Introduction

Of New Endings and Old Beginnings

Sometimes, its the small things in life that make a difference. Then again, sometimes my mind wanders during the small hours of the night. I lay in bed, staring at my ceiling again with what seems to be alarming regularity. At least it would be alarming if I didn't expect it by now. Turning to eye the clock, the bright numbers mock me in my attempt to sleep. Oh bother... I suppose I'll be getting up soon anyways. With a sigh and a groan, I get ready for another day... a day like any other.

Early to bed, early to rise. That's the theory at least. In this case, it seems to have a will of its own regardless of what I actually want it to be. “Why can't things ever change...” I whisper to myself quietly... no reason to disturb any of my neighbors as I pad around my apartment. Change... difference... I shake my head slightly... did I...? No, must be something else. Opening my medicine cabinet, I start grabbing various items from it to function today. Chaos... Shutting the cabinet, I catch something behind me in the mirror... a flash of something? Whirling about, I see... my apartment... a trick of the light, or perhaps my sleep addled brain playing games with me again.

“You are the one.” The frank statement makes me spin to face the mirror in panic as a strange voice echoes from behind me. The mirror doesn't reflect me... it doesn't reflect anything. There is only pitch darkness. I open my mouth to scream, but a tide of shadows overwhelms me, and everything fades to black.

~~~~~~~~~~

I'm falling... falling. Or so it feels... I can’t see anything around me, only endless darkness. I can feel nothing, yet I know I'm falling. I scream, or at least I think I do. I can't hear anything either, and I don't know if I am screaming, or if I even can. I try to look around, try to orient myself... try to do anything, but only have nothing around me. Darkness... emptiness. A void. Still falling... seconds? Minutes? Hours? An eternity? Being able to tell time is reliant on so many other things... sight, feeling... when there's nothing, time means nothing. Desperately trying to calm myself, I do what I can. Rationalize. “This is just a trick of my brain... some sort of... hallucination... or maybe my meds finally decided to work together and rebel.” Talking your way through something is a lot easier when you can actually hear yourself talk, apparently.

“You are the instrument.” After the silence, the simple phrase is punishingly loud... and I still can't place where its coming from. “We will mold you, shape you, change you. You will become our tool. For that reason, we have brought you.” At this point, I can start feeling things again. Unfortunately, they are all pain. I feel something tear at me, a crippling, burning pain. The sensation is what I imagine being ripped apart then set on fire to feel like.

“Hold on...” Another voice, separate from the first... I cling to it desperately, like a life raft in a raging ocean. “Just hold on...” This voice sounds familiar somehow... as if I've heard it before?

Gritting my teeth, I snarl as I feel something start to tear at my mind. What seem to be sheets of paper starts getting pulled out of me forming themselves into a series of books bound with chains, and I feel... loss, as if I'm losing something important of myself. Each book seems to ignite with a sinister blue flame, their ashes blowing out into the void, scattered. “Get... out...” My voice... I never realized how much I wanted to hear it again. I cling to the voice telling me to hold on, using its strength to bolster my own defiance. “Get out... of... my head...” I scream again as my world explodes into light, like the blazing fury of the sun. Overwhelmed, stricken with pain, my mind blanks out as the world seems to end.

~~~~~~~~~~

*Beep* … *Beep* My eyes feel heavy, my body odd. I try to move, but feel weak... weaker than normal. I cough slightly, a lingering problem, and am rewarded with a warm and kind voice. “Oh... you are awake. That is good news indeed.” My tongue feels stiff and swollen as I try to respond, but to no avail, managing only a pathetic gurgle. “There there...” The male voice says softly. “Take it easy and rest...” I still can't open my eyes, but I can't move right now either. Panic starts to well up in me... am I blinded? Is that why there's something on my eyes? Question unanswered, I succumb to the darkness again as sleep overtakes me.

“How is my patient this morning?” The voice again... how long was I asleep? He seems to keep talking, not expecting an answer. Though a patient? I guess I did have some sort of incident... “I'm glad you woke up a few days ago... we were starting to get worried about you, but don't you worry about it. You just rest up now.”

Focusing my efforts, I manage to make a croaking noise. I still feel off, though this time I manage to say something, my voice dry and cracking. “W-where?”

“The hospital, a couple found you and brought you in, and before you ask, you are not blind, we just had to bandage your eyes due to dilating your pupils.” I could hear the smile in his voice, the pleasant bedside manner making me feel more at ease. I liked him already. “Now... we were hoping to talk to you when you woke up, dear. You gave us all quite a scare.”

“Eyes... p-please?” I hate how hard it is to talk right now, but am rewarded with the feeling of what seems to be a pair of scissors slipping between the bandages and my face.

He talks to me again, his soothing voice alleviating some of my fears. “Now, things may be a bit bright for you, as you haven't used your eyes in a while. I shut the blinds and lowered the lights already, so that should help.”

The snick of the scissors loosen the bandaging gives me something to focus on other than the building anxiety. Again, the snick, and the bandage is lifted away. Slowly, painfully, I open my eyes, only to slam them shut again as the light burns them painfully, making me tear up slightly. Ok... you can do this... I pry my eyes open again, trying to focus on the blurry shape in front of me. Blurry I can deal with... I've been stuck with glasses for years, after all... but... I scream as I've never screamed before.

“Easy there, I told you it'd be bright!” The stallion looked at me with his big soft eyes and brown coat. Of course, I responded with more screaming as I tried to shy back, but my body still didn't want to respond to me properly. “Settle down... it's ok... you're in the hospital, you'll be just fine.” He smiles even as I try to cower. “I'm Dr. Kindheart, and I understand you might be a bit confused, but...”

“Pony! Pony! You're a... a... p-pony! How? W-why?!” I made no sense... I knew I made no sense, but my panicked brain refused to make sense at this point, and I was quite alright with that.

He gives a surprised start. “Well um... yes, I am a pony... a unicorn to be precise...” He smiles kindly at me. “Now... is there anything you can tell me about who you are... Miss...?”

I panic again, flailing my hooves as I... wait a minute... My brain finally connects the dots and I look past my hair... mane... towards where my hands should be. What greets me is a hoofed appendage instead... at this point, my already ailing mind tries to melt down even further. “Mirror... need mirror, get me a mirror, I need one now!” Fortunately, my voice is my own... no weirdness... besides having hooves!

Dr. Kindheart graciously levitates a mirror over to me, revealing a severely bandaged, panic-eyed... mare. I poke my face, and the mare pokes her muzzle. I blink, she blinks back. The charcoal mare looks at me from behind her long mane, soft purple eyes staring back behind thin glasses somehow perched on her nose. “But... I... I'm supposed to be a pony...” Wait... what? “I'm a pony, not a...” I reach a hoof out towards the mirror, my mouth refusing to form the word human. It wasn't that my tongue stumbled, but rather that my mind just automatically filled in the blank for me. And frankly, it scares me.

He looks at me like I'm crazy... frankly... I feel a bit crazy right now... I'm dreaming... or dying, and my brain made up this little fantasy, just for me, apparently. “Um... do you remember your name... or how you got here?”

“...Void Heart.” Somehow, the name just comes out, as if... what is my name? I think back to... nothing... I can't think of anything before waking up... I know its there, I know that I'm not... this charcoal mare, that I'm supposed to be human, but... nothing. I see the mare tearing up in the mirror, her overly large eyes giving the most piteous gaze. “I... don't know... I can't remember...”

He looks concerned at this, and raises his hoof to pat me on the shoulder. “It's ok, Miss Heart... I'm sure it'll come b-”

I cut him off with a frenzied squeal. “No, n-no, that's not my name... it's... it's...” Nothing... absolutely nothing. Only Void Heart comes to mind... and the mere thought of it sends shivers down my spine. With a forlorn look on my face, I bring my... hooves up to my face. “Nothing... nothing is right... is it?” I start to tear up again, feeling absolutely crushed. Am I even myself any more?

A soft pat on my head makes me look up at Dr. Kindheart. “It's alright there, Miss Heart. I'm sure you'll be fine. You're just under a lot of stress, and I bet you're just tired of being cooped up in here... why don't you take a walk, stretch your wings, and things will look better. Doctor's promise.”

Nodding along with him, it takes a second for his comment to register. “W-wings?!” That strange feeling on my back. Something twitching... “I'm a pegasus?!” Wings... flight... it would be so amazing, maybe things aren't quite as bad, though it makes sense if this is a dream, right? Flying in dreams is normal, and... I start chuckling to myself. This is just a dream! That makes sense! I was brought to the hospital, and my brain cooked up some silly delusion! I keep laughing, even as Dr. Kindheart eyes me a bit nervously. Hysterical, I can't help my insane laughter until... with a crash, I fall off the bed, impacting the floor below.

Dr. Kindheart dashes over quickly. “Oh dear, are you alright?” He picks me up gently and tries to carry my limp body up to the bed. “Yes dear... you are a Pegasus... how did...”

“Pain... means I'm not dreaming... doesn't it.” I start to well up with tears again. No... I can do this... I won't cry... I won't... not again. Something tried to connect to the broken fragment in my mind... and came up empty. “I'm not... dreaming... am I...”

Author's Note

This is something I've been wanting to do for a while. I'm not sure where the journey will take me, or how long it will take me, but I hope you'll come along for the ride with me.

~Requiem Mori