Name's Joe

"So,how do the girls know you exactly?"I asked the sea serpent.(Which was approximately 100 feet tall.)

"Well you see,their generous friend,Rarity I believe her name was,assisted me in my time of need when half of my gorgeous moustache was shaved clean off."The very flamboyant and possibly homosexual sea serpent said.

Well,that explains it I suppose.

I still can't get over just how flamboyant he sounds.

Just roll with it.

*looks at wheelchair*Oh, you bastard!

Sorry.

"So,can you help us across?"I asked.

"Sure,I'll just bend over and you can ride me."Steven said.

DEAR

GOD

WHY?

Dash snickered at this for obvious reasons.

"Was it something I said?"The sea serpent asked.

"No,Dash just has a very dirty mind."

He then nodded then blushed at the realization which was then followed by him gagging at the thought.

Well,that solves one mystery.

The ideas still nasty though.

He then stuck his body into the water and made himself into a bridge.A very shakey and wobbly bridge.Twilight crossed first with Dash helping her with the small cart we brought.

Well,just us left to cross.

Yep,you,me,Tex,Cuckoo,and Rage.

Hey,now that I think about it.We haven't heard much from those two in a couple of days.

Let's hope it stays that way.I can barely handle Tex as it is.

Screw you!

What?You got a problem with crazy?

IF WE WEREN'T IN THE SAME BODY I'D DISMEMBER YOU ALL!

Guys,we are all aspects of the same person so we need to stick together,calm down,AND CROSS THIS BLOODY SERPENT ALREADY!

I looked at the slippery body of the sea serpent,then looked at the two mares on the other side.

How the hell did they get across this guy?

I don't know.Just roll carefully and hum a happy tune to keep yourself calm.

I looked again at the sea serpent.

"Hurry it up already! We haven't got all day!"The very colorful pegasi said.

I took a deep breath,and began humming the happiest tune I could possibly think of, and began rolling.

Out there,theres a town outside of yonkers,Way out there beyond this hicktown Barnaby,there's a slick town Barnaby.Out there,full of shine and full of sparkle,close your eyes and see it glisten Barnaby,LISTEN BARNABY!

By this point I was only about a quarter of the way.

Put on your sunday clothes there's lots of world out there!Get out the brilliantine and dime cigars,We're gonna find some adventure in the evening air!Girls in white, with a perfumed night where the lights are bright as the stars!

Half way.

Put on your sunday clothes we're gonna ride through town,in one of those new horse drawn open cars!

three fourths.

We'll see the shows at Delmonico's,

and we'll close the town in a whirl!

By this point I had reached the end of the serpent and rolled off,and joined the girls on the other side.

And we won't come home  until we've kissed a girl!

I mentally wrapped up the song in my head that I heard so long ago,and continued with the girls into the forest but not before a certain gun loving split personality could say anything about our performance.

That would have been a much better performance if Logic didn't sound like the lovechild of a Dalek and Hal 9000.

I hate you so much sometimes.

Go exterminate some astronauts you freak

Thats it, dark recessive area of the mind you go.

Oh fu-*pop*

-20 minutes later-

"Well,we've finally made it."

"It's about-WOAH!"Dash exclaimed

"Joseph,It's-"Twilight said as she unhitched herself and Dash from the cart we brought.

"I know,I see it."I replied.

I looked upon the house and only was it now that I noticed just how bad the damages were.

The entire house was battered and scracthed up from the arrival.The shingles were everywhere within a 10 yard radius of the house and most of the windows were shattered.The green paint was all but gone and there were large breaks and cracks in the walls everywhere.But, the strangest thing was the door was busted in and cracked in half.

That can't be good.

I immediately went to the door and rolled inside,where I was greeted with a foul odor that could have caused a maggot to shrivel up and die.I gagged at the smell and my eyes began to water.Twilight immediatley followed me.

"Joseph! whats wro-SWEET CELESTIA."Twilight exclaimed in disgust.

"Ugh,it smells like something died in here,or worse."Dash said as she entered.

Seriously,this smell was bad.It was a mix of piss,feces,sour milk,rancid cheese, and a sock that's been worn by an athlete for thirty years without ever being washed.

"I hope your place doesn't usually smell like this."Dash continued.

"It doesn't. But listen,this shouldn't take too long.First off Twilight,you wanted to learn about my world's history right?Well,go down that hallway,"

I pointed to the hallway to our left.

"Second door on the right is my Grandmothers entire collection of literature.Second bookcase is full of my worlds history and on the third shelf there should be a bible on the far left side on it,in case you want to learn about my races main religion.Also,be careful we don't know what might have got in here."

"Got it."She replied and raced to the room mentioned before.I looked to Dash.

"Dash,I can't go up the stairs.So I'm going to need you to get some clothes for me.My room should be the first door on the left."I told her.

"Why do you need clothes, when Rarity will make you clothes?"Dash asked with a slightly rude tone.

"Because, I don't have any money and I don't like to feel like a mooch.I already feel bad enough as it is having to send you up there as it is."Dash gave me a smirk and said

"Well,fine.I understand how that feels like sometimes.Anything you'll need in specifics?"

"Well, Four polos, Three pairs of pants,One pair of shorts,Six pairs of undergarments, Three pairs of socks, and my black hoodie.Oh and if you can find it,My black baseball cap."Dash gave me a 'seriously' look at this.

"How am I supposed to bring all that, why do you need so many clothes, and what are you going to be doing?"

"Nudity is a taboo where I came from.Also,I don't know how long I'll be here,though I'm estimating a few months. While you do that I'm going to be grabbing the weapons from my Grandfather's study."I then proceded to give her the backpack I brought along.

"They should all fit in here.Also,the black baseball cap is for you.I'd think you'd look good with one."

She blushed at this and replied.

"Yeah,I guess I would look pretty awesome with one."She then flew up the stairs with the pack.

Clearly,flattery will get you anywhere.

Oi!Don't become a douchebag!You just manipulated her you prick!

What?She would look good in a black cap though.

I then rolled down the hall way and to the first room on the right.Well,here we go.I then opened the door and rolled in.

I looked at all the familiar war memorabillia.

To think,our family has fought in every war since the civil war and not a single one has died since the first world war.

Yes.I still find it funny how Grandpa was a medic in the korean war and how he was a dead ringer for the medic from team fortress 2.

I then looked at the oil painting that he had done of himself that was next to my Grandmother's oil painting.

My gaze then went to a picture of a child with his mother and his Grandparents.

I remember all those time when Grandma said 'oh you look so much like your Grandpa Thomas when he was your age!'.

I miss all those times when Grandma taught me Piano lessons.

I miss the times when Grandpa taught us how to shoot with only a crossbow when we were twelve.

I remember when Mom taught us how to deal with all those bullies.

So do I.

Guys, as much as I'd like to just sit here and remember them.We have a job to do.

Can we at least bring the picture?

It'll take up some room but yes,I think it will be worth it.

I carefully removed the picture of Me and the rest of my family.

"What the hell is that?"I was of course talking about the large hole that was behind the picture with a 12X6X3 inch metal box inside.I carefully pulled out the metal box and opened it.

"Holy shit."

The contents inside was my Grandfather's old bonesaw.

It actually looks like the medic's this is too funny, and a little bit disturbing.

On the bonesaw was a note in old ink.Here is what it said.

Dear Joseph,

I'm glad you found this.That is,if it is you who is reading this and not some damned thief.I know that you may one day need this so I am happy to say I pass down to you the family bonesaw.This bone saw has a lot of history in it.More than you may ever know.It is regret that I may never see the day you find this,my health is declining and I doubt I'll survive the month.May this bonesaw serve you well.

P.s. His name is Cutter.

I held the bonesaw in my hands and examined the blade.

Dear Lord!It looks sharp enough to slice through steel!

This blade was truly a work of art.

Remember the task at hand!We need to gather the weapons.

Right.

I quickly regained my focus and headed to the gun racks.

"Let's see,Pump Shotgun,check,Two hunting Rifles,check,Revolver,check,Beretta,check.Where's the melee weapons?"

I looked around then the memory returned to me.I went to the far left corner of the wall and pulled up the wooden floor board revealing, an Axe,  a crowbar, a machete, an aluminum bat, and an old bowie knife, all of which that I knew from memory were tightly packed into a duffel bag along with three boxes of ammo each.

I quickly gathered the handguns and rifles and put them in a pile.That was when something caught my eye on Grandpa's old bookshelf. A world war two era gas mask.

Better grab that.That could be really helpful in the future, or perhaps right now.

I quickly put it in the duffel bag.I set the duffel bag on my lap along with the rifles and the box containing Cutter.I put Slica on top of everything and I carefully rolled out trying my hardest not to let any of what I had with me fall over.

I went out side and found Twilight with two saddlebags bulging full of books,

Okay,she did NOT have those earlier.

and Dash with a full backpack awkwardly around her left hind leg,wearing the before mentioned baseball cap.

She does look good with it,I'll give you that Joseph.

"Woah!That is alot of small cannons."Dash said with quite a bit of surprise.

"Yes it is.Luckily,none of them had been taken,though it does beg the question why would something get into that house if they weren't looking for something and what were they?"

"I don't know but let's not stay here and find out."Twilight responded.She then put her saddle bags into the cart and we followed in her hoofsteps and put our gear into the cart as well.It was then that I noticed the rancid smell emanating from my Grandparent's old home seemed to be getting stronger,actually, it didn't smell like it was coming from the home anymore it smelled like it was coming from the fores-Oh shit.

"Twilight!We need to get the weapons and prepare for battle now!"

"WHAT?"

"The smell is getting closer,that means that something made that house it's new home and they are coming back!If they can break down a door,then I do not want to fight them with my fists."

I quickly rolled to the back of the cart and pulled out the axe and machete.

"Dash,take the axe,Twilight take the machete."

"Why don't we just use the small cannons and blow them back to Tartarus?"Dash asked.

"If we do that we may just bring down everything within a mile radius down ontop of us. Those things are frickin' loud"I replied.

I opened the box containing Cutter and grabbed the bonesaw.

Grandpa,forgive me if this blade comes to harm,but I think this would be a better weapon against a beast then your old cane sword.

Dash grasped the axe between her teeth and Twilight held the machete in her magic.

Then we heard a rustling in the woods and, you remember what I said earlier about the tornado?Yeah,this was f*cking worse this was so F*CKING WORSE!What came out was three beasts each about 4 1/2 feet tall in height and had glowing green eyes.It looked like the damned things were literally made out of wood.Imagine a bunch of twigs and sticks were glued together in the shape of a ferocious wolf.Doesn't sound scary?Well it F*CKING IS WHEN YOU ARE STARING IT IN THE F*CKING EYES.Then again, it culd have been the one I was looking directly at was clearly the Alpha.It's build was a bit bigger and it's position in the middle dignified it as the leader.

"TIMBER WOLVES"The girls shouted. I'd laugh if I hadn't nearly shat myself.I got my bonesaw ready and tried to stay calm.

"Twilight,you take the one on the left,Dash,you take the one on the right.I'll take big and ugly.Got it?"

"Got it."they replied in unison.

"Alright then.LET'S DO THIS!"

Righty pounced first and dash swung her axe.The axe hit the creature in it's stomach.

Lefty pounched towards Twilight whom shot her machete flying into it's front left paw.

Big and Ugly pounced last at me and raked his claws across my shirt.

Dash was still hacking away at Righty everytime he tried to pounce.

Twilight pulled her machete out of Lefty and plunged it into his eye.

I sunk Cutter into BaU throat.I then flicked my wrist and his head came clean off.

Righty had finally avoided Dash attacks with little less than a few scratches and a missing left front leg.He then proceded to pounce on top of her.

I tossed Cutter through the air at Righty where it sank into the wooden wolf forehead.

I looked to my left and I saw Twilight pull out the Machete with her teeth (and Lefty's eyeball) and sent it down Lefty's throat as he made his last yelp of pain.

As the last timber wolf fell I couldn't help but laugh and think.

What do you know?I've just killed a wooden wolf with a rainbow maned cyan pegasus and a booksmart purple unicorn.Look's like there IS a first time for everything!