Greetings and chaostations Equestria!

Discord here, and he couldn't be more excited!

I say he of course because Discord has been challenged to write his own book of holiness, so verily he must not speak of himself in the first person anymore!

Forsooth!

And so, ye it was that there was a land of ponies. And ye, unto its end it was cursed to be full of Rainbows and Unicorns and other happy things.

But lo, beyond this universe of giant eyed demonic ponyspawn, there dwelt the being of awesomeness, Discord.

But nay, he was not yet known by this name, for chaos among chaos is ordinary, which chaos can never be.

Anyways, from his place up on high, Discord heard these creature's calls of despair.

"Oh why?!" They did cry. "Why must our world be so happy and boring and creepy?!"

And lo, his Discordedness heard these pleas, and was moved by them. For he alone understood, that joy in a world without sorrow was not truly joy at all.

And thus he knew, to save this land, he must destroy it.

And so, he came. The great lord of chaos did come unto this land of terrible happiness, but many years before it's modern day. And he gave it the gift of chaos.

The seas did rend, the mountains quake, and the mouse did consider eating the cat instead of sleeping next to it. Indeed, the very fabric of reality was warped from his coming.

But with his coming, came something more. For from the chaos, sprang innovation. Conflict. Purpose. Meaning. And best of all, the beings of the land came to become real and true. For with chaos as much a part of their lives as order had been before, they could at last begin to truly live.

And all his Discordedness did ask for in return was to but rule this grand world he had helped to create for a time.

But nay, the stewards of order, the very beings who did weep for the lameness that was their land, did now instead hate and scorn He Who Is Chaos Incarnate.

For alas, the flow of time was changed with the coming of Discord, and no longer was there a lameness that could be objected to by those stewards of order.

And so it was that our lord Discord was imprisoned, in a suit of the purest order. For nothing is less chaotic that stone. It just sits there, and occasionally gets rained on.

But as it was before, so shall it be again. Without Discord as a check against order, spontaneous musical numbers did emerge again into the land, and deep in their hearts, the beings of the land did begin again to plead.

"Please oh Discord, come back to your people! Save us from the lameness that our lives have become in your absence!"

And thus the Lord of Chaos was freed, by the latent chaos of an argument between a chicken, a dictionary, and a robot, as was foretold.

And ye, maybe he overdid it a bit with his return, I mean yeah he should probably have eased into it a little bit before breaking the universe and imprisoning Celestia on the moon with a pile of bananas, but I, that is to say, he doth argue that it was only justice.

So he was again imprisoned in stone. And yet, even in so short a time, his works had again changed the land. Now there were questions being asked by the beings of this world.

"What else is out there? Where do we really come from? Have things always been the way they are now? Is Equestria the name of our country, continent, or planet?"

And with these developments, the beings of order themselves were forced suddenly to wonder. Is Discord a curse, or perhaps instead a blessing?

While they did ponder this, the newly explored lands brought new wonders to those who did dwell in this land. But not all that they found was good.

They found also great danger. Dangers that would threaten to swallow up the ways of these beings. For musicals had already begun to take hold of the creatures of this land again, and they could not hope to stand against these new threats on their own.

And thus the beings of order did at last agree. Discord was needed. Discord must again be a part of this world if it was to survive.

And so again, the Lord of Chaos was freed from his temple of stone.

At the first he was enraged. His works were good, he only helped these creatures who did never seem to appreciate him. Why then do they seek to keep punishing him for the help he gave?

But like before, the Prophecies of Chaos spoke to the solution. Upon gaining the friendship of the Tree, The Lord Discord felt the roots of friendship hold him firm.

He would help these creatures to stand against the dangers of their world. But he would do so his own way, and he would ever spread his message as he did so.

If you are still reading this, then you are a true follower of The Ways of Chaos, and you too must spread his word to all those who would hear it.

Chaos is the bane of all. But without it, we would be damned to a fate all the worse.

So sayeth Discord.

Okay, there, I know it's a bit short as far as holy books go, but I'm thinking something more in the way of a picture book. You know, for the kids!

Oh yeah, that was for TheGuyWithTheFace, in response to his question, "As a god, do you have and loyal discipes? Perhaps you should write your own holy book.

So go forth my minions who worship chaos! Go forth, and do my will! Hahahahaha!

Of course, I've never really tried to send chaos through the internet before, I'm not sure if you were enslaved into doing my will by reading this or if it will instead just give you gas. In either case, just lay off the beans for a few days and it should go away on its own.

Anyways, back to the questions!

Let me see....Discord is awesome....Discord is awesome....Discord is awesome....ah! Here we go!

catluvr2 asks:

Yo, Discordiant Chaos, I've got a question that I'm sure all of your readers want to know.

What does Poison Joke do to you? Come to think of it, it sounds like something you'd create for a laugh. Did you invent Poison Joke?

Peace out,

Yarn Purl (male, genderbent name is Knitasha

Okay, first off mate, I am confused. Are you catluvr2, Yarn Purl, or Knitasha?

I mean, don't get me wrong, it is very chaos of you, and it pleases his Discordedness. I was once known by many names as well. Like, let me see...you know me as Discord, that's obvious. I was once called Star Swirl the Bearded, psych! Ha, I so got you!

Umm...you know, I am actually blanking on what my name was originally. It was probably Bob or Susan or DiscordisAwesome1234. Something like that.

Anyways, as for your question, INSERTNAMEHERE, Poison Joke is an interesting creature. He is actually one of the few beings of chaos that naturally occurs here in Equestria. Nope, sadly, not my work at all. Though the bastard does seem to take a perverse joy out of framing his pranks so it looks like I did them.

Oh yeah, just to be clear, he is a single being, Poison Joke. He is actually a pollen held together with a hive mind, and the prank he pulls on flowers is giving them the shape and color you are familiar with. I imagine he finds it funny that creatures are actually afraid of being near tulips and daisies and the like.

Oh, and please tell Celestia about this, would you? I am sick of getting blamed for all these pranks that were not in fact some of the many that I have myself pulled.

Okay, next question!

Chaos cookies...not touching that with a flaming limbo stick....

Umm, what else...Discord is awesome...Discord is awesome....ah ha!

Bon Bon, a long time worshiper and possibly a stalker of mine, says:

Ok question:
If i were to insert Chaos Bacon in the candies i make, and give them to the princesses,
Would you be blamed?
~~-I like bacon-,Bon Bon ~~ (...i should have opened a bacon store...)

So, the truth it out at last. Lyra has a HUMAC fetish, and Bon Bon is not really a herbivore like the other ponies...

Well Bon Bon, who enjoys feasting on the grilled fat lining the undersides of Equestria's sentient pig population, I will answer your question...Oh and don't worry, I don't judge. I understand that the great Princess Twilight Sparkle wasn't even over in another universe for an hour and she was already eating dead and ground up cow meat.

He he he, they haven't looked at her the same way since!

"Moooo! We don't want to mooooove to another pasture, this is our land!"

"Fine, then I will eat you with my fearsome hands!"

HA HAH A HA H AH AH AH HA!

Okay, sorry, I'm done. Anyways, where was I?

Ah yes, Chaos Bacon inserted into candies and given to the princesses.

Well, see, this is a delicate question, because as I am sure you are aware, I was recently imprisoned for leaving food in the cookie jar of a certain, unnamed pony who can't take a joke, and this alleged food may or may not have contained what was honestly no more than a trace amount of chaos, and she may have happened to have a rather severe reaction to it, as she had no chaos resistance in her bloodstream.

So sure, there may have been some sort of Chaospox reaction, and there may have been a slight outbreak of mutated Chaospox as a result, but I am sorry, it is not a fair trial if the judges daughter was one of those who got infected! Allegedly.

But to answer your question Bon Bon, no, I would not get blamed for it. My chaos is unique. My own personal mix, if you will. Unless you are the kind of stalker who digs through my garbage at night and takes bits of chaos that went out with my trash, then there is no way it could be traced back to me!

Plus, I am fairly sure that both Celestia and Luna have had more than enough exposure to chaos over the years that they are immune to a little chaos in their food. I mean, for chaos's sake! Luna became Nightmare Moon as a direct result of the little disagreement that put me in stone in the first place. She probably uses chaos as a seasoning in her morning porridge.

By the way, if it turns out that someone has been sneaking chaos into Luna's morning porridge and it is discovered because I suggested it, it wasn't me! In fact, thank me for discovering it in the first place!

So anyways, changing the subject...

Here is the last question of the day:

Hai again, Discord. You should remember me. But then again, you're busy dealing with Madame Sun-Troll, so I may have slipped your mind.
My question this time around is this: If chaos is the inverse of order, and if chaos were to become order, would that make order chaos?
<3 DarqFox

Ah, DarqFox. The madman who wanted me to send an army of robot trash cans around Canterlot to clean up the filth, and then refused to come to the meeting on Tuesday of Chaosians Anonymous.

Nope sorry, don't remember you at all. Madame Sun-Troll has been riding me really hard of late, and I don't associate with on again, off again madponies.

Also, ignoring the sick images you are all conjuring at my phrasing of that last sentence.

But anyways DarqFox, to answer your question, "If chaos is the inverse of order, and if chaos were to become order, would that make order chaos?", I first need to define order and chaos more clearly.

Actually no, I did a really good job explaining chaos in my first blog entry. I did such a good job explaining it that I almost became a feature! Or so MaeceusMan told me. A feature of what I am not quite sure. He just posts my blogs somewhere that ponies are actually bothering to read it. It seems text documents on my desktop are not that well read otherwise.

But order I do need to explain. Order is boring. Boring is order.

Okay I'm done.

If you find yourself wondering if something is orderly, ask yourself if you are bored looking at it. Then you will know.

See? Orderly explanation. Boring as Tartarus. Actually, that expression doesn't work here, because Tartarus is about the least boring place I have ever had the pleasure of visiting. It is a veritable chaospalooza down there!

Well, they do keep the ancient evil creatures in cells, so that's boring. And the levels of Tartarus are distinct and you go mad much quicker at the deeper levels, so that's boring as well. But otherwise, you will have a seriously good time down there. Had a Bloody Marey down there that was out of this world.

But anyways, the closest thing to order springing from chaos was my own coming to this world as it was written long ago in Discord's Big Book of Holy Chaos.

I am chaos. And yet you could probably use words to describe what I look like, on a good day. My name is Discord. But that in itself is an orderly name, though it represents my being as chaos incarnate.

I entered this world as chaos, and was contained in the constraints of order to exist here. If you were to enter the realm I came from, you would have to wrap yourself in a cocoon of madness in order to do so, which is of course impossible, as the whole point of the cocoon would be to protect your frail, chaos free bodies from the chaos that surrounds it. And thus, you see the problem. You can put on a suit to enter an ocean, but you can't take off your skin to enter land.

Anyways, my point is that the two are mutually exclusive. This body is essentially a protective suit for me. Not my real being. Order could never become chaos, and chaos could never become order.

If it were possible for one to switch, than I suppose it would be chaos becoming order, because it would be the last thing you would ever expect chaos to do. If that happened, there would only be order.

So it would be like a professional spell catcher. It could happen. But only once.

And, uh...yeah, I think that is about it for today, I hope you all had as much fun being enslaved to do my will as I had enslaving you. Later!

Author's Note

And you thought he was bad before he had a god complex. Nice job hero.