Last Ditch

Chapter Two

Fleetwood Brougham was a seasoned car salesman at Ponyville Cadillac-Buick-Chevrolet, and a well known face in every casino in Canterlot. He would often be seen in his one-off Eldorado Town Car, or at the Royal Celestian Casino, chugging whiskey and betting everything. There were also rumored connections with the Equestrian Underground, MOST of which were not true. . But, these were not the strangest things about him. He was a pegasus, but gave the empression of an alicorn after an accident long ago with a hood ornament. He had seen just about everything, but was still suprised to see a baby dragon bawling it's eyes out in his showroom.

"Whoa, whoa, what's the matter, little buddy?" he asked as he approached Spike.

"I'm here to return the Oldsmoblile you sold me!" Spike choked out through a constant stream of tears.

"Damn, it didn't work, did it? The Cutlass always works!" Fleetwood was very suprised that the Oldsmobile lowrider didn't do the trick." Did she at least like the car?"

"'Like it'?!" Spike felt his rage at the gas guzzling barge that failed him outweigh the heartache he was enduring. "She thought it was a crime to fashion! She hated the color, the rims, the convertible top, how low it was, and EVEN THE TRIM PACKAGE! Does that sound like she liked it to you?!"

Fleetwood was rather taken by suprise that such a young dragon could carry so much rage, but then, Spike's fire of rage burnt out, and he fell to the floor of the showroom.

"Oh, let's face it," he admitted in defeat,"Rarity will never love me."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, kid!" Fleetwood didn't want to see Spike shoot himself at the dealer, it would leave a stain on the carpet, and would be bad for buisness. "There'll be other mares! Just look at me, I thought my first love would work out, but it didn't, but look at me now! I'm on top of the world, although sometimes i have to get Dinky on the weekends."

(That probably broke a rule about the official storyline, right there!)

"But, I always knew that Rarity was the one for me, the only one, we were destined to be together! I'll never love again!" Spike ran out of the showroom, crying.

After he left, an elderly pegasus bearing a strong resemblance to Fleetwood hobbled into the room. This was Eldorado Brougham, eldest of the Broughams.

"Airdam-it, Fleet, I heard crying. Were you telling the customers the gas mileage of our cars again?"

"No, dad, it was some kid. The poor little dragon got dumped!"

Eldorado's eyes lit up with fear. "Did you say he's a dragon?!"

"Yessir."

"Fleetwood, son, you gotta take this seriously. We aren't just dealing with your ordinary heartbroked colt, we're dealing with a fire-breathing DRAGON! And, when dragons get unhappy, someone gets fried! We can't let that be us! My point is, help him get undumped before he burns us all alive!"

"Well, dad, he was just a kid-"

"Do you hear me, boy? NOW!"

There was a ditch just outside of Ponyville, which served as a canal. Spike was sat on a bank high above it, contemplating whether to jump or not.

He was about to go get a cinderblock and some rope, when he heard the screech of tires. He turned to see the ugliest junker of a car he had ever seen. It was a dusty Red Cadillac Coupe Deville, with large cow-horns on the hood, and huge emitting huge clouds of blue exhaust. It came barreling down the street and stopped just short of the meadow.

" Who are these people?" Thought Spike.

The door of the horrible heap opened, and Fleetwood of all ponies ran over to him.

"Spike, I feel sorry for you after what happened, you losing your dream girl and all.."

"Don't remind me."

"Well, I got to thinking, and instead of killin' yourself, how'd you like to give that Irvan guy a run for his money?"

Spike was confused. "What do you mean by 'a run for his money?'"

"Spike, you know why Rarity left you?"

Spike's eyes began to water. "Be..Because she hates me?"

Fleetwood let out a wheezy laugh. "No, she doesn't hate you! It's because of a lack of refinement! You look at this Irvan guy: He's clean-cut, mannerly, and a true gentlecolt. You, on the other hand, are pretty nice, but that lack of refinement really costs you. If you became a gentlecolt of sorts, I guarentee you could win Rarity!"

Spike's eyes lit up with excitement. "How can I become a gentlecolt?"

Fleetwood pulled a cigar box out of the Cadillac, which he was now leaning on. he lit it, and blew the smoke in a condescending manner into Spike's face.

"Well," he began, "I could take you under my wing, and teach you the Brougham ways, like my father taught me. Just look at how I turned out: the mares love me!"

Just then, a convertible Chevrolet drove by, and Fleetwood whistled at the mare driving.

"Hey, honey, looking good!" He hollered.

"GET BENT, BROUGHAM!" The mare replied, flipping him off as she drove past.

Fleetwood was obviously embarressed after the incident. He tried to straighten his back, and look confident.

"Heh," he chuckled weakly," That was just one pony, the rest are different. So, what do you say, Spike? Would you like to be my prodigy?"

Spike was excited at the offer, and nodded vigorously. "Yes, yes, YES! Oh man, you and me, cruising the streets of Canterlot! Meeting mares, winning Rarity, betting it all at casinos! This is gonna be great! I gotta go tell Twilight!"

He took off running down the road, cheering all the way. Fleetwood watched him for a while, thinking of his high-school love, Darcy, who he loved as much as Spike did Rarity. He then finished the cigar, and got back into the car. " That kid's gonna make an excellent gentlecolt," He thought, as he started the anachronized Cadillac, and pulled onto the road.

The sun was just about setting in Ponyville, when Spike got back to the Ponyville Library. Twilight was just about finished reading a large book titled " Master of Magic: How Starswirl The Bearded Forever Changed Equestria", when Spike ran in, obviously still excited about the offer.

"Now THERE you are!" Twilight seemed frustrated about the dragon's absence, but was still happy to see him.

"I really needed you today, we had Ponyville Elementary check out a HUGE amount of books on the Lousiana Purchase, and I could've used your help. So, how was your day?"

Spike inhaled deeply before telling her.

"I took my secret gem stash to Ponyville Cadillac-Buick-Chevrolet to buy this really pimpin' Oldsmobile lowrider to get Rarity to love me but she didn't like it and I met this guy named Irvan, who was nice, by the way, but he was her BOYFRIEND! So, I got really sad and returned the car and was gonna drown myself in the canal but then Fleetwood Brougham came and convinced me not to jump and made me his PRODIGY! He's gonna teach me to be a gentleman, Twi! I'm finally gonna get Rarity to love me!"

"Wait, wait, wait!" Twilight interrupted Spike's story. "Did you say Fleetwood Brougham?"

"Yeah," Spike replied, "Isn't he great?"

"Spike, I don't like the sound of this guy. His 'prodigy'? I've heard of him, and he doesn't sound like a good guy to hang around with. And besides, I've heard pretty bad things about him. The other day, I was driving by his dealer, and he and his mechanic were ripping the catalytic converter out of a Chevy Caprice! He's a bad buisness man, an alchoholic, he thought "Ferris Beuller's Day Off" was a BAD MOVIE!"

"Oh come on, Twilight," Spike seemed unsure about the bad description of his mentor. "He isn't THAT bad! Just give him a chance, will you?"

"Alright," agreed Twilight, "I will, but i'm gonna keep an eye on him!