Name's Joe

What the Doctor and Lyra said conflict with eachother.The Doctor has been known to be knowledgeable about the past, yet he could have simply have been hididng this from us as well.He could also simply not know much about Equestrian history.Even the abridged version.Then again,Lyra could just simply be a conspiracist nut and is using our arrival to gain attention for once.

Good work Logic.You talk with the boys on this, and I'll go meet some more ponies,we'll talk again later tonight.

Gotcha. *POP*

    I looked around at the vast array of ponies arround me, most of which had attempted to appear as though they weren't looking at me,(very bad attempts might I add.Seriously, I could see that I was being watched by atleast twenty of about sixty of the ponies that could fit in the bakery.)the rest seemed to just pig out on the food.I know it's good, but it seems a bit too sweet for me.Holy shit, I think I just saw that orange colt eat 7/8 of that cake.There's no way he lacks diabeetus.Or mental retardation judging by his cutie mark, then again, he could just collect snails.The hell kind of cutie mark does his chubby friend have? A pair of scissors?What, is he good with cutting hair?That's kind of sad actually.Okay Joe, quit mentally judging these poor boys.

    I then hear a sharp whistle from the left side of the room.I look to the before mentioned direction, and see AppleJack, and a very big, muscular, red stalion, with orange hair standing next to her.I rolled over to them and asked,

"So, you two wanted to talk to me about something?"

"Yeah, we was wonderin' if ya'll could tell us where Twilight was."

"She's talking some matters over with the Princess,but I would be happy to relay the message for you."

"We was just wonderin' if Twilight could help us with the early bloomers."

"Early bloomers?"

"Yeah, Apple buck season is coming soon, but some apple's get ripe a tad bit earlier then most of them do, so we gotta buck 'em off the trees other wise they'll go bad."

"I'm sorry, did you say 'buck 'em off' ?"

"Course, ain't that what ya'll humans do?"

"No, we pick them because we lack the physical ability to buck them off, and besides, wouldn't the apples get bruised on the way down?"

"What ya'll talkin' bout Joe?"

"Well, wouldn't the force from hitting the ground bruise them?"

"What kinda wimpy apples ya' got in your world?Our's couldn't bruise if you shot 'em out of a cannon.Mind you, we do get the occasional bad fruit, but we don't sell 'em."

"Ah, well, happy to have this talk all about the apples you sell."

I then began to roll away then stopped, and turned to AJ's brother and asked

"You don't talk much do you?"And he replied in a voice that could rival Morgan Freeman's in depth.

"Nope."

            After awhile, Twilight eventually returned to the party with the guards, all of which were out of uniform.I rolled over to Twilight and began talking to Twilight about AppleJack asking for help on the farm.

"So, you're saying they don't get bruised?"

"I know right?That's what I was thinking!How do they not bruise?"

"Anyways, I'll go tell her I accept.You just keep doing what you were doing before."

She trots off, and my gaze then rest on two rainbow-maned ponies,one of which is wearing a black baseball cap, with holes cut out for her ears to fit through.Blitz suddenly points to me and beckons me over.I then hear part of the conversation, and I half want to punch Dash in the throat, for talking about it in such a large croud.

"And then the Timberwolf is all hobblin around all awkwardly, what with me having daringly cut his leg off with the axe earlier, then it pounces at me, and Joseph here throws this bonesaw into it's skull and he's all like 'HEADSHOT!' and I'm like 'Whoa!'

and Twilight's all like 'DIE!' and she jabs a machete into her timberwolf's throat."Her father interrupts her story and says,

"That's a pretty good story Dashie,  but I wanted you to tell Joseph about your Sonic Rainboom story."

"Oh, good idea, I love that story."

This is gonna be good.

"Well, as you know by now,Fluttershy is very shy."

No, do tell.

"I expected that much."

"Yeah well, when we we're younger we attended the same flight school, and there was these two idots, Hoops and Dumbbell that kept picking on her because she was born with a condition that causes her to have been born with less nerves in her wings, making it so that it was harder for her to detect changes in wind current.But these two idiots kept picking on her everyday.Eventually I found out and told these idiots off and they challenged me to a race.Needless to say, I left them in the dust.I ended up flying so fast I caused a move that is only heard of in legend that my family was known to do in the past many years ago.A sonic rainboom."

"So what's a sonic rainboom?"

"It's a combination of a sonic boom and a rainboom.Apparently it's caused by the natural ability of pegasi to manipulate clouds going wild and causing a rainbow like ring to show using the evaporated water in the air."

I'm sorry, but I'm calling bullsh*t on this.

"What a very nice story and interesting story.But may I talk to you for a second Dash?"

"Sure,what about?"

"Well, I'd rather you not talking about the story of our trip this morning.I don't want to risk the chance of too many ponies over hearing about the stuff in the place, you know where.Even though we cleaned it out of you know what, it still has some things I'd rather not have looted from it."

"Why didn't you get it earlier?"

"Because, I wanted to focus on the things that had to be removed asap.I'll probably go in there again to get the other things another day after my legs gets fixed."

"Okay then, just call me so I can help."

"Got it." Then Dash went back to catching up with her father.Hmm, I wonder if I can get to play poker with anyone.

"I'm see your two cookies, and I raise you a cupcake."Snowflake groaned at me seeing through his bluff and folded.Not my fault his tell is him scracthing his eyelids.In case your wondering, we're betting with sweets so we don't lose any money.We're playing 'Dodge Junction Hold 'Em" or 'Texas Hold 'Em'. Thunderlane didn't even look up and pushed forward all his cupcakes,cookies, and his single funnel cake forward and said

"All in." Big Mac scowled,and said

"I fold." and pushed his cards to the side.Caramel followed suit and with a,

"Screw this." he folded.

I looked at him dead in the eyes.

"I call."Thunderlane's face went pale.Wait,how is that possible? Oh well.

We both flip over are cards and I have a full house with three jacks, and two aces.Using a Jack from the community cards, and an ace.

He has three of a kind using the 4 of clubs from the community cards.

"Goodbye Thunderlane."He scowls and walks out, and suddenly I here Celestia's voice.

"Joseph!Could you please come over here, I would like to give the people the news."

   After a very long and semi boring speech about what an amazing opportunity for Equestria to have found a new sentient race, and that they welcome me in open arms, et cetera, et cetera, blah, blah, blah, new gaurdian of Ponyville, blah, blah, and afterwards I gave them the story of how I got here, my life back home, and I give them some stories about humanity.Joseph Lister,Albert Einstein,Thomas Edison,Alexander Graham Bell,Abraham Lincoln,John F. Kennedy,Al Gore,Malcolm X the works.Course I skipped all the bad ones like Vlad,Nero,Bloody Mary,Tom Gacy,Hitler,Kony, et cetera.

I'll be honest, I don't even remember half of what I said.I just rember going back to the Treehouse with Twilight, and realizing I had somewhere along the way lost the Schnapps.God, I hope Chubby and Slow don't find that little b*stard.