Chapters Prologue
The Past of the Past: May 3, 2142
"Mr. Harret, what exactly could you tell us about this so called 'classified project?'" A female reporter stood and asked the man. "What I, personally, have gathered from this press conference, is that you are experimenting with some sort of... Genetically engineered life form, but aside from that, you have not told us exactly what these creatures will be or what they will do! Are these life forms for a domestic... purpose, or are they to assist the military in the ongoing war?" She finished and stood there in her cliche'd pencil skirt and jacket, awaiting an answer.
The speaker scrunched his face in hopes of formulating an answer which gave as little information as possible, but to no avail. He simply could not find an unclear truth to say!
"Good question. Unfortunately, most of the details are classified to even most of NTech Industries's highest ranking officers! I, unfortunately, cannot reveal most of the details, but I am proud to say that these life forms will assist in both fields, domestic and combat situations, and will be split into three tiers, however, research may continue to split off continually... We have based the design off of equine species, and have miniaturized them, so to speak. That is all I may divulge, thank you for your time." He said with a cocky smile. I get to keep my job, suckers! He thought to himself. Everything was going to be fine, just a few more months and his promotion would be assured. Victory at last!
August 15, 2158
The war had continued. It had originally been a mere squabble of nations fighting over a collapsed, minute nation's territory, but that was sixteen years prior. At this point in time, men and women huddled as interstellar battle-cruisers razed planets and slaughtered billions mercilessly. Humanity spread over the galaxy, comprised of three nations. The New United States of America, The Great and Powerful Human Empire and Switzerland. Nobody cared about the Swiss, so really, only the NUSA and the GAPHE fought. NTech Industries, the largest corporation in the universe aside from Google, trafficked weapons to both sides, and yes, its "Genetic Equine Servants/Soldiers (depending on how sophisticated you were)" throughout the galaxy. Practically every person in the two warring nations though, was enlisted into their respective militias.
His name was James Underwood. Towering over most men and women at 6'3", he made his place in the world as a genius scientist/inventor/soldier. Blond hair barely kept under control, with no style in particular, swept over his low forehead and occasionally, to his chagrin, over his hazel eyes. A thin jawline and sharply sloped nose adorned his head as well. Sure he had large muscles, a massive IQ and could pull off a lab coat with ease, but his real feat of life was no other than his involvement in the genetic experimentation NTech Industries found itself delving into many years prior. Practically the unofficial leader of the group of pioneers into the equine gene sequences, he helped many families learn how to be cruel to the unfortunate.
Paycheck at maximum, he lived happily with many of his servants until he learned something unfortunate.
"DRAFTED?" He half exclaimed, half asked his small butler.
"Yes sir, the notice from the NUSA army is right here." Replied the small, chestnut colored horse creature as its horn glowed and brought up the note with apparent magic.
"But I can't be DRAFTED! I am a corporate leader! A necessary cog in the complex machine which is NTech! I'm on the Board of Directors! I KNOW THE GODFORSAKEN CEO!"
"Sir, that is what the other letter is about." Interrupted the creature, levitating another piece of paper to the man.
James Underwood, director of the department of research paled at the written note in front of him. "FIRED? How? How.... How can I be fired?" the now EX Director of the Department of Research in NTech Industries cried.
"It says here that you are to be sent to boot camp on Gliese 581D. You are to leave on... Tuesday, sir. Shall I pack your things?" The mini-horse inquired.
"Yes... Yes please... Thank you, Number 1. Thank you for everything."
"You are welcome. I shall go now." It said as it left.
The poor man gazed out the window of his luxury cruiser wondering where he went wrong, his future uncertain, his life ruined. No family, no friends, not even a religion to comfort him. Stars twinkled in the distance as was relative to his current position in the stars. I suppose this is my last vacation for a while... At least Gamma Cass is a beautiful star... He thought in sorrow.
May 17, 2160
"Jim, get 'em offa me!" Screamed the C.O. of the 24th squad of the NUSA Marines as he was chased by a GAPHE drone.
As this was said, Doctor/First Lieutenant James Underwood maneuvered his Typhoon 32-4A through space at a blinding speed towards his frantic Captain, his control panel flashing red and beeping about something that he didn't care about. Bloody ridiculous. He thought to himself. How'd he even make Captain with this little skill?
"Right on it, sir." He said sounding rather bored. He was a rather skilled pilot, it would take an idiot not to notice that, and his Marine rank was nothing to scoff at, but he did not please himself on the thrill of battle, he instead was indifferent and did not engage in social activities. "A true soldier," "a brave man," his superiors would call him, but in his heart, he was still a scientist.
He flew over to the Captain's ship and activated his MagnetoHydroDynamic Plasma Projectile Cannons, erasing all existence of the minute craft from existence.
"Thankee, doc! Thought I was a goner fer a second there!" Bubbled the Captain, banking to the right and angling up.
"FOR EARTH!" Screamed a pilot as he flew past the both of them, firing his cannons wildly, eventually being shot by a drone. "Shit!" He screamed, before his melting craft spun out of control, burning in the atmosphere of the blue planet below. Soon, his screams died from the radio's frequency. The radio, once filled with men and women exclaiming in excitement or hollering for assistance, grew silent in solemn respect. But only for a second, because war is war, and death is death.
Above the fight, (or relatively above, since battles in space are three dimensional with no up or down) several blocky battle-cruisers bearing the NUSA flag, (with two hundred stars, no less) battled a huge fleet of rounded out GAPHE battleships and cruisers. Below, Earth. The homeland, the cradle of humanity. The beautiful, preserved, blue planet which every human wished to be present on. The territory which now was the sole goal of each nation except for Switzerland, because nobody gave a shit about them, and they didn't give a shit about anything. They just made watches and pocket knives and cheese.
Explosions rocked the upper atmosphere as the carcasses of once great ships and men rained down on the planet. Several hundred armored, winged equine slaves flew among the ships with rocket aided movement, flank-mounted mentally controlled cannons blasting away at this or that. All of these wore a collar which held a serial number, noting rank and name. Neither nation owned more than the other, since these creatures were too fast to hit by ship, and did not seem to want to hurt each other.
"Admiral, what's the plan?" Asked the Captain from the intercom to the NUSA flagship. A light voice responded quickly.
"You are to clear the skies and then fly in to the GAPHE base on the east coast of the North American continent. The coordinates of the area you are to strike are 38.8900° N, 77.0300° W. We will hold off the large stuff here. (Captain Reynolds, fire all batteries at the weakened shields on that frigate!) Sorry Captain, we're a bit busy up here, so I have to cut off soon. Do you understand what I am sayi--" A large explosion tore apart the proud NUSA flagship, the NUSS Greyhound from aft to stern.
"You heard the man, get rid of the drones!" Shouted an anonymous voice over the radio.
"Hoorah!" Screamed another, while others shouted profanities or cheers.
First Lieutenant Underwood fired several shots into the drones and equine slaves. He winced as the blood of his creations splattered against his windshield. We create a sentient race and we use them as pawns. What a waste of money and technology. He groaned and continued spreading his plasma hellstorm across the sky of the blue planet.
Within half an hour, his barrel rolls and flips proved worthy as the drone navy was worn down to the point where a massive hole was present in their defenses.
"Yeah, buddy! Y'all can't deny the skills an' ingenuity of a bi'logical pilot, bitches!" Screamed the Captain. "C'mon, doc! Gimme a cheer!" He said to an exasperated James Underwood.
The Lieutenant sighed and let out an unenthusiastic "Fuck yeah..." which was apparently enough to satisfy his commanding officer as they angled towards the atmosphere.
"Goin' smooth, everybody?" Asked the Captain to nobody in particular, and received a collective affirmation. "Allrighty then, go at a half angle o' six degrees, that's in angles, not in Celsius, everybody!" He said, snickering at his own 'clever' joke. "Oh yeah, and horse... thingies! Follow us into the atmos!"
"Affirmative, Captain." Said one of the armored creatures as they grouped into a V formation, following the spacecraft.
"Hold your horses, I'm getting some interference in my radio... Wait... Is that? No, it can't be! SQUAD, EVASIVE ACTION! Some idiot opened an Alc drive in front of us! Shit!" The Captain screamed as a bright white light appeared in front of the squad.
As the squad dispersed, Underwood found himself at the center, being the last possible person to exit. As the men, women and equines flew away from the approaching Alcubierre portal in front of him, one genetically altered being threw itself in front of him for just a second, smirking as if to say, "You brought this on yourself," and flew off just as the Lieutenant hit the portal.
"What the fuck!" Screamed the ex-scientist as he attempted to turn his craft around, but to no avail. The disruption in space-time closed before he could do anything. Silently cursing, he could only imagine what horrors awaited on the other end. He turned his craft around in the abyss and flew to the opening on the other side.
Nothing could have prepared him for what was on the other side.
He had traveled faster than light to get to... Two thousand meters in front of where he was before, directly in front of planet earth, and at just the wrong angle of attack to land.
The last thing to go through the First Lieutenant's head was the word "fuck." The SECOND to last was noting that there weren't any star-ships or drones around him anywhere.
Chapter 2: The Second Chapter
Chapter 2: The Second Chapter
A gust of wind stung the Lieutenant's face as he was unceremoniously dragged through the sky by an irritating, mentally unstable, equine slave. This Lieutenant could not grasp what the miniature horse was excited about. He didn't even know her serial number! Although, it struck him as odd when she said that she didn't have any serial number... And what was this town she was taking him to, Ponyville? What sort of a place was that? A colony for the equines? No, a military encampment? Perhaps it was a civilian town which had adopted this escapee. Perhaps it was named due to the amount of unaltered domestic equines. That was probably what it was. Still, it would have to be a GAPHE town, so he was being shoved ungracefully towards his potential death by a clueless idiot! What horrors would await him there? But then again, this was the middle of the night... Over half of the population would be asleep no doubt. So thus, he could fight off the night guard and escape, right? Then he'd wait for the invasion force to reach this town and he'd be rescued!
Jim, you're a genius! He thought to himself, stating the obvious. But I'm not sure I can fight off the guards to this place... Can't reach my gun either... She's got a grip on me I can't break... This might not go very well for me...
The cyan equine was continually rambling on and on about her roommate and hands and other things which James did not care about that much. But suddenly, she stopped.
"What is your name, anyway?" She asked, completely forgetting that he had only just previously introduced himself.
"Let me down, and I'll tell you."
"Okay!" She said cheerfully as she lowered him to the beautiful, beautiful ground.
He stood up and gazed down at her with a blank expression. He had been taught that if someone asked your name, rank, name and serial number were the three things you were to say, and he didn't object to that rule at all.
"First Lieutenant James Underwood, 34581594." He said blankly.
"That's a rather long name... Wait, are you in an army? ARE YOU HERE TO EXPLODE EQUESTRIA?" She asked him, panicking.
"Equestria? You were just talking about this Ponyville place two minutes ago, what's Equestria?"f
"So... You don't know where Equestria is? Or for that matter, what it is?"
He sighed in frustration. "I just asked what Equestria was, you should assume automatically that I don't know what it is. I would like an answer, if that is not too much trouble." He said exasperatedly.
"Oh not at all! Since I take it you're not from around here, Equestria is the land we're in! This place right now, is in Equestria. The town over there, the land everywhere around here for hundreds of miles, that's Equestria! Oh, and the capitol is a few leagues past Ponyville. It's called Canterlot, in case you wanted to know."
"So... Who owns this 'Equestria' place? Who is your commanding officer? How long was I out? Is this place NUSA or GAPHE?" He asked.
"There you go about new saws and gaffes again. I said I don't understand what that means! Now, we have Princesses Celestia and Luna as the rulers around here if that is what you mean by commanding officer..."
"But GAPHE is a democracy. It's not a monarchy, and NUSA's a republic... Dear Lord, is this Switzerland territory?"
"Switzerland? What's a Switzerland? If that's a human or something, I'd like to say that you're the first human I've ever seen! Humans, you guys are the stuff of history books!"
"Are you implying that this is a government explicitly run by equines? That's not possible! You we--"
"Ponies." She interrupted.
"What did you just say?"
"You keep saying 'equines,' we call ourselves ponies."
"Ponies. As in baby horses? I suppose it fits, but still. You aren't supposed to have a government. This must be some sort of GAPHE experiment... Or maybe NTech has a facility here? Either way, I probably have messed it up... Okay nameless... Pony... Take me to this town. I'd like to speak with whoever is in charge of this operation."
"Sure! I'll take you there!" She said as she began to levitate the human once again.
"You don't have to do that... I can keep up, thank you." He said, rejecting her magical assistance. He knew that his exoskeleton could outrun even the fastest bred equines, er... Ponies...
"Okay, mister... Are you sure you can keep up on two legs?"
"Yes, thank you. Proceed." He said with no emotion visible on his face. He could tell that the small pony was still not sure about his speed, but turned and started running anyway.
"Follow me then! Oh, and I DO have a name! It's Lyra!" She yelled to him.
Lyra? With a lyre shaped flank mark? What sort of a pun is that supposed to be? "Sure, Lyra..." He yelled uncertainly as he sped towards her. Ten silent minutes running at 25 Miles Per Hour later, the houses of Ponyville began to peek over a hill to gaze at the two speeding life forms.
"Okay! That's Ponyville over there! It's not the biggest town, but it's still a fun place! There's a library, a store which only sells quills and couches, a bakery, a massive apple orchard, a school, a boutique and... Actually I think that's it for attractions... But then again, being an alien, you're probably not interested in stuff like that... I'm going to take you to the mayor in the morning. After all, it IS the middle of the night. Ooh, where are you going to stay? Bonbon would flip out and I can't think of anyone who would take you... Pinkie Pie would be overjoyed, but the Cakes are pretty full... Could you stay with Twilight?" Rambled Lyra partially to herself and partially to Mr. Underwood.
"I'm... Not exactly sure who that is... What is... IT's serial number?" He replied, confused.
"No serial numbers! Please, we don't have serial numbers! And she's a HER, just to let you know. She's the librarian! She only lives with Spike, and she's REALLY into research, so I'm sure you'd get along!"
James Underwood, Ex-Director of the Department of Research in NTech, finally saw a light in the dark as he heard of someone who could actually answer some of his questions, and was probably not as flawed as the specimen in front of him. However, the presence of an apparently separate colony of these genetically altered equines seemed anomalous to him. Each second he thought of the design of these creatures hammered his belief of this being merely an experiment run by a governing agency, until he thought of one thing. This was a monarchy.
These equines, ponies they called themselves, were designed to have no qualms about servitude, and, even though they had been shown to have a sense of individuality, typically felt lost when exposed to a situation where they were not under direct control. Thus, a monarchical society would make sense, especially if these "ponies" had escaped from their holding cells and had never realized who their captors were. What didn't make sense though was the age of the mare in front of him. NTech had an education schedule set into place at a very young age. The bred equines would be exposed to the reality of their situation almost immediately. This pony was around twenty years old by design. It didn't add up to him.
"We're here! Well, I guess you already knew that, but... We're here!" The cyan mare exclaimed suddenly. The soldier skid to a stop outside the primitive buildings which made up the equine village.
"How long has this city been here?" He inquired.
"Well, it's within one hundred years. I'm not entirely sure, since Granny Smith's one of the founders but is still alive..."
"Granny Smith? One of the founders? How are any of you old enough to be addressed as grandmothers? It has only been eighteen years since the first equines were bred!" He seemed confused, and Lyra seemed even more confused.
"You keep talking about breeding. If you don't mind, could you get your mind out of the gutter? And what's this about eighteen years? I don't understand what you're saying! Honestly, when I found a human, I didn't expect I'd have found an INSANE human. Did you escape from a mental institution or something?"
"ME escape from a mental institution? Dear Lord, if anyone's from a sanitarium around here it would be the one who doesn't recognize creation dates. This city cannot be over ten years old due to the release of military equines capable of the construction of buildings such as these being three years after the domestic breeds."
"Maybe you should take that up with Twilight. Come on, I'll take you to the library." Said Lyra disappointingly. She'd thought that humans all had bad-ass brain power. Just her luck she'd found one straight from the funny farm. She hoped he wasn't dangerous...
James Underwood was just as confused as her, but was glad that he was to be exposed to more equines who would likely be more informed than this mare.
Unfortunately, James Underwood did not realize that he was mistaken about the age of this town. He doubted everything Lyra said, but did not realize that, in fact, she was correct about almost everything she had said.
So to the library he followed her, to a new tomorrow.
Chapter 3: An Unexpected Turn of Events
Chapter 3: History
NOTE: I actually accidentally clicked the little X on this post, so I had to rewrite this. Feel bad.
The small city seemed medieval in nature to James Underwood as he walked through its empty streets. The buildings he saw in his history classes closely resembled the ones he saw here. Exposed wooden frames with plaster panels for walls? Check. Fire-hazard thatched roof? Check. Jettied second floor? Double check. All in all, a classic village appearance was maintained. However, James knew that this would not be lasting. The invasion fleet was very likely in the process of razing the GAPHE capitol, and this town would very likely be obliterated soon. James only needed to establish a connection with his Captain in order to reaffirm his position and be picked up. Could these equines would have access to a radio? His was clearly destroyed, so he hoped he would actually find one.
Although they were attempting to not disturb the town's rest, the two individuals still managed to make good time, walking from one end of the town to the other within five minutes. At a corner area, the young mare halted with no announcement.
"The library's just ahead!" Was her announcement. "I'll try to explain to Twilight so that she doesn't... You know, wake up the whole town."
The two turned the corner of the house which concealed the library.
To say that James was surprised was akin to saying that Britain has been in a war. The whole building was a tree. A single tree. As in, an incredibly disproportionate wooden plant which had been hollowed out whilst maintaining itself to the point where it didn't even look like any damage had come to it! How that was possible, James didn't know. He wanted to find out though, his genius intellect would not allow for a "It just is" explanation.
"How'd you guys build that?" He asked bluntly. Since in his experience, simple questions were the best ones.
"I dunno. It's a pretty old tree."
James, intrigued, put his helmet back on and ran a diagnostic. As this feature was activated, thousands of molecule-sized nanomachines, not enough to lift or destroy anything, but a hefty amount nonetheless, flew out of the microscopic pores his suit hosted and began to examine the remaining telomeres in each cell. Ten seconds later, a nice little happy message appeared on the HUD of the glorified hat.
Telomere content on chromosomes identify the age as 127.732 years since germination. Species: Oak. Gender: Female.
"So you guys found an old tree and mutilated it." He stated coldly.
"It's not hurt or anything!"
"I wasn't accusing you of anything! What I want to know is how you carved it! Must have taken some skill..."
"Whatever. I'm going to get Twilight. You just stay here and... Do whatever." She trot off to the tree.
Why wasn't I informed of this experiment? I WAS the director of research, after all! What was so important about this that the man with the second highest rank in the whole company couldn't be told? Perhaps this was an accident? No, the presence of aged equines with apparent memory's evidence against that... I helped build that company! Their largest product was MY creation! Well... Partly my creation, but still!
"Right. You do that."
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!!!-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
The NUSS Harbinger tore through space with a vengeance as its left MPD engine exploded violently, propelling the massive craft at a slight angle, before it righted itself. The vacuum tore air and crew out of the damaged chassis with no mercy until the hole plugged itself.
"SHIT! What happened? CAPTAIN! Give me a full on report!" Screamed a rather pissed-off Vice Admiral Huggbees, the sole possessor of the most amazing name ever. (Say it. You know you want to. Here, I'll start! Huggbees.)
A sweaty, pimply, scrawny and unkempt adult wearing oversized glasses stepped forward, one hand mounted on his left nostril, and he sniffing loudly. He then spoke with the voice of one of the chipmunks, if puberty had hit them HARD.
"Yes sir! I-uh... I don't know. Oh! The, the, the far starboard engine's gone, and we've lost about... A hundred men? I also don't think, you know, I mean... We're not near EARTH anymore... But the planet sure LOOKS like earth... There's just no giant space battle going on, if you know what I mean! This then can't be earth, even if it looks like earth, because earth has a massive battle around it, not that you wouldn't know that, you're a major part of it, but still, I was just elaborating on the fact that no, there isn't a massive space battle around this planet, and since earth has a mass--"
"You're rambling, Captain."
"Sorry, sir."
"Who would open an Alc drive right in front of us? Did we do that?" He asked nobody in particular.
"SIR!" A red shirted uninteresting person suddenly exclaimed. "Another Alc portal's opening!"
"What?"
"Something's coming out... It's another battleship! Oh holy shit... Sir? It's a GAPHE Capital Ship! I believe it is the... Dear Lord... That's the HES Henkins!"
True, the massive craft propelling itself through a swiftly closing Alcubierre disturbance was, in fact, the HES Henkins, the ship which hosted ten thousand crew members and was commanded by none other than Vice Admiral Henkins himself, one of the most renowned admirals in all of human history.
"Well, we're fucked." Said the Captain.
As the massive ship flew uncontrolled through the portal, something strange happened. Three quarters of the way through, the spacetime warp cut off. The majority of the Henkins was cut off from the rest.
"You were saying?" Asked the Vice Admiral. "Hail them." He ordered.
The Captain immediately pointed to the uninteresting red-suited Ensign, who immediately pressed a button on his rather uninteresting, blinking keyboard touchscreen of the future. Incidentally, the Ensign was of Swiss descent.
A ginger-haired official showed up on a large monitor which descended from the ceiling.
"This is Vice Admiral Harrison Henkins, what do you want?" The man asked in a slightly southern accent.
The NUSA Admiral remained stoic, attempting to maintain some masculinity in front of sheer badassery.
"I am Vice Admiral Marty Hugbees (yes, that is his name.) It appears you're in a sticky situation there. We're in one as well, so if you don't mind, I wish to propose a temporary truce."
"That's not a bad idea, considering the circumstances. Ah'll park my ship on the opposite of this here planet. Wouldn't want to start something we'll both regret, now would we?"
"Affirmative. Thank you. Huggbees out."
The screen blipped out and the room was silent. Only for a moment though, for as soon as the crew looked away from him, Huggbees immediately collapsed.
"Pure... Testosterone..." He muttered as he struggled to maintain consciousness.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-The Planet Below-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
"Lyra, you do realize that humans are earth pony myths, right?" Twilight attempted to explain to Lyra. She hated doing this, it always made her feel bad, but sometimes sense must be brought to those without it. "That... THING behind you is not a human. I don't see how that even comes CLOSE to fitting the legend! Look at it! It's white and scaly with a large... Compound eye on top! All you've got going for you are the hands!"
"Am I interrupting something?" The large... Thing interrupted.
For Twilight, it was like Jason Vorhees had decided to jump into her conversation. She stumbled backwards as the spaceman stooped down next to Lyra.
"Hi. Um, I was wondering how you actually carved that tree... Do you know?" He stared at the pony through his orange helmet, showing no emotion.
"Where is the sound coming from?" She whispered to Lyra.
"Oh, sorry... Where are my manners?" He removed his circular helmet. (For your listening pleasure. )
The mere statement "His face was handsome" is an understatement. (NO, THIS IS NOT A CLOPFIC, NOR A ROMANCE FIC. SHUT UP.) His blond hair waved in the night wind, highlighting his features. Twilight was baffled. I was wrong? I'm NEVER wrong! Humans exist? LYRA wasn't crazy? Waitaminute! Maybe she IS crazy and this is a huge coincidence! That's gotta be it.
"I'm First Lieutenant James Underwood. Pleased to make your acquaintance." He said, unnaturally nice. Maybe if I'm nice enough, she'll tell me ALL she knows! He thought.
"Charmed! I'm Twilight Sparkle! I've been told you were to stay with me, is that true? Because it would be my pleasure!" Maybe if I'm nice enough, he'll tell me ALL he knows! She thought in tandem. She was absolutely intrigued by the notion of humans and what they had. "You're a Lieutenant? So you have a military, right?"
"I'd say that was classified, if my title didn't imply it." He responded.
OH NO. He's going for the "it's classified" approach. SUPER nice time. She thought.
"Come in! We have a lot to discuss! I'm sure you want to learn about our culture, and I can tell you that I REALLY want to hear about yours.... "
"Sure!" He said with false happiness as he entered her house on her invitation. "You're the librarian, correct?"
"Yes! SPIKE!" She called.
James was confused at this calling. He wondered exactly what sort of cultural meaning shouting "spike" held. Perhaps it was a call for tea? Or perhaps it was a call for the purple dragon walking down the stairs with the same name.
"Wuuuuuuu... Whaddaya want? I'm... Tired..." The lizard asked. "What... What is that?" He asked as well, pertaining to the fleshy, armored BEAST in the middle of the library.
"Nothing. Take a letter, spike! The Princess's going to looove this one!"
Dear Princess Celestia,
I have just made a rather impressive discovery! Humans, the earth pony fairy tails, happen to exist! Now, don't immediately dismiss this, I have proof. Said proof is standing directly in front of me in white armor and flipping through my books. I suggest immediate action. I'm not really sure how to handle this, but I'm going to try to glean as much information as is physically possible from this human. This should be an exciting experience!
Your Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle
The letter was finished, the deed was done. Celestia was notified. The two hulking monstrosities in the sky orbited around the planet, waiting for a chance to kill each other. The marine was in the library, the student was prepared, the dreamer was informed.
The ponies of Equestria would sleep well that night. But the adventure was not over, it was just beginning. Soon, all hell would break loose, and Equestria would never be the same.
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Chapter 4: Overloading the Plot With a Bloated Chapter
Chapter 4: Overloading the Plot
"So you have hands." Twilight asked/stated towards James. Lyra stood behind her, smug.
"Yah. So... Are we just going to wait for an answer? I mean, you burnt that letter. Don't expect anything back... And what is that thing anyway? The... Purple thing. That's not an NTech product, is it? Honestly, I wouldn't know, since it's been a few years since I've worked there. Where'd you get it?" James asked.
"It's a dragon, I hatched it. HE. He's a dragon, and I hatched HIM. And yes, the letter will reach the Princess. She may take a while to respond, so I figured I'd just ask a few questions. First, what sort of an army are you in? How many are in it? What tools do you use? Lyra said you were on a meteoroid, are you from space?"
"That's a lot of questions... Okay, I'm in the marines, that's classified, that's classified, and technically, yes, if that answers your question."
"It really doesn't."
"Can't help you there. I'm not to divulge any potentially harming information to anyo--" His speech was interrupted by a large belch. Spike had inexplicably erupted a letter from his bowels.
"Here, Twilight!" He said happily as he handed the letter to his master.
My Faithful Student, Twilight,
I am intrigued. I have heard of "Humans" before, but only in myths and legends. If such a specimen does exist, I would enjoy seeing it. Unfortunately, transporting it to Canterlot is out of the question. Preparation for the Summer Sun Celebration cannot be interrupted by aliens, no matter how groundbreaking a discovery they are. Thus, I shall visit YOU for a change.
-Sincerely, Princess Trollestia Molestia Celestia
"So I take it that your leader's coming here then? Rather punctuated letter. Not much for small talk, is she?" He asked.
"That's offensive."
"Sorry. Let me get this clear though. Is your leader a king, a president, a dictator or an 'honorable chairman?'"
"What are those? We have a princess!" She stated.
James stared at her like she had just said that they castrate chickens for entertainment every Saturday. A princess? A princess. Really. I'm already tossed into some equine society and now I learn that their government has no king, no queen, but a princess. Reviewing, this place has equines which call themselves 'ponies' who live equally and serve under a princess, using 'magic' to solve their problems. WHY DOES THIS SEEM SO CHILDISH?
"So you're in a monarchy."
"Eeyup."
James continued to stare at the mare as if expecting more.
"Basically, she controls the sun and her sister controls the moon. They work in tandem and operate the government as higher rulers, although we do have a Parliame--" Twilight started, but was interrupted.
"Controls the sun? Controls the moon?" James was snickering at this point. "You think that the sun and moon are operated by your leaders?"
"Well, yeah... Why wouldn't we?"
"Yeah. Well I think that's the first time I've had a good laugh in a while! Listen here, I used to be a scientist, and I can tell you that... Well, the earth goes around the sun."
"What a silly idea! And what is this... 'earth,' anyway? How could a planet go around a sun?"
"You clearly haven't studied astronomy. This culture must be some failure. I'd hate to still be with NTech at this point, after all, you don't even know what PLANET you're on!" James mocked her mercilessly.
"This is the planet Equus! Of COURSE I know what planet I'm on!" Twilight retorted, shouting at this point.
"This is EARTH! And it has been called Earth for countless millenia!"
"Earth? What a stupid name! You named your planet 'dirt?'"
"You named yours 'horse.'" James stated.
"Well, that's because... You're not on this 'Earth' anymore, you know. I don't know what you were doing, but you're not on any planet called Earth, because THIS, this is Equus, in the land of Equestria."
"Ok. You know what, fine. It's Equus. Whatever you say. But you guys are obsessed with horses for some reason. I mean, you don't see any HUMAN nations naming themselves 'humanitaria' or anything like that! Okay, maybe with the GAPHE, but they're not that smart. And as for not being on Earth anymore, of course I'm on Earth! Where else would I be? I may have entered the Alc portal, but I still recognized the continents as I fell! It is clear that I am on Earth, and you are obviously delusional to believe that no, I am not on Earth, because I am!" James huffed. Twilight was clearly not amused.
"Where were you before you met Lyra?" She asked calmly.
"Well, I'm glad you asked. I'm in the NUSA marines, you know that, and I can't tell you much more of that, but since the immediate results of this battle are clearly going to raze this city to the ground, accident or not. First off, Zimbabw--"
James was quickly interrupted by a knocking on the door.
"That should be them... Now Mr. Lieutenant, please don't anger Princess Celestia! She's probably cranky at this time, and I'm pretty sure that Princess Luna's not exactly in a wonderful mood either. I would advi--"
The door rapidly opened with two rather large equines with wings and horns as the perpetrators of the act.
James's eyes widened ridiculously far. He'd never seen this type of equine! Wings AND horns? Curse NTech for not allowing him these glorious secrets! The equines were both female, that much he recognized, but their flank marks did not represent any military significance at all! What then, could... Wait... These flank marks were those of the sun and the moon! Perhaps then, these were the princesses! Then these were the great con artistes?
"Twilight Sparkle! What is this... Thing which you wanted me to see?" Asked the white one.
"I have noticed the presence of a strange rock with fell from the sky in yonder gorge, wouldst thine beast be, then, responsible for this crash?" The black one asked in a powerful voice. It was a wonder that every... Pony was still asleep.
"Princess Celestia! Princess Luna!" Twilight exclaimed, as if she hadn't known it was them, and bowed reverently. James stood there staring at the large horses, self conscious of the MPD rifle strapped to his back. "This is the human I wanted to show you! Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to like to talk much..."
"Hello." The scientist said flatly.
"Greetings, newcomer! I am the Princess, Celestia! This is my sister, Luna! We would both like to welcome you to the wondrous land of Equestria! I am sure you are curious about us as much as we are about you!"
"Not really." He said.
"What? You aren't curious about the physiology of the aliens around you?" Celestia asked. Luna remained stoic.
"I am rather familiar in equine anatomy. What interests me is your culture." He continued rather flatly. "I am curious at what your flank-markings represent and how they appear differently than... Planned. I am aware you form a parliamentary monarchy with two rulers in conjunction, but it appears you have no guard. I take it that the crime in these cities is very low, correct?"
"Er... Yes. How exactly have you come into familiarity with the pony body?"
"You don't want to know. It's not classified, and I'm not stopping you from delving into it, but let me make this clear: You don't want to know."
"We do." Luna retorted.
"You're sure?"
"Rather." Celestia said.
"Then sit down, this may take a while."
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-So Much Space... Gotta See it All-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
The planet Earth was a beautiful sight. Each continent easily distinguishable from the bird's eye view outer space had to offer. Vice Admiral Huggbees stood on the bridge of his wondrous battlecruiser, the NUSS Harbinger. Silently, he gazed at the awe-inspiring ball in front of him. Planet Earth... The cradle of humanity, the birthplace of the greatness which drove not only the Slithurians away, but the Yonkos and the Houyhnhnms too! Here I stand as a member of the great race which defeated the odds to make their dreams come true. But why is it so... Tranquil? We had been fighting for our lives and freedom as our ancestors did before us, but now... Not a single UAV or equine in the sky! Why? Is this, then, NOT Earth? No. It must be Earth. No amount of coincidence would toss us to an identical planet, in an identical solar system! Then where are we?
"Sir!" A red shirt yelled. "Extensive damage has been observed on the starboard engines, and casualties have been reported to be exactly seventy-nine crew members! Spectroscopes have determined the planet below shares a breathable atmo. In fact, there's no reason to believe that that planet isn't actually Earth itself, sir!"
Interrupted from his internal soliloquy, the officer turned to the Ensign.
"Do we still have our landing craft?" He asked.
"The craft, as well as the frigates are intact, sir!"
"Let's park the car, then!" The Admiral exclaimed.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-Twilight's Library-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
The spaceman gazed at the eager princesses and their student. They had seated themselves on the floor in front of where he stood, awaiting his supposedly glorious tale of honor and friendship. Instead, they got this:
"So about a hundred years ago, a little nation called Zimbabwe collapsed. Humans had just learned how to fly at speeds faster than light by warping spacetime. Unfortunately, it required an energy release which was massive. So massive, that in order to make just ONE trip, you'd need to release the entire energy content of a house! This wouldn't do, so we found an element which worked wonders. It held a lot of energy and we were able to transport it easily. Element 95, Americium. And despite its name, it wasn't really that common in America. People needed it, and when Zimbabwe collapsed, we found that there was a LOT of this stuff underneath."
James stood there, pausing for effect. The ponies didn't seem to grasp what he was saying.
"After the discovery of the mass deposit of Americium, nations started arguing over who would have rights to mine there. The money available for gain would be massive if it was owned, so all nations stopped arguing and began FIGHTING. Armies were sent off to get this "wonder element" and all that. So long story short, interplanetary war ended breaking out. This relates to you, because at the heart of this conflict rested the corporation which invented the Alcubierre drive, the FTL engine, mind you, they gained dollar after dollar off of this conflict. So once they got enough dough, they started the GEPFTBOHAIIAANITU project, or the Genetic Engineering Project for the Benefit of Humanity and its Interstellar Allies and Neighbors in the Universe. Not a good acronym, but still. I was one of the top members of this project. Twenty years ago, we started the GSAC project: The Genetic Servant and Companion project, to be precise. It detailed utilizing a dying species for the purpose of creating a new creature which could help out in the home and all that happy stuff. I took the project because I'd get paid. We started with re-engineering monkeys, but the public was disturbed at how uncanny that would be, so we decided to change it a bit. We took one of the most valuable animals in Earth's history and gave it a second chance. We took the horse, which was dying out because of how impractical of an animal it was to keep, and made it feasible and manageable. It was a brilliant project, the one which earned me a high rank, but more into IT. We did a few changes to the horses," He continued, noticing that the ponies seemed to not recognize the term 'horse.' This struck him as odd, seeing as they were... Well, horses. "We took these creatures and gave them human brains, or at least, near-human brains, decreased their massive size to that of their young, gave them special hooves with miniature hairs for grip, and finally, marks on their flanks to determine things such as which family they belonged to and stuff like that."
The ponies sat silent. The white princess cocked her head in confusion.
"These mini horses had no real name, so we called them 'equines.' Men and women flocked to purchase these creatures, even though they clearly had high intellects and were self-aware... I mean seriously! They are REAL, living creatures which can process almost as much as a human can, and in certain cases more, and people just buy them like they're dogs! Still, I suppose the servitude aspect of the deal was alluring enough..."
"So wait... Are you referring to... Us?" Asked the purple unicorn. (That is an interesting sentence to type...)
"You're pretty slow, aren't you? Of course! We developed the non-horned or winged equines first as servants or sentient pets, and the other two for military purposes! And THAT, teal-horse-thing, is why I asked you for you serial number." He said sharply to Lyra. "Because I am your creator! WHY, then, do THOSE two exist," He pointed to the princesses, "and why do you not have serial numbers? I'll tell you! I've been thinking about this for a while, and I think that this is some sort of genetic experiment on intellect!" He heaved.
"I remember millennia of service to this proud nation and planet. Clearly you are delusional." The princess said flatly. "Plus, there is no explanation for magic which is scientifically possible. You could not have manufactured the ponies to your specifications thus."
"Au contraire, mademoiselle, there IS a scientific explanation. For your memories AND magic. I think I'll start with the latter. It's hard to find these, I'll admit, but "magic," is simply composed of little skin cells which fall off occasionally, which undergo a transformation to become dependent on the sun, grow a propeller-like flagellum and several other appendages. It's not actually that unbelievable, but they end up looking like a weird bacteria when separated. Memories, well, I'm about to prove you wrong with THOSE." He put his helmet back on as he said this, pressing several buttons on his arm.
I feel bad for doing this. He thought, feeling bad for doing whatever he was doing.
"Wait... Wait what? WHAT? " He screamed. N-natural memory? NO WAY. No. No. Nope. Nope. No chance in hell! How is that not implanted? HOW? Wait... Oh God... I'm on another planet. These must be a separate species identical to my equines! NO! That is a HUGE coincidence! HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? The nanites which flew from his suit had not found any radiation from any memory-implanting process. These memories the princess held were, in fact, legitimate memories, and that baffled the scientist.
"I... I-I'm sorry... I'm mistaken... I am so sorry. Forgive me your majesties... How... How?" He stammered in fright.
"I told you that I clearly remembered these things! Although, your magical explanation was rather interesting. Would you have any means of proving that?" Asked the white princess. (WHY DOES THAT SOUND RACIST?)
"Yes... If you have microscopes, that is... Honestly, I don't know... I don't... I don't even... Where am I?"
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit. Go to space...-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
The Henkins was a good ship. Easily dwarfing most other cruisers, it shone in the sunlight. Well, it would have, if the whole back half hadn't been cleaved off unceremoniously, resulting in the deaths of several thousand men and women... Still, it was a pretty big ship, that's what I'm getting at.
"The side accelerators are operational, sir, but we've lost our Alc drive. We're basically grounded here, sir." An ensign said to the extremely manly Vice Admiral in front of him.
"Ah reckon we're gonna have ta take the hill." He said, resonating his pure male dominance over the inferior crew.
And so, the previously large-but-not-so-large-anymore-seeing-as-it-was-just-bisected-in-the-last-chapter ship set forth to the planet below.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-Twilight's Library-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Lyra was upset. First this human was saying that he could explain magic, then that he had made them all, then he puts his helmet on and apologizes! What's up with that?
"So... If this planet is truly NOT earth, but instead a planet which coincidentally has the same form and some of the same life and fauna, do you truly rotate the sun? No. Wait, no. If my hypothesis is correct, you'd only be able to rotate the planet itself, correct?" The human asked.
The purple equine sighed in frustration. while the white one's mouth assumed a strange position, scrunched up close to her cheekbones. She glanced to both sides and sighed.
"I concede." She said, hanging her head. The purple one stared at her in shock.
"Oh... Well... Why doesn't your planet... Turn?" He asked.
"That would be Discord."
"And that is?"
"He's the god of chaos." She answered, as if that explained everything. She didn't seem to want to go into it more, so James abandoned it.
Something tells me that I'm not going to be having a very good time here. The soldier-turned scientist thought to himself.
And as it turns out, he was right.
Chapter 5: Question time!
Chapter 5: QUESTION TIME!!!
The planet turned slowly that night as both star-ships and their crews descended into hazy atmosphere. Neither knew of each the other's actions, only concerned with their endeavors to the haven below. On one, Vice Admiral Huggbees, the officer presiding over nearly ten thousand men and the victor of countless battles. Standing in the other, Vice Admiral Harrison Henkins, the manliest being in existence ever, no exceptions.
Both formidable forces tittered to each other on their respective ships, radiating pure testosterone the likes of which had not penetrated the air of this planet in a long time...
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-A Library Which Is Also A Tree For Some Reason-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Silence dominated the tree-house-library-thingy as each of its occupants sat in... well, silence. Each of the five occupants sat awkwardly staring at each other.
"So... You're a carnivore." Twilight said, attempting to break the ice. "I noticed your teeth... You eat meat, right?" She said, attempting not to visualize this creature tearing into the flesh of an innocent animal.
"Look at the back" James replied, opening his mouth. From what Twilight could see, his teeth gradually lost their edges and became flat at the back of his maw.
"Omnivore!" She squealed a bit too excitedly. The reason being that she was extremely relieved that he wouldn't have to be fed... Meat. Equestria didn't raise livestock for food, pony stomachs couldn't digest anything but plants, so she was previously having issues finding a meal plan for this creature, but now, she could give him whatever she wanted! "So you're good with hay then, right?" She asked.
"We don't eat grasses. Fruits and vegetables, with a few other materials make up the herbivorous side of our diets."
"Okay! That seems manageable!" The purple mare confirmed, slightly disappointed that her simple plan would not work. The ape thing simply sat awkwardly, thinking fiercely about how he would rectify his impressive situation.
"I hate to say it, but... I've eaten a lot of chickens in my past. I won't mind if I am fed only vegetables, nor will I object or show disdain, but just know that I have the capacity to consume other sentient beings... If that's useful to you, anyway." He followed up. Well, shit. He thought.
Twilight stayed silent, yet inched backwards while the Princess Luna's mouth fell open at this bluntness. Princess Celestia and Lyra stayed strangely stoic at this statement though.
"Ok, since this is getting awkward, so... I'd like to ask YOU a few questions on Equestrian society. It's not every day I get to meet an alien race identical to those I created and... Uh... enslaved......." My execution for ruthless hate crimes is imminent. They're going to eviscerate me. I need to SHUT UP! He screamed internally.
"O-okay... I wasn't actually prepared to answer, but I guess you weren't either... Yeah, um... so ask away I guess!" Twilight, clearly the dominant participant of this conversation on the pony side, stated.
"First off, the flank marks you all seem to have. I noticed that, er... Lyre? Lyra. Lyra has a lyre on her flank, your name is Twilight Sparkle and you have a... Thingy... And those two princesses who you forgot to introduce to me seem to have a sun and moon, respectively. Do these marks correlate with the names you are given?"
"I DID introduce you to the Princesses, Celestia and Luna. Those're their names." She said. "Furthermore, these are called 'cutie marks,' and they represe-"
"I am not calling the marks that." He interrupted.
"That's what they're called though! Why wouldn't you want to call them that?"
"It sounds utterly asinine. You can refer to them with your unnecessarily girly names all you want, but seriously, I refuse."
"Fine. Our CUTIE MARKS represent our special talent!" Twilight finished with a coy smile.
"Your special talent, huh? Interesting. Our equines' flank marks were assigned to them mechanically... I take it that YOUR marks have a major effect on your lives, correct?"
"Most ponies choose their jobs based on their cutie marks, yes."
"Humans had an ancient philosopher named Aristotle once... Then he died." The ponies gazed at him with a similar look to those they would have given him if he had leeks sprouting from his nostrils. "He said many times that he wanted a world where people worked based on what they were good at... Trouble was, nobody could find out what they were explicitly good at... I guess you guys don't have that issue then, huh?"
"Of course not! Wait... You humans don't have cutie marks?" Twilight was confused at this statement. Even griffons had cutie marks! Of course, they'd probably kill you out of sheer embarrassment if you attempted to locate it, but even so! The prospect of a race which went sans cutie mark was absolutely confusing, if not downright horrifying! How could they function as a society without knowing what they were skilled at? How could it possibly go down, the disorder, the chaos? Oh, the ponymanity!
"I believe I made that pretty clear..." The human looked concernedly at the mentally-breaking-down pony who was clearly freaking out.
"Then... How does your education system work? Ponies go to schools or get trained to excel in their skill, but we KNOW what we are good at. Without an indication of your innate talents, how do you judge what you're destined to be good at?"
"We go to colleges and learn basic skills. Students learn what they want and thus eventually get a degree in that subject. Now, a degree is basically a paper which verifies their study in said subject, if you didn't know..."
"I did."
"Well then there's no problem! It's a simple system, and for the most part, it works. It depends on how you choose. However, I do believe I am entitled to another question; how is your government formed and how does it operate? The audience seems to mainly be made up of the royal family, so how do they operate? Actually, this is probably a better question to ask them... Specifically speaking, how do you share your powers, and how does this split affect your nation?" James turned to the two previously silent magical talking unicorn/pegasus hybrid ponies.
"Odd question, 'tis true... 'Tho 'tis a monarchy, Our power is split between rule, day and night. We rule the night, our sister presides over the day. From reason, we wouldst have gathered you had concluded this by the names of us and our sister. Still, the two of us have a grip on the kingdom thou see before you which deeply connects the lands around it. Nobles assist in the operation of our nation and supply thine occupations cordially." The black creature stated.
"What's with... What's with the whole 'medieval speak' thing? The rest of the... Ponies I've seen all speak normally, why are you... Why do you refer to yourself as 'we' and say 'wouldst?'"
"Don't ask..." The white one replied with a sigh. "It's a long story...."
"Ah... You all have a fascinating society, I'll admit... And not as socially equal as it was made out to me by the bluish one behind me, whatever her name is..."
"Lyra." Lyra said.
"Yes, whatever. What do you do in terms of social order between your other races. I noticed that both of you royal horses... Ponies... Are of a separate race which I've never seen before, which is a combination of pegasi and unicorns. However, I have yet to see a mundane equi... Pony here yet. Given your quick acceptance of the concept of a similar race to your own being enslaved, would I be correct as to say there is a sort of... Social order border-lining on... Well, slavery?"
The mares seemed shocked at this notion. Slavery was common in other races, but not ponies! Ponies were BETTER than the other races, their grasp of the concept of equality and racial fairness outshining all those other races... Wait...
"No." They all said simultaneously and firmly.
"Well then, you're better than we are. If anything, our people are rather nasty when it comes to the enslavement of a race. We abhor the notion of enslaving humans, but ponies? Well why not?" He glanced side to side at the spectacle of stunned horses listening to him talk about enslaving horses. "Where's the little lizard thing?" He asked quickly, hoping to rectify the awkwardness of his situation.
"I'm right here!" The tiny creature squealed in irritation at his feet. With his size relative to the four foot tall ponies, he was barely at knee height to the large human.
"I've never seen a creature such as you... Frankly, you're the most interesting being here, since I don't need to learn much about the biology of the two large equines, and I'm far too familiar with the unicorn biology to the point where studying them would be asinine."
"HEY!" Lyra shouted, clearly offended that one of the creatures from her fantasies was insulting her race.
"How do you reproduce?" The man blurted. His eyes immediately widened and he stumbled. "No wait, I can picture that. No. Actually, I don't want to ask you anything. I'm fine. You're a sentient lizard, I can live with that."
"I'm a DRAGON." The lizard specified.
"Might bit small for that, sir." James argued. "If you're a dragon, two issues. Where are your wings, and why are you not breathing smoke from your nostrils viciously whenever you exhale?"
"Spike's a baby dragon." Twilight elaborated.
"Spike? You named him SPIKE? I hate to sound stupid or end up concentrating on what I shouldn't be, but... Spike? Where's the creativity? Originality? And... Wait... So you're confirming that he's a dragon?"
"Yes. He won't have wings, but he DOES breathe fire! Not to the extent that others would though..."
"Well then I apologize sincerely." The man apologized halfheartedly.
"So... I hate to butt in, but... You said you were a scientist? Why did you start fighting?" Asked the previously unnoticeable cyan mare behind Twilight.
"Yeah... Rather long answer there, unfortunately... I worked on the GEPFTBOHAIIAANITU project and several other major projects, mostly pertaining to weaponry, and actually became the CFO! That was only for a year though. My company, NTech, actually ended up firing me! After I was left jobless, my status as a "Irreplaceable Employee" was revoked and I was drafted, just like basically every other adult in the universe."
"So... Why were you fired?" Asked the lavender creature.
"I'm tired. You have anywhere to sleep?" He countered.
Sadly, the purple one pointed towards the door to her basement, knowing that she was defeated. The man's face demonstrated a similar chagrin to the one Twilight now sported
Manes flowing in the nonexistent wind, the two princesses watched silently as the scientist slowly approached the beckoning door, attempted to turn the doorknob, realized that the doorknobs there didn't need to be turned, pulled on the brass bulb, resulting in the wood to face outward on its hinges which were also made of brass, and descended.
A small bed was braced on the wall next to a metallic... Thing... It was positively horrifying, a giant metal box with several thousand red buttons on it, complete with ominous lightbulbs (a luxury which seemed to abandon the rest of the library,) placed on its top and an electrode-colander-thingy attached to a wire adjacent to the bulbs.
What its purpose was, the scientist wasn't entirely sure he WANTED to know. And so, he pulled the bed into its proper place and fumbled around the room, searching for sheets before giving up and lying down on its hard surface. He then immediately realized something was amiss and stood once more, placing the helmet which had just previously lay pointlessly at his side on his head once more. He spoke swiftly and surely.
"Action program 432, commence." He said to his suit's "Weak AI." It was basically Siri, except running a suit. Sorry, no Cortana for you.
"Action Program Number Four Hundred and Thirty Two Commencing." The robotic voice replied. "Have a nice day!" It said, before something amazing happened to his suit.
Typically this program was not operated under normal conditions, as the removal of ones armor is clearly one of the worst decisions an individual could possibly make when stranded on a foreign planet inhabited by a race seemingly related to one which despises you, but seeing as James actually had a concussion at this point, he really didn't care.
The suit hissed, several gasses escaping loosening seams, the likes of which were to maintain pressure, even minus the pressure of the helmet. Of course, this was pointless seeing as the difference in pressure would allow air to escape the lungs of the suit's wearer if such a difference did exist in the first place... Really, it was mostly for looks.
The suit unfolded at each individual block of white armor, until it all fell unceremoniously to the wooden floor.
And then he lay down.
The mattress underneath James felt like a rock, several hard lumps which appeared to be actual rocks digging into his skin mercilessly while the feathers inside shifted away from his weight, causing the pressure from the springs below to provide even MORE irritating pressure on his back.
Yes, this bed was ten times better than the one marines were issued on their respective ships.
James lay in silence, hearing several loud-ish voices engage in an unintelligible argument above.
Tranquilly, the soldier drifted into his dreamland.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-A Pointless Dream Which Seems To Be A Fic Trope-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
His eyes sprung open, an equine slave clearly in front of him. It aimed the cannons on its flanks at him and "magically" pulled the triggers. Seconds before hot plasma ripped a hole in his chest, a man threw a rock at James's head. The rock sailed and collided, knocking him to the ground as the warmth of magnetized neon flew over his head.
The man, his Captain and CO of this mission grinned at him.
"Y'all better watch out, y'hear?" He chastised the Lieutenant as he quickly dispatched the unfortunate unicorn.
Multiple fighter spacecraft flew overhead, each one banking at impossible angles in the hopes of dispatching its fellows, sending explosions along the nearly ruined city they stood in.
Warmth engulfed James as one particular explosion less than fifty yards away sent multiple equines and humans flying at awkward angles and threw shrapnel at all who stood firm. His heavy suit blocked the majority of the minuscule particles, yet a few ended up piercing his defenses, allowing spurts of blood to appear.
Suddenly, the obvious memory-like stance of this cliche'd scenario was interrupted by Louis Armstrong's "What a Wonderful World " playing while the Captain transformed into a flock of penguins.
" I AM LEGION, FOR WE ARE MANY! " The penguins squealed in unison as they flew through the air on jetpacks, quickly consuming a T-Rex and several dodongos from the Zelda franchise which foolishly dared to challenge their sexual might.
" COME, LIEUTENANT! LET US TAKE OUT THE GREAT AND MIGHTY DUMPSTER WITH OUR COMBINED MIGHT! " They beckoned. James complied, spontaneously sprouting a single wing and following, gliding behind the omnipowerful flock with tears of tender joy blurring his vision.
"Yes, my master!" He cried passionately, his unbridled passion passionately demonstrating his ultimate passion to the equally passionate penguins.
"And I think to myself... A mulatto, an albino, a mosquito, my libido... Yeah" A mysterious figure sung. It was hunched over and drenched in shadows, squatting over what appeared to be a prone man.
James and the penguins flew to it carnally. The penguins approached the creature, tapping on its shoulder.
Menacingly, the monster, for there was no other word to describe it, turned to the intruders, revealing its horrible face.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-The Basement of the Library Which Was Also a Tree-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Shooting up from his bed suddenly, James Underwood sweat furiously at what he had just seen; the Pickle Monster which had haunted his dreams since childhood! His worst fears all wrapped into a single, vinegary entity of horror and destruction, oh what a vile and cruel world he had been raised in!
"I have never seen a more frightening spectacle in my entire life." He muttered to himself.
Suddenly, the marine noticed something terrible; he was sitting on a bed in the middle of a strange room with no real recollection of WHY he was sitting on a bed in the middle of a strange room! He scanned his surroundings, finding that it was just a simple wooden room with several bookshelves scattered around and... Wait... What the hell was that?
Where a carpet or a statue or even a giant statue of a Sharpie TM could have stood, instead, a metal... Thing... Stood in the place of what could have stood where it stood for the sake of standing!
James couldn't even remember how he got on this insanely comfortable bed! But more concerning was his lack of armor! Why had he taken off his armor? If he didn't, who did? Where in HELL was he?
"Where in HELL am I?" He asked.
*This is what happens when someone falls from outer space and lands headfirst with little to no protection. They get a concussion and memory goes to shit. Hence:
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-Spacey-Wacey-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
"Sir! We have detected that the GAPHE ship on the other side of the planet is making its descent as well!" A random and unimportant officer cried to Vice Admiral Huggbees.
"Shit! Hail Henkins and ask him what the hell he thinks he's doing!" The Admiral screamed. There was absolute silence.
"We're supposed to... Rain little ice rocks on him?" The insignificant officer asked.
"Dear God help me... I'm in command of a military vessel populated almost entirely of extras from a sitcom... What I mean, Ensign, is for you to call him on your little space-skype thing, and shut up while the adults talk!"
"Yes sir!" The Ensign immediately went to work attempting to 'hail' the foreign Admiral.
Suddenly, a large hologram positioned itself in front of the Vice Admiral's face. Lo and behold, there, in front of the wrinkled and greying white man, stood an ethereal image of a handsome, taut-skinned, read-headed badass.
"What is it, hag?" The young, manly man asked, likely knowing full well that hag is a derogatory term for old women and NOT men, which should be obvious based upon his blatant use of it and my pointing it out.
"Why in Hell are you trying to land your shitty piece of shit on the planet I'm attempting to land on?"
"Because it suits me, and this 'shitty piece of shit' is not in good shape. Duh."
"Well MY ship isn't in good shape either, in case you didn't notice! You don't see ME going around trying to la... Wait... Never mind... Still, that planet is MINE! I claim it in the name of the New United States of America's Navy, and you can't have it!
"Nuh-uh!" The ginger replied with pure rage. "Ah claim in in the name of the Great and Powerful Human Empire, and there's nuthin y'all're gonna do 'bout it!"
"Oh yeah?"
"YEAH!"
"This is on, you realize that? THIS MEANS WAR!" The old man screamed with the fury of a much younger man, startling the crew members as he pounded his boot against the steel floor.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-Canterlot Gardens-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
A tranquil scene played out in the Gardens of Canterlot; birds chirped around trees as they played their aerial games of tag, caretakers fulfilled their jobs in trimming the edges of the hedges to an unnaturally smooth tone, and a statue of a disgusting chimera of creatures suddenly sprouted several hairline cracks... That's probably significant...
Chapter 1: Discovery and Confusion
Chapter 1: Discovery and Confusion
Lyra Heartstrings, the cyan pony with a white stripe in her hair and a lyre cutie mark on her flank, who everybody knew to be... Strange, was taking a night stroll. She didn't normally take night strolls, in fact, night strolls were extremely rare from her. To her a night stroll was something which could distract her from her ultimate goal: to discover humanity. Not in the literal sense, it was obvious that they didn't exist. After all, why would they be only in history books and not making history at the very moment! They had hands, that gave them a technological ability presumably unrivaled on the planet... God she wanted hands...
Lyra's stroll on this warm night was only caused by her roommate, Bonbon, who refused to admit that any such creature could exist! Why? Lyra didn't know! Perhaps Bonbon was unwilling to believe anything that she said because of her obsession. Perhaps it was to dissuade her from continuing to attempt to... what exactly, Lyra didn't know! For Lyra had no real plans for after the hard evidence of humanity was unearthed... Her real reasons for her human obsession were probably the attraction of hands. How cool are hands, right? You can pick stuff up, and feel things and play instruments and type and eat and drink and... The possibilities of hands were endless! Sure hooves could pick stuff up, those little microscopic flaps outside the hoof could hook onto almost anything you put inside their grasp, but hands. Just... hands! Still, Lyra was frustrated by an argument with Bonbon. She had been trying to explain hands, like she did every night, to her, when Bonbon said that her attentiveness to the subject was unhealthy! UNHEALTHY! As if! So what other option was there than to go out and walk around the outskirts of Ponyville? Aside from almost literally anything else, nothing.
Lyra would not have missed this occasion for anything though, since her world was going to be changed.
Trotting peacefully through the street, humming a little ditty she might put onto paper, she heard something loud-ish. Not very loud, just a bit loud. Enough to catch her attention, basically. A mildly loud, but not that loud, pop was present in the air, coming from, you guessed it! Ghastly Gorge! (You thought I was going to say the "Everfree Forest," didn't you! Don't lie, the Narrator knows ALL.)
Abandoning her beautiful song for the sound of an explosion, Lyra started towards the Gorge in curiosity. Perhaps a pie fell from the sky! A bouquet? OR A HAND! You can never know, you know. So off the young mare set, to investigate the fallen object in the Ghastly Gorge!
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-From the Point of Doctor James Underwood-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Doctor Underwood awoke violently from his sleep. He gazed around his ship in a daze, memories fuzzy from the fall. Suddenly, memories came flooding back to him, and an unprecedented rage replaced his confusion.
"THAT... HORSE!" He screamed at the top of his lungs, not realizing that he could not be heard from the outside.
The outside, of course, was a charred mess of what used to be a proud Typhoon fighter. Once with a dart shape, it now had a sort of oblong triangle blob thing shape, reminiscent of many a squashed spider, God rest their souls.
Confused and frightened, the Lieutenant pressed the shiny red button which happened to be the "Eject" control, securing him in a blocky powered exoskeleton provided by his favorite corporation, NTech Industries. The clicks of the armor wrapping around his body confirmed his fate. Less than a second later, the seat of the proud vehicle plowed through the cockpit and into the air. The Lieutenant got a good look of where he was, a large canyon with a settlement nearby. A forest was placed near the far edges of this canyon.
Formulating a plan, he waited for his chute to open. It didn't. And so, the soldier jumped from his seat to lose downward momentum, and crashed ungracefully on the ground. He tried to stay conscious, thrusting his arm towards the sky, for at any moment, an enemy could find him lying there, although they should be distracted by the larger invasion force, he was still a threat, and was still present. His endeavor to stay awake failed quickly, and blackness enveloped him.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-From the Point of Lyra Heartstrings-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Lyra watched in awe as a chair or something similar flew into the sky. She wondered if Pinkie Pie had anything to do with this, seeing as it was just so random that nopony else could have anything to do with it. Then, IT fell from the seat. A form like an ape jumped from the now falling furniture. Lyra's eyes widened with both curiosity and anticipation as it hit the ground several hundred meters from where she stood.
"What? I... What?" She stuttered to herself as she galloped to the fallen form. It reached out to the air and apparently fell asleep. She continued to move towards the creature as fast as she could, and when she arrived, she was shocked to see it covered by a white shell. She couldn't tell if the white was actually its skin or not!
It looked like it had a large compound eye in place of its head, and it had plates all over the body. Altogether, it looked like a cyclops had a child with an insect. What really intrigued Lyra though, was the presence of hands on it. It had HANDS! Monkeys had hands, but this was new to her! A white animal, presumably an alien of sorts, with hands! This excited her like nothing else did.
"Guuuuuuuugh... Auuuuh..." Groaned the creature as it slowly regained consciousness, to the cyan pony's shock.
"It's... Alive?" She exclaimed.
The creature gazed up at the young mare, with no sign of shock. This puzzled Lyra, but also frightened her. How could an alien know what she was, or expect her species to be present when it was... Alien?
"What.... State your serial number..." The creature asked in perfect Equestrian.
"I... I'm sorry, you speak?"
"Well of course I speak! I'm surprised YOU'RE speaking back to me like that! I'll ask you one more time, what is your serial number?" It yelled at her.
"I... I don't have a serial number. What are you?" The creature cocked its head at this statement and gazed at her flank.
"You're a unicorn, yet you have a flank mark of a lyre... What division are you stationed in? Are you NUSA or GAPHE?" He asked her, perplexed.
"My cutie mark? What? Division? New saw? Gaffe? I'm not familiar with what you're saying, mister."
"Cutie... Mark? What is this nonsense? Lead me to your squad commander!"
"What are you?" Lyra asked once again.
"Alright, since you're clearly suffering from a genetic malfunction, I am First Lieutenant James Underwood, pinnacle member of the Equus Nova project, and former Director of Research in NTech Industries. Now tell me what your serial number is!" He stared at her through his helmet as if he expected her to know what he meant.
"I meant species. What species are you? Are you an alien? What are you doing in Equestria?"
Dumbfounded, the creature sat there not saying anything. Something that she said seemed to confuse him enough that he wouldn't respond to her question. Maybe it didn't understand what I said! she thought and began to recite the question slowly and simply.
"What... Sort... Of... Creature... Are... You?" She said.
"Dear God, you must be malfunctioning. I am a human being, and your creator. By default, you answer to me and obey my orders." He said firmly.
"A... Human?"
"Yes, human. Is that something special to you? What division are you, anyway! Unicorns were developed for combat, what's with the lyre flank mark?"
"A real human?"
"Do I need to prove myself or something?" He asked as he removed his helmet, blond hair sweeping out of his round accessory, revealing his face.
Lyra stood dumbfounded as her dream was realized. A human. A real, live human. Right in front of her. She was speaking to a human being. But she was perplexed, he mentioned a project called "Equus Nova." She recognized the first as the name of her planet, but the last, she had never heard of a "nova" except when her teacher told her class about stars. Were the humans there trying to destroy the ponies? Could it be that her dreams of finding humans were really dreams of finding those who would exterminate her race?
"What is the... Equus Nova project?" She asked, all her courage built up into that one question, making her feel like Fluttershy.
"You don't know what the Equus Nova project is? Bloody hell, you must not have even been taught anything at all! Are you an escapee?" He asked, his voice sounding different outside the helmet than it did inside.
"Hey! You speak like Rarity! That's awesome, I didn't know humans sounded like that!"
"Does anybody know you're outside a facility?" He asked, ignoring her comment.
"Anypony."
"Excuse me?"
"You said 'anybody,' I think you're trying to say anypony."
The soldier stood there with a look of puzzlement on his face. He could not comprehend what was going on. She must have escaped the holding facilities after cloning.
"Waitaminute! You're a HUMAN!" She suddenly exclaimed. "You have HANDS! And fingers! I've noticed the tools we use in ponyville aren't exactly meant for hooves if you know what I mean! Fingers grip so much, why, even my lyre is difficult to play without hands! You must have been some sort of cultural... Inspirer, for lack of a better word, right?"
"Listen. I don't think you understand what I've been saying this whole time. You are a result of the Equus Nova project which I worked on. We--"
"I wanna take you to Ponyville! Don't worry, I've been talking about humans since I was a little filly! Think of it! I was right all along, but nobody believed me! Ha! Bonbon was just arguing with me about human existence! Wait until she sees YOU! Just standing there all... Human-y..."
"Ponyville? You have been given a town? Is that your nickname for your camp?" Confused and irate at her ignoring him, the poor human found himself levitated by the filly's magic and moving towards the town he saw earlier.