Vinnie's Equestrian Adventure

You zeroed in on the owner of the voice, your concealed eyes coming to rest on a dark blue horse with wings and a long horn.

You tilted your head in slight bafflement, speaking up to confirm that the voice did indeed belong to the horse. "Did you ... just speak?"

"Why yes. And you can communicate, yet I've never seen your kind before. Might I ask, who are you?"

Holy shit, this fucking horse spoke perfect English.

Giving the pony a charming smile, you spoke. "Name's Vinnie. What about you?"

As you waited for an answer, you gaze lingered in the equine as you took in her features. On her, well, flanks seemed to be two black blotches with white crescent moons on them. And her mane and tail seemed to be made of ethereal stars, and the fact that it moved as if there was wind around made it creepy. Resting on top of her mane was a sparkling black crown, a possible sign of royalty. Hell, the crystal horseshoes she was wearing sparkled as well.

"My name is Princess Luna. A pleasure to meet you, Vinnie." She replied.

"Likewise," You nodded, your mind spacing out on what to do. "So... what now?"

Luna seemed to be stumped too, until a metaphorical lightbulb appeared above her head. "Come, Vinnie. We must introduce you to our sister!"

"Okay..." You replied, following Luna  through this maze of a garden to wherever she was taking you.

Deciding to make conversation to pass the time, you spoke. "Luna, if you're a princess, wouldn't you have guards with you? You know, attempts of assassination and such."

"Nonsense! Equestria has been a peaceful place for a thousand years. Why would anypony want to harm us?"

Wow.

"Tell us, Vinnie, where do you reside in Equestria?"

"I don't. I live on Earth, somewhere populated by humans."

"No wonder we've never seen your species before."

"Sorry if this sounds personal, but what's with the horn and wings?"

"Ah, my sister, niece and I are alicorns. We are practically immortal, and we possess both magic and flight."

"Earlier, when you said Equestria has been peaceful for a thousand years, you mean there's been no wars or anything serious like that?"

"Well, there was one between my sister and I. But that was when my heart was full of malice and hate, gathered from my jealousy of thinking nopony appreciated my nights."

"Yeah, being young and stupid does that. No offence, I did my fair share of stupid stuff in my teen years."

"Like what, might I ask?"

Fuck.

"Um, I'd rather not say..."

Mostly because you'd get impaled as soon as you told her what you did for a living. Don't ask...

"Fair enough. It is not my business to snoop in others' lives."

Good for her.

Your conversation had gone on for so long that you and Luna now stood in a throne room, a snowy-white counterpart to Luna sitting on said throne. Logic would dictate that you shouldn't be smoking in the presence of royalty but...

Screw the rules, you had money ... and guns ... and your badass shades. A lot of things, really.

"Luna, who is this?" The snowy-white alicorn asked, eyeing you suspiciously.

"I'm Vinnie," You answered through your cigarette, flashing your trademark cocky grin. "And your day just got 20% more awesome."

You felt so fucking awesome right now. You looked badass, as well as having the skills to back it up. The bloodstained hoodie, your favourite Beretta 92S, your badass shades, the cigarette in your mouth and your cocky grin just spelled out you were badass for anyone around you.

"Now," You started, flicking the remnants of your cigarette onto the floor. "If somebody can tell me how I can get back to Chicago, I'm all ears."

"Well, Vinnie. I am Princess Celestia..."

***

After the whole meeting the Princesses fiasco, you had decided to roam around Equestria. Luna was obviously oblivious to gang activity, so you decided to seek them out yourself. Maybe you could find some Yakuza ponies or even the pony Italian mafia.

And your search was partly unsuccessful, for you were in some high-class tavern in Manehattan, or whatever they called it. You were sitting at the bar, your head slumped down onto the wooden furniture. Some of the inhabitants of the bar, ponies in general, were weary of your appearance. The bartender didn't seem to care, serving you regardless of your species.

"Whiskey, mate. Make it snappy, I'm starting to regain independant thought." You said, pulling out two golden coins from your pocket and sliding them onto the bartop.

The barpony simply nodded, grabbing a bottle of translucent bronze liquid and pouring it into a tumber on the bar. Simply put, you basically drowned all this craziness with alcohol. Anyone who decided to fuck with you would be fucked up, for Kiro always said that you had better aim when you were drunk. Which was kind of odd.

In your drunken state, your gaze panned about the room as you shakily took in the details. In one corner, as per usual, there were gambling games going on. Blackjack, Liar's Dice and Texas Hold 'Em Poker were among them. After you introduced yourself to Celestia, she had insisted that you needed money to get anywhere. You'd tried to explain to her that money wasn't a problem, until you found out that they used a different kind of currency in Equestria: golden coins called 'bits'.

Being the asshole you were, you sat down in one of the unoccupied seats on the Liar's Dice table along with five other ponies, all of them differing in subspecies and colour.

A dark brown pony wearing an eyepatch and a black woolen cap spoke up in a heavy Scottish accent. "Ante's fifteen bits, lads."

You and the other players individually put fifteen gold bits each on the table, right next to your cups of dice. Wearing sunglasses in a game of deception had its advantages, since the other players couldn't see your eyes. If things went awry, which was not uncommon for you, you had your trusty Beretta 92S handgun cleverly hidden from sight in your hoodie's pouch. But chances were, the gangs in this pastel-coloured land didn't even know you enough to hate you. Yet.

Most of the other players didn't even spare you a second glance, opting to instead participate in the ongoing game.

Fine by you, there was some dosh at stake here.

You absentmindedly lit a cigarette to pass the time as the other ponies got their shit together. You glanced around the table, although nobody noticed your eyes taking in their features because of your shades. One pony that caught your eye was a faded grey pegasus that reminded you of Kiro, the slanting eyes mostly. Everyone started to pick up their cups, so you followed and you all shook the contents of your cups while holding the bottom to prevent the dice from falling out.

About twenty minutes later, with your amazing luck, you managed to knock out three of the five ponies from the game. The remaining two was the Scottish pony and the Kiro-esque pony, all three of you sitting on three dice each. Despite having a serious game, you had started casual conversations with the ponies. Hell, the pegasus even sounded eerily similar to Kiro. The Scottish pony was actually called Tarvish DeGroot, and the pegasus was called Rising Star.

"So, what do you guys do for a living?" You asked.

"Aye, that be a long and complex tale, lad." Tarvish replied.

"Three fours," Rising Star stated, looking up from his cup. "Same here."

You glanced under your cup, seeing two fours and one two. "Five fours. I've got a bit of a long history too."

"It seems we have something in common," Rising Star commented, keeping a straight face.

"Six fours." Tarvish added.

"I'm calling it. You're bluffing." Rising Star interjected, knocking his hoof on the table.

All three of you lifted your cups off your dice, setting them aside. You already had two fours and one two, so what did they have?

Kir- Rising Star had three fours, which left Tarvish to decide who got a penalty. Glancing at Tarvish's dice, you could make out one four and two fives.

"Damn!" Rising Star cursed, throwing in a die for calling a bluff on a valid bid.

"Luck o' the Scottish, I s'pose." You added, shrugging indifferently.

"That's Irish, lad." Tarvish quickly interjected.

You threw him a light-hearted deadpan stare. "I'm paraphrasing."

"So, what's with the sunglasses, Vinnie?" Rising Star inquired.

"Apart from being worth five hundred dollars? They just kinda grew on me on my 'endeavours'." You used air quotes to get your meaning across. "Two threes."

"Why would you spe-" The rest of Rising's sentence is drowned out by the sound of gunfire, automatic gunfire to be specific, blaring down the street.

"Ponies have guns? How the hell do you hold the damn thing without any digits?!" You yelled over the noise, getting up from the table.

"Magic!" Tarvish simply said, as if it waved off any logical question.

"You two stay here, I'm about to do something really stupid!" You called out, wearing that signature grin of yours on your face.

"Are you insane? You run into trouble like that, you'll get yourself killed!" Rising Star raised his voice to match yours, seemingly doubting your sanity.

"I know! It's a hell of a rush!" You replied happily as you ran out of the tavern at breakneck speed toward the disturbance.

A block to the right of the tavern was the disturbance, ponies in silver armour closing in on the entrance. You gripped the handle of your Beretta, pulling it out of the hoodie's pouch as you ran.

Finally, some action.

From your point of view, the ponies with the guns were trying to rob a bank. So all you had to do was incapacitate the armed robbers, make a dashing getaway and look awesome. Simple.

You ignored the rapidly closing police officers, instead jumping through the bank's large glass window like a boss. You rolled as you touched marble flooring, the shattered glass nicking your clothing with small lacerations. Four masked ponies wielding assault rifles turned to sound of shattering glass, expecting the police to be in the bank already. Instead, they got you.

"What the hell are you?" One blurted out, eyeing you warily.

"I'm Vinnie," You replied, raising your Beretta. "Also known as your worst nightmare."

Before they could react, you shot the nearest one in the legs, preferring not to kill them just yet.

"Shoot 'im!" One of them yelled, whirling his weapon on you.

But you couldn't be stopped, as you came prepared. Underneath your ruined clothing was a heavily padded vest, used to stop bullets. By the time the police rolled in, you stood among the subdued robbers. Your whirled around to see six officers with handguns, all of them trained on you.

"Drop your weapon!" The lead officer demanded.