Culture osmosis

I had been a sucker. They lured me in with free food, and turned it into unfair labor. My slave master yelled her new commands. “Now sonny, if y’all want some pie you’ll have tah get me the apple barrel outta the barn.” I looked at my tormentor. Granny smith smiled at me and waved. This was the third apple barrel I had moved, and with each barrel  I got the most delicious apple based food ever. It was fair, but some of the hardest work I’d ever done. I walked towards the barn to earn my dessert. Zenith was happily floating beside me, trying to help whenever he could. It basically amounted to him whistling beside me. It was actually pretty good, especially since he did it as a blue jay. I walked into the barn and shouldered the barrel in between my wings. It was heavy, but still lighter than most giant apple barrels I had carried in my lifetime. Read, 7.

I got back to the smell of heavenly pie smells. I moved the apple barrel over beside the formerly full ones and shuffled my way over to the kitchen. I saw Granny Smith instructing Applebloom on how to pie. “Now don’t firget to spread the apples evenly, and then shunt it in the oven like an apple fritter in yer mouth.” Applebloom worked with the speed of three ponies, doing all her instructions as granny smith said them. I looked on in horror at my new pony overlords. Granny Smith smiled. “Y’all are a natural, now how long do yah cook it?”

Applebloom raised a hoof to her chin. “Ummm, three minutes and fifty two seconds?” Granny raised a hoof. Applebloom jumped up. “Oh, fifty THREE seconds!” A nod from granny smith gave that kid the proudest expression I ever saw. Her eyes grew to dinner plate size in seconds. I smiled in the background, reveling in their family moment. I heard a small ding followed by a loud thud. Applebloom ran back towards the oven, moving her mouth as if to say one one thousand.

I looked towards the thump to see Big Mac walking in. I waved to him, and he tipped his head towards me. “Ah’ll grab some lunch, then we’re gone. That good?”

I smiled towards him. “Sounds like a plan boss man, You’re family’s been gorging me in exchange for apple hauling, so I’m good.”

Big Mac looked around the table, and grabbed a large hand full of apple foods. “Alright then, let’s go. We got an hours walk ahead of us.” With that he turned tail and walked out, nodding towards Granny. I quickly said my thanks and walked after him. As soon as i kept up he flicked his head towards the forest beside his property. “That there’s Everfree forest. We’re gonna head in there. Don’t talk while we’re in there, we need to be focused on listening. I nodded as we grew ever closer. “Also, it’s pretty dangerous in there, if yah got a weapon, ah’d get it ready now.” I brought out my iron rod, and opened my saddle bag. I took out a small cask and popped the lid, it was filled with Twilight's black powder. I started pouring it down the iron rods open end and counted to three under my breath before I recapped it and put it back in my bag. I then felt around until I felt a small box. Without looking I opened it and grabbed a hand full... wing full(?) of rocks and threw them down the end. I shoved my wing in and packed it tight, before bringing back the enchanted hammer and hooking it back to my belt.

Big Mac looked at me, but didn't comment. We approached the forests edge. A small rustle from a nearby tree elicited a growl from Big Mac. We trudged on, entering a magical land of spooky trees and possible death. The path was fairly well cut away, with trees circling above us, making something like a roof. I moved my hooves back and forth, swaying slightly as I moved forward. Some might say this was because I was nervous. I’ll say it’s because the ambient awesome-ness of a pony death forest was spilling in to me and I needed to bleed off the excess. Big Mac nodded towards a gap in the trees, his mouth-hay bobbing up and down. “That weren’t there before. We’re gonna have to be careful.”

Crumpling leaves seemed to surround us. I caught glimpses of movement throughout my peripheral vision. I crouched down lower and looked around constantly, trying to find the source. Big Mac had the exact opposite reaction. He slowly chewed on his hay and relaxed a bit, seeming to find this normal. I heard a voice from our left. “Izzz the one called Big Mac among you?” The voice was almost a buzz, like the patter of a bugs wings.

Big Mac tensed up at this, his hay going into his mouth by an inch. “Ah reckon’ he is, may I ask why yah need to know?”

A changeling seemed to melt from a bush, waving a hoof at us. “My queen hazzz news that is of a delicate nature. I have been zzent to tell you.” He waited for a response, me and Big Mac simply stared at him. He raised a hoof to his throat and coughed. “Yezz, an unexpected guest had arrived at our caztle, one who izz not a fan of poniezzz. She told me to zay that your prinzzezzez must know that hate haz returned to the hive. Our meeting muzt be poztponed azzzz well. But a book will arrive at the library for Zzzeniths proper upbringing.”

My face scrunched up a bit. “So what does that mean, hate has returned to the hive?” I waved my hoof to the sky, trying to make out my confusion in a physical way.

The changeling moved his head behind him, checking his back. “Exactly what I mean, the drones have already lozzzt control, infiltrators have another few dayzzz, before they lozze it. Zenith hazz been cut from the hive, zzzo he will be fine. Pleazzzzzze, tell your prinzzez zzzzzoon, I believe the dronezzzz followed me.”

I raised a hoof, about to question him, when another rustle happened, and a small spine went into the right side of changelings neck. Green blood splattered over the nearest tree, and pooled over the ground. A second later the changeling fell, soaking in his own blood. I heard another voice cut through the forest, with the same buzzing quality as the infiltrators. “For the king!!” A drone went through the foliage, landing on the dead body. I pulled out my iron and slapped the hammer back. It disengaged the lock and the hammer jumped forward, hitting the iron man with a thud. The enchantment sent a spark into the barrel, lighting the black powder. The pebbles leaped out of the barrel, going faster than I could see. The drone flew back, with more blood splattering the trees and bushes behind him. A piece of hay flew past my head. Big Mac touched my shoulder and ran in behind me, back towards the house.

I was filled with adrenaline and scared as shit, which translated to me yelling. “ZENITH, GO HOME!” Zenith buzzed around his face looking everywhere. “NOW ZENITH!!” He flew off. I looked back at the drone in front of me, his leg twitching.  “That was my BOOMSTICK!!” I moved the newly christened boomstick to my saddle bag loop.

I turned around flew after Big Mac hearing a scream behind me. “The king hazzzz returned, I will not be forgotten!!” I sped up, fully catching up to Big Mac.

We didn’t slow down until we reached the end of the Everfree, I hadn’t kept track of how long it was until we met the changeling, but it felt like an eternity on the way back. When we reached the end I rolled out of the sky and landed on my back, panting to catch my breath. I moved a hoof over my forehead, or... whatever a pony has. “Well, on the upside. I know how to fly now.”

Big Mac was sitting down, withdrawing another piece of hay from under his yoke. “Eyup, reckon’ that’s one upside.”

I rolled to my feet and and stood up, grabbing my boomstick from my back. “Also, this works, I half expected it to explode. So, should we go tell the purple talking pony about the hate and stuff?”

Big Mac nodded. “Eyup, so what is that contraption of yo’s? Yah screamed it was a boomstick, or sumtin’ to that effect.”

I smiled, proud of my work. “It’s a tool I knew about. I propels rocks really quickly to hurt or injure anyone on the wrong end. It’s pretty dangerous, but it keeps me safe from stuff.”

Big Mac nodded. “Well, it certainly took care of that changeling well enough.”

I then realized just what happened. “Whoa, damn. I just realized what I just did. You think he’s okay. I mean, I didn’t really want to hurt him, just get him off our back.”

Big Mac shrugged. “Ah don’t know. There was a lot of green on the bush, but I was runnin’ not takin’ notes. That and I don’t have a tick a’ know-how about changelings. Fir all I know they could have gallons a’ blood.”

I looked back towards the forest. “Yeah, well. I hope he get’s better. I have a feeling I’ll regret it if he is though.” Big Mac apparently tired of talking and moved his hoof over his shoulder in the universal gesture to follow, and we started off towards town. Zenith apparently decided that home was not the place to be and zipped out of a bush, grabbing my neck in a vice-like grip. “Hey little buddy.” I cooed, trying to get him calm. “We’re fine everyone’s fine. See?” I gestured with all my extremities, lightly patting Zenith’s head with my tail. “I got all my bits and bobs.” That appeared to do absolutely jack-shit, and Zenith hugged my neck tighter. Big Mac stared at us. I tried to smile. “It’s okay boss, I’m only getting a little choked. Quickly, to the purple talking pony. And maybe a crowbar.” I sauntered towards the library, with Zenith riding my neck.

The trip was surprisingly uneventful, given that I had a changeling strapped to my neck. I heard a few screams, then something about a weird neck tie and it got kinda quiet after that. I got to the library fairly quickly, though I could have just thought that due to a lack of oxygen. Either way, I slammed open the door. “Twilight! Yo Twi, we got news!” Big Mac casually sauntered in, and headed straight up the stairs. I sat there for a minute, until I heard a shuffle from the stairwell. I ran up and beat on the wall. “Spike, I know you’re in there.” I heard a mutter, followed by a panel opening up in the stairwell and spike falling out. I picked him up under the shoulders, shaking him to and fro. “Bro, Twilight needs to hear some news. Where’d she go?”

Spike rubbed his eyes. “What’s the point of my secret hidey-hole if everyone wakes me up anyways?” I shook him more vigorously. “Fine! She went off to Canterlot, something about Celestia needing her for something.”

I shook my head. “That’s no good, I need to see her right now!” I put Spike down and idly patted his head. I felt Zenith pulse his arms around my neck, reminding me he was there. “On an unrelated note Spike, do you have a crowbar?”

Spike stared and scratched his head. “I’m gonna say no. Why is Zenith hooked to your neck like fluttershy at a public event?”

Half of my lips rose at the joke. “Long story, but I seriously need to talk to Twilight now, what do you got for me in that department?”

Spike shrugged his shoulders at me. “There’s always the scrying glass upstairs, besides that you could send her a note. It’d go to the princess first, but she could send it Twilights way.”

I heard a thunk from upstairs. Big mac descended the stairs with his coat slightly wet. “I reckon’ that won’t be necessary. I told Twilight ‘bout the hate an’ such. She said that she’ll tell us more about it when she get’s back.”

I looked around the library. “Well how long is that gonna be? In case nobody noticed I’m being strangled by a changeling. I mean, it’s adorable, but it’s also painful.”

Spike smiled. A shine in his eyes reflecting his mischievous intent. “Oh no, is the little changeling filly gonna choke out the fully grown pony?”

I shielded my face from his verbal assault. “Very funny, I’d like to see you deal with him. Screw it, I’m finding a kids book and reading to him. You know where they are Spike?”

Spike raised his left eyebrow almost clear off his head. “You mean foal books? Third shelf to the left of the door.”

I turned towards the books and waved a wing over my back. “Yeah. Thanks Spike.” I moved towards the shelf and grabbed the first book I saw. I then moved to the reading table and sat down. As I started reading Zenith slowly loosened his grip on my throat. We hunkered down to wait for Twilight, a good book in hand.