With A Little Help From My Friends

Luna’s room was dimly lit with many floating candles. The bed was covered in rose petals along with the floor near it. The curtains in the room were closed. On the bed lay Luna who was looking at me with her ‘bedroom eyes’.

Oh dear. This isn’t going to end well for me.

She jumped off the bed onto the floor and levitated me over to her.

“Jimmy!” She said as she hugged me tightly, she kissed me on the forehead “I’m so glad you’re here.”

Umm…

“Umm…”

“I’m surprised at how prompt you are,” She started as she let go of me and lay down on the bed “I suppose you were anxious to see me…” She looked at me with her bedroom eyes again “I was anxious to see you too…”

Uhh…

“Uhh…”

“I spent all of last night thinking about you… All of today too…” She continued, I really, really wanted to stop her before things got out of hand but I couldn’t bring myself to say anything outside of single-syllable expressions. I didn’t want to upset her like I did Fluttershy. It wouldn’t be anywhere near as peaceful an agreement. At this point, I had led Luna on, much further than I had Fluttershy. Oh God, I was really in the wrong now “Jimmy, I believe you know what my intentions are by now.”

Umm… I…

“Umm… I…”

“I know you’ve never been with anypony; or, anyone before…”

Oh God no, no, no, I have to do something and I have to do it now.

SHIT YOUR PANTS. THAT ALWAYS WORKS.

I’ve already done that.

YOU’VE ONLY DONE IT MENTALLY SO FAR, I MEAN PHYSICALLY!

“Come here…” She said with full-on bedroom eyes, voice and all.

“Luna, I… Err…”

“Oh, you like when the lady is in command.” She said getting off the bed and walking towards me “Don’t worry… You just leave everything to me…” My back was against the wall, she leaned in for a kiss.

No. No. Not again.

“Luna st-” She kissed me, I try to pull away to no avail, she’s pushing against me, I can’t move her, I won’t allow myself to, I’ll hurt her if I do.

No. I must.

I move my hands from my sides to her face and move it away from mine just enough so I can speak.

“Luna, listen,” I started as she tried hard to lock her lips with my own again, I dodge her face with my own “We can’t be like this.”

“Oh, of course, we should move to the bed!” She said.

Wait, what?! How did that even translate to that?!

My boy…

She picked me up and flew us to the bed. She put me down first and got on top of me.

“Now, where were we?” She said in a playful voice.

You…

“Luna, listen to me for a minute, please.” I interrupted. She stopped only for a moment.

Gonna…

“What is it?” She asked “Are you not into this kind of thing?”

Bingo.

Get…

“Yeah, I’m not really into this. I mea-”

Loved…

“I know just what you need.” Wait a minute. She levitated me into the air and rested me on top of her.

“Umm…” She then levitated a ball gag a riding crop and some rope over to the bed.

WHAT. OH JESUS CHRIST.

TENDERLY.

“No, Luna, this is not what I meant.” I said before she could put on the gag.

“The safe word is ‘banana’.” She said; I took the ball gag in my hand.

“No, the safe word is not ‘banana’, there i-”

“Oh, you like wearing it? Should I get th-”

“Luna.” I interrupted before she suggest a ‘strap-on’ or some other sex toy.

Here it goes.

“We can’t be in a relationship.” Her eyes went wide.

“But… Why not?” She asked. I moved from on top of her to the edge of the bed.

“Luna, you’re an amazing pony. You’re kind and loving. But, I can’t be with you.” I said as I looked at her in all seriousness.

“I still don’-”

“We’re two different species. I can’t have these kinds of relations with a pony, I just can’t. I can only do that with other human females. That’s why. It’s not that you have a bad personality or anything. It’s that I just can’t do it. I’m sorry.” There was silence for a few moments. I didn’t know what to say. I had a hard time looking at Luna. Needless to say, she was very upset. I decided it was time for me to go before things got out of hand or generally worse for me.

“So… Yeah, I’m just go-”

“THOU SHALT NOT GO ANYWHERE!” Boomed Luna in the Royal Canterlot voice.

Oh shit. There’s the tingle down my spine. Time to get the fuck out of here.

Oh look, the all caps rage. You know what that means.

Wh-

YOU GONNA GET RAPED.

“THOU SHALT NOT LEAVE THIS ROOM UNTIL THOU HAST AGREED TO BE MY SOUL MATE AND HAVE PLEASURED US THOROUGHLY!”

Usually, if a girl told me this, I’d be all for it. Today, that just couldn’t be the case.

HAVE FUN WITH YOUR TENDER LOVING, I’M GETTING THE FUCK OUT! SEE YA! GOOD LUCK WITH THE SEX-DEPRIVED PONY PRINCESS!

HEY! HEY! GET BACK HERE!

NOPE!

GODDAMNIT!

I sprinted from the bed to the door which slammed and locked itself just before I could reach it. The windows opened and a large breeze blew in.

That’s it! I’ll fly… Out… The window… Where the fuck is my hat?

I look around the room frantically as an angry, horny Luna approaches me. I see my hat on the bed. It must have fallen off when she flew us to the bed. I need to get over to the bed.

What do I do? Do I play along with her and then say…

“LOOK! PRINCESS CELESTIA!”

“Sister?” She said as she turned around.

Wait. I just said that?

I ran past her and dived over the bed grabbing my hat as I did. I did a roll as I landed on the floor and ran towards the window donning my hat and jumped out the window all in one swift series of movements.

“Wow, I don’t believe that actually worked!” I said as I flew around one of the towers of the castle.

“JIMMY!!!” Shouted Luna as she flew after me.

Oh shit, I forgot. She’s an alicorn.

I tried to fly away but a glowing dark blue field surrounded me. I couldn’t move.

Oh fuck, she’s got me. What the hell do I do now?

She levitated me back into her room and put me on the bed. She landed inside and took off my hat and threw it in a box and locked it.

Okay, okay. Time to employ the Omega Option. I don’t like this plan. Not one bit. But it’s the only thing that’s got any chance at working right now. Here we go…

“Luna. I’m sorry about how I acted just now.” I started. She looked at me with a slightly confused look. I felt the magic weighing me down lift a little bit “It wasn’t right of me to deny your feelings like that. I’m so sorry.” Luna approached me.

“What do you mean?” She said as the dark blue glow around me faded away.

I sat up in the bed and moved closer to Luna. I kissed her. Okay, the plan is working; if this next part works everything will be fine. God, I hate myself right now. This is horribly disgusting, but I have to make it seem legit. Right now, in my mind, she has to be Megan Fox or someone like that. I have to make this believable.

“Jimmy… I…” Luna whispered.

“Luna… Get the ropes…” I whispered in her ear as I kissed her on the cheek. She jumped onto the bed and levitated the ropes over to me. I tied her to the bed, exchanging dirty phrases with her. Once I finished with the last hoof she said.

“I really had no idea you were into this kind of thing! It’s a good thing I was prepared, was it not?” She asked.

“It was a very good thing, Luna. You’re a good mare.” I said smiling at her. The plan had worked. Everything was in place. Just two more steps and everything would be complete. She had placed the keys to the box that contained my hat and her door on her bedside table. I needed to get at those without her notice. I bent over next to her face.

“Who’s my naughty filly?” I whispered as I held back laughter at the insanely stupid phrase I had just uttered. She kissed me.

Now.

I grabbed the keys from the table quietly enough that she didn’t notice the noise.

“I’m your naughty little filly.” She said in her bedroom voice as she purred.

“I need you to do one more thing for me before we start, honey.” I stated.

“What’s that?” She said as she licked her lips. I paused for a moment.

“Stay. Very. Still.” I said quietly. She tensed up “Now, close your eyes.” She obeyed “And…” I started walking silently backwards towards the door, slipping the keys into my hand. Luna giggled.

“Now what?”

“Now…” I said as I reached the door “Don’t hate me.” I stuck a key into the door and unlocked it. Thank God that was the right key. I opened the door and ran like a bi-pedal bat-out-of-hell down the stairs.

“JIMMY!!! YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!!!!!” Luna boomed.

LOL NOPE LATER FAGGOT.

I wouldn’t have much time. She could easily undo those ropes using magic. I couldn’t fly and I certainly couldn’t outrun her on foot. I couldn’t go and get my hat either. I needed to hide.

I ran down the stairs and into the hallway. I started trying to open random doors. The first five were all locked. The sixth door I tried opened and I ran inside, shut the door and locked it. I took a moment to catch my breath.

“Jimmy, you’re just in time!” I heard Rarity say.

Wait, what?

I turned around to see her, Twilight, Paul and Matt sitting on the floor in a circle. All four of them in bathrobes with green… Mud; on their faces.

“Don’t hate me cuz I’m fabulous, Jimmy.” Said Matt as he turned around. I thought I had seen everything when I opened the door earlier this evening to find Luna ready for sex. But clearly, I had not seen everything yet.

“Do you like my new hair?” Paul said as he patted his now fully straightened hair “It’s completely fabulous, isn’t it?”

I must be dreaming right now.

“How did it go with the princess, Jimmy?” Twilight asked.

Put it bluntly.

“She mad.” I replied “She very mad, in fact, she so mad.” I pointed at the door “That door will probably explode within the next five seconds to reveal a horny and very angered Princess Luna.” I said calmly.

“Wait, nigga, what?” Matt said. Suddenly, the door exploded. To reveal a horny and very angered Princess Luna.

“Welp. Shit.” I said as Luna ran towards me. The four slumber-party attendees to my left simply watched in horror as I was more than likely about to be fucked to death by a very, very, very pissed off Princess Luna.

Twilight stood up and there was a flash of light followed by me feeling very sick all of a sudden as I found myself just outside the room looking in the doorway to see Luna shaking herself off after tripping over the bed that was behind me.

“RUN JIMMY!!” Twilight yelled. Her advice was well received as I ran down the hallway.

RUN FORREST RUN!

“HHELLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!” I yelled as Luna chased after me. I certainly did not associate a good way to die with being fucked to death by a pony. Being fucked to death by Megan Fox or Vanessa Hudgens however, seemed like a pretty awesome way to die. Granted that neither of them are traps or anything of that sort. Several doors in the hallway opened as Fluttershy, Applejack and anypony else who was not at the slumber party Luna and I interrupted.

“YOU FUCKING DIPSHITS RUINED MY FUCKING FACIAL YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!!!” Shouted Matt as he poked his head through the doorway.

“I DON’T GIVE A SHIIIIIIIIITTTTT!!!” I yelled back as I turned to run down another hallway. I ran past several flustered looking guards as I turned this hallway.

“DON’T JUST STAND THERE YOU FOALS!!! GET HIM!!!” Luna boomed. The Royal Canterlot voice made her sound like she was right next to me. The guards then gave chase.

Oh shit, I’m screwed now. I gotta think of something.

I saw a small table with a vase coming up on my left as I ran down this hallway. I ran past it and pulled it into the middle of the hall in an attempt to trip up the unicorn guards who were fast approaching. One of the three guards tripped over it and fell to the floor. Satisfied with the result, I ran through the hall knocking over anything I possibly could whether it be a painting or an expensive looking statue. I was able to take out all three guards one way or the other. I was running out of breath fast however, I approached the end of this hall and turned the corner. There stood Luna. I fell backwards onto my ass.

Well shit. This is how it ends, huh? Hey, at least I don’t die a virgin… Ha… Haha… Fuck.

“PRINCESS LUNA.” I heard a voice boom. It was so familiar. Suddenly a flash of light appeared in the small gap between Luna and I. When I opened my eyes, Princess Celestia was standing between us.

OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU CELESTIA. I LOVE YOU AND YOUR TROLLING AND MOLESTING.

“Out… Out of my way, sister! He’s mine and mine alone! You can’t have him!” Luna said stomping her hoof to the ground. I flinched.

“Luna, what have you done this time?” Celestia asked in an upset tone.

“I have done nothing at all! It is he who has done something!” Luna replied pointing a hoof at me.

“Oh? Really?” Celestia said “Well it certainly didn’t sound like that from what Twilight told me.”

“What?!” Luna said looking shocked “Wh-How did she tell you anything? You were-”

“She sent me a letter notifying me of what had happened after you had barged into Rarity’s room attempting to… Sex Jimmy to death. As she put it.”

“I can’t believe how they just barge in here and ruin our make-overs!” Matt complained with a lisp and a fabulous accent “That was totally uncalled for!”

“Matt?” Paul asked.

“What? What is it? What’s wrong now? I bet it’s my pedicure isn’t it? Yes, I know we can’t do those now! Look! There’s dust everywhere from the door!”

“Matt.” Paul interrupted “Gently, remove your tampon, and stop being a pretty lady.”

“Fine.” Matt sighed as his voice returned to normal and he reached into his bathrobe and took out a tampon and threw it in a nearby garbage bin. Rarity, Paul and Twilight all stared at Matt wondering what they just witnessed and quickly moved on in an attempt to keep it from further damaging their already crippled minds.

“This could get out of hand really quickly.” Twilight said surveying the pieces of the door that lay on the floor “I need to notify the princess right away! Jimmy will surely need the help!” Twilight took a piece of parchment and a quill from her saddlebags that were on the floor and wrote a quick note to the princess and sent it using unicorn magic since Spike was not around to send it.

“I hope Jimmy gets out of this alright.” Rarity said as she looked at the shattered door.

“That’s all we can do I suppose.” Twilight replied.

“SCREW JIMMY, WHAT ABOUT MY FACIAL!?” Matt yelled in a womanly, whiny voice that came close to Rarity’s own.

“Oh for God’s sake…” Paul said face-palming “Remove ALL your tampons Matt.”

“Goddamnit, fine…” Matt said once again reaching into his robe and taking out at least five tampons. Rarity inched away from Matt slowly while Twilight looked at him in shock. However, Paul was indifferent to their suffering and simply lay on the floor and put two slices of cucumber over his eyes.

Celestia guided Luna and I to her private chambers where we explained exactly what had transpired tonight and the night before between the two of us. Celestia said nothing while we explained. She simply gave the occasional nod to show she understood what was being told.

“… And then when Luna called on those guards I knocked over all that stuff in the hallway which stopped them. Then I turned the corner and fell over cuz Luna was there. Then you appeared, asked Luna what she was doing, there was a flashback that I wasn’t present for and then we ended up here.” I said as I finished my side of the story.

“I see.” Celestia confirmed “Luna? You realise that you can’t be with Jimmy, don’t you?”

“I know…” Luna replied “But it’s not fair! I love him!”

“Yes, I can see that. But the fact is that he doesn’t feel the same way.” Celestia continued.

“Luna, listen to me,” I said “I may not like you the way that boyfriends and girlfriends like each other. But I’d still like to have you as a friend.”

“Really?” Luna asked “After all that I put you through?”

“Yeah, that stuff doesn’t change my view on you as a pony. That was just a misunderstanding, it’s no problem.” I replied smiling. She hugged me and started crying on my shoulder.

Well, this wasn’t reminiscent of anything that happened today.

/sarcasm.

Hey, you’re back.

Yep. You certainly made a mess of the castle, didn’t you?

Yep.

“Thank you…” Luna managed to get out between her sobs. I didn’t cry this time. Celestia looked like she was holding back some tears. I could be wrong.

“No prob.” I said hugging her.

After Luna’s crying session, we left Celestia’s chambers and went back to mine, just to chat this time, no make-outs this time. We talked long into Luna’s night. She made it especially beautiful tonight. I suppose that was for me as well, as a gift for if things had gone the way Luna intended, hence why she didn't close the curtains.

“Jimmy?” She asked.

“Yeah?” I responded.

“You know we’re not gonna be able to talk to each other very often, right?” She said.

“I know.” I said frowning “I wish there was some way we could talk like this when I leave.”

“Well,” She said as she got up from the chair she was sitting in “There is a spell that allows the user to communicate with the other while they sleep.”

“So basically, I dream about talking to you while actually talking to you?” I asked.

“Yes, it’s like that.” She replied “Except you remember the conversations like you would if they happened in real time rather than your dream.”

“Cool, let’s do it!” I said springing up from my chair.

“The problem with the spell is that if we do speak in the dream, whatever sleep we had will be wasted. When you wake up it will feel like you never slept in the first place.” Luna replied.

“Well, can’t you sleep IN the dream that we talk in?” I asked “Like, okay, we started talking, and then we both decided to go to sleep within that dream?”

“There’s an idea, we should try that!” Luna said.

Wow. I wasn’t actually being serious, but it’s worth a shot I guess.

Gonna need some serious help from Leonardo De Caprio to pull this shit off.

“So, let’s do the spell!” I said “Come on, I wanna do it, let’s do it!”

“Well, alright. Here it goes.” Luna charged up magic in her horn and released a beam of magic that touched me. Her horn stopped glowing.

“Did it work?” I asked.

“We’ll see when we go to bed tonight I suppose.” Luna replied. There was a brief pause.

“Well, I’m gonna go to bed.” I said.

“Oh yes, I should go too. Good night Jimmy.” Luna responded.

“Good night Luna.” I said as I gave her a hug. She teleported away just as she had done last night when she had left. I went to my bed and fell asleep almost instantly.

I dreamt that I was in a completely white space. After a few seconds Luna appeared.

“Well, it looks like the spell worked.” I said.

“Indeed.” She replied “Can we talk tomorrow night instead please? I am quite tired tonight.”

“Of course, Luna.” I responded “How do I get out of this place though?”

“Simple, if you ever want to leave this room, just imagine a door and go through it. You’ll be sent into your own dreams rather than this one that we share.”

“Interesting. Well then, good night Luna.” I said imagining a door behind me.

“Good night Jimmy.” She replied as a door appeared behind her. Her door disappeared once she left. I looked into what was awaiting me in my door. All I could see was a black space in my doorway.

“I suppose I’m not dreaming tonight I guess.” I said as I entered the door.

I was wrong. It was a dream. Rather, it was a nightmare. Just like the one I had a few nights ago with the screaming and laughter.

I walked through the black space that was this dream, hearing the laughter and screams fade in and out. This time however, there was wind. It blew every time the voices got too loud. After a while of walking around this place I was met with two sets of glowing red eyes in front of me. What are they? Who are they? I felt a hand grab my shoulder. I turned around to find a pair of the eyes floating behind me, now it had a glowing smile to accompany its eyes. Another grab at me, the other set of eyes and its newly acquired mouth on that side of me. What the hell is this? The two ‘spirits’ continued to grab at me while shrieking and laughing.

I woke up sweating. Goddamnit. What do those represent? They don’t remind me of anything I’ve seen before. Maybe it’s something from my future? I don’t know. I just want to sleep without their torment. I’ll try again, hopefully I won’t have to deal with them this time around…