With A Little Help From My Friends

I awoke the next morning to find myself in a rather large and very comfortable bed.

Oh right, I’m in Canterlot. I’m staying at the castle for the next couple of days.

That you are, dumb fuck.

I kept expecting myself to wake up back in my time rather than here. Even though I’ve been waking up in Equestria for the past week and a half, I’m quite sure I’ll never get used to that.

After my usual morning rituals, I went downstairs to the banquet hall to have breakfast. The ceiling of this hall was entirely made of glass and gave the hall the effect that it was glowing. The table was incredibly long and could probably seat a hundred people, or, ponies, on each side. The entire hall reminded me of the main hall in the Harry Potter books, minus the colourful ponies and glass murals of the princesses. At the other end of the hall was a large buffet which every kind of imaginable breakfast food that stayed with the lines of being vegetarian. At the table sat Matt, Paul, Twilight, Fluttershy, Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Applejack. Pinkie Pie was still at the buffet table picking out what to eat.

“Good morning everypony!” I said cheerfully. I was greeted back with:

“Mornin’.” From Applejack

“Good morning!” From the rest of the ponies at the table.

“Gmph mrmphing!” From Matt and Paul who were busy shovelling food into their faces. Paul was polite enough to at least put a hand over his mouth as he chewed whereas Matt only shoved a fork into his mouth as he spoke and chewed.

“Morning Pinkie!” I said as I picked up a plate at the buffet table.

“Good morning Jimmy!” She replied as she bounced over to me “Did you get a good sleep last night?”

YEAH I EVEN GOT A KISS GOOD NIGHT.

“Yeah, I did thanks. What about you?”

“I didn’t sleep!” She said bouncing around in front of me “I stayed up through the whole after-party, I was the only pony who wanted to keep partying other than DJ-PON3. But even she had to give up; she had quite a lot to drink.”

“Wait, you mean Vinyl?” I asked.

“Yeah! Vinyl! She’s a really good DJ!”

“Is she still here?”

“Well, I’m not sure. The last time I saw her she was passed out with that other pony who played with you on stage. They were somewhere out in the courtyard, I don’t know if they’re awake yet.” She replied as she picked up a couple of muffins and bounced happily to the table.

Sounds about right.

I took my breakfast from the buffet which consisted of pancakes and two blueberry muffins and sat down next to Matt on my right and Twilight directly across from me. The door to the banquet hall suddenly flung open and revealed a white unicorn who was holding on to a grey earth pony for balance.

“WOOOOOO!” Shouted Vinyl as she stumbled in with Octavia “Best… After… Party… EVER!!! WOOOO-HOOOOO!!!”

“Vinyl, please calm down…” Octavia replied “You’re hardly standing with my help, you’ll be on the floor if you don’t stop jerking around like that.”

“Oh, okay then, your worship. What’re you gonna do about it?” Vinyl replied jerking around more than before, almost sending Octavia and herself into a nearby pillar as Vinyl laughed maniacally.

Oh hey look! A Star Wars reference! Call her out on that shit!

I can’t.

Well why not?

They don’t have Star Wars here.

Oh… Right… Ugh, that depressing moment when you realise they don’t have Star Wars… It sucks.

Yeah…

“Just sit here, I’ll get you some breakfast.” Octavia said sitting Vinyl down next to me “Jimmy, could you just… Babysit, Vinyl for a moment please?”

Sounds about right. It is Vinyl after all.

“Sure thing, Octavia. Good morning.” I replied.

“Oh yes, good morning everyone.” She said, seeming a bit embarrassed that she had forgotten to say that before anything else. Everyone greeted her back as she made her way to the buffet table.

Vinyl looked around the table removing her shades that only covered one of her eyes because of the way she was wearing them and rested them on the table. She noticed that she was sitting next to me.

“DUDE!!!” She yelled, making me jump slightly as she wrapped a foreleg around my shoulder “Your performance… I swear to Celestia, if I wasn’t only into mares, I would TOTALLY have been all over you afterwards.”

Cool story bro.

“Umm…” I replied, not entirely sure how to go about it “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

“What’s that?” She asked “Oh right!!! Paul, Matt, yeah, I totally would hook up with you guys too… I mean… Yeah…”

“I think he meant that you already have a mare-friend.” Octavia said putting down a plate with some eggs and muffins in front of Vinyl along with a glass of water.

“Oh yeah… That… That too… Heh heh…” She replied taking a swig of her water. Octavia went back around the table and sat next to Twilight.

“Oh, Jimmy?” Twilight started. I paused for a moment before answering so I could swallow my mouthful of pancakes.

“Yes Twilight?” I replied.

“Princess Luna wanted to meet with you tonight.” She stated. I stopped.

Oh no.

Oh no.

My eyes went wide and glued themselves to my plate of food.

“She said to tell you to go to her room at 6:30 tonight, sharp.”

“Ohhhhhhhh… Umm… Okay… Heh… I mean, uhh…” I stammered.

“Dude, what’s the matter? You alright?” Matt asked.

“Uhh… Yeah… Maybe… I don’t know… Possibly… Nope… Not okay…” I replied.

“What’s wrong?” Twilight asked. The whole table was now fixated on me, other than Vinyl who seemed to be having a meaningful conversation with a forkful of eggs. But soon turned to face me when she realised everyone else had stopped talking.

“Umm… Well…” I really didn’t want to talk about it. I really didn’t. Oh God. What the hell do I do now? I can’t even think of a lie right now to get me out of this situation.

“GET ON WITH IT MAN!!” Matt yelled. Paul and several other ponies also started saying “GET ON WITH IT” completely out of sync with each other. Vinyl ended it with an almost inaudible phrase of gibberish which was possibly German.

Did she just say ‘jüdische schweine’?

Yes. She just said 'Jewish pigs' in German. I’m certain of it.

Huh, so Vinyl’s a Nazi when she’s hung over. The more you know, I guess.

“Okay. Okay. Okay.” I started. I took a breath “Last night, when I went up to my room…” I then proceeded to tell everypony the events that had taken place last night on the balcony of my room in a very theatrical manner using my hands quite often for body language. “… Next thing I know, she’s right in my face and she kisses me. The end.” Everypony stared at me. Pinkie started giggling, suddenly every pony at the table except for Octavia and Twilight burst out in laughter. Vinyl was laughing so hard she managed to find herself on the floor after falling out of her chair, but continued laughing anyway. To my surprise, even Fluttershy was laughing a bit, but when she saw the look on my face she stopped. Matt and Paul stayed silent, simply waiting for something to stop them.

“Jimmy…” Rainbow started, still trying to hold back laughter “Where’s the problem?”

“Yeah Jimmy! You got to make-out with a princess! It’s like, you’re a valiant knight in shining armour that saved her using your awesome music and the kiss was your reward!” Pinkie added.

“That’s a… Very… ‘Interesting’, point of view you have there, Pinkie.” Twilight said.

“Honestly darling, what is the issue? I just don’t see what the problem is.” Rarity asked.

“Rarity and Rainbow got a point, Jimmy. I think you’re makin’ somethin’ into a problem that really ain’t a problem ‘t all.”

“Dude…” Vinyl said attempting to climb back into her chair “I’m so jealous of you right now. Do you know how hot Luna is? Ohhhhhh… I’d take her under the stars any night!”

I’ll bet you would.

“You guys don’t understand.” I started “Let me put it to you this way.” I turned to Twilight “Forgive this metaphor.” I turned back to the others “It’s like as if Twilight wanted to get with Spike. Do y’all think that sounds good?” Twilight blushed a bit. Disagreement was blatant across the table. Rarity said nothing and blushed harder than Twilight did. “You understand what I mean now? I’m a human, I like female humans. I don’t go for ponies.”

“We would still accept Twi if that was her decision though.” Applejack replied. The table agreed to this.

Oh Goddamnit Applejack.

“No, Applejack, you’re not seeing the point. I’m of a different species and I-- Oh dammit, I’ll just put it this way: I. DO. NOT. HAVE. SEX. WITH. PONIES.” I finally said. The table went silent. “I cannot and will not do it. I cannot have a relationship with Luna or anypony else. It will not work. It just won’t. I find it incredibly wrong. If there aren’t any humans who are female in this world, then the only girl for me is my right hand, you get me?”

“Umm… What?” Rainbow asked. Everyone looked quite puzzled as of my last remark.

I’M TALKING ABOUT MASTURBATION RAINBOW DASH JESUS CHRIST STOP TRYING TO LOOK LIKE A VIRGIN BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW YOU’RE NOT.

“Never mi-- Ju-- Aghhhhhh!” I exclaimed burying my face in my hands. Fluttershy got up from the table and flew out of the banquet hall, slamming the door behind her. I looked up for a moment. “What happened to Fluttershy?” I asked. Everypony was quiet. No one said a word.

“I think she likes you, man.” Vinyl said “And… Your little rant just now… Kinda told her that you didn’t feel the same way. That’s just a guess though, I’m still drunk as hay, I wouldn’t know my left hoof from my flank right now…”

“Vinyl’s right.” Twilight said “Fluttershy did take quite a liking to you. She didn’t hide it around us, but...”

“Why did you do that?” Rainbow asked.

Ohhhhhh fuckkkkkkk…

“What?” I asked Twilight, I couldn’t believe what I just heard.

“I said WHY DID YOU DO THAT!?!?” Rainbow yelled as she flew at me from her place at the table pinning me to the floor, she raised her right hoof to hit me.

Good. I deserved it.

NIGGER GET THEM SHIELDS ONLINE! LET ME TAKE CONTROL GODDAMNIT! HEY! WAKE UP!

I should’ve looked at the signs. Why would Fluttershy care so much for me? Why did she act the way she did? Why did she take such an interest in my music? It all made sense now. Bring down the hoof, Rainbow. I deserve it.

GODDAMNIT! LIEUTENANT GET A CALL IN FOR REINFORCEMENTS!

I can’t sir! The line’s jammed!

SHIT! BRACE FOR IMPACT!

Just before Rainbow’s hoof could connect with my face, Matt tackled Rainbow and held her on the ground for a moment a couple feet away from me. Rainbow squirmed around for a moment, everypony was yelling at her telling her to stop.

“GET OFF!!!” She yelled as she got both her hind legs under Matt and bucked him into the air. Twilight stood up from the table and caught him with her magic before he could hit the ground. Paul and Applejack jumped in front of where I lay on the floor in an attempt to protect me from the raging Rainbow Dash.

Octavia sat watching with her mouth agape. Rarity was yelling at Rainbow in an attempt to make her stop. Pinkie sat at the table covering her ears with her hooves and muttering to herself with her eyes closed.

Rainbow made a charge at me, Applejack ran at Rainbow to intercept her, but Rainbow took to the air above Applejack just before they could lock heads. Applejack turned her head to see Rainbow hovering above her when suddenly Applejack crashed into a pillar. Rainbow darted towards where I lay. She landed in front of Paul and pushed him out of the way with little effort, Twilight managed to catch him before he could fall onto the table. Suddenly, Pinkie jumped in front of me and Rainbow stopped dead in her tracks. Pinkie’s hair was now fully straightened and she had a crazed and furious look in her eyes.

“OUT OF MY WAY PINKIE!” Rainbow yelled “I HAVE A SCORE TO SETTLE!”

“MY NAME IS NOT PINKIE!!” Pinkie yelled “MY NAME IS PINKAMENA DIANE PIE!! NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME!!” The room fell silent again. An eerie chill went down my spine. I had something similar to Pinkie’s sixth sense. When I feel a chill go down my spine, it means that some serious shit’s about to go down.

Oh God… It’s CUPCAKES all over again!

“NO!! YOU LISTEN!!” Rainbow yelled. Pinki—Err, Pinkamena, slapped Rainbow across the face, making the collision of hoof and face echo throughout the hall.

PI-YUMP SLAP NIGGA!! DAYUMN!!!

“DON’T TALK BACK TO ME!!” She yelled “ARE YOU LISTENING YET?” Rainbow fell silent “Good. Now, tell me Rainbow. Why did you try to attack Jimmy just now?”

“Because he hurt Fluttershy’s feelings.” She replied.

“Then shouldn’t it be Fluttershy who should be attacking him?” Pinkamena retorted angrily. I got worried for a moment.

Nigga we gonna have ourselves a fresh batch of Rainbow Dash cupcakes in a minute.

“Fluttershy wouldn’t attack anyone! She can’t even stand up for herself, that’s why I went after him!” Rainbow said as she was met with another hard slap.

“Do you really think Fluttershy would want you to attack him? Since you’re such a good friend to her, you think you would know what she wants, but apparently, YOU DON’T.” Pinkamena replied. I stood up behind Pinkamena. I started to wonder if I really wanted to be a murder witness or not.

“I do know what she wants! She’s been my friend way longer than she’s been yours!”

“IF YOU KNEW WHAT SHE WANTS, YOU WOULD HAVE STAYED IN YOUR SEAT AND NEVER ATTACKED JIMMY. HONESTLY RAINBOW, DO YOU REALLY BELIEVE IN YOUR HEART THAT FLUTTERSHY OF ALL PONIES WOULD WANT SOMEONE KILLED OR HURT IN HER NAME?!” Pinkamena had to spell it out for Rainbow, but she finally got it. Fluttershy wouldn’t want that. Hell, I don’t even think Applejack or any of the others except Rainbow would want someone killed or hurt over them like that. “YOU WERE THINKING ONLY OF YOURSELF AND WHAT YOU WANTED TO DO! USING FLUTTERSHY AS A POOR EXCUSE! WHAT THE HAY DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF NOW?! Oh yeah, I bet Fluttershy would be REALLY PROUD of what you just tried to do, Rainbow. She’d definitely like and respect you a whole lot more now!”

Rainbow looked around the room to each pony and person. Octavia was still sitting at the table with her mouth agape. Twilight had just put down Matt and Paul on the floor near to me and Pinkamena. Applejack was now picking herself off the ground near the pillar she had crashed into. Rarity was attempting to clean up whatever food was strewn across the table from when Rainbow flew at me. Vinyl had produced a bag of popcorn and was eagerly watching to see what would happen next. Finally, Rainbow turned to me and Pinkamena.

“Jimmy… Pinkie…” Rainbow started “Paul, Matt, Applejack, Twilight, Rarity, Octavia, DJ-PON3...”

“Sop.” Vinyl said upon hearing her stage-name.

“I’m sorry about all this.” She said as one single tear came from her eye and dropped to the floor “I was just so upset for Fluttershy and I… I put it all to rage and…” She looked around the hall once more and looked to Rarity who was still cleaning the table “Rarity, stop cleaning up, I’ll do it. It was my mess I made.” She turned back to me and Pinkamena “I don’t expect you to forgive me.” Suddenly Pinkamena’s hair re-inflated and she lost the crazed look in her eye, regaining her cheerful and happy aura.

“Silly, why wouldn’t we forgive you?” Pinkie said hugging Rainbow “You forgive her, right Jimmy?” Rainbow looked to me with tears in her eyes.

Okay, you are lucky as fuck that Pinkie likes you the way she does. She’s like a mother type figure to you. But like an awesome mom who throws parties and shit. Anyway, forgive Rainbow Dash, then go apologise to Fluttershy.

“Rainbow, I forgive you.” I said, I smiled at her and she broke out in more tears. I walked to the door that Fluttershy had exited through.

“Where are you going?” Asked Twilight.

“I gotta go make things right with Fluttershy.” I replied.

“Well, you might need this.” Twilight said as she levitated my wing cap over to me. I must have left it at Sugar Cube Corner and Pinkie must have brought it. Either that or Twilight stole it from me. It was probably the first though.

TWILIGHT IS A NIGGER. I BET SHE TOOK MY BIKE TOO.

I have never owned a bike in my entire life.

WELL WHY DO YOU THINK THAT IS?

Because I didn’t go outside much?

NO. BECAUSE WHENEVER YOUR PARENTS GOT YOU ONE IT WOULD DISAPPEAR! I BET YOU THERE’S A ROOM IN THE LIBRARY WHERE THERE’S A SHITTON OF BIKES STASHED AWAY.

… You know what? That kind of makes sense.

“Thanks Twilight.” I said donning my wing cap. I went through the door and flew out the first open window I could find. Knowing Fluttershy, she’s either in her room or in the garden somewhere. If she’s not in either of those places… I hope she’s in one of them.

I flew around the garden, looking for a yellow pegasus. I had almost given up looking here when I saw a yellow pony with a pink mane sitting by a small stream. She was crying. I landed softly a few feet behind her so I didn’t startle her. I took a couple steps and decided to make my presence known.

“Fluttershy.” I said softly, she turned around after letting out a small yelp even though I had said her name so softly.

“Jimmy… I just want to be alone right now… Please...” She replied between sobs.

“Fluttershy, listen to me.” I said as I sat down beside her, she didn’t pull away like I thought she would “I’m really, truly sorry about what I said in there. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings like I did.” I took her right hoof in my hands “I’m just… Really, really, really sorry. Will you forgive me?”

I was never the best at apologies.

YOU DON’T FUCKING SAY.

Usually, it would be the girl giving me this kind of apology after she throws my ass in the friend zone. This time, the roles had been switched up, and I’d have to do it again tonight.

Oh boy. I’m excited for that, lemme tell ya.

You gonna get raped, I mean, err, loved tenderly.

Is there a difference?

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! MY BOY'S GETTING A SENSE OF HUMOUR!

“I forgive you, Jimmy.” Fluttershy said as she hugged me. Tears still streaming from her eyes. I started crying too.
I never wanted to upset her, all I could think of right now was the number of bronies who hated me right now because I made Fluttershy cry. Hopefully they would understand my plight.

I’ve been running the numbers and it looks like they all hate you.

All of t-

ALL OF THEM.

We hugged for at the least five minutes, crying onto each other's shoulder.

“Fluttershy?” I started.

“Yes Jimmy?” She replied.

“Can we go back inside now?” I asked her

“Okay.” She said, we stood up and made our way back inside. I suggested flying, but Fluttershy wanted to walk with me through the garden, so we did. After a nice ten minute stroll, we reached the castle. She told me she was feeling tired so she was going to bed, I gave her a hug farewell.

“So, you two are all good again?” Paul asked as he walked over to me with Twilight.

“Yeah, we’re all set.” I replied “I still feel really bad though.”

“About Fluttershy?” Paul asked.

“Not just her.” I replied walking up the stairs.

“But you’re clear with her, what’s the problem?” Twilight asked.

“Her heart isn’t the only one I had to break today.” I replied.

“Luna?” Twilight asked.

“Are you sure that will work?” Paul asked. I chuckled.

“I have no idea…” I walked up to my room and thought about how tonight should go. I started rehearsing my lines. Hoping they’d go the way I planned. The way I planned was simple: I don’t end up being banished to the sun or moon. I doubt those would happen, but I really hope that’s the case.

At 6:27 I made my way to Luna’s room. I stood outside the door and checked the time on my iPod. It said 6:29 for only a couple seconds and changed to 6:30. I knocked on the door; the door was magically opened to reveal Luna.

Ohhhhhh shittttttt… What the hell is this…?

You gonna get loved tenderly…