Dead Cat Bounce: A Fanfiction Fanfiction

“—and I’m back! There was a birdstrike, and, well I’m not very good with radios, so I kind of panicked, and um… I hate to have to leave you alone….

But it’s okay because I came back! I will always come back for you! But I left the transmitter on so there’s only enough power for a few more minutes together. I’m so sorry I forgot! You know how much this means to me, it was an honest mistake, I promise.

But I should shut up! I don’t want to waste our time talking about talking about talking, y’know?

Well not shut up shut up, but oh, you know….

Oh, I wrote some haiku this week. I was going to read all eighteen, but I think I might only have time for a few because of my mistake. I’m so stupid, I hate it.

Okay, here I go!

foals frolic and play:

there is a place for all things

in time they will learn

my painful sunburn

I wear it proudly at night—

memories of noon

how will you love me?

hoofbeats under red maples

the only reply

I used to wonder

what friendship could be— it is

winter oh princess

I think I should stop with those. The yellow light is on now, and I still have two very important messages for you. But did you notice how I used the kire and the kigo? I was so hopeful that you would like them when I wrote them, but I was really scared too. Please tell me if you approve.

Now with the warmer weather and all, I want to remind you that the snow giraffes are going to be coming out of their dens soon. But I’m here to help! You can count on me!

I read in a very authoritatively written book that snow giraffes, like all members of the order Perissodactyla, are very easily confused. You can throw them off with Magic Eye pictures!

Now dearest, you may be asking yourself where you can get a hold of Magic Eye pictures in this present age.

That’s a good question. But at least now you know! Keep an… ‘eye’ out for it!

Ah ha ha ha! That was a joke! Oh, I make myself cry, sometimes.

The red light is on now, and that means I have to go. I’m always messing things up. Please tune in next Thursday at twenty-three hundred hours for an extra special broadcast. Not that every broadcast isn’t extra special to me, but next week I’ll be doing a dramatic adaptation of Phèdre, starring me as Phèdre! Oh, I can’t wait for you to listen!

And remember that’s twenty-three hundred, not twenty-two. The days are getting long now, so we have to stay up late so my words can reach you wherever you roam. And you know I’ll always stay up for you, darling.

Don’t forget, this is Strange Item on 14.860 MHz, with a tear in her eye, saying she’s sorry for everything and she loves you verymu…” —{CLICK}