Culture osmosis

Fire. People never think about fire. Sure, everyone goes on about it after the fact, but how many times does someone say “We should clean up these leaves in our yard in case of a fire.” They all worry about the big stuff, but forget about the small. The exact opposite of that just happened to me. I had worried about the small stuff, like being in Equestria, and forgot about the big stuff, like where the hell’s my family. And when I finally thought about my family, well, fire’s the perfect analogy.

I ran, I ran until my back hooves ached, then for variety I ran some more. I ran until I quite literally collapsed from exhaustion. My legs slumped outwards at a ninety degree angle. Briefly, I realized that my legs should be broken. I shrugged it off and moved my head as far as I could in both directions. To my right was a field, not a very interesting one either. To my left was a small pond, with a duck in it. I crawled my way over to the pond and took a sip of the water. It was nice, though different than normal. I guess there wasn’t any chemicals in it. I rolled myself over to my back and let the sun warm me for a bit. Thoughts sprang into my head unbidden. I shut them out, I was going to forget about all this, it would just take some time, and maybe head trauma.

I felt a presence on my chest. I tilted my head up until I could see the duck clearly on my chest. It quacked at me. I stared at it. Ducks normally flew away from people, or any loud stimuli. Yet this one was sitting on my chest while I gasped like an obese jogger. I moved a hoof. The duck pecked it. My hoof recoiled away on impulse. “Ow, you bread eating bastard. That hurt.” My words fell on deaf ears, and the duck sat down on my chest. I tried to roll over and get the duck down, but it pecked my head again. “Alright friend, you obviously like me being a pillow, but I don’t. So here’s the trade.” i moved as quickly as I could and swiped at the duck with my hoof. It jumped up. As it did I stood up, much to my legs complaint. The duck just floated down on my back, I sighed. “Alright, I guess I’ll put up with you for the moment.” looked around until I saw the town, which was a good while away. I set off back towards the library.

I was left with too much time to think on the way back to the library. I did what I always did when I was thinking, and talked. “So mister duck, do you know much about alternate universes?” The duck quacked and ruffled it’s wings. I shook my head. “I thought not. I came from one you know. I’ll be honest, though this place is pretty cool, it scares the shit out of me. I mean, what’s up with my family right now. They could be anywhere, worrying about me. They could need me.” The duck quacked. “I guess you’re right. I really shouldn’t worry. Maybe I can find a way to send a message. I mean,if there’s a way in there’s a way out right? Yeah, I can figure this out. Maybe I can send something to make my cousins happy. Yeah, it’ll all work out...probably.

The rant continued all the way back into town, and almost to the library door. I grabbed the doorknob and pulled back without thinking, and walked straight into a still closed door. I rubbed my forehead and stared at it. A locked library was an odd sight in the middle of the day. I looked around. As I did so my feathered annoyance flew off. I didn’t see anyone around. I knocked on the door. It took a few seconds before the door clicked unlocked. It swayed open to reveal spike in the doorway. I nodded at him. “Hey Spike, Twilight and Zenith here?” Spike cocked his head to the side and opened the door wider, stepping to the side in the same motion. I cocked my head back as I walked in. You alright man? You don’t seem the quiet type.” Spike jumped up and clapped a bit before landing. I stared unashamedly. “Scwhat?” Spike slowly became surrounded by green flames until he erupted, showing a surprise Zenith in the doorway. I scooped him up in a hug. “Hey little buddy, learn a new trick?” He replied by nibbling on my nose. “Close enough.” I said as I rubbed the top of his head.

I heard a voice drift up from the basement door. “Spike? I thought I said I didn’t want any visitors until Greenhorn got back” I heard a snort from beside me. The voice which I assumed was Twilight came back. “Did you fall asleep? Okay then, I hope Zenith’s asleep to. I’m coming up, not that you hear me sleepy head.” I heard some footsteps coming up the stairs and I moved looked at Zenith. He slowly became swallowed by green flame again. I didn’t drop him, so I think I kept my cool. When everything died down I was holding a spike. Doo doo doo, I got an idea. I moved Zenith to the top of the stairwell and jumped behind the couch, peeking under it. I saw a set of hooves reach the basement door. “Oh Spike, I thought you were asleep. Where’s Zenith?” I have no idea what Zenith did next, but it apparently answered Twilight’s question. “Over there? Okay then, I’m gonna check on him.” She walked towards where I heard the snort earlier. She stopped, and there was a second of silence. Then two. Then a loud moment of fear. “WHAT? TWO SPIKES?” I looked over the couch to see Twilight freaking out. “OH my, did my cloning spell have a delayed effect? DId Spike accidently drink the potions in the fridge? What happened? SPIKE, TALK TO ME!” She rushed over and picked up Zenith. As the flames overtook him I busted out laughing. Twilight stared as she realized she was holding Zenith, who then happily but her mane. She looked at me with her mouth in a mix between a smile and a grimace. “How’d you get here?”

I jumped over the couch and sat down on it, a smile plastered to my face. “Oh you know, Zenith let me in. Little bugger figured out doors to fast for my own good.”

Twilight was quiet for a second. “Don’t you mean his own good?”

I shook my head. “Nope, now I’ll have to barricade the doors so he doesn’t wander out while I’m asleep.”

Twilight shook her head. “Anyways I figured out how to take care of Zenith while you did...” She looked me over in my sweat stained glory. “Whatever you did. Just love him and that’s all the food he needs, though he’ll want water sometimes, so take him swimming sometimes and he’ll be good.”

I smiled “Yay, I have an awesome new friendo don’t I?” As I said this Zenith dislodged himself from Twilight's mane and hovered over to me. I scratched his head again. “Yeah, let’s have an adventure!” I stood up and Zenith flew onto my back. Twilight stared at me as I stood there. I raised a hoof to my chin. “Hey Twilight. Where can I find an adventure?”

Twilight shook her head and sighed. Obviously intimidated by my spirit. “Well, the changelings offered to let you visit the hive for a checkup on Zenith and a tour. Apparently Chrysalis liked you enough to let you visit.”

I pumped a fist...hoof in the air. “Hua! Wait, where’s the hive.”

Twilight sighed. “Big Mac was going to go and see if they wanted to move a smaller hive near his southern field. Apparently they would set up that hive as the academy and the apples would help teach them for free.”

I smiled. “Alright then, how much black powder do you have left?”

Twilight looked at me funny. “A good bit, why?”

I smiled. “Oh, I was going to make something before I set off, of you have some metal I could have. And maybe something that could make a spark?”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “What are you planning on making?”

I moved towards the basement and beckoned her to follow. “Some insurance, I’ll show you after me and Big Mac get back if you’ll help me make it.”

She followed me and I swear I could feel her eyes roll. “I’ll humor you, will iron do?”

***

I walked out with my insurance hooked to my hip with a belt. It was smelted iron, with a hole in the middle that flared out, a small pan jutting out from the side. it was made to fit comfortably in my wing, and did so well. It was stationed beside my saddlebags, which had some food, bandages, and a small pike in it. I still didn’t know how to use the pike, but it was a pointy metal stick. Good enough for me. So I walked out to Sweet Apple acres, enjoying the scenery while Zenith hovered beside me, looking like a young foal. I would describe him, but he changed every few minutes, so there’s no point. I walked until I saw the fence. Seeing as how it was relatively clear, I jumped up and started hovering. I hovered over the fence and was met on the other side with a relatively painless crash. I smiled at my good work before I heard a gruff voice behind me. “Y’all know you’re trespassing right?”

I turned around to see a red pony roughly my size. My first guess was he was Big Mac. I bowed my head a bit. “Sorry, I was looking for Big Mac, I must have crossed the wrong fence into a different farm.”

Big Mac looked me over. “Ya’ll didn’t jump the wrong fence, but next time I’d suggest using the front gate. Now what’cha need?”

I smiled as Zenith changed shape again, garnering Big Macs attention. “Well, Twilight said you were visiting the hive soon and she said I should tag along so they can take a look at Zenith here.” I gestured toward Zenith, who changed back to normal while turning around. He struck a pose at the end as if he was on a stage show. The edges of my mouth turned to a grin.

Big Mac stared at Zenith for a bit before responding. “Well, it ain’t too far in the Everfree to the hive, and if Twilight’ll vouch for yah, then I guess yer in. I’m Big Mac, which you probably already know, and I know that little fellers name. Now what’s yours?”

I stuck out my hoof, which Big Mac took in a hoof-shake. “Well, I’m Greenhorn. Just got into town a while ago and got him” I nodded my head towards Zenith, who was hovering towards Big Mac. “on the way in. Now I’m just getting a feel for the place.”

Big Mac turned around and headed for the nearest tree line. “I have to finish getting the apples ‘fore we leave. Y’all follow the fence to the house and wait there. I won’t be but a minute.” And with that he left, wandering towards the apple fields. I started walking beside the fence before I heard his voice one more time. “Wrong way.”

I scratched the back of my head. “Uh, right. See you in a bit.” I walked the opposite  way for a while before finally seeing a small farmhouse in the distance. Some smoke was coming from the chimney and there was a dog happily chasing a bug out front. I felt Zenith land and settle onto my back, probably to take a nap. Then I heard a flutter of wings. I ignored it, walking towards the house more until I felt something on my head. I moved my eyes upward, trying to glimpse what was perched on me. I saw brown feathers. “I swear, if there’s a duck on my head...”

I heard a laugh come from the house, which was much closer with the walking I did while thinking. The front door opened to reveal a tiny silhouette. It’s head moved a bit before it started heading towards me. “Hey, hey mistah!” A bow bounced in the air, I normally would have commented on the pony, but the bow literally bounced of her head and back on. I stared for a second. I shook it off and looked at my questioner, low and behold little Applebloom had entered the fray. “Hey mistah! Granny smith told me tah.... Why do yah have a duck on yah head?”

I swear to God, I will need the patience of an archangel if it’s the same accursed bird from before. Okay, all I have to do is calm down and.... “GET THIS DUMB DUCK TO STOP FOLLOWING ME!!!”

I instantly flailed my hooves over my head before falling over and spilling Zenith from his perch on my book, which he very loudly clicked at me for. Applebloom stared for a minute at what looked a large bluebird complaining at me. “Wow mistah, birds must like you. Anyhows, Granny Smith said if y’all got any closer to the house she’s gonna call Big Mac over to buck you like a tree. It weren’t nice of her, so I came to warn yah.”

I smiled, it was like that time I wandered off property and got yelled at by an oriental farmer. Only the threat was assault instead of cops. How cool. “It’s alright, I already talked to Big Mac, he’s the one that told me to come here. I’m meeting him fr a trip when he finishes his chores.”

Applebloom looked me over. “Are y’all going to the changeling hive? The last pony who heard us sayin’ Big Mac was going called us liars.” She ended liars with a flourish, as if throwing out a particularly rancid piece of cheese with a large bug in it.

I nodded. “Yeppers, I have to check on something there and some company’s always nice, plus I want to make sure I brought the right amount of supplies.” I wiggled my butt around a bit, causing much thumping and grinding of bandages. Applebloom’s mouth widened a bit. Zenith lazily rolled sideways through the air and landed back on my back before sleeping again.

Applebloom’s eyes moved with him, and stared for a bit. “Mistah, yah have a funny bird, why’s he following you?”

I looked back at Zenith, who had thankfully maintained a bluebird disguise this whole time, probably switched on the way to the farm house. I patted him on the head. “Nah, the evil duck follows me, this ones Zenith. He’s my little buddy.”

Applebloom grinned a bit before her eyes grew to the size of dinner plates... er larger dinner plates. "Ah forgot tah introduce mahself. Ah'm Applebloom sir, I'm SO sorry ah forgot."

I smiled. "No worries chica, I'm Greenhorn Nice to meet'cha." I had expected them to be polite, they were ponies after all, but it seemed farmers still had that special place for polite ladys, even one as un-ladylike as Applebloom. "Seems manners aren't to different." Applebloom folded down one of her ears at that.

Applebloom stared for a minute as she frowned in conversation. Her eyes lit up and a smile crossed her face again. “Ah git it!!.” I nodded for her to continue. “Y’all are weird and like birds, Ah bet it’s your cutie mark.” From the mouths of babes right? She quickly turned to stare at my flank. Wait, she said cutie mark. That’s right those exist. I had never looked at mine. I turned my head to see more light brown fur. Applebloom stepped back. “Y’all don’t have a cutie mark?” She turned to look at me. “Well why not? Ain’t cha’ good good at sumthin?” Ouch again, score is two applebloom, zero ego, for those keeping track at home.

I shook my head. “My dear, subterfuge is not your hidden talent. Either way I figure that something as otherworldy amazing as my talent needs time to gestate properly, so waiting a while is cool with me.”

Applebloom raised her eyebrows at me. I was getting judged by a tiny pony, which knocked another point for Applebloom on the board “Yep, y’all are weird, but so is Twilight so, ah guess that’s okay. "Ah’m about tah have lunch. Y’all can bring yah bird and have some if yah waitin’ on mah brother.” With that she started walking off. I was enticed by free food. So I, like a fool, followed her."