Ponies, Travelers, and this guy

(A/N: No I don't have anything better to do)

PONIESPONIESPONIESPONIESPONIESPONIES! Oh wait...i'm dreaming! Well time to fix that.

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Twilight strained under the being as it flailed in mid air murmuring "ponies" in it's sleep before finally dropping off to dreamland like a log. She was irritated courtesy of a familiar Pink Pony and because a particular Rainbow Mare wouldn't SHUT UP about how awesome the man was.

"Twilight! Oh my gosh wasn't it so boss how he snapped his own neck back into place? OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH-"

"Rainbow! SHUT. THE BUCK. UP" Screamed Twilight in exasperation finally silencing Rainbow Dash who only offered a Fluttershy like apology with blushing cheeks.

After a minute of walking, the human snapped awake.

"Hella y'all! Wait, why am I incased in- AH GOD MY RIBS, NOW I REMEMBER WHY I PASSED OUT." He said in a half screaming-half sarcastic tone.

"Alright if ya would be so kind missy, LEMME DOWN!" He shouted flailing in the magic. Twilight, still too stunned for speech just set the flailing bi-ped down. And backed away.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL RRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIGHTY THEN!" He said dawning a psychotic smile. "Be right back!" He said flashing a small smile and disappearing.

About a minute later he....reappeared?

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Alright i'ma gonna cut out the preservative meaning all the shit that happened to me when I [ahem] "Disappeared".

The important thing is I'MA A GODDAM DUCK. I...I...wow. I probably shouldn't have messed with that witch doctor on Albacurkey street, goddamit. Alright then! Explanation time!

What I did when I "Disappeared" was I basically stepped outside the natural flow of time and space. Ya, you can do that. So when I stepped out, I stepped into another timeline to grab a healthy me, absorb him into myself, then step back into the Equestrian Time-Space line.

Somewhere along the way, I screwed up....big time. Goddam Fish Prostitutes, they'll take your money and your liver if ya let em! Okie! Going back to sense here So me an the ponies. Twinkle...Mario Kart Dash? And Pink Puffles made our way to their friends house.

"For the last time my name is not Twinkles! It's Twilight! Twilight Sparkle!" Interjected Twinkie Sprinkles, honestly I don't know why anyone would name their child that.

"Whatever you say Twinkie." I replied...or rather quaked as our little quartet made our way to her friends house. Someone by the name of F**k or Die? Jesus who comes up with these names?

So anyways after a minute or two of walking we come to this house see? It's like this little cottage but it was like only two stories and all wood and stucco and SQUEE IT WAS SO CUTE.

"Hey Front Lawn Sprinklers! Is this where Scratcher's Guy lives?" I asked pointing to the cottage, Water Sprinkler gave me a look that was all like 'are you retarded?' Then she shook her head and walked away.

"What? Hey Rare Eye Rash what's her problem?" I asked after the blue mare followed Sprinklers snickering a little.

"Ah....ya know.....nothing." She gloriously elaborated before bursting out in laughter. I was so confused as to what was going on at this point but decided to follow because you know..I had nowhere else to go.

Sooooo after a couple minutes of walking we come to the front door. Binky Dye decides to knock on the door by repeatedly smashing her face into the door until a peeved looking Catcher in the Rye answered the door.

"WHAT?!?" She screams before suddenly covering her face with her hooves. "Oh..sorry Pinkie...I just...wake up this early and the noise startled the little bunnies so I...sorry." She squeaked before hiding behind her mane.

"Hello Derpy Shy! My name's Hoody!" I said making myself known by flapping my wings.

Fappy High looked shocked for a moment. "Pinkie....why is there a talking duck?....Kill it like the rest." She said under her voice.

Fuzzy Twinkie Stars decided to speak up at this point. "No Fluttershy he's not a duck. He's a human. I...I don't know how but one minute he was human, then he disappeared and now" she gestured to me. "That." She finished, her eyes half-lidding and her tone dry and dripping with sarcasm.

"Aww admit it Spanky Twonkles, you know ya love me." I said with a wolfish grin which a duck shouldn't have since that particular species of the family of birds doesn't have facial muscles, come to think of it most birds don't have facial muscles. I think the only bird that has any facial muscles is The Scootaloo.

"That isn't even a word!" She shouted, her voice going high, filled with exasperation.

"It's okay Twilight, I still got a case of hard cider from Applejack." Replied Flutter.....Guy in a flat tone. "Pinkie, Rainbow how about you two come in as well?" She asked sweetly.

Randy Dallas Smash yawned and flew in the door. "Thanks Fluttershy." She said patting the buttery pegasus on the back.

"Oh this is gonna be so much fun! Are we gonna have a sleepover? Huh? Huh? Please?!?"  Asked Pink Stride Chewing Gum, her eyes going wide.

"Sure Pinkie, go right ahead." Offered Rabi Sly. Pinchy Kite bounced through the door, her pink mane poofing up and bouncing along with her.

"Don't worry little guy, I'll take good care of you too." She said ushering me into the door as well. I shrugged as much as my duck form would let me and waddled in.

TRAVELER'S GENERAL RULE #1: Never turn down a stranger's hospitality but always keep a loaded gun nearby.

That one rule alone had saved me countless times before, why should I stop now? Since I had already carried my duffle bag on my back. (I dunno, ducks do some crazy shit man) I unzipped it and fished around through the small inter-dimensional rift I kept in there to store all my stuff until I found what I was looking for; A 13 gauge shotgun. I found myself a nearby straight-backed chair made for a human and I slouched into it (Lyra style) with the shotgun cocked at the mares who were now scrambling up the stairs not in any particular hurry.

"Nighty Night! Don't let the Flood parasites bite!" I called up to them. They each gave me a quizzical look before going back upstairs.

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After the CMC sleepover, Fluttershy had installed a guest bedroom down the hall from her own bedroom. The good news was it was another bed which made two in the house. The bad news was there were only two beds in the house. The medium news was that in Trottingham, an arsonist had been caught by the town deputy after he set fire to his second uncle's three times removed from his mother's side's house. In other news the ponies up in the weather factory are scheduling a downpour so all you fair-flanks fans will have to stay indoors this afternoon! That concludes our daily weather with Tom Vergeron! Please stay tuned for scenes from our next episode.

"What the hay was that?" Asked Rainbow Dash to no one in particular.

"What was what?" Called Pinkie who was already skipping down the hall to the guest room. Rainbow just shook her head and followed.

"I'll bunk with Pinkie, Twilight you can stay with Fluttershy!" Shouted Dash as she now ran towards the door, intent on getting to the bed before Pinkie broke it in.

Twilight turned to Fluttershy who was standing there speechless. Her cheeks were the color of ketchup packets and her eyes couldn't have been that much bigger than an atom.

"Well, it's just you and me now Flutteshy." Said Twilight nervously scratching the back of her head with a hoof.

"OOOOOOOH! There was an old farmer who lived on a rock! He sat in the meadow just shaking his fist at some boys who were down by the crick! Their feet in the water their hands on their- marbles and playthings and at half past four! There came a young lady she looked like a-"

Twilight inhaled slowly and deeply as she tried desperately to stop the growing inferno of rage blazing within her mind. Fluttershy meanwhile had passed out then and there due to the sheer amount of suggestive material in one song currently being sung by one obnoxious duck.

Twilight decided to simply go to bed. Nothing like bed right about now. Screw reality, it could wait until morning especially because of one Celestia damned- no Twilight don't think about it. Bedtime right now. Bed time.

"Goodnight everypony!" Called Twilight from Fluttershy's bed after successfully dragging the petrified mare into her own bedroom, tucking her in, and jumping in next to her.

She heard muffled moans coming from the guest room and one muffled goodnight courtesy of the newest feathered inhabitant. "Close enough." She murmured before dropping off to the land of dreams.