Just in Time for Tea and Waffles

Twilight frantically paced back and forth around the library, running from shelf to shelf, picking out various books, before tossing them around violently once she had deemed them useless. It seemed there wasn't a single book able to help with her conundrum. It seemed like there had never been a single writer to care about this. In her despair, Twilight went through the pile of already discarded books, hoping to have missed something.

Spike watched all this from the sidelines, grudgingly remembering that it would be him who would end up having to clean up this mess. And he couldn't even get started until Twilight would finally abandon her search once again, instead of continuing to add to this chaos any further.

“Come on, Twilight,” Spike said in an attempt to calm her down. “Don't you think it's time to give up?”

“Not this time, Spike,” Twilight countered. “This time I'm absolutely positive that I'm almost certainly at the verge of a possible discovery!”

“You keep saying that, yet you never seem to come even one iota closer.” Spike couldn't help rolling his eyes. “Did you ever think that, you know, all of this just isn't worth the effort?” A suggestion he had made time and time again, which never seemed to quite reach Twilight.

He'd have thought to get used to all this at some point, given that these fits of crazy occurred biweekly, but apparently they proceeded to be extremely upsetting, especially when these hysterics happened more frequent than usual. They didn't happen regularly by any means, they simply ended up occurring every other week on average. Still, they had one thing in common: They always took place on Fridays. There was one thing that made Fridays very different from any other day of the week: Friday was Waffle Day.

“Not worth the effort?” Twilight repeated, almost taking the question offensively. “Do you have any idea how many ponies eat waffles every day? And do you have any idea how much time they all waste waiting for their waffles to be cooked golden-brown? If I succeed, this could save thousands of hours of work. Just imagine what other great inventions a pony could come up with given that much time.”

She turned back to the shelves. “If you want to live in a world in which waffles take two minutes to cook, that's your business, but I won't have it!”

Twilight was truly sick of it. Sacrificing crispy waffle goodness for perfect geometrical shape and vice versa – it just wasn't natural. It was the same every Friday: She would prepare the batter and carefully pour it into the waffle iron, so that the waffles would turn out exactly circular, only for the batter to ooze out at all sides during the cooking process, forcing her to make a gooey mess everywhere when she tried to remove the excess batter.

The time had come for a more radical approach. From the pile of discarded books Twilight picked up a copy of 'Potentially Profitable Practices for Pressurized Plutonium' and started to read.

“Hmm, this could actually work,” she said to nopony in particular. “Pro: It would get the waffles done in approximately twenty-four seconds. Con: If it blows, the resulting nuclear fallout would render Ponyville uninhabitable for approximately the next twenty-four thousand years.”

This certainly couldn't be the ideal solution, but at least it had given her an idea for a similar approach, involving less radioactive and less explosive substances.

“Spike, prepare some more batter,” Twilight ordered. “There's a couple of waffle-related experiments I'll have to conduct.”

“Whatever you say, Twilight,” her assistant replied with the exasperation of somepony who had given up their hopes for change a long time ago.

Speeding up the waffle cooking process proved to be much more difficult than Twilight had initially expected when she had started her calculations for the first time. Exposing the batter to a lot of heat in little time wasn't a problem, if she cast the right spell. The real problem was stopping that heat fast enough for the waffles not to be burned to a crisp. The other major issue was the heat distribution. If only she could properly calculate the temperature gradient of her waffle iron correctly, she...

“Um, Twilight, you should come see this!” Spike shouted from the kitchen.

“Not now, Spike, I'm busy!” Twilight replied, scribbling a couple of formulas into the notebook in front of her.

“No, I mean you should really, really come see this!” Spike repeated.

Twilight looked up from her books and made towards the kitchen. She could tell that her assistant's cry for help had not been in vain; there was definitely something amiss. The room was filled with static charge, a restless kind of electricity resembling a powder keg, just waiting for a single spark, to go off. The air was gusting all around the library, mercilessly rocking hundreds of pages within the discarded books. Strange flickers of light appeared, disappeared, and reappeared with unappeased vigor. It smelled a lot like time travel.

The spark came in the form of one of the kitchen shelves losing its grip, and thus its place at the wall, clamorously crashing to the ground instead. As if on cue, the flickers of light rallied into an enormous ball, while the electricity discharged into magic flares, shooting off in all directions. With a massive bang, the sphere of light and magic exploded, deafening and blinding Spike and Twilight at the same time.

Once the commotion had died down and everything lay tranquil again, a time traveler had manifested herself in the Ponyville Library.

Twilight was anxious. From what the pony in front of her looked like, this future version of herself didn't seem to be a casual visitor trying to give her some helpful advice; this future version looked more like a fugitive from the epic pony war in the future she had dreaded a long time ago.

Whatever forces of evil she was fighting in the future (she herself was still fighting for the forces of good, right?), they must have done horrible things to her, grotesquely defacing her once beautiful coat and mane.

To blend in with the uniform pony population of the future, which the evil forces had most likely reeducated and recolored in horrifying internment camps, she had had to color her coat into the teal color that, indubitably, was the national color of the tyrant empire reigning future Equestria and probably even the moon.

The strain of a lifetime of rebellion had lightened her mane to a greyish white, while rains of fire dropped onto her head had transformed it into a frizzy mess, her beautiful highlights, now yellow for some reason, appearing to be more of a marking, a battle scar of some sort.

One of their strange slave driver equipments was still hanging around her neck. It was some sort of chrome harness the enemy used to control and oppress their subjects with, which Future Twilight had surely subdued and turned into a weapon against them.

But most horrendous was that these monsters, when they once managed to capture her at some point, had done something unspeakable to her horn. Whatever fowl, despicable method of torture they had used on her, the result was the complete loss of her horn, effectively making her look like a regular earth pony. It was truly a fearsome future Twilight was looking at.

Of course according to Ochamp's razor, it was much more likely this time traveler was simply somepony else.

The time traveler slowly got to her hooves and attempted to shake off the evident dizziness, before she glanced around at her surroundings.

Upon spotting Twilight and Spike standing in the doorway, she rushed over and began asking questions: “Where am I? What date is it? How many princesses are there?” Her distinctly raspy voice further supported the theory that this pony was, indeed, not Twilight Sparkle.

Twilight tried her best to assess the situation as calmly and prosaically as possible. She would not make the same mistake twice and cut off the time traveler's important message. She would be as hospitable as she could be, listen carefully to what the time traveler had to say, and answer any question as quickly and precisely as possible.

“You're in the Ponyville Library, today is Friday, and we have two Princesses, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, unless you want to count Princess Cadance, which most ponies don't, because although she is a princess, she has her own separate empire in the north, outside Equestria,” she stated.

Confronted with having to process such a wealth of information, the time traveler stared aimlessly into the distance, simultaneously verbalizing her every thought.

“That means this is after the return of Nightmare Moon, but still before the –“ She cut herself off. “I'm sorry! You're probably wondering how I just came crashing into your...” She looked around the room. “...what I think is a kitchen?”

Twilight nodded slightly. “You're a time traveler,” she answered for her guest.

“That's – right!” the time traveler said, struck by utter perplexity. She eyed Twilight all over. “You know I'm a time traveler and you don't seem to be one bit surprised. Would you tell me what's going on?”

“It's just that I already have experience with time travel,” Twilight explained honestly. “I once traveled a week back in time to... help myself with a certain issue.” She might have been honest, but she wasn't eager to reveal intimate, embarrassing details to a stranger.

The time traveler raised an eyebrow at Twilight. “You're supposed to be a time traveler? But how?” she asked, giving Twilight very little time to answer before she continued. “Sure, there are those hidden time travel spells I was told about, in the Star Swirl the bearded wing, but as far as I know, nopony has been in there in forever.”

Eying Twilight once again, she packed all her curiosity and sincerity into one question. “Just who are you?”

Twilight was pretty staggered by this question, but still replied politely: “I'm Twilight Sparkle, Ponyville's town librarian.”

The time traveler shot Twilight a peculiar look that was impossible to classify. She did something similar with Spike, before returning to Twilight.

Suddenly, the time traveler jumped up, changing her mien to a much more warm and friendly expression. “I'm sorry! I just realized I never introduced myself. The name's Haywire,” she said, offering her hoof in greeting.

“Pleased to meet you,” Twilight said, shaking her hoof.

The conversation seemed to start a little time travel of its own, to what both parties hoped was the near future, as its absence left only silence and an awkward feeling in Twilight as well as Haywire.

“So?” Twilight broke the silence after most of a minute had passed.

“So what?” Haywire asked in return.

“So what about the message?” Twilight pressed.

“What message?” Haywire asked, a hint of annoyance flaring up in her voice. “I have no idea what you're talking about.”

“You know: the message!” When Twilight noticed that this response didn't clear the confusion, she rephrased. “I mean the reason why you came all this way to my library in the first place. The message from the future I need to know before you disappear.”

Haywire caught on overnight. “Oh, that message!” She struck a pose to give points to her words. “Live long and prosper!” she said, releasing her pose.

“That's... it?” Twilight asked incredulously.

“Afraid so,” Haywire admitted bashfully.

Another moment of silence passed, in which neither pony had any idea what to do.

“Well, I'd better get going,” Haywire said, heading for the door.

“Wait!” Twilight shouted, already putting out a hoof to stop her. “Where are you going?”

“Out the door first of all,” Haywire replied truthfully.

“But aren't you running out of time?” Twilight asked. “Don't you have to go back to your own time?”

Haywire made a face as if Twilight had just suggested to eat a train car whole. “Why would I go back now? I just got here.”

“But the time travel spell!” Twilight insisted. “You only have a little bit of time before the spell ends, and you're zapped back into the future!”

Haywire realized what was going on. “Oh! Yeah! No! You see, that's only that time travel spell of Star Swirl the Bearded. In the future, our spells are a little more advanced. Basically, I can stay as long as I want and go back whenever I want to.”

“Oh!” Twilight let out, putting a hoof to her chin. “In that case: Would you mind if I asked you a couple of question?”

“Of course not! Shoot!” Haywire replied with a smile.

Twilight took a deep breath, before she started to go bananas.

“What time period did you come from? Where are you going now? What's the reason you came to the past? How does that time travel spell of yours work? And how were you able to use it, since you're an earth pony? What's that weird harness around your neck? Are there other ponies in the future who use time travel? What's the future like? Did the epic, distant future pony war ever happen?...”

Haywire ducked under this interrogation onslaught. Like a dam bursting open, revealing a limitless reservoir of curiosity, the questions kept flowing out in a never-ending stream, sweeping away everything in its path, including poor, little Haywire.

She tried to rescue herself, slowly backing off into the library's main room, but every step she made was immediately regained by the merciless question-machine in front of her. Inevitably, there was no more room behind her and she ran into a wall. With nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, she could only watch in awe as the waters of inquiry continued to rise, feeling like she was slowly drowning in this surge of questions, desperately trying to catch a breath and cling onto her sanity for dear life.

“Stop!” she yelled, with Twilight obeying immediately. “I'll answer any question you have, just, please, not... like this. Can't we, I don't know, sit down and talk over a nice cup of tea?”

“I suppose,” Twilight admitted, her cheeks turning to big puffs of cherry-red.

“Spike!” She turned and walked over to her assistant, who chose not to partake in this odd conversation, watching it tacitly, with venerating amusement instead. “I'm gonna make a cup of tea. Would you mind...” She thrust aside some of the remnants of the broken shelf with her hoof. “...cleaning up a bit in the meantime?”

Spike merely sighed. He knew this was another task that would inescapably be his. He accepted his fate with a nod, and picked up a cracked silver plate, previously uncracked when it was still resting on the kitchen shelf, before tossing it onto the shelf's remains. He reached for a broom leaning on the wall, only to notice that the handle had come off the brush.

*  *  *

Like with any decent cup of tea, its sheer presence, admittedly aided by its aroma and flavor, was enough to create a calm, relaxing, yet stimulating atmosphere. The tea was able to lower tempers to a minimum, where nothing could be in the slightest upsetting, while simultaneously elevating minds to a point, where any conversational topic would grow into a thorough and prolific analysis. There was certainly never a time when tea was incongruous, be it a debate among kings and diplomats, or a sunny, easy-going afternoon spent with friends.

In addition to all its other amazing features, the tea made Twilight and Haywire content with wordlessly sitting by each other's side, staring off into the distance, and occasionally taking a sip from their respective cups.

“This is some good tea,” Haywire said after taking another sip.

Twilight only nodded in approval, not bothering to look up from her tea.

“What tea is this?” Haywire asked.

“A jasmine blend,” Twilight said. Haywire answered with a nod.

“Got it from my friend Fluttershy. She likes it a lot,” Twilight said. Haywire nodded.

“She has good taste,” Haywire said. Twilight nodded.

“You know, you can't take a good cup of tea for granted,” Haywire said. “It took 'em quite some time to get that stuff about brewing right.”

Twilight nodded. Despite 'that stuff about brewing' being far from a specific term, she felt like she knew exactly what Haywire was talking about.

“So, about all those questions I had earlier...” Twilight mentioned out of the blue.

Haywire visibly tensed at the mention. She took a gulp from her cup, her hoof making a strange clacking sound as she reached for the cup. “Sure, go ahead. Just remember: Only one question at a time.”

“Alright,” Twilight agreed, taking only little time to deliberate. “First off, how did you come to the past using a time travel spell, since you're, you know, an earth pony?” She tried her best to make the question not sound offensive.

“That's easy! It's all thanks to this thing,” Haywire said, pointing to the harness around her neck. “You see, in the future we have all kinds of devices that can store magic and use it later on. That way pretty much anypony can use spells if they have the right device at hand. Of course to build and charge these devices actual unicorn magic is still needed.”

“So, time travel is a regular thing in the future?” Twilight followed up.

“Not at all. The more complex the spell it needs to perform, the more advanced and more expensive the device has to be. This thing is cutting-edge technology,” Haywire bragged.

“Then why do you have it?”

“There's a very good reason for that,” Haywire answered harshly.

“Which would be...” Twilight pressed.

Haywire didn't answer right away. Instead, she poured herself some more tea and started dangling her teaspoon between the walls of her cup. “Teaspoon!” she abruptly burst out.

“Teaspoon?”

“It's because I'm a member of T-SPOON.” Since this answer seemed unsatisfactory, Haywire elaborated further. “T-SPOON stands for time-travel secret pony organization... observing nuisances. As the name says, it's a secret time travel organization.”

Twilight looked at Haywire, a little baffled, before replying: “That's a very unusual name, isn't it?”

“No!” Haywire yelled defensively. “I mean, sure, it is in this time, but in the future it's not. In the future, it's all about acronyms. Like they say: 'If you can't spell it, you can't sell it!'”

Twilight had no idea how to respond to that. So instead, she just asked more questions. “What exactly is it your organization does?”

“Oh, whenever there's an anomaly in the time line, we travel back to set things right, resolve any paradoxes, and sometimes save the world and stuff,” Haywire answered. She dismissed any further questioning with a casual wave of her hoof. “That's why you have to understand that I can't just answer any question you have about the future. That could create all kinds of paradoxes, and it's against T-SPOON's code of conduct,” she said, suspiciously excited.

“How long have you been in this time travel business?” Twilight asked.

“Just a couple of–“ Haywire cut herself short. “–months, but I can't tell you any more. Code of Conduct.”

“And how many of you time travel ponies are there?”

“I can't tell you that either,” Haywire smugly replied. “As it's a secret organization, I have to protect their identity.”

Twilight still had hundreds of questions on her mind, but dreaded being denied a response over and over, and instead opted for a different plan. “I know you probably can't tell me about why exactly you came here and what you have to do, but there's one thing I have to ask you: Where are you going to stay while you're here?”

“I don't know,” Haywire admitted. “There's no real protocol for these kind of things. We just travel wherever we need to go, and then wing it.”

“So why don't you stay here for as long as you have to?” Twilight politely offered. “It'd be great if you stayed around until I figured out some questions you're actually allowed to answer.”

“What!?” Haywire made no effort to hide how ludicrous she thought this idea was. “No, I couldn't! It's really nice of you to offer, but have you thought this through? You don't know anything about me. For all you know, I could actually be a crazy axe murderer!”

“Well, are you a crazy axe murderer?” Twilight asked, a smug grin plastered on her face.

“No, I'm not. That was just an example to...”

“Then it's settled!” Twilight announced, giving her new guest no chance to finish her sentence. “You're going to stay here in the library until this mission of yours is over.”

“But, but, but...” Haywire caved in. There was only so much effort you could put into rejecting a favor, and she strongly suspected that Twilight would still fight her rejection if she quadrupled her efforts. “All right. I accept. But at least let me treat you to – What time is it? Lunch? I feel like I haven't eaten in forever.”

Twilight heard her own stomach grumble. “Sounds like a fair deal. As long as Spike can come with us.”

“That's your little dragon assistant?” Haywire asked. Twilight nodded. “Sure he can come! The more the merrier!”