Nostalgia

I Miss Her

   "That's odd" said Comet as he exited Luna's chambers. "That's odd she's usually in her quarters at this time of day."

"Maybe she went for a walk" offered Twilight.

"Not likely, she'd have half the court swarming around her withe petty petitions, or just to be able to tell their friends that they're a "friend" of one if the Princesses."

"Surely they have enough decency to leave her alone when she wishes to be."

"Keep in mind that this is the aristocracy we're talking about here, of course they have no decency." Twilight giggled uncomfortably. While she completely understood the admittedly well-deserved reputation of aristocrats, she was technically one as well. "Well were ever she is she can take care of herself I'm sure."

"So what should we do?"

"Sadly I have other duties to attend to. I only needed to give those designs to her to look over but I can just leave them here for her to look at later. If you'd like I could escort you to anywhere in the palace you'd like to go, the library perhaps?"

"No, don't let me delay you. Besides I know my way around the palace."

"Of course" replied Comet. "In that case I'll be off. It was nice speaking with you Twilight, we should do it again sometime."

"Yes, I'd like that. See you later then."

Comet went on his way while Twilight pondered on what she should do. "I can't really do what I'm here for if I can't find Princess Luna" she thought to herself. "There are some books in the royal library that I've been meaning to borrow so I guess I can just go do that and. . . wait a minute." She leaned out of a window she happened to be passing by and looked down into the garden below at the old rotunda. She was surprised to see that the door was ajar. "Why is the door open" she wondered aloud "nopony is allowed to in there, Princess Celestia herself said it was off limits." Intrigued Twilight decided that she ought to take a closer look. She took a moment to concentrate and then teleported to the ground. once she felt her hooves on the grass she took off at a gallop toward the rotunda. she slowed to a stop at the door and peered inside. when she saw that nopony was there she ventured to take a look inside. She was quite nervous as she took her first steps inside, she was technically disobeying her mentor after all, but she knew Princess Celestia would understand. The interior was dark except for the sunlight which crept in through the open door. It stretched out across the floor like a carpet and came to rest upon the wall at the opposing end of the structure. On this wall hung a tapestry which depicted a mare with a medium purple coat and a mane which looked like a sunset. Situated on the floor directly beneath the tapestry was a stone box. As Twilight approached it she realized that it was a sarcophagus. "Oh, I never considered that this might be a tomb" she thought aloud. She looked over the tapestry one last time, taking note of how well-crafted it was, before deciding that she should leave.

"Twilight Sparkle" a loud voice called from behind her. Twilight let loose a frightened yelp and spun around to see an equally surprised looking Princess Luna. Luna took a moment to clear her throat and, this time without the traditional Canterlot voice, "what are you doing here?"

"Princess Luna, I just came to see why the door to this rotunda was open since it supposed to be off limits" Twilight replied hastily.

"I see" said the night princess. "In that case I can assure you that nothing is amiss, it is my right to intrude here."

Twilight suddenly noticed that Luna was holding a bouquet of freshly cut flowers. "Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize that I was interrupting anything."

"Be at peace Twilight Sparkle, I am not offended" assured Luna as she walked past the unicorn. She laid her bouquet on top of the sarcophagus and after a short moment said "Truth be told it actually nice to see somepony else come here."

"Really, how so?"

"Well, I often feel sad that I'm the only one who remembers my dear friend or mourns her passing. I know it's silly of me to think this way seeing as neither you nor any other alive today ever knew her. After a thousand years even a pony as wonderful as her would be forgotten I suppose."

"That's not silly at all, especially if she was your friend. It's true that nopony alive today might have known her but I understand. I would feel bad too if nopony cared about somebody I cared for who had passed on."

"That's kind of you to say, but still I can't very well expect you to care about somepony who was long dead before your grandparents were even born."

Twilight approached the princess of the night  and said "but you clearly care about her, and I'm your friend. Why don't you tell me a little about her, who was she, what was she like?"

For a few moments Luna seemed to be considering whether or not she really wanted to tell her about this particular part of her life, but she soon began to indulge the unicorn. "Well, her name was Midnight Sun and as you have probably gathered she was a very dear friend to me. You could say we had a relationship not unlike that which you have with my sister. At least up until the point I let myself become a monster and was banished for a thousand years. My sister was...kind enough to keep her remains so that I could properly mourn her passing in the event of my return."

It was clear to Twilight that this was a touchy subject for the princess of the night, one that also needed to be addressed. "Princess, you weren't yourself when you were Nightmare Moon, surely she wouldn't have blamed you for something you did when you weren't in your right mind."

"Twilight, do you know why I became Nightmare Moon?"

"I read that it was because you became bitter because everypony was afraid of your night and that you became jealous of the day."

"Yes, but Midnight Sun always enjoyed my nights. And I had other friends who liked me as well, but I couldn't be satisfied with that. I wanted everypony to love me and the night just as they loved Celestia and the day. There was no reason I shouldn't have been happy knowing that I had them as my friends. Instead I let my jealously, despair, and hatred take over and consume me, and not only did I betray my sister and all of Equestria but also her personally." It was a little unnerving for Twilight to see one of the princesses like this. Both Luna and Celestia were normally models of self-control. However Luna seemed to now be venting a great deal of pent up frustration. Luna suddenly appeared to become tiered and sad. "When I allowed those negative emotions to let me forget all the happiness we shared it said loader than any words ever could that our friendship had meant nothing to me."

"But that isn't the case at all" Twilight interjected. "If it meant nothing to you would you be out here now, laying flowers at her grave and telling me all about your regrets?"

"Then why did I do it? Why did I let my bitterness transform me if I valued her so much? When I was Nightmare Moon I would have seen everypony as my slave, including her."

Twilight was not entirely certain what the right way to respond was, but it was clear to her that Luna very much needed to hear something from a friend. "Princess Luna, you know my friend Pinkie Pie right?"

"The odd pink one who is fond of sweets, The Element of Laughter, yes I know her."

"You know last year for Hearth's Warming she gave me this rubber ball as a present. It was one of those balls that have cartoon characters all over it that only children, and apparently Pinkie Pie, would play with. On top of that I don't really care for that sort of playing so I just gave the ball to the Crusaders."

"Crusaders?"

"Oh, they're these three fillies from Ponyville. They call themselves the Cutie Mark Crusaders. They were the flower girls at Cadance and Shining Armor's wedding."

"Ah yes, I remember now. I believe I've met the orange one actually."

"Well anyways, I gave the ball to them and Pinkie Pie was very hurt that I gave away her present for me. I was irritated at her at first but I soon realized that had been careless. I didn't consider her feelings when I just gave away something she had hoped would make me happy. I then realized that I hadn't  been open with her the way she had always been we me. If I had just allowed her to really get to know who I really am that whole mess could have been avoided. After I finally made up with Pinkie I decided that I would make the effort to get all of my friends to know me as well as possible and that I would try to get to know them as well as I could so that I would never carelessly hurt any of them again."

"A nice story Twilight though I'm afraid I don't see what point you were trying to make."

"The point is that I hurt somepony I care very much about because I was only thinking about my own feelings. The same as you."

Luna cocked an eyebrow and said "Twilight Sparkle, re gifting is hardly akin to enslaving the world.'

"True, the circumstances aren't exactly comparable but we still both hurt sompony because of carelessness, everyony has. And what happened can't be changed, but we can recognize these mistakes and make efforts to better ourselves. I can't change the fact that I hurt Pinkie and I'll always regret that I did it, but because of what I learned from that experience my relationship with all of my friends is stronger, and that's what's really important."

Luna sat in silence for a time. Eventually she said "I understand what you mean. I too wish to be a better princess than what I was, and even though I haven't been fully accepted by society as a whole yet I still feel that I am more appreciated than what I was because of my efforts. But...I still wish that could have had the chance to make things right with Midnight the same way you were able to do so with your friend."

"She was clearly a very dear friend to you. I may not know what sort of pony she was but I know you Princess Luna, I know what sort of ponies you like and dislike. I think a think a pony who could become that sort of friend to you would have understood that you felt alone and unloved by that world and that you wanted to reshape it into one that would give you the sort of appreciation that you so desperately wanted."

"I wasn't a reformer as Nightmare Moon, I was evil" Luna muttered.

"Maybe not, but as you well know bitterness will skew our values if we allow it to rule us. This is something you've learned from this experience and you’re a better pony because of it."

"I'm not so certain" said Luna more to herself than to Twilight.

"But you already said so yourself that you're trying to be a better princess than you were before. It's a good thing to always try to be better than what we were."

"But I still feel bitterness not just from back then but I also resent Celestia for stealing a thousand years away from me." At this point Luna looked as if she wanted to cry. "I feel so much anger at her and I know I shouldn't. I want us to be really sisters again, I really want things between us to be the way they use to be, but then all I can think of is that look on Midnight's face when she saw me as Nightmare Moon. I know Celestia had no other choice if she was to save Equestria, but when I think about how I never got to apologize to Midnight or any of my other friends for what I tried to do. I never got to apologize for hurting all of the ponies I was supposed to protect. I never got to be a real friend to Midnight, I didn't get to feel happy with her during her triumphs or to cry with her during her sorrows. I didn't get to comfort her in her old age or be by her side when she finally died. When I think that her last memory of me was of me as a monster...I can't forgive that."

Once again Twilight was at a loss as to what to say to defend her mentor, which was troubling to her. She then decided that it was best to change the subject for now. "So have you continued mourning for her over the past two years?"

Luna took a moment to calm herself after realizing how agitated she had become. She berated herself internally for obviously frightening the smaller unicorn, who had after all done nothing wrong. "Yes and no" she finally replied. After I had first returned I was here nearly every day, hoping beyond reason that she could somehow hear my apology. But I have tried to get back to some sort of normal life. I don't plan to spend the rest of eternity crying, and I know better than most that the only way one can truly atone for their mistakes to learn from them. But it's not only my regret that keeps returning me here. There are times when I miss her so badly that I can't stand it. The past few days have been like that for me. All the work that's being put into this upcoming celebration, on top of my normal duties, has been exhausting. It's times like these that make me want her with me for the sake of companionship. Out of all the friends and companions I've had over the course of my much too long life she was the one who gave me the most ease. When she was by my side everything was much less of a burden. So to answer your slightly veiled question, no I'm not so hung up on Midnight that I can't move on with my life. It's just that right now I really wish my friend was with me."

"I'm your friend" Twilight offered "and I don't want you to have to be alone though all this either. That's why I'm here."

Luna's expression softened. "Thank you, Twilight. For being a friend to me, and for tolerating all of my nonsense up to now."

"It's not nonsense at all! It's perfectly understandable that you would feel the way you do given the circumstances. Even the resentment you feel toward Princess Celestia" she reluctantly admitted. "But I know that she wants the two of you to be real sisters again just as much as you do. I know there are many things that you feel can't be forgiven, but Princess Celestia hasn't given up on you so please don't give up on her." Luna remained silent. She closed her eyes and raised a hoof to nurse her forehead as if she had a headache. Twilight was left to awkwardly fidget about. She suddenly noticed that the sunlight which creeped though the open door had shifted a great deal. "Oh goodness, how long have we been talking?"

Luna was pulled out of her little trance and replied "It's been a while, why do you ask?"

Twilight had walked over to the door and peered up toward the sky and saw that it was indeed almost midday. "I'm sorry Princess Luna, but I'm supposed to meet my parents somewhere in...well right now actually."

"It's quite alright Twilight Sparkle."

"Goodbye for now, I'll see you tomorrow" Twilight called out as she ran off.

Luna watched her until she had gone from sight and turned back toward the tapestry. '...Princess Celestia hasn't given up on you, so please don't give up on her.' Twilight's words ran though her head. She finally sighed and said "I wish I could believe that Twilight Sparkle, but she's already given up on me before."