke and Applejack would force her to do it again, wasting valuable crusading time.

After coming out of the bathroom, she took some time to pick out a bow for the day, deciding on one of the red ones eventually (in fact most of them were red, except for a green one specifically for St. Palomino's day and a purple one Rarity had given her, claiming that it would look 'simply marvelous' on her). Of course that time might have been better spent crusading, but even Apple Bloom knew that some things simply needed their time.

She darted downstairs and took a seat at the breakfast table.

“Good morning Applejack, good morning Big Macintosh, and good morning Granny Smith!” she greeted, showing off her pearly-white teeth in a big grin.

“Morning Apple Bloom!” Applejack replied, as she placed Apple Bloom's breakfast in front of her: a bowl of hay flakes, a glass of apple juice, and two shiny red apples. The other members of the Apple family gave similarly reticent greetings.

After serving everypony else, Applejack took a seat herself. “Did you sleep well?” she asked Apple Bloom.

“Like a log,” Apple Bloom answered through her hay flakes.

“Good to know. I reckon you'll be needing a whole lotta energy today,” Applejack said, just starting her own breakfast.

“You betcha!” And with one big gulp the bowl was finished. The apples didn't hold out much longer, as they were reduced to little more than a stem with one bite each. Apple Bloom drank her juice and quickly placed her dishes into the kitchen sink, before she ran for the door.

“See ya!” she shouted, already a hoof out the door.

“And where do you think you're going?” came her sister's immediate response.

Apple Bloom turned around. “Why, crusading with Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle,” she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, which of course it was.

“Ain't you forgetting something?”

Apple Bloom thought about it. She had already put on her bow, and since the Crusaders hadn't made any plans on what to do today yet, she didn't have to bring any supplies. “I don't think so,” she said eventually.

“And what about them chores you promised to do?” Applejack reminded as she got up from her seat.

Apple Bloom had completely forgotten. She had indeed promised to help out on the farm some more during summer break, and Applejack had already listed all the things she would be responsible for, to which Apple Bloom had eagerly agreed. But back then, these tasks hadn't been in direct conflict with her hunt for her cutie mark. There had to be a way out of this.

“I'll be doing them tomorrow, I promise!” she offered.

“And tomorrow you'll be saying the same thing,” Applejack responded. “I ain't falling for that again.”

“But Applejack...” Apple Bloom immediately protested.

“No buts, Missy. I never heard of no Apple breaking her promise, and I ain't gonna let you be the first one. You made a commitment and you're gonna stick to it like applesauce to a cracker. And the first thing you're gonna do is walk Winona.” Applejack picked up the leash that lay carelessly by the door, and gave it to her sister. “And I don't wanna hear no more excuses or complaints.”

“Fine!” Apple Bloom shouted, throwing up her arms. She made an extra effort to stomp her hooves as loud as she could, while looking for Winona.

*  *  *

Hundreds of previous failed experiences made one thing very clear: Apple Bloom wasn't going to get her cutie mark in dog-walking, which made the entire exercise subordinate and in many ways a waste of time potentially better spent. As it was also a very mundane task that required no effort on her part at all (Winona could walk just fine on her own), Apple Bloom had found her own way to cope with the situation: Instead of holding her end of the leash, she simply wore it around her belly and let an eager Winona drag her along the ground, as Winona didn't seem to mind the extra weight attached to her. This solution always gave her some much needed time to think.

She needed a way to get out of her chores to get some crusading done – that much was obvious. Even if she had to admit that Applejack was technically right. Technically, she had promised to help out. But technically she had also expected to have earned her cutie mark a long time ago, before the summer break started, so technically there was no point to argue over technicalities. The only thing worth arguing about was a solution.

There was no point in asking her sister for the day off; Applejack had made it very clear that she wouldn't release Apple Bloom under any circumstances, and no amount of begging, crying, or persuading was going to change that.

An actually possible expedient would be to do her chores in the worst way she could. With a clever mix of sabotage and procrastination, she could prove to be such a great nuisance that her sister had no other choice but to send her away. The obvious downside to this plan was that until Apple Bloom had spent a significant time avoiding her duties, she would not be dismissed, effectively wasting the entire rest of the day. Therefore, this plan was immediately dropped.

The most promising idea would be a cunning scheme to fool Applejack into thinking she had something more important to do. If Apple Bloom could pull off such a thing, she would have the rest of the day to herself, which gave her more than enough motivation to come up with the greatest scheme ever.

As she was the Element of Honesty, it was no surprise that Applejack detested all forms of dishonesty. Hence, Applejack had forbidden Apple Bloom to get involved in any form of schemes, frauds, ploys, shams, scams, or flimflams, which in the past might not have stopped Apple Bloom as much as she would have hoped, but still always resulted in particularly harsh punishment and grounding whenever Apple Bloom did try any funny business.

Lucky for her, there were two loopholes Apple Bloom always was eager to exploit: A, her sister had never said anything about ruses, and B, if she was smart enough about it, Applejack wouldn't need to find out. All she had to do was make this ruse as ingenious as possible, and she would be safe from her sister's wrath.

But just how would she do that? Apple Bloom couldn't think of anything; it was like her mind had suddenly gone completely blank. In her distress, she sought inspiration from town square through which she was slowly dragged.

The first thing that caught Apple Bloom's eye, was the assortment of fruits and vegetables on display. The Apple family credo said that there isn't a single problem in Equestria that can't be solved by an apple, and maybe it would hold true to the situation at hoof. But all plans Apple Bloom could think of involved sending the entire farm into chaos, which would surely force her to help out more instead of less.

In the distance she could see her schoolhouse, which would remain deserted for the summer. That was unless there was extracurricular work Apple Bloom had to attend to, maybe another commitment she had entirely forgotten about. In her head, she already began forming a concrete plan.

She was trying to figure out a way to keep Miss Cheerilee away from the rest of her family, lest her cover would get blown (which could prove quite difficult, as Miss Cheerilee had been spending a suspiciously vast amount of time with Big Macintosh as of late), when something unexpected drew her attention: On a pole in the middle of town square hung a poster advertising something called 'Cutie Mark Extravaganza'. This exhibition promised to showcase the extraordinary cutie marks of various ponies throughout history. Pirates, princes, ninjas, and heroic knights – they all would be present. And it would be this weekend only. It all sounded way too good for any Cutie Mark Crusader to miss.

Apple Bloom tried to figure the details from the text at the bottom of the poster, when she realized that she was still being dragged away by Winona. She jumped up immediately, digging her hooves into the ground as best she could.

Winona didn't take too kindly to any of this. She thought her walk far from over and wouldn't tolerate any interruption. So began a vicious tug-of-war between dog and pony which stretched both parties, as well as the leash, to their absolute limits. After a minute it was the leash that gave in first by slipping off of Apple Bloom's rump and onto the street below, before bluntly dangling up and down behind Winona.

Apple Bloom looked back and forth between the advertisement on town square and the escaped dog. Ultimately it wasn't much of a choice. She gave chase to Winona, trying to make up for the head start the dog had gained from her hesitance.

Only a few minutes later, she had caught up. At the road's end, Apple Bloom could spot a ferret that had been scared away by Winona, at which the dog was still loudly barking from a distance. Once the ferret had vanished into the distance, Winona stopped her yapping and started to dig at a hole she found at the side of the road.

As Winona had stopped running, Apple Bloom allowed herself to slow down and catch her breath.

“Alright, Winona, you had your fun, but now it's time to go back to Sweet Apple Acres,” Apple Bloom declared.

She picked the leash off the ground and tried to lead Winona back the way they came, but the dog wouldn't budge. With all her power Winona struggled against being drawn away from her beloved hole. Once Apple Bloom temporarily stopped her pulling, Winona started digging again.

“Come on, Winona! Quit your fussing and come along like a good dog,” Apple Bloom ordered, which only fell on deaf ears.

She yanked the leash a couple of times more, but to no avail; the restive animal didn't move as much as an inch. Instead, Winona just kept digging and digging.

Apple Bloom gave up. She had neither the nerve nor the energy to put up a fight, so she decided to simply accept her fate. After all, getting back to the farm only meant she'd have to start tending to her other chores. She decided on sitting down at the side of the road, holding onto the leash, and waiting out whatever kind of agitation Winona was acting out.

“What's so special 'bout this hole anyway?” Apple Bloom asked after a few minutes, leaning over to see for herself. At that moment, Winona had found what she was looking for, and elatedly presented her discovery to her owner.

“Wow!” Apple Bloom exclaimed. “That's certainly something worth digging for.”

She picked up the two small objects. “Do you know what this means?” Apple Bloom asked, looking at Winona expectantly. Winona barked once in response. “That's right: This calls for an Urgent, Immediate, Can't-possibly-wait-until-tomorrow, Emergency Crusader Meeting!”

Apple Bloom ran off hastily, eager to fetch her fellow Crusaders, Winona cheerfully running alongside.

*  *  *

Apple Bloom refused to come out with anything before all three Crusaders were up in their clubhouse. Once Winona had entered behind them, Apple Bloom closed the door, ready to talk business.

“So, you're probably wondering why I gathered y'all here,” she started.

“Yeah!” Scootaloo added. “We haven't had an Urgent, Immediate, Can't-possibly-wait-until-tomorrow, Emergency Crusader Meeting in, like, two weeks.”

“What's this all about?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“It's about this!” Apple Bloom said, tossing each of her friends a small silver coin.

“Wow!” the other two Crusaders determined as they examined the coins.

“I don't follow,” Scootaloo admitted. “What are those?”

“Those are pieces of eight,” Apple Bloom explained.

“Ah!” the others exclaimed in unison.

“I still don't follow,” Scootaloo repeated.

Apple Bloom got up and walked up and down to give her explanation the attention it deserved. “A couple of hundred years ago, pieces of eight were a currency in Equestria. And if I paid proper attention in class...”

“Which would be a first,” Sweetie Belle whispered to Scootaloo.

“...those have been mainly used by pirates. Which means–“ Apple Bloom turned around to face her friends and point out the window. “ –there must've been pirates in Ponyville!”

“And where there are pirates, there's treasure!” Scootaloo caught on.

“Treasure we can dig up!” Sweetie Belle followed up.

“Exactly!” Apple Bloom agreed. “And not only will we have the chance to earn a treasure hunting cutie mark, but also a pirate cutie mark.”

“Or a pirate treasure hunter cutie mark,” Scootaloo added. “Just imagine how awesome that would be!”

All three Crusaders were as keen as mustard to go outside and immediately hunt for treasure and cutie marks. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo were already getting ready to start their trademark battle cry, announcing the official start of their expedition, when Apple Bloom stopped them.

“Hold up!” Apple Bloom warned. “Before we go out treasure hunting and all, we need to tackle something very important. Something every pirate needs.”

“A mighty vessel that gets us through even the most rapid streams?” Scootaloo suggested.

“No!”

“Some training in sword fighting or some other form of combat?” Sweetie Belle guessed.

“No!”

“A fierce crew that would follow us to Tartarus and back?”

“Basic navigational and map reading skills?”

“No, no, no!” Apple Bloom said. “Something much more obvious. The very first thing a pirate needs.”

The other Crusaders took a moment to deliberate what she was talking about.

“Do you mean eye-patches?”

“Or parrot companions?”

“Or peg legs?”

“No!” Apple Bloom yelled, declaring the guessing game over. “What every pirate needs is a blood-curling name that puts any foe to flight at the very mention of it. I mean, you can't exactly be a pirate with a silly name like, I don't know, Threep Wood or Guybrush.”

“Of course!” the others agreed.

Apple Bloom continued: “So I suggest each of us pick a name right now, and make it as piraty as possible.”

“Then I'll be Scurvy Belle, the pirate ridden with scurvy!” Sweetie Belle burst out. “That's mighty piraty, right?”

“Yeah, that's totally awesome!” Scootaloo said. “And I'll be Scurvyloo, the pirate ridden with even more scurvy!”

“You can't do that!” Sweetie Belle furiously protested.

“Do what?” Scootaloo asked wide-eyed.

“Steal my name!” Sweetie Belle explained. “I thought of scurvy first. You can't just take it and incorporate it into your own name!”

“Says who?”

“Says I!”

“Well, maybe I thought of it first and just wanted to wait my turn instead of blurting it out,” Scootaloo defended herself with similar ire.

“Oh yeah?” Sweetie Belle challenged. “Do you even know what scurvy is?”

“Of course I do!”

“Then what does it mean?”

“I don't feel like telling,” Scootaloo said indifferently.

“Well, then you can just...”

“Stop it, you guys!” Apple Bloom interfered. “I know we should be practicing fighting as much as we can, now being pirates and all, but this is just silly. I bet we can easily think of tons of cool pirate names.”

Both Crusaders looked at each other awkwardly, soon giving in to their urge to make up.

“I'm sorry, Sweetie Belle!” Scootaloo said, pawing at the ground uneasily. “You thought of it first; scurvy should be your thing.”

“No, you can have it,” Sweetie Belle offered, mimicking Scootaloo's pawing. “Scurvy fits you much better than me anyway. Since scurvy and Scootaloo both start with 'sc'. With your name it sounds much better.”

“You really think so?” Scootaloo asked jubilantly.

“I really do! So, forgive and forget?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“Sure, forgive and forget,” Scootaloo agreed.

“I'm glad that's settled,” Apple Bloom said, placing a hoof on each of her friends' shoulders, “because we still have two more names to think of.”

“That's right!” Scootaloo said. “What about you, Apple Bloom? What's your name gonna be?”

“Easy! I'll be Apple Beard, the scourge of Sweet Apple Acres!“ As she finished, Apple Bloom struck a dramatic pose.

“I guess that leaves only me. Hmm...” Sweetie Belle scratched her head. “How about Salty Belle? Is that piraty enough?”

Her friends merely looked at her sheepishly, unwilling to say anything negative about their friend's idea. Sweetie Belle caught on nevertheless. “You're right, I can think of something better.”

She took another moment of consideration. “How about... No, that's no good!” Sweetie Belle let herself slip to the floor. “Why does this have to be so hard!” She covered her face in her hooves.

“Wait! What about Sweetie Bilge? Could that work?” Sweetie Belle asked, poking her head out again.

“That works!” Apple Bloom said.

“Totally!” Scootaloo agreed.

Now that all of them had selected a proper, blood-curling name, Apple Beard, Sweetie Bilge, and Scurvyloo gathered in a circle, ready to let out their trademark battle cry for real this time.

“Cutie Mark Crusader Treasure Hunters! Yeah!” they screamed at the top of their lungs.

“Now we're ready to go out and dig ourselves some treasure!” Apple Bloom declared.

“Except we don't really know where to find any,” Sweetie Belle noted.

Apple Bloom had to admit: that was indeed a major flaw in her plan. But it was a flaw that could easily be fixed.

“Not a problem!” she said. “All we need's a treasure map. And I have an idea where to get one.”

*  *  *

“What do you mean, no?” Apple Bloom asked, her voice filled with much disappointment.

“I mean, why in Equestria would I have a pirate treasure map in the library?” Twilight Sparkle replied.

“It doesn't necessarily have to be a pirate treasure map,” Scootaloo clarified. “Any treasure map will do. Although, if you do have a pirate map, we would prefer that one.”

“I don't think I have treasure maps of any sort,” Twilight said.

“Are you sure?” Sweetie Belle asked sweetly.

“How can I be sure?” Twilight answered honestly. “Even I haven't managed to read every book in this library, and I certainly didn't check each and every one of them for pirate treasure maps.”

“Or regular treasure maps,” Scootaloo reminded.

“Could you do us a favor and look for one?” Sweetie Belle requested. All three Crusaders reinforced the plea with puppy-eyed frowns.

“I'll see what I can do,” Twilight eventually agreed.

She let the Crusaders in. Inside, Spike and a stranger already awaited them, the former welcoming them with a cordial hello, the latter unwelcoming them with an icy stare.

“Cutie Mark Crusaders, this is Haywire. Haywire, meet the Cutie Mark Crusaders,” Twilight introduced. “Why don't you get yourselves acquainted, while I go searching for a map.” As soon as she had spoken those words, she teleported upstairs.

The icy stare left none of the Crusaders wanting to actually get acquainted with Twilight's mysterious visitor. In fact, the stare froze any desire to converse whatsoever, even with one another. Instead, the Crusaders shifted back and forth uncomfortably, eagerly awaiting Twilight's return.

After a couple of minutes, Twilight teleported back from the upper floor. “I'm sorry, girls,” she explained, “but I couldn't find anything. I looked under 'Pirate Stories', I looked under 'Miscellaneous Maps' – Frankly, if I had a treasure map, I'd have no idea were to put it. Finding one would just be a stroke of luck.”

The Crusaders hung their heads gloomily. It seemed like their treasure hunt had ended before it even begun.

However, Apple Bloom wasn't willing to give up hope just yet. “Don't you know a spell that could help us? Like a treasure finding spell or something?”

“Something just like my sister's gem-finding spell,” Sweetie Belle added, cheery from the sudden ray of hope.

“I guess I could infuse something with that spell,” Twilight happily mentioned. “Although the spell would be weak, it might be good enough for a treasure hunt.”

“Wait!” Scootaloo interposed. “If we use a gem-finding spell, it will lead us to all kind of natural gems buried in the earth! Plus, if a pirate treasure is entirely made of gold, we have no chance of finding it!”

“That's right!” Apple Bloom said. “Twilight, don't you know any sort of metal detecting spell?”

“Hmm...” The addressed unicorn walked over to a shelf, magically pulled a book titled 'Multiple Mesmerizing Methods for Manipulating Metals', and flipped it open. She began to read aloud: “The oldest and still widely used metal detecting spell is said to have been developed by Star Swirl the Bearded himself...”

Twilight continued with incomprehensible mumbling, only occasionally disrupted by pertinent remarks. “ …that shouldn't be too hard… I should have one of those in my nightstand drawer… this I should get by disassembling a toaster oven…”

After a few minutes, she had, with the help of a few doodads, turned an old, discarded broomstick into what would surely work as a metal detector.

“Now, for some metal to infuse the spell with...”

Twilight scanned the library until she laid eyes on a cracked silver plate leaning by the door. “This will do,” she declared, tearing at the crack until it was large enough to let the plate fit around the broomstick. Then, she put the enchantment on it and gave it to the Crusaders.

“There! This should do nicely,” she proclaimed.

All Crusaders immediately showered her with thanks. “Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! You don't know how much this means to us,” Apple Bloom said.

Twilight simply smiled at that. “Don't mention it. But remember to be careful. You shouldn't try to cause any trouble with such a delicate device.”

“We won't,” Apple Bloom replied, the other Crusaders and her already halfway out the door. “Bye, Twilight! Bye, Spike! And bye–“

They had all forgotten about Twilight's strange visitor. Apparently, the stranger had kept that icy stare on them the entire time, giving them yet another reason to leave as quickly as possible.

“–Twilight's friend!” Apple Bloom managed to finish.

“What was her deal?” Sweetie Belle asked once they were out the door.

“Who's? Twilight's?” Scootaloo asked.

“No, that other pony,” Sweetie Belle corrected. “What was her name again? Haywire?”

“I don't know and couldn't care less,” Apple Bloom said. “All that matters now is that we have this metal detector. Now, you guys ready for some treasure hunting?”

The response wasn't as enthusiastic as Apple Bloom had expected. In fact, it wasn't enthusiastic at all. Instead, both her friends started to awkwardly scratch their necks.

“Sorry, Apple Bloom, but I kind of promised Rarity I would help her out by modeling a couple of dresses for her,” Sweetie Belle confessed.

“And my parents are making me go to this boring stage play tonight,” Scootaloo admitted. “I could try to get out of it, but it probably wouldn't be worth the effort.”

Apple Bloom couldn't believe what she was hearing. “You mean you already made plans for today?”

“Yeah,” Sweetie Belle said. “When Applejack told us you'd be busy doing chores all day, we figured we wouldn't be crusading today anyway.”

A thousands thoughts were flashing through Apple Bloom's mind at once. She could have argued that they were pirates now, which meant they had other priorities than commitment. She could have argued about the cutie marks they would be getting, or the loot they would acquire, but in the end it was meaningless. She would have to be patient (no matter how much she hated that) and wait until tomorrow.

“Fine!” Apple Bloom said. “We'll postpone our crusading til tomorrow. We'll meet at the clubhouse at noon and start hunting right away. I don't wanna waste any more time!”