Ponies, Travelers, and this guy

(A/N: HORY SHEET MY MIND WAS SERIOUSLY JUST...AUGH!)

Okie! Now that we have that little excursion out of the way! We come back to my time and fixed point in the universe. Which was still waiting for Twilight to return with the coffee. After that little flashback, I quickly regained my composure as the melancholy and mild depression left. As she returned I kept saying inside my head: "Just act natural, just act natural."

"Okay! Here's your tea!" She chirped happily handing me a steaming cup of Earl Grey.

Just act natural and everything will be fine.

"By the mother of lactation on Cerberus 9 this is godly!" I shouted taking my first sip.

"Um.....then it's good?" Asked Twilight, snapping me out of my reverie. I just gave her a smile and nodded downing another batch of the golden liquid.

After that....well...the tension within the silence could have been cut by a butter-knife. Though that's not really a good way to cut tension. It's like trying to cut into chicken. You know how thats like. Nightmarish mess, you'll get bits and pieces of it everywhere. Actually the best way to cut tension is by sprinkling some apprehension on it, maybe injecting a bit of awkward and then slowly slicing into it. Wait a minute are we talking about chicken or tension? Ah who cares.

Finally Twilight cut it with a chainsaw: very loud and spraying the mess everywhere.

"So...where are you from?" She asked, I groaned. That question had a million answers. None of which were very healthy for the philosophical or deep thinking mind. I had a friend on P-9. It was a planet with a dense gravitational pull so it had a butt ton of moons. Other than that it was fairly normal by normal Earth standards. The people were bi-pedial sentient. Even friendly seeing as how there were a bunch of space-fearing species amongst that particular galaxy. Any who, so I stayed there for about 30 years, and during that time I met a dude who was pretty deep and philosophical and the like. So we got into it one day and he asked about my past. Of course I was scared it might destroy his brain but well...he was pretty smart.

So I explained to him the whole super-human/ super-concept and he was fine. So then I went further and explained what I like to call "The universal binary."

See, there is a code programmed into each and every sentient, non-sentient, partially sentient, and utterly stupid creature. Some subsections of programming include base instinct (eating,sleeping,mating etc.) So then I explained to him what the true meaning of the universe is.

.........The authorities found him missing his brian which decided to quickly the theatre of his head via back door exit. In layman's terms: His head suffered a mega fart in which it shat the cranium out the back. In absolutely idiotic man's terms: I blew his brain.

And that's why I never cook cheese without at least wearing 1 kilo of protection. Oh sorry, where were we? Ah yes! So after explaining to Twilight in rather unspecific terms that "I was from everywhere" she switched topics seeing as how the awkward silence was descending upon us again.

Speaking of descending, have you ever encountered a Titanium Vulture? You can find them in the PERIODIC universe which is just a hop from your normal universe. There pretty much everything is made up not from Atom but from base metals and gases.

Anyway they're on the planet Titanium. Nasty buggers, it's like they can sense the lack of water or life in the individual because WEEKS! Literally weeks before you die they will start circling you. The people of that particular planet named them "Grim Reapers." Since if you were gonna die they were just gonna eat your ass.

And that's another thing! Even in your house they would come in and start eating you minutes before you died! I'm serious! I remember visiting a close friends passing. As he sat on his bed the company of people (Me, Mom, Aunt, Brother, Father) heard screeching and this massive bird just suddenly tore their roof off and starting pecking away at him. And do you know how these people deal with these things? They carry around MAC (Mass Accelerator Cannon) Pistols wherever they go! I'm dead serious here they have handheld weapons of mass destruction that they are trained from early childhood to use!

Ah, rambling again. Sorry, anyway Twilight and I were discussing her origins and how her life in Ponvyille was going. I just listened along, see i'm like that. If you're not paying attention you will soon find me listening as you prostrate your whole life's story. And I'll be smiling.

So during one story involving a spell backfiring and Twilight accidentally sending a pony named "Lyra" into another dimension,  she stopped and looked at me with a grin.

"Oh! I should introduce you to the rest of my friends! I'm sure they'll be just as excited!" She said jumping like a little girl, or since i'm in a world of ponies a little filly.

So I just said sure and went along with her. I didn't point out the obvious like some of her friends were upstairs and I had yet to meet the one she referred to as Fluttershy. I also kept my mouth quiet about the grunts and moans coming from upstairs accompanied by squeaking noises. I'm just a good guy like that.

So! We were walking and talking and soon we found ourselves in Ponyville proper! Funny how time flies when one is in conversation. So I was walking around and talking about with the ponies of Ponyville! It seems I wasn't the only human amongst their kind. In fact every other week they got a new human just randomly appearing near the Everfree forest. I had a really nice conversation with the one called Lyra Twilight mentioned before. She seemed to know a lot about human anatomy as well as biology as well as psychology . Hell she probably knew more about humans then I did!

So soon after, I was having a good time. Laughing along with these ponies, talking and walking. Did you know ponies have pastries to die for? No i'm serious, they have pastries that the people of ECLAIR 2001.234 would die for.

The last time I visited, they were in the middle of a galactic scale war over if an Eclair or a Napoleon was better. Being the sweet fanatic I am and being the Napoleon fan I was, I instantly signed up for the U.F.N (United Federation of Napoleons)

Turns out the people of ECLAIR 2001.234 were all sweets.....so guess what ended the war? I tried eating the this delicious little candy cane puppy that had been captured from the planet STICKY. There was a whole continent of abandoned puppies. So both sides: The U.F.N and the the P.R.E (People's Republic of Eclairs) both signed a cease fire agreement in order to give these puppies a new home. As I said before, being the sweet fanatic I was, silently crept into the giant storage bay which was acting as a housing settlement and began to eat them. They acted like puppies normally do, the were so cute and adorable....and delicious. What? I wasn't allowed to eat anything! Anything! I was friggin starving! Do you know what  they're idea of food was? Dirt! I'm serious! Dirt was where they got their minerals and proteins and all the good stuff! Now I can shape-shift forms and such but i'm essentially human! Goddamit man I need meat! So I was found by a passing officer and sentenced to immediate execution.

Of course I escaped seeing as how I kinda wanted to live back then. The chase involved fake chickens, a giant Whoopee Cushion Death Star and cheese *shudder* lots and lots of cheese.

Now, unbeknownst to me and my new equine pals. An old friend of mine was currently descending towards the grounds of Equestria in a giant metallic suit, screaming abuse as he was cooked alive due to the planetary re-entry friction caused when an outside force comes in contact with the atmosphere of the planet.

And things on the planet of Equestria were going to get a lot more....interesting.

(A/N: 0_0)