Trial and Error

“You know, I'm wondering something: How come this pony has to have a lawyer all the way from Equestria instead of from in the GDR?”

Twilight decided to ignore the grammatical awkwardness of Rainbow Dash's question. One uphill battle at a time. “Actually, I know the answer to that one. According to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Griffons, it's a common principle of Griffonic law that foreigners should be tried and sentenced according to their own laws. And as I learned in my earlier studies, Equestrian citizens don't just have the right to legal representation – they have the right to Equestrian legal representation.”

“Huh. Well, I guess that makes sense.”

“Yeah. Also, it turns out that it's possible for any commoner to request representation by a noblemare, if they feel that their low birth will unfairly influence the verdict.”

“Low birth? Gee, Twilight, I never took you for one of those unicorn supremacist weirdoes.” Although she had to admit that the idea of Twilight dressed up in one of those dorky costumes was pretty funny.

“What? Oh! No, no, that's not what I think, that's what the actual law says. It was written ages and ages ago, and even though it's worded a bit rudely by modern standards, it's applicable enough that it's never been changed. Although in practice, 'noblemare' is usually taken to mean any titled pony, not just a mare.”

“So did stallions used to not be allowed to be nobles or something?”

“They were allowed to be, but they didn't really count for the purposes of the law. The ponies of ancient Equestria could be real jerks sometimes.”

Rainbow Dash processed this for a few seconds, before her face lit up. “Wait a minute, I just thought of something.”

“OK, shoot.”

“You're not a noblemare! All you have to do is tell them they got mixed up and you'll be off the hook.” Rainbow Dash looked  so pleased with her excellent deduction (surely one that no other pony could have made) that Twilight almost wanted her to go on thinking she was right.

“There's a bit of a problem there. As Celestia's personal student, I am technically a dame.”

“We're all dames, Twilight. You know, except Spike.”

“I mean the title. It's the female version of knight. Up until the wedding, me and Shining Armour had the same political station – it's just that he actually used his position as a knight, and I just went to a court dinner every now and then.”

“I thought a girl knight was a knight. I mean, that's what all the knights in the Balegariad are called.”

Twilight shrugged. “Well, they can be, but really you're supposed to choose dame. Celestia told me when I took the title that it was my choice, but if I chose knight it would make the paperwork really complicated, and that didn't really seem worth it. So now the only question is, when I only have a title on a technicality and I hardly have the best law degree around, why in the world would they choose me?”

“I think I can answer that one.”

“Please, do. I'm stumped.”

Rainbow took a deep breath and began talking. “See, here's the thing: Most Griffons don't really GET royalty. I mean, they understand that there's someone in charge for life, that's just a dictatorship, they understand that just fine. But being born into being the dictator, and all the other royals and nobles and courts and everything like that? It's a total mystery to them. They don't have anything like that, so they get lost in the duchesses and earls and baronets and stuff. So they probably picked you less because of your specific position, and more because they know you fit into that mess SOMEWHERE, and that'll probably be enough to satisfy whatever pony you're going to be lawyering.” By the end of this impromptu lecture she was a little out of breath.

“The most informed and educated thing you've ever said, tripped at the last fence by trying to use a noun as a verb.”

Rainbow Dash smirked. “Heh. Guess I just gotta be me, eh?”

“Still, that is reassuring. I was worried that this was going to be some kind of horrible international political mess.” A smile broke across Twilight's face, easing the worried frown that had been plastered there since she first opened the letter. “I must say, Rainbow, your knowledge of the Griffons has been a real help. I don't know where I'd be without you.”

Rainbow Dash made a gesture that was some kind of cross between shrugging and brushing something off. “Nah, I don't know anything about their laws or politics or whatever. I'm just going by stuff I remember from Gilda. Every freaking pony in flight camp wanted to know all about her old country, and I guess I picked some of it up.” She decided not to mention that most of what she had picked up consisted of Griffonic swear words and the few insulting talon gestures that could be reliably replicated with wings.

“I appreciate it, I really do. I feel like I'm really ready to face this now.”

2 DAYS LATER

“I'm not ready to face this at all!”

“Wow, you made it all the way up until five minutes before your escort's scheduled to arrive without panicking. I'm honestly impressed. Usually you would have panicked six times over by now.” Spike was, quite naturally, more concerned with enjoying the show than with calming Twilight down. He'd intervene if she looked like hurting herself, but until then why not let her have her fun? His only regret was that they were out of those little chocolatey raisins he liked to take to the theatre.

Twilight's cutting retort (that even she had to admit would have been weakened by the truth of what Spike said) was cut short by a sharp rap on her door. As she opened the door, she  found questions about her guide flashing through her mind. What would they be like? Would they be able to get along with her? Would their translation skills be necessary, or not?

On the other side of the door, Twilight was greeted with the sight of a griffon who looked somehow familiar. She couldn't quite place her, but she'd definitely met this one before. She wasn't the one from the Friendship Express, though, nor one of the diplomats she'd met as a filly in Canterlot. She wondered who it could be.

The Griffon spoke, triggering another bout of déjà vu. “Alright, dorkmunch, let's get this show on the road before any of your lamebrain friends show up.”