::Three days earlier::

Night fell, quite unaided, on Canterlot. On this clear spring night, like every other night, Luna disappeared quietly from the grounds of the castle proper and sequestered herself in a lone tower at the top of the mountain. She did this under the pretense of "raising the moon;" a concept which always made her giggle - when nopony was watching, of course.

Even now, just thinking back on it brought on a fit of chuckles and a shake of her head. That one drunken night, countless years ago - long, long before her brief stint as Nightmare Moon. Back then it was just she and Cele, two regular ponies (she a pegasus and her sister a unicorn) with no responsibilities and nothing to tie them down; nothing to do, in fact, but wander the land (well, nothing they wanted to do; work was just that: work).

They had been sitting in a little inn in a hovel of a town that was nowadays the glittering jewel of Manehattan. Bored and drunk, she had bet her older sister that Celestia couldn't make up a ridiculous lie and pass it off as the truth. She'd meant it as a small prank, something to make the night go by a bit faster and possibly provide a laugh or two. She hadn't expected what came next. Celestia had risen to the challenge quite admirably and, with a wicked grin on her lips, took a swig of her ale and immediately began spinning her tale. With a bard's silver tongue and a conpony's penchant for obfuscation and spinning half-truths, she unraveled a story of missing crowns, magical daggers and neurotic step-daughters. Her fellow bar patrons, and Luna as well, sat entranced by the faux-autobiography unfolding before them. With a deftness of mind that would end up serving her quite well on the throne in later years, she ended her tale on one indubitable, yet completely unfounded point: that the world revolved, quite literally, around the two sisters having a quiet drink in a dinky little hamlet in bufu Equestria.

Amazingly, the audience bought it - hook, line and sinker. Even Luna found herself swept up in its surge, and she'd been there; it was her life after all, and she was quite sure that none of that had ever happened. It dawned on her that Cele had spun the tale with magic; not quite cheating, but... well, Cele owed her a drink now, that was for sure.

Given their sun and moon cutie marks (completely coincidental, and a most amusing story in itself), most ponies found it hard to neigh-say the unicorn's claim - the sisters had swept into town just that evening, strangers to its inhabitants, unknown by anypony around. They had a certain mystery about them, and the townsponies had been whispering about the two ever since the first sighting. Maybe it was the way they spoke, or the worldly look in their eyes; or maybe, on this one night in particular, it was a combination of those and an abundance of liquid stupidity. All anypony could say for sure was that they'd never heard a more truthful and soul-jerking story. By the time morning had come, the little hamlet was abuzz with the news: the two mares were no doubt of Equestria's long-lost, and very much fabled, royal bloodline! Some ponies even took it further; the they were alicorns in disguise - Goddesses - and were the sole reason Equestria even had the blessings of night and day. To the ponies around them, the simple fact was this; Celestia brought the day, Luna, the night, and together they brought life to the land.

Luna took a moment to reflect on the inherent gullibility of ponykind.

By the time Luna had allegedly raised the pale satellite into the darkening sky that next evening, any town within a day's flight was getting the news and wondering if it could be true. As more ponies heard it, they found themselves dumbfounded and enraptured by the idea of living goddesses.

Luna considered that Cele might have spun the tale with a bit too much magic. She always had been talented, if a little brash, perhaps not knowing her own strength sometimes.

Everywhere the story went, the residual magic wound itself into ponies' brains like a catchy song. Everypony had trouble not believing it, and, what's more, felt the need to flesh out the story a little more each time. The more ponies who repeated it, the more powerful the magic grew. By the time the news reached the far shores, it had become more than just the rumor it had been when it left the hamlet; it had become History.

Hark, hark, all ye ponies, it screamed, the Bloodline has returned, the Crowns are made flesh once more! They are merciful and benign but, more importantly, can destroy your mind and body with a look, so watch what you say, hear?

Come the following morning, they were princesses. Unofficial, yes, unwitting, maybe; but the lie had become truth.

When they'd arrived at the next town and seen the gathering crowds, Cele had leaned over to her younger sister and with a cocky smile had whispered, "Was that good enough?"

Luna smiled at that memory as she climbed the tower stairs, pinpoints of light from distant suns and planets showing through the narrow window slits.

Even now, in this age of reason and scientific discovery, nopony knew, or even seemed to realize, with the exception of a few, that the sun and moon needed no help with their cyclical performances. Only a few ponies had ever even come to that conclusion over those last few thousand years; learned ponies, mostly, as well as a few shyster who'd gotten lucky with their guesses. Luna had tried to persuade Celestia to just brush them off, but the older sister had been set on hushing them up. A greased wheel turns more smoothly than a mad, ranting one, she'd always say. For the most part, offers of money or seats of power in far corners of the kingdom had kept the peace, but a few had required... special considerations. That whore-son of a stallion Starswirl the Bearded was one; he'd demanded nothing less than a full directorship at Celestia's school, as well as unfettered access to the keep's untapped magical potentialities. The chaotic spirit who called himself Discord was another; she and Cele had been forced to turn him to stone when he refused to cooperate and had subsequently threatened their rule of Equestria. Cele had only brought him back under the condition that he never tell anypony the truth, under pain of re-petrification - a threat which apparently worked, as Discord had not uttered a word of it since, even to that pegasus pen-pal of his, ThunderThighs or whatever her name was. Mayhap a millennium of immobility was too horrid a fate for him to consider returning to. At any rate, nopony had tried it since she'd come back from the moon, but Luna had an inkling that Celestia's current protege, Twilight Sparkle, probably had her suspicions. She was certainly clever enough. Luna fervently hoped it wouldn't go past that.

None of them, however, came close to matching the sisters' first challengers on the subject.

It was about a month after the wildfire that was Celestia's story had ravaged Equestria. As they were seeking out a proper site for their castle to be built, they were cornered by three ponies, appearing in the night like a bad dream. They stole into their camp and easily passed undetected the brand new and completely inexperienced "Royal Guard."

Luna awoke to a gruff voice in her ear. It said, simply, "You scream, you die."

What had followed was the most bizarre night of either sisters' lives. The stallion with the hard voice spoke first, calling them out on their lie and demanding to know how, and why, Luna and Celestia had bamboozled an entire country into believing such an outlandish story. The explanation gave them pause, and they talked amongst themselves for a time, all the while casting glances at the two. Eventually, having reached a consensus, they approached again the terrified mares sitting huddled together for protection on one cot.

In the darkness it was hard to make them out and they seemed much bigger than they actually were. Then a mare's voice, clear as a bell in the silence of the tent, spoke up.

"You," she said, speaking to Celestia, "are obviously quite the magician to have woven such an advanced mass hypnia spell into your story."

"A what?" Celestia had asked, her voice tinged with nervous confusion.

There was a silence, and when the mare spoke again, Luna thought she heard a smile in her voice. "Perfect," she whispered to the other two, then turned back. "We have a proposition for you. One that will change your lives.

"Forever."

Luna was still climbing. Why Cele had been so set in her ways about making this tower the highest point in the land, Luna didn't know. Perhaps Cele thought it would help the look of the thing; the two princesses mounting the summit to begin their heavenly duties. Cele had also been adamant that they not fly to the top, but rather hoof it up all 1000 steps. She made sure, however, that it was a widely known 'secret' that they did this, saying she felt that the populace knowing they had ritual to their obligation would only aid in cementing the two alicorns in their power.

Luna didn't really mind anyways. Being immortal meant you hardly ever got tired. Plus, since the tower was designed with wide sloping windows stretching the entirety of the outside wall of the stairwell, she got a beautiful 360 degree view of Equestria every time she climbed it.

Luna finally reached the top of the tower and, closing the door behind her, settled into a cushion in front of a low table. She shared a greeting with the ponies sitting before her, then pulled a thrice-folded cardboard display from a shelf underneath, placing it open on its edge between herself and the others. Following that came a black, clunky bag, a sheaf of notes and piece of folded paper with grid lines on it.

As she was setting up, the ponies at the table resumed their conversation.

"I honestly can't believe you, Berry. How many times is that this month?" asked an amber unicorn stallion with a gruff voice.

"Hey, it wasn't my fault!" the mulberry earth mare answered. "That whore-hopper with the quaff started it! S'not my fault he ducked when I threw my drink at him..."

"Sure, but you didn't have to take a swing at the bartender when he asked you to leave."

"C'mon, Joe, he wanted me to leave before I got into a fight!"

The pegasus at the far end of the table fixed her with a wall-eyed stare and asked, "...and?"

"And? AND?! Derpy, it's insulting! I don't start fights!" She looked over at the snickering stallion and frowned. "Oh, shut it!"

"So I suppose you bucking the table over on that mare last month wasn't starting a fight?" he asked, his face as innocent as he could make it.

"And what about the time you sent that table a round of cement mixers cuz they wouldn't 'stop looking at you'?" Derpy added.

Berry just stared at the two with her mouth open, then put her hooves on her face and shook her head. "I just... I just don't know why I try sometimes..."

Luna looked up from her notes and eyed the poor mare. "Far be it from me to say it, but maybe you should tone it down a little? You're going to draw attention to yourself if you keep this up..."

"Great Gamera, not you too..." Berry shook her head. "Look, we all have eternity to face, just let me face it the way I want... with alcohol. And pranks. And..." she rolled her head back, thinking of a way to phrase what came next. "...aggressively engaging other parties with whom I have an issue or who, themselves, have issues with how I act."

"Right," Derpy said, nodding her head. "Not fighting at all. See, Joe?"

Joe opened his mouth to say something, but Berry shot him a look that promised pain if he did.

"Fine, fine," he said, acquiescing to the earth mare. He looked over at Luna, who arched her eyebrows. "Shall we start, then?"

"When you're all ready," she replied. "Berry? Derpy?"

The two mares nodded, Berry with a smile that said she was glad to move on. Derpy just started picking through the dice in front of her, separating them into piles.

Luna stretched her wings and settled into her seat. "Now... I believe that when we left off you were just picking up the pieces from the fight on the airship?"

"Oh, yeah!" Derpy's face lit up. "I zapped that SharkWing right out of the air before it crashed into the ship! That was sweet..."

"Yeah, and I believe you mentioned that the NaZibra captain had a certain map in his quarters...?" Joe added, winking at Berry.

Berry's eyes grew as she remembered. "Uh-huh, you sure did," Berry confirmed, a devious smile growing on her face. "I DEFINITELY remember that."

Luna groaned and shuffled her notes around, muttering, "I never should have told you about that damned stronghold legend."

"Well, technically it was the gypsy bard who told us..." Derpy began, then looked up and saw everypony staring at her. "What? She sang that song, remember? You even put a silver dock in her rump-sack, Hugo," she added, pointing a hoof at Joe. Derpy was adamant about staying in character once the game started.

"Right! Sorry," he told her. He started muttering quietly to himself. "Hugo, Hugo. Think Hugo. BE Hugo."

Joe, on the other hoof, had trouble being anypony but himself - which was not usually a social survival trait when one is immortal.

"Anyways..." Luna broke in, "you've just finished off the last of the NaZibra's air regiment aboard the Zephyr Zeitgeist, secured the tiller, and are on a course for the NaZibra's base in the Pertanniac Mountains. You've a six hour flight ahead, what do you now?"

Derpy picked up a die. "I search the bodies!" Her hoof came down to toss it...

And the stairwell door burst open, bouncing off the stone wall with a crash as a panting castle guard galloped into the room.

Luna stood up, fury on her face. "What is the meaning of this intrusion!? We are..." she faltered, then recovered, "...in council!"

The guardspony saluted and inhaled in one go, his chest heaving. "Princess! Your sister!" he wheezed.

Luna's look of rage quickly became one of consternation. "What! What of her? What's wrong?! Speak, pony! Tell us where my sister is!" Now worried, the Canterlot voice was in full effect.

"She... one of the... night guards..." he huffed and puffed, "they found her in the old palace throne room... collapsed! She's barely breathing!"

Luna was on the balcony and launching herself into the sky before the guard had finished. With a crook of her wings, she dive-bombed straight to the nearest castle entrance.

Back up in the top room of the tower, the guard finally spared a glance at the table, confusion on his face as he took everything in. Then he keeled over.

As he stared up at the three ponies who ran to his side, he gasped, "Why in Tartarus... is this tower... so damned tall?"

Author's Note

My apologies for the inconsistent updates. I recently got a job as a cook on a cruise line, and it's a 12+ hours a day/seven days a week gig, so I don't have much free time. I have more planned, the story is still on, and I actually have an idea for a short one-shot type story, so I should have more up soon.

Thanks for your patience!