New World Blues

There were many different emotions whizzing around the master bedroom of the Ponyville Library, in some cases as tiny buzzing “Indignations” barely bigger than mayflies, or in others as giant, bat-winged, soul-sucking, acid-spitting “WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ONs”.

The two bipedal occupants of the room were flat on their arses, staring straight at the lavender alicorn, after being shocked so badly by the skull splitting scream that had only now finished echoing off the rafters, combined with the general woozy feeling that using the Transportalponder gave, meant they had been rather unsteady on their feet, and were even now struggling to stay upright, even when on the ground.

As for our quadrupedal occupant, well... she was currently following the Kubler-Ross model to a tee, working through the grief of having her privacy invaded by two individuals that she had currently named, “Soul Ripper” and “Bone Crusher”.

Though

Said the one part of her mental processes not devoted to “panicking”.

Perhaps I’m being a touch melodramatic

“Well fuck, I don’t think this is Big Mountain”

Said Soul Ripper.

There was an absent-minded murmur of agreement from Bone Crusher, who, if it’s horrifying metal face gave off any kind of emotion, would have been looking quite shocked indeed.

Twilight screamed once more.

“Oh god! My ears!”

Hollered Soul Ripper, as it began clutching the deformed mushroom like... thing where it’s head should have been.

“Fuck... wait, did that horse... thing just scream?... again?”

Strange

Thought Twilight’

It’s beginning to simulate emotions.

“Yeah, because the first time was just a fluke”

Snapped Bone Crusher, who appeared to have auto-repaired the damage to it’s aural sensors, and was now functioning at full capacity. As an added bonus, it had also downloaded some humor software.

By this time, something had snapped Twilight out of her state of shock, and began the first stage in earnest.

“Y-You c-c-an’t be he-e-ere”

The alicorn chuckled madly.

“It’s not scientifically possible!”

Something about that sentence seemed to stun the two bipedal death machines, perhaps it was the mad, chuckling inflection? Further study would be needed.

“Nope, I must still be asleep... I should really wake up, think of the checklists I have to make!”

And still they sat there, seemingly enthralled by her monologue, probably just some cunning trick, they lull you into a false sense of security, then... WHAM! When you least expect it, they snap your horn off!!!

“Dude... did that horse just talk?”

Asked Veronica.

Twilight’s blood ran cold. Her “This is all a dream” theory was getting less plausible by the second.

But then she remembered, that these... things had just invaded her home!... That was a crime against the crown! HER bloody crown!!!

A sense of mighty justice filled the alicorn’s body as she slowly started flapping her wings and rising into the air, horn glowing menacingly and voice rising to Royal Canterlot levels.

“I, PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE OF EQUESTRIA-"

That was as far as she got before The Courier’s armoured hand clamped down on her horn, drawing a quick gasp from the poor pony, and shoved her back onto her bed, which left The Courier just standing there, with Veronica at her side, after her purely instinctual reaction. For you see, you don’t last long in the Mojave Wasteland without learning to quickly neutralize anything that falls under that category of “Menacing” or “Glowy”, especially if it falls under both

The room fell into silence once more after the quick outburst, and even quicker retaliation.

Then the door very-nearly burst off it’s hinges as a bundle of purple and green flew through it.

“Twilight! I was across town when I heard you scream, so I came as soon as I could, and then I heard you start doing some big ‘Royal Canterlot’ thing so I-”

Spike froze.

He then noted two facts

1. Twilight was not alone in her room

2. The two other people that were there, were... well they were... they were just so... BADASS!!!

“Holey moley!”

He exclaimed.

“Are you guys... SUPERHEROES!? Yeah! That must be it, you guys are superheroes, so when you heard the cries of an innocent mare in danger, you came as quick as the wind! And you managed to dispense justice before I could even get here! Oh man, I wish I could have seen you guys in action! I mean, it must have been- ”

*THU-THUMP*

The two fell to the floor almost simultaneously.

Spike felt extremely let down.

“Oh... uh, guess you guys are tired from all that justice you dispensed, huh? Ehehe...”

*THUMP*

Twilight fell off her bed and joined the two “superheroes” on the floor

Spike just looked down at the three of them.

“Why do I even feathering bother?”