Name's Joe

Wow, that was really anticlimactic.

At least we were able to deal with that quick.

I looked at Twilight, whom still had that wild look in her eyes.

"Geez Twilight, where did you learn to fight like that?"

"My brother is Captain of the royal guard.He taught me this when I was seventeen in case I needed to defend myself."

"Well, it's a good thing he did.From the looks of what you did to that thing,"I then pointed to the timberwolf on the ground with a machete down it's throat."I would not like to fight you."

"Well,thanks I guess."Twilight said, unsure of whether this was a good thing or not.Rainbow Dash flew in and joined in on the conversation.

"Hey, what about me?"She asked.

"Well, you did good if it weren't for the fact you nearly got tagged but otherwise very well." I rolled over to Twilight's wolf and carefully pulled out the machete.I then went to Dash's and pulled out Cutter.I looked at these odd wooden wolves , amazed at how they were able to move.I looked at the girls and asked a question.

"You wouldn't mind if I dissected them would you?"

They both replied in unison a very surprised and slightly disgusted

"What?"

"What?I'm curious about how they're able to move.They don't appear to have any joints or ligaments,let alone able to have a fully functioning brain.I've got to know,FOR SCIENCE!"

Fun fact, if you give the reason 'for science' you can pretty much do whatever you wish.Which brings me to what happens next.

"It's disgusting and degrading to the dead.But,we could be the first po- sentient being duo to do an autopsy on a timberwolf.We just might be able to learn how they are able to live and what there weak points are for pony protection."Twilight said, which very much disturbed me.

Clearly there is more to this unicorn than what meets the eye,we must be cautious.

I went over to My wolf which had the least amount of damage (Despite the fact it was missing it's head.) and slowly began cutting where it's ribcage would be with my bonesaw.After about an inch in,the ribcage just imploded on itself to reveal there was nothing inside.No heart,no lungs,and of course, no blood.

"Well,that's a bit anticlimactic.Well, let us get started on the head."

I moved over to the head a few feet from the timberwolf's body and slowly started cutting.It quickly cracked in half to reveal, it was hollow as well.Though,it had a strange green sap within.

"Twilight,you wouldn't have happened to bring a-"My sentence was cut short by Twilight handing me a small mason jar.

Seriously,where does she keep getting this stuff?

I carefully poured a small amount of the strange liquid into the jar, using the head as a pitcher,then quickly sealed the jar.

"Well,that will be fun to examine."The purple unicorn said enthusiastically while,Dash was looking at the green liquid in amazement and disgust.

"Well, now that you got your timber goo can we get back to Ponyville?Don't want the birthday boy to be late for his own party."

My pupils shrank,at least I think they did,It felt like it.Twilight looked at me in shock.She then said in an apologetic tone,

"I can't believe I forgot it was your Birthday!How old are you any ways?".I then replied,

"I'm twenty-one.Hold on a sec,I just realized I forgot something important in the house."I replied.I the quickly rolled towards the house and entered inside where I was greeted with the foul odor from before.Eyes slowly watering,I rolled towards the living room and got the two bottles of whiskey,and one bottle of peppermint schnapps my Grandfather always kept on top of the fireplace (Why we needed one in Texas I'll never know.).I then returned outside and quickly caught up with the girls with the bottles in my lap.

"Whiskey?Peppermint schnapps?You're a drinker?"Twilight asked me with a look of distaste but Dash quickly cut in and showed her enthusiasm.

"Yes!I've always wanted a drinking buddy!"

"Actually,I've never drunk any of this before,this is my Grandfather's collection of alcohol."

"Oh,thank goodness."Twilight said,relief washing over her face.

"Aw."Rainbow Dash said.

Perhaps she drinks to get rid of the sorrows of her childhood.Perhaps she never met her mother,perhaps complications at birth?Maybe her father wanted a boy and he ended up with a girl and no way of gettig a boy he could call his own?He could have pushed her to act like a boy and she would have went along with it seeing as how there might not have been anyone to tell her otherwise.Maybe she only just realized this recently.

I think you're reading too much into this.

I think you're not reading deep enough into this.

Can you two shut up!Rage is trying to sleep in the green room!

Wait,there's a green room in there?

Yes,it's quite nice.

How is that possib- you know what, I don't want to know.Just keep quiet I need to focus on what's going on and get back to the village.

"Well, we better get a move on.We don't want to keep those part guests waiting."

I then walked along with the girls pulling the cart down the path of yellow ribbon.

"Follow the yellow lined road,Follow the yellow lined road,follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow lined road!"I merrily sang.

-An hour later-

"Well, we finally made it back and out of that forest."I looked around and I could see a vast array of technicolor ponies shopping at a market a whiles away from where we were.Luckily,it didn't look like anyone had seen us.

"Well, this little adventure was fun, I'm going to go set up the clouds, we're supposed to get some rain tommorrow."Dash said, and then flew off.

Bye cyan c*nt! Nobody likes you!

See, this is why we don't let you come out of the recessive area of our mind often.

I then turned to Twilight and asked,

"So, how are we going to get to the treehouse,which is in the middle of town, from where we are now without being seen?"to which Twilight replied,

"Oh, I'll just teleport us there."Twilight then smiled at me,to which I replied with a very frustrated look.

"So, you're saying that you could have teleported to the castle and teleported us back after we got the supplies?"She then looked at me with an 'oh you' face and said,

"If I were to have done that it would have drained my magic use for the day with one trip with just me, let alone Me, you, Dash and the supplies."

"Okay then,I'm going to trust you on that seeing as how I don't know very much about magic other than you can cast it with that horn of yours."

Then, their was a flash of light and the feeling of rushing wind.Next thing I know,I'm in the library with my ears ringing.

I see Spike holding a scroll and a small pink envelope with a few different colored balloons.Slowly my hearing returned.

"-ilight! Letter from the Princess!"He then handed her the scroll with the wax seal."Oh, and Joseph, this letter's for you."He then handed me the pink envelope,that was strangely bubblegum scented.Before I could even open my envelope,Twilight began reading her letter from the Princess.

"My dearest student,Twilight Sparkle and her new house guest Joseph Evans.I have gotten a letter from a certain pink pony that today is Joseph's birthday.I would like to tell you both about my planned visit into Ponyville to not only wish Joseph a very happy birthday, but so that I may see him for myself.That, and to assure everypony that you are indeed peaceful.I know for a fact there are some that may jump to conclusions(Namely three florists sisters that have been known to cause panics in the past over so much as an odd looking bee.),I would also like to have a conversation with Joseph.It's not often a new sentient life form is found in ones lifetime,even one with as long a lifetime as me.I'll be arriving around 7:30 pm."

"Well that's interesting."I said quite plainly.Twilight then looked at me with a crazy look in her eye.

"Interesting?INTERESTING!?! We only have about 9 hours to teach you proper etiquette of dealing with the Princess!"

"Twilight,calm down.I know how to deal with public officials.Don't be brash,don't swear,look them in the eye but don't appear threatening, and bow seeing as how it's royalty, but the best I can do in a wheelchair is salute, and of course use proper table manners and anything I don't know we can just blame my lack of time here on it.Besides, it's going to be a party anyways and I'm sure she must feel more alien than me seeing as how everyone would be bowing to her, and she probably doesn't get to be like a normal pony anyways, so it would be a nice change from everything to just act normal."

Twilight looked at me with a look of uncertainty, then sighed and said,

"You're probably right."

"Now, I haven't even read my letter yet,hold on a sec."I then opened the letter and read it aloud,

"You're invited to the birthday party/welcome to ponyville party/welcome to this world party of this towns newest addition Joseph Evans!Today he is turning twenty-one and this is his first birthday in Equestria!We hope you come and enjoy all the cake and bring presents.From your neighborhood party planner Pinkie Pie!"After I had finished I looked to Twilight and asked,

"Well, we got nine hours to burn what do you want to do?"

"I don't know about you, but I'm going to read one of the books from your house that caught my eye."

"Oh yeah? What is it?"

"Fifty shades of Grey."

NO

GOD

WHY?