Pony Bolo

Pony Bolo - Meets Expectations

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.
The Bolo Series by Keith Laumer

"Princess! Don't hurt him!" the purple unicorn shouted as she raced to the winged unicorn's side, "He's rescuing us!"

The creature whickered at the little unicorn, a faint flash of frustration, then nuzzled the smaller equine. Purple happily nuzzled her back. All of this without increasing or decreasing the pressure on my throat in the slightest.

The elf approached, after releasing the others, so all twelve were loose in the rather crowded workshop. "I am Princess Celestia, who are you?" she asked.

"I'm not the one who incarcerated you. He's dead, and I'm here to help clean up this mess," I told the creatures surrounding me. I wondered if they were actually capable of harming a human, or if the threat display was a carefully orchestrated bluff. 'This far and no farther, but you don't need to know that'.

The elf placed her hand on her steed's shoulder, and the pressure was relieved. She offered a hand to help me up.

"I'm, quite comfortable explaining this to all of you from here," I told them from the floor, "As edgy as you are, any sudden moves on my part might provoke a reaction."

The white steed muttered something, that only the elf seemed to understand and she laughed about it. But both of them moved a few steps back. The human and the dwarf also were talking with their steeds, and seemed to be the only ones who could understand them. The others who'd been so talkative, quietly assembled around Applejack, and waited until the others completed their conferences. The behavior cemented my theory about how my grand uncle had managed to give these small frames both an advanced psychotronic brain, and all the other odd devices that let them fly and move things without touching them. It also explains why they want so badly to remain as a group, I thought as I lay on the ground and waited.

"Why were we created?" the human asked, much angrier than the elf, her steed practically glued to her hip. Her expression and that of her steed were equal parts rage, confusion and pain.

Does she want answers to strike back or explain away the pain? I wondered.

Despite her fearsome tone, her appearance and of course costume make me think of seraglio and sweaty bodies between the sheets. Which is probably what they were intended for anyway, I realized

"As toys to be played with, or broken as he chose," I replied truthfully. The pink party stands over my head and stares down at me.

"Why would hurting ponies be fun?" she asked.

"Because hurting people would get him in trouble," I told her, "Hurting machines indistinguishable from people in body would get him in trouble, but hurting ponies with minds like people would be ignored."

The pink hair straightened. "But, why?" she asked sadly.

"There is such a thing as evil, and such a thing as insanity. He had both," I told them. "I don't know if telling you it was 'nothing personal' would help or harm."

The colorful creatures looked at each other and weighed the implications. The steed and rider combos seemed a good deal less sanguine about the whole thing. There was a bit of sniffling among them.

"I know this is rather macabre, but can you check Applejack's memories for the past three weeks and see if there are any anomalies," the dwarf asked carefully.

"The diagnostic tools should do that," I told them and they gave me space to get up.

The orange mare seemed nervous. "Ya'all kin read mah mind?" she asked nervously and glanced at the scanner still plugged in.

"With more sophisticated equipment, yes. With this, no. All this can do is scan the registry." The scan was cursory, and it had a couple of anomalies. "There's a few time sections when the registry is blank. Your memories should be holographic, that is, part of it is stored several places, so if anything is lost, a lower resolution copy of the whole still exists. This is a deliberate and high-order erasure."

"Thank you," the elf said. The tone told me that we'd discuss it later. When the little ones couldn't hear.

Once disconnected and closed up, the orange mare landed beside me. "I think we might wanna find Spike," she said firmly, "Cause I wanna get outta here." She nudged me to encourage me to move towards the door. More insistent than forceful. I complied. I could tell the purple one was bursting with questions about memory.

"Uh, you mentioned that there were several conflicting wills," the white unicorn began carefully, "And as we are - property, might we be tied up in probate?" This also deflected the purple unicorn.

"No. I made it very clear to all the law firms that the contents of this building would be mine to dispose of as I saw fit. Now that I have a better idea of what went on here, I'm less inclined to use 'dispose of' in the most common form."

"Thank goodness," the white unicorn said and smiled.

Old instinct cropped up and I turned to find the Elf, Human and Dwarf all grinning happily, with a certain predatory air about them. That's trouble for later, I reminded myself.

"What was this Spike?" I asked.

"He was my assistant," the purple unicorn piped up happily, then grew sad, "And my good friend."

"Heartwarming, but I mean appearance, size, shape, color. And remember I don't know anything about your world," I told her.

"He's a baby dragon and he talks!" The yellow pegasus showed her enthusiasm. "He's this tall, and he's an adorable shade of purple!"

"So purple, little guy." I felt the laughter of my grand uncle from the grave. "I think I know where to start looking." I started marching through the alleyway between the stacked boxes and the displays.

"You guessed it that easy?" pink enthusiasm asked.

"I just had to remember the sense of humor we were dealing with," I admitted as we moved through the warehouse.

To relate that there was a fair amount of terrified screaming, and lots of heartfelt sobs would be obvious, considering my reaction to traversing these same paths earlier. If these 'ponies' wanted any proof of the malevolent mind that had created them and then set upon them, they had proof all around them. Pieces or hints of old friends, bits of buildings they recognized. I mercilessly pressed forward. I knew we'd have to go through the boxes and displays later. The collection of odd vehicles at one end of the warehouse was my goal. We pushed on through many tears and much heartbreak at the broken 'toys', some of which these ponies could name.

The vehicle was big, not compared to the immense monsters that roamed the battlefields of the Concordiat, but as big as a locomotive. It was purple, except for the belly and the antennae which were green. It looked like a variant of the ancient Russian T-35 or Vickers Independent. Multi-turreted tanks had a renaissance with the addition of psychotronics allowing the coordination of multiple turrets, and the fact that mounting the biggest gun on the hull was no longer practical. Lots of smaller guns, still in the megaton per shot range, made sense again.

"Spike?" the purple unicorn asked, then looked at me as if I'd lost my mind.

"Remember what I said about the sense of humor," I told her and considered how I was going to get it out of the building. "There is no way I'm firing that up in here."

"Can you open the door?" the elf asked, "If we put him outside, will it be safe?"

"As safe as any scared newbie with a tank," I replied.

What I watch next remains utterly terrifying to this day. With just the glow of their horns, the two of them, elf and thoroughbred, lift the huge machine up over all the other vehicles and towards the large loading door. I had the presence of mind to get it open, because that much mass would have plowed through the building. It's clear the two were straining, but that was still some sixty tons they were maneuvering about.

The daylight revealed the word 'Spike' painted on the side of the massive tank in small type. There was no conventional activator, even my grand uncle wouldn't have been foolish enough to allow the simple activation of such a war-machine. Two of the turrets were multiple plasma rifles. Two others were heavier single plasma cannons. The main turret looked like an old-fashioned artillery piece.

"That's Spike?" the white unicorn asked worriedly.

"I would guess so," I told her as I walked around the vehicle looking for an access port of some kind for commanding the vehicle. Finding none, I glanced back at the elf and her mount and found them staring at me. "I'll need a lot more tools and equipment to check him out," I admit.

"So, put him back inside?" the humanish one asked, "You certainly demand a lot."

"I'm sorry if I wasn't fully prepared for this," I told them, "I was not prepared to run into anything like all of you."

The dwarf pats me on the hip. "We weren't expecting you," she said happily, "We keep expecting you to act like the only other human we've ever seen."

I accepted the not-quite apology, and helped clear an area just inside the door for them to set 'Spike' inside.

Then we returned to the grim business of identifying any of the broken toys, or crates as names of 'people' or places they recognized. There were more than a few breakdowns as they found pieces of friends and loved ones. All told, at least twenty of the creatures or recognizable pieces of them resided in the warehouse. The repair station and secured holding area soon became a collection of piles of parts that, if complete, might restore their friends. Fortunately for me, but most assuredly not them, none had the sophisticated brains of the twelve I had discovered. There would be no simple solution for that.

The immediate problem of the twelve had a simple solution, one I could easily start the ball rolling on, as well as on 'Spike'. The sun was beginning to set when I called a halt. While the purple unicorn 'Twilight Sparkle' had developed a 'spell' to let them sense pieces of other ponies. The job of hauling out crates, and digging through their macabre contents, then comforting the distraught at finding, and even being greeted by pieces of friends, relatives or neighbors had taken its toll on all of us. I called a halt, and asked the entirely rhetorical question. "I've got quarters a short ways away, who wants to go there, and who wants to spend the night in here?"

"Lead the way," a very subdued Pinkie said.

The quarters I'd taken was the old 'garden house' rather than the main house which was full of my relatives. Most of whom were still 'recovering' from the experience of poking around the warehouse. Even the snotty grandchildren wouldn't go in there for dares. The garden house was equally off limits having none of the amenities and more creepy artwork. I wonder if they ever heard of drawers and an off switch, I wondered as I entered with the coterie right behind.

"Don't open the drawers of any of the cabinets, or that closet with the tape over the door. I think he came here to get ideas, and I don't think I want you having any of those inspirations," I told them.

Some laughed nervously at that. The pink one, Pinkie headed for the kitchen. Where she produced the chef's hat from, I do not know. Once she arrived, she looked nonplused. "I thought I'd fix something to eat, but once I arrived, I realized I wasn't hungry. Are you hungry Applejack? Are you Fluttershy? Are you Twilight? Are you Rarity?"

"Of course I'm Rarity," the white unicorn replied, "Who else could be me?"

The pink one frowned at being bested at her usual game. I also got the idea that the white unicorn was showing off to impress the person with her and her friends' lives in his hands. I decided to relieve her worries.

"You've been awfully quiet," I said to the rainbow maned pegasus.

"We never found Scoots," she said quietly, trying to sound tough.

"We aren't finished searching, Rainbow," Twilight, the purple one said, "We can finish tomorrow."

The dam collapsed. "And if we do find her, what then?" she shouted, "Find her in pieces, like AJ, or find only some of the pieces, like Cheerilee? Or maybe we aren't looking in the right place, maybe she won't be anything like what we knew, like Spike!" The tears had started, and now wouldn't stop. The others clustered around the distraught pegasus.

I knelt down so I was head high to them. "We haven't finished the search, and Twilight's spell did find Spike, despite his altered body." It was one experiment I'd demanded we run on her 'spell'. "If she's there, we'll find her. If she isn't, you'll know she stayed out of his hands."

Her answering nuzzle nearly knocked me off my feet.

"It's not that I -"

"If you say you don't care about her, I'll call off the search," I told her sternly. "Don't lie to me, that's the one thing I will not tolerate. My grand uncle and his defenders lied all the time."

She gulped and nodded.

"Good. She's a friend, and a neighbor," I told her, "That's enough."

She nodded shyly.

"Now, you can decide whether you are hungry or not. From what I saw, keep your food consumption low. You don't need to eat, but your systems can process a small amount of food," I told them, "I need to get started on getting you all out of here and somewhere a bit safer."

"Where?" Rarity asked, "We would be, toys for your amusement, wherever we went."

"There are a few places where people don't have the luxury of abusing someone who can put in a full day's work," I told them. I headed to my room, and the private communications console there. Despite the myths, fast-than-light communication is neither easy nor cheap. Far cheaper is sending a videogram, and awaiting the answer. Someone insisting on a video conference would expect minutes, perhaps hours. So when my sister's image appeared on the screen, I knew somebody was footing the bill for a lot more than I'd intended to pay.

"Colonel," I said and saluted.

"On a personal call, and you still salute me better than most of the kids out of OSC. But don't panic. I'm insystem. What's the problem?"

"Is that your sister? She's pretty. Is she gonna visit too? You wanna see a magic trick?" Pinkie asked, somehow jumping up on my left to see the screen, then without crossing in front or behind me, jumping up on my right. My little sister', the Colonel's, reaction was stunned amazement. Pinkie wasn't done, she put her hoof in her mouth in her mouth, blew hard, and all her access panels flew open, displaying her inner workings to the Ninth Area's regional chairman of The Advanced Technologies Applications Division. Basically the officer in charge of putting demilitarized tech in the hands of the citizenry, and combing through the citizens' goofy ideas for what would benefit the military. I doubt she'd ever had one of the devices audition the way Pinkie was.

"I see," she said.

"You aren't amazed?" Pinkie asked in disappointment.

"Get up here and show her your other trick." I vacated the seat.

"Okie doki loki!" Pinkie said, and once on the chair in front of the screen, all the covers snapped shut, the turn keys sealed them, and the concealment covered snapped into place. She was back to being indistinguishable from a living creature. All without Pinkie touching any of them. "But that's boring," Pinkie complained.

"Not to me it isn't," the Colonel said. A moment later the sister surfaced. "What was the old man thinking?"

"Not on the future," I replied, "I need two, no make that three DM-HH-234567-6's or two and a dash twelve."

My sister nodded at Pinkie, and I nodded back.

"Sweet Jesus," she said, "And he was . . . "

"If you have to ask, you can guess yourself," I told her.

"Oh, that's just too weird," she replied, "Okay. Fold the hort, the Buerocav's on the way. Thundering forms and red tape flashing in the wind." She cut the connection. She'd seen these ponies had military potential, and that they had HUGE civilian potential. She did not want to discuss any of that over an open channel.

"Buerocav?" Pinkie asked.

"Yes. The mighty swivel-chair hussars. The red-tape mavens," I pronounced expansively, "The RAMFs who keep us safe by demanding orders for toilet paper in triplicate."

Pinkie stared at me as we returned to the group in the living room. The horses had moved all the furniture to the walls, and were collecting in the center. The dwarf was with them, the elf and 'human' were still standing, although their mounts were with the ponies, much to the latter's delight.

"Come on, Pinkie," the dwarf said, "He needs his rest, and we could do with some ourselves."

"He said a RAMF is coming to save us, with red tape," Pinkie said in confusion.

"Now that would be a magic trick," the elf said and laughed.

"My sister can pull it off," I said. "I've been holding off telling you, but you'll be staying together. Wherever you go, the military will see to it. That's part of what that conversation was about."

There were cheers and hugs, some including me, but the elf put her foot down and escorted me from the cheerful crowd.

Once we were in the bedroom, and the door was closed, with me, the human and the elf thing got more complicated. It's amazing the things you can pick out from the background noise, in this case, happy ponies celebrating their not emancipation, but their togetherness. Cloth doesn't make much noise when it hits carpet, especially when there isn't much of it. But I heard it, very clearly.

It's also not often you stand at a crossroads, and see it clearly. I had many paths ahead of me, but they basically fell into two options. I could treat what I'd heard as a machine going through a duty/behavior cycle. Or I could treat it as a sophont making an offer, no matter how misguided. Or desperate, I realized.

"You don't have to do this. There are technical and legal reasons to keep you all together," I said, without turning around.

The warm chuckle reminds me of another reason I tagged the tall one as 'elf'. She was better than me, nobler, stronger, more thoughtful, but still so amused, delighted and fascinated by us that it never came across as condescending. I had the feeling that despite still having the power of life and death over them, I had subtly been moved from master to charge.

"A gentleman, in this day and age?" She solved the question of turning around by stepping in front of me.

I could have dropped my eyes to look at what her nakedness displayed, or raised them to look her in the eye. I raised them, for more reasons than politeness. The faint pinkness of her cheeks and other places gave me a whole plethora of clues about her mental state, and I would some have trouble keeping my reaction hidden.

"Perhaps you need to know a few things about us. At least Cadence, Luna and I. To ease your discomfort, let us be clinical," she said warmly, a teasing tone, "Your grand uncle created us first, or so he told us. We were programed with all manner of requisite skills. We were programmed to revel in both the application of those skills, and their enthusiastic reception. He also gave us a great desire to use those skills with him."

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak while this warm, beautiful creature explained.

"After he created us, he created the other ponies," Celestial said.

"Or he'd always had them and was lying to us," Luna added as she stepped around to stand beside her sister. She, mercifully, was still clothed. Although there were subtle hints she was not as disinterested as her tone indicated.

"He would keep us paralyzed, but awake," Celestia said, "And drag one of the ponies in and . . . the erasures you marveled at were not mercy. It was so they'd be just as terrified the next time he did it."

For the first time I saw anger, not enjoyment on her face. I took a step back, not knowing how she'd react to this long-buried fury.

The voice that continued was a lost little girl, not understanding why someone had hurt her so, "Can you imagine what it feels like to be so superbly trained in a skill, to desperately enjoy its application. And some petty tyrant instead drags some terrified innocent in to do what they are neither willing nor qualified to do?"

"I was in the Army for twelve years, of course I've seen it," I replied.

That seemed to break the tension in her, and Luna. Luna snorted and bowed her head. Celestia began laughing, not a polite, 'ladylike' laugh, but a full belly laugh as she rested her hands on her knees and shook from the effort. They both laughed in their own way for several minutes. One would seem to get control, look at the other and burst out laughing again.

"Thank you. We needed that," Luna said while her sister was still laughing. "She may be too polite to tell you, but I'm not. You are the first of your family who was decent to us. Others, watched or helped the games, without lifting a finger or voicing a protest. We are well aware of other humans besides your uncle," Luna said, while struggling with her top, "Who designs 'sexy clothes' you need a saw to get out of."

"Someone who remembered stripping your 'prize' is half the fun," I explained.

"I note you haven't offered to help," Luna said as she looked at me intently, "We aren't machines who 'must have sex or we'll die!'" she said theatrically, "This isn't a carnal bribe or payment for services rendered."

Celestia had sobered and straightened up by then. She was a bit disheveled, but she managed to make it look fetching. "I hadn't wanted to be quite that clinical. But Luna is correct, we offer a love gift. Thanks for saving us, and protecting our ponies." She looked concerned for a moment, then smirked. "Are you uncomfortable coupling with a machine?"

"Ma'am," I told her, "I've had duty stations where a bit of grease on a rolled up towel was the height of decadence."

"What about your fellow soldiers?" Luna asked.

"The nearest one was two hours away, one if we tried to rendezvous, which would have gotten us both in endless trouble. Add to that a rotten personality, a firm belief that others were to be stepped on to insure promotion, hygiene that would repulse a sand-lizard, a face that could double as an anti-personnel mine, and all the intellectual restraint and maturity of a pissed-off two-year-old. I wouldn't have 'coupled' for all the wealth of the galaxy."

"He sounds unpleasant enough to avoid," Luna said.

"She was also my commanding officer," I replied, "And the only entity I wish my uncle had gotten his hands on. Although, knowing him, he would have married her to spite everyone."

Celestia and Luna seemed amused and distracted by the banter, but not long enough. "If you don't want us, just say so."

I had no doubt they could tell just how true or false such a statement would have been. I also knew I had to get out of there quickly. As Luna maneuvered to catch me in a 'sandwich' with Celestia, I stepped away. Honestly may be the best policy, I thought.

"While I appreciate the offer, I don't think it's a good idea," I said firmly.

"You aren't 'forcing us' into this," Luna reiterated, "We want to do this."

"Let's just say you're going to be gravely disappointed," I told them, I sighed, "One of the few girl friends I had who tried to stay a lover, nicknamed me 'point and shoot', and not because I could snap-shoot with a rifle."

Celestia smiled and put her arms around my neck. "Why don't we show you what we know?" she said gently, "I think you'll find that we won't be disappointed, no matter what happens."

I was going to go anyway, and could feel the pressure building. I nodded, and let Celestia lead me to the bed.

"Just relax, and let us do the work. Your grand uncle was a vicious, evil man, but he wanted us to know everything we were missing."

"Oh God," I murmured as Luna pulled off my pants with the glow of her horn.