My Little Heart-Shaped Void

Chapter 1
Memories and What Came of Them

Dr. Kindheart turns to face me with a sad look on his face. I can feel the emotion in his voice... pity with a trace of fear of the apparently insane pegasus before him. “No... you are quite awake dear, but perhaps you'd like to talk about what happened to you? You were in pretty bad shape when they brought you in... nothing permanent, thankfully.”

My ears droop... it is actually a rather odd sensation, having ears that can droop properly. At this time, I'm trying to decide if I'd rather laugh or cry at this seemingly minor detail. “I'm s-sorry... I really don't remember... anything really.” I duck my head behind my hair... or rather mane, at this point. Surely the good doctor didn't want to have anything to do with a crazed, delusional, amnesiac Pegasus.

Thankfully, life's habit of trying to prove me wrong actually worked in my favor. Dr. Kindheart reaches over and gently brushes my mane out of my eyes. “It's ok... I think you have amnesia, but hopefully you'll start remembering things.” He pats me gently on the head, something I normally don't like but in this case, I’m more than happy to accept. “Your injuries looked bad when they brought you in, but thankfully its nothing that won’t heal with time.” He nods slightly.

“Th-thanks... Doctor... I’m sorry... I’m just really out of sorts right now, and...” I hang my head again try to force a smile onto my face. “But I r-really appreciate you guys taking care of me and everything... though um...” A horrible thought that I don’t have any money to pay them sticks itself into my brain. What am I going to do about this? I mean I-

Dr. Kindheart nods and gives a warm smile again. I swear... can this pony do anything but seem nice? I guess given his name, that... “It’s alright, Miss Heart... I understand, you’re scared, distressed, and we here at the clinic just want to see everypony be happy.” He chuckles. “That said, let’s get you up and about, some sunlight and food tends to do wonders.”

Up? How?! I mean, I wasn’t the most graceful person on two legs, how will I possibly manage four. “Well um... I... um...”

Dr. Kindheart was apparently waiting for this... “Nope, up we go!” He flings the blankets off of me with a glow of his horn, making me instinctively shift to cover-... oh right... pony. Getting right into it, he proceeds to pull me off the bed with an orange magical glow, placing me directly on my four hooves. At least... I believe that was the plan at the time. With an unceremonious plop, I end up sitting down, my tail swishing idly back and forth on the tiled floor as I swiftly lose my footing. Blasted unicorns and their magic.

“Um... doctor? I’m n-not sure that...” Again, the gentle field of magic, and an attempt to place me on my hooves. After several attempts and rather awkward landings, I finally manage to stay upright, granted with a lot of wobbling and near spills.

Dr. Kindheart smiles at me again, cheering me on for standing on my own. I was admittedly a little upset at him for using his magic on me without asking first, but for some reason, I just can’t stay mad at him. He’s too nice is what I decided. “There, that’s not so bad, is it?” He starts walking me through... well, walking. Thank the powers that be... apparently whatever caused this to happen to me was also kind enough to give me some of the built in functionality of a pony. My body seemed to adjust itself to walking, only having serious issues when I tried to over analyze my stepping pattern. Was it sides move together, or was it- crunch. Yep... there’s the floor again. This does give me some hope that I’ll know how to use my wings though, the bright spot in all of this.

With Kindheart’s guidance and assistance, I manage to make it out of my room, a small victory that I take a moment to savor. Walking seems to flow a bit easier now, though I’m still a bit clumsy on my hooves. My stomach rumbles loudly, and I immediately blush. “Oh um... s-sorry about that...” I give a weak smile. “I guess I just haven’t um... how long was I out?”

I receive a slightly worried look from the doctor... was he expecting me to panic or freak out? I think for a second... fine, he did have perfectly good reason to think that, but confound it, I’m doing alright now! Yep! I’m perfectly fine. “Well... you were under our care for... just over two months.”

My jaw drops and refuses to shut. “Two... two... m-” I feel my knees shake and start to buckle. “Catch me?” Again, everything fades to black.

~~~~~~~~~~

A horrific smell greets me, and I sneeze immediately. “Welcome back, Miss Heart... you should be more careful.” Dr. Kindheart pulls the bundle of dried plants away from my nose as I sneeze again. “Only about five minutes this time, so no need to faint away again.” He cracks a small smile, and I can’t help but feel a bit more lighthearted though still terribly embarrassed. I grit my teeth and try to roll myself up to my hooves, managing to stand up without assistance after a few clumsy tries, though I’m still feeling a bit woozy. “Now, you probably need to eat something, as you’ve been on nothing but liquids. So if you’ll follow me, I’ll bring you to the cafeteria.” He smiles again. It is really a nice smile. “If you need a wheelchair, I can get one for you, but I think the exercise will do you more good.”

He’s right... actually walking around for a bit is making me feel significantly better, especially as I stretch my wings out slightly, still trying to get used to the feel of them. But... wings! The excitement over having wings and flying tries to connect to something in my mind, but is also just left hanging on its own. I wish I could remember anything... Before I can sink into a depressive funk, the smell of food sets my stomach rumbling again, and quickens my pace to a faster trot. I look around the cafeteria as we go through the double doors. It’s mostly empty except for a few ponies behind the counter and a few scattered about at the tables. A large window frames the city in front of me, and I see a magnificent structure outside. Somewhere, deep in the recesses of my brain, something clicks, and a single word comes into my mind. Canterlot. I’m not sure how I know it, but somehow I know that this beautiful city is called Canterlot. Enough about the architecture though... I’m hungry enough to eat a... ok... I’m not going to finish that, even in thought...

That does provide the incentive to look at the foodstuffs available, however, and I must admit I’m not surprised. Apples, carrots, gourds, all sorts of fruits and vegetables, and some truly beautiful salads. What seems to be some sort of fried grass... and not a single scrap of meat to be found. Apparently, as a human, I wasn’t too concerned with meat, so I don’t feel disappointed in this... more of a clinical interest. Hay Fries. The name pops into my head as I look at the fried grass. Where did that come from? I shrug as I weave my way towards the counter.

There, I’m confronted with a problem... how exactly do I move the tray along? Watching the stallion in front of me, I blanch slightly. No way am I going to grab this with my mouth! Who knows how many other ponies touched it? I look at Dr. Kindheart, already hating myself for what I’m about to do. “Um... can you magic the tray for me? Please?” Gak. I just know I’m inadvertently giving him the eyes. The pleading, soft, ‘look at how helpless I am’ eyes. And true to form, Dr. Kindheart does just that, albeit with a raising of his eyebrow first.

“Of course, Miss Heart, I suppose it would be best if I carried it, in case you slip or something.” He is so nice. Floating the tray along as the ponies behind the counter start putting items on the plate for me, he expertly guides his tray and mine. I don’t really know what I like, so I just get a little bit of whatever looks good, which means by the time we reach the table, my plate is nearly overflowing.

The good doctor floats our meals towards the dining area of the cafeteria. Eyeing the bench, it takes me a bit to figure out how to sit properly. Dr. Kindheart easily slips onto the cushioned bench, and I try to mimic his action, though I end up nearly falling off the bench a couple times in my valiant struggle. The smell of my food distracts me from his bemused smile as he sets the plate down. I finally get myself seated in something approximating proper pony fashion, though based on how awkward I feel, its probably not quite right either.

I beam at the plate, then look around a bit sheepishly as I watch the others eat. Unicorns with their magic, the rest of us with just our mouths. Sighing a bit, I start nibbling on a carrot stick before I realize it’s quite good, and end up pretty much inhaling it. Dr. Kindheart was looking at me, a bemused look on his face. I flush brightly. “W-what? I’m hungry...”

He smiles at me. “Oh, by all means, don’t let me stop you.” I chew the next item a bit more slowly, suddenly self conscious, but I’m still very hungry, and soon resume inhaling my food, albeit at a slower pace this time. “I did want to ask you a few questions, if you don’t mind, and now seems as good of a time as any.” I nod with a mouthful of lettuce already being chomped on. “Well, I was curious about your cutie mark, and your special talent. We didn’t know what to put on our form.”

I look down at my flank, craning my neck around to see, realizing that I actually don’t know what it is. Squinting slightly, I make out what appears to be... a purple, melting, stylized heart? I nearly choke on a piece of celery. One, because I have no idea what this rather creepy mark on my flank means, and two, because I apparently really, really don’t like celery either. “I um... don’t know... actually.”

He looks concerned at me for a minute. “You don’t know what your special talent is?” Shaking his head, he pats me gently on the shoulder. “That’s alright though, I’m sure that it will come to you in time. He asks other general questions, like family, friends, how I was injured, what I was doing in Canterlot before this, things that anypony should know. Unfortunately, I don’t know... any of it. It feels like I should know, and part of my brain insists that it does know. Shoving the panicky thoughts in my head aside, I return to my beloved meal.

About halfway through the plate, my stomach suddenly, and forcefully, reminds me that it’s quite full, thank you. I urp slightly, then nudge my plate back. “I um... think I’m done...” I smile weakly, conscious of the food still left on my plate. “Do they have... um... a box or something?” I nudge my plate slightly to indicate what I needed a box for.

Kindheart chuckles and floats a box over with a handle on top. “Of course, though you’re carrying it this time.” He levitates the food into the box. Oh how I wish I was a unicorn right now... setting the box in front of me, I eye it for a second before grabbing it with my mouth. My teeth clack on the handle, and it feels quite weird. Trying again, I use my lips, so as to not chew on the handle either. There, much better. He opens his mouth to say something, when suddenly the door bursts open, and an armored unicorn storms into the room.

I eye him curiously. What would someone like him be doing here? The unicorn seems far too serious and occupied to just be looking for a meal. He settles his eyes on me and... gak, what did I do? “Are you the one called Void Heart?” His voice is startlingly loud and harsh, and frankly quite intimidating.

Hiding behind my mane, I’m about to squeak out a reply when Kindheart, bless his soul, steps up between me and the guard pony. “I am Dr. Kindheart, and this mare is being treated right now. I’d ask you to keep your voice down, as we are in a place of healing.” He looks back at me as I cower slightly giving me a comforting smile. “And yes, this is Miss Heart, is there anything I can do to help you, sir?”

The guard lowers his head slightly, giving the doctor a nod as he lowers his voice as well, though not by much. “Very well then, Doctor, I will be bringing her-”

He’s cut off as the doors open again, and a warm light seems to suffuse the cafeteria. A voice, strong yet gentle fills the room, followed shortly by a beautiful white alicorn with a flowing and colorful mane. Her voice is soft, but easy to hear, as nopony dares to make a peep or a sound. “That will do, thank you.” She looks down at me, her regal bearing, warm smile... Princess Celestia. “Walk with me, Miss Heart... I am certain you have many questions, and I may be able to give you a few answers.”

Kindheart is dumbstruck by the presence of one of the Royal Alicorn Sisters in his hospital. I clumsily make my way towards her, not daring to look up at her directly, something telling me that this was either very good, or very, very bad. “I’m um... s-sorry Princess... I don’t know what I’ve done to...” I steal a nervous glance up at glowering guard pony.

Her voice is warm and soft, like the embrace of the sun on a warm summer afternoon. “Be at ease, my little pony. You are not in any sort of trouble.” She smiles at me, and I’m struck by how glorious she is, the force of personality that she has is nearly overwhelming. “Now, walk me with me, so that we may talk.” With royal dignity and class, she turns and heads out the double doors, leaving me to scrabble after her, lacking all the grace she possesses.

I follow her out into the hallway, something nagging the back of my mind. “It was... you, wasn’t it?” She stops to face me and I look up to her. “You were the one telling me to hold on.” I feel this is right, a vague echo of a memory pounding its way in my head. Blushing, I quickly tack on a rushed “Your majesty...” to the end, afraid that I might have made her angry with my apparent lack of manners.

What I didn’t expect, however, was to hear her chuckling. “Oh no need to stand on formality, though I must confess they did quite a number on you, dear one.” She shakes her head slowly. “I am sorry that I was not able to help you much then, but you managed to keep a hold on yourself, which is to be commended.” Her horn lights up, and what appears to be a chain bound book snaps into existence in front of her, bathed in her magic. The book is very ornate, with a beautiful leather cover embossed with some sort of silver script that I can’t read. “The rest of these were scattered, I managed to capture only this one.” I feel drawn to the book inexplicably, as if it were the most important thing in the universe, and I could feel it pulsing slightly. “You recognize this, do you not?”

Shaking my head slowly, I reach up for it. “I don’t... but I feel that I should.” I’m entranced by this book, feeling that it has the answers to everything that I need. That it will fill the gaping void in my mind and memories if only I could read its pages.

“You should, it is your memories, after all.” She floats it down to me, letting me eye the heavy chains and intricate lock. “This book is only one of several that you have lost... and only by finding them all will you regain most of what you have lost.”

I set the book down in front of me, eyeing the lock suspiciously. “My memories?” Poking the book with a hoof, I feel it pulse again, a strange, twisting feeling in my gut as I look at the script on it. “What do you mean?” I look up at her. “Dr. Kindheart said I have amnesia or something like that?”

“No, my little pony, someone who wishes us harm tried to strip you of your memories, your name, and yourself. We are fortunate indeed that they were only partially successful.” She shakes her head sadly, but gives me a small smile. “I fear your days ahead will be full of fear and strife, but I believe that you can recover yourself, if you have the courage to do so.” I feel her gaze on me, and it feels like I’m withering away beneath the harsh glare of the sun. “Do you, Void Heart? Do you have the courage to see this through?”

Shivering slightly, I nod my head slightly, squeaking out a response. “Y-yes... I do... I think.” I snap my eyes shut, the light radiating off her almost unbearable. I want to hide, I want to cry. I want to curl up and quit, just fade away into nothingness. Maybe I couldn’t do this, and I’d just have to... no. I have to do this. If I don’t fight for myself, why should I expect anyone else to? I take a deep breath, trying to steady my voice. “Yes. I do, Princess.”

The oppressive heat and light disappears as if it were never there to begin with. Her smile is like the breaking of a new dawn, full of hope and light. “Very good, then I have a gift for you.” Her horn flares with light, and a key floats down to me, the handle the shape of my cutie mark. “This will open the locks. Take care to keep it safe, Void Heart.” She nods as she drops the key’s chain over my neck, making an impromptu necklace. “You will need to gather allies for your journey, Miss Heart. I will be sending you to Ponyville to recruit some friends, but do not tarry long there.”

“Thank you... Princess.” Not knowing what to do, I try to bow as best I can, holding still for a few seconds. Ponyville? The name sounds familiar, but it falls into the same hole in my memories, not allowing me to piece it together properly.

“What are you waiting for? You should probably open the book.” I look up and see an impish smile on her face, as she clearly enjoys my sudden jump at her words. With careful manipulation, I get the key into my mouth, and slip it into the lock, full of apprehension and fear. What if it didn’t work? What if something went wrong. A dark thought surfaced. What if I don’t want my old memories back? What if I don’t like me? Click. The lock springs open and the pages light up, the words lifting off the pages and swirling around me. I brace myself for... something. I don’t know what’s going to happen! There’s a whisper in the back of my mind, and I realize that it’s my voice that I’m hearing this time though I can’t make out what its saying. My mind is awash with light and colors, more than I can handle. It’s intense, it’s beautiful. It’s overwhelming. Darkness creeps along the edges of my vision, and I black out.

~~~~~~~~~~

I’m floating in nothingness, floating in space. No... that’s not entirely true. I see something ripple below my feet as I look around, surrounded by a murky twilight. Surprised, I look down at myself... t-shirt, jeans... I’m how I remember myself, but how...? “Hello? Anyone there?” My voice echoes out into the silence, and I hear myself call out again and again, each fading echo mocking the question. Squinting, I manage to see a speck of light in the distance. A tiny thing, hardly noticeable except that everything else is dark. With nothing else around, I start to head towards it, each step a struggle as I fight my way through the cloying darkness which seems to be weighing me down. After what feels an eternity, I finally get close enough to see what the light was. A television with a large sofa in front of it. The old screen flickers through videos and pictures of... ponies? This was the memory stored inside the book?!

“Have a seat, relax a little.” I jump at the voice coming from the couch behind me. Whirling to face the couch, I see a charcoal Pegasus lounging with a bowl of popcorn in front of her, munching away happily. “We’re getting to the best part.” Winter Wrap-Up, Winter Wrap-Up! Let’s finish our holiday cheer! The mare smiles along to the cheerful tune, singing along rather loudly. Something about her seems familiar. Stealing a glance at her cutie mark, I jump again. My poor heart isn’t going to be able to handle this stress! The stylized, melting, purple heart looks back at me, meaning...

“Void Heart... you’re her, me... us?” My brain attempts to compute the idea that the pony me is here in some sort of metaphysical embodiment of my memories, or brain, sitting on a couch watching ponies. It fails, leaving me just sputtering at her.

Void Heart looks at me, blinking her huge eyes. “Yes, I’m Void Heart... but perhaps you’re me and I’m you. Perhaps both, perhaps neither. But regardless, you’re here because you opened one of the books, aren’t you?” She sighs dejectedly. “I suppose that makes sense, considering...”

“Considering? Considering what? Don’t just trail off like that...” I look her over, tilting my head curiously. “What do you know about all this? How did you know about the books? And how does it make sense? And who am I... us... we?” Darn it brain, try to work properly!

She sneers slightly, the merest curl of her lip. “I can’t tell you that right now... but take a seat. Watch some T.V. That is why you’re here right now, isn’t it?” I blink. I’m going to get my life back, my mind back... by watching ponies on television? “Nonsense... you’re going to get back the memories in that book, and that happens to pertain to some of the basics of Equestria, which you’ll be needing.” Wait, did she just- “Yes I did, and no you can’t do the same to me.” Grudgingly, I sit on the couch, watching the television. Most of it is pony related, but a few other things connect in my brain as I watch. Gradually, the area around us fills in from darkness, forming into what appears to be a living room, a fire crackling merrily off to the side. The staircase leading up seems to disappear into the murky darkness, however. “And there you have it... a part of your memories restored. Now leave me alone...”

I look over at her... and notice she’s human now? “But I... what?” Looking down, I’m greeted with the sight of hooves and a furry coat. Slipping off the couch gracelessly, I stumble towards her, my footing unsure. “No, I still have so many-”

~~~~~~~~~~

Opening my eyes, I see Princess Celestia smiling at me. “Welcome back, my little pony.” The regal pony nods her head slightly.

My brain fires the first thing that comes to mind, opening my mouth before I get a chance to think about it. “Do you like bananas?” Stupid brain.

Fortunately, instead of banishing me to the moon or something, the princess just chuckles. “I am sure you have questions, but you need to get going.” She smiles again, a bit sadly? “Unfortunately, time is not on your side, so I will be sending you to Ponyville by train immediately. Twilight has been told to expect you.” Twilight Sparkle. Favored student of- Wait... I remember that! I could remember... well at least something!

A wave of relief washes over me, but is short lived by the time I realize her words. “Wait, I’m leaving immediately? As in now?” I look around, panicked. I could barely walk properly, let alone be out there on my own!

Celestia chuckles. “Yes, in fact, here’s your ticket, and you have just enough time to make it to the train station, Void Heart.” She looks past my shoulder, at the stallion I didn’t notice standing behind me. “And yes, Dr. Kindheart, you may go with her on this trip, though the way may be fraught with danger, I believe that you can help her make friends to overcome any challenge.” I hear her pronouncement, and only feel a sense of impending doom welling up inside of me. On the bright side, I manage to not pass out this time. Downside? I spend my lunch on Celestia’s immaculate hooves as my stomach voids itself. I am so dead.