You pull yourself from beneath the collapsed and splintered bookshelf with a groan. God damn, Sparkle has some crazy powerful telekinesis. Dusting off the broken bits of wood and dirt from your suit, you look up and see your oh-so pleasant summoner still fuming over the fib she was told. Seems like some people, er, ponies...can’t take a joke.

Twilight drops the look of rage for one of exhaustion. ”I still can’t believe you... all of this because I can’t dispel you?” she asks.

“Exactly, it’s what I do. I COULD have done something much worse... but I’m not really feeling up to it today,” you reply casually with a shrug.

The purple pony can’t help but turn away from you, worry painted on her face from how easily you said that you could do worse.

“Twilight? Is it over?” the voice of a young boy asks hesitantly.

Both you and the unicorn turn your heads to look at the stairs, where a knee-high lizard is peeking out from the top. Its eyes fall on you and widen so far you swear they were about to fall out of its head.

“Yes Spike, it’s over, and it was successful...” Twilight cuts her gaze to you. “Sort of.”

Sort of? She pulls off a ninth level summoning, gets you of all beings, and calls it a ‘sort of’ success? Wow. “Way to be a cunt...” you mumble under your breath.

”What was that?” Twilight asks sharply, narrowing her eyes as she caught the end of the whispered insult.

Ok then. Taking a ludicrously deep breath that makes your chest swell, you cup your hands around your mouth and restate yourself. “I SAID, WAY TO BE A CUNT! ARE YOU HARD OF HEARING MISS SPARKLE?!” you shout at the absolute top of your lungs, making the whole building rattle with your voice.

Both she and the lizard cringe at the volume. Once both have recovered, the lizard looks at Twilight in confusion and asks, “Twi? What's a ‘cunt’?”

She goes red in the face, likely from embarrassment, and tries to stutter out a reply. “It’s...it’s a not-so-nice term for... for... Just don’t use that word, okay? It’s not proper to use.”

“It’s a curse word for girly-parts, kid.”

Twilight shoots you a glare so fearsome that a lesser being may have gone up in flames and run around screaming as they cook like a whole pig at a redneck picnic.

You, however, just stifle some snickers behind your hand.

The lizard tilts his head, a look of confusion still firmly on his face. “Whatever you say,” he says slowly in response.

The unicorn just sighs for the umpteenth time today and turns back to you. She bites her lip for a moment, obviously trying to think of what to say next. Then, like a bolt of lightning, it hits her. Why not ask Princess Celestia for help? If anypony is capable of restoring order to this whole mess then would have to be the age-old sun deity. Twilight stops that train of thought right then and there. There's no way she could tell Celestia about a screw-up this colossal. Irresponsible use of a summoning ritual that could possibly, and most likely, be demonic in origin? Now that had to be worthy of punishment. But does she have any other choice? Anonymous already confirmed that he is more powerful than her and determined to cause havoc until he’s dispelled, and with no dismissal spell that could be a while. With an audible gulp, the unicorn quickly levitates over a sheet of parchment along with a quill and hastily scrawls out a letter asking for help along with a healthy dose of ass kissing to hopefully smooth this over some. Without any delay, Twilight shoots the letter over to Spike. “Spike, please send that and quickly!”

The young dragon does as he's told and incinerates the parchment in a breath of emerald flame, sending the bits of ash out of an open window. Now all she has to do is wait…

You, meanwhile, watch with a raised eyebrow. What in the world are they trying to accomplish by burning stuff? As fun as that is, it's not all that productive. Oh well, you've got better things to worry about. Like has this little library got anything to eat? God damn you’re starving.

Celestia sits upon her throne in her usual position: Back straight, hooves evenly spaced, and a façade of a gentle smile and caring disposition firmly in place. Not that her caring nature is faked, but rather it becomes more routine than anything after a while.If she were totally honest with herself, things had gotten extremely boring in her life. Other than the occasional crisis that the Elements took care of and the seldom occurring mix-up in schedule, castle life is rather dull and the average day was easily forgettable. The worst part is that there is almost no surefire way to rid her of such debilitating monotony. Her political and personal power may be unlimited, but she couldn't go around using it in any way she wished anymore, like in the old days. Now, she gets called out for minor incidents and is expected to be a figurehead with a pretty face. The princess closes her eyes and thinks. No matter what, there had to be SOMETHING she could do, something to stop the damned bord-

Her thoughts are cut off as a letter materializes in front of her in a swirl of arcane energy. Wish granted, apparently. Thankful for the distraction, Celestia opens the letter and scans over the rather sloppy contents. Is her student writing letters while drunk? It's not even five o'clock yet. Near the end of the letter she feels her eyes widen in enormous surprise. Is that where the page of her personal summon book went? And Twilight summoned none other than Anonymous, the Old World Terror to boot? Well, looks like everything just got interesting again. Thinking of a response, Celestia grins and writes it out on a fresh sheet of paper.

“I hope you have fun with this, my faithful student. I know I will…”

“Does this make you mad? OCD getting to you?” You turn yet another picture frame slightly at an angle, making your mulberry-colored summoner grit her teeth in anger and fix it again with a flash of purple from her horn. Before you can do any more harm—or well, what an autistic brat would consider harm—a rolled up scroll phases into existence in front of Spike in a belch of flame. He passes it to his surrogate sister. With rabid abandon, she tears off the ribbon holding it closed and scans her eyes over it. The further she reads in, the more and more her face falls. By the end of it, she looks like someone got her a puppy for christmas then put it in a giant blender right in front of her. She looks at the letter she received in absolute shock. Of all the things that she could have received in return, she gets this!?!

To sum up the entire letter, it more or less said ‘This is your problem, fix it yourself.’ She was just left alone with a demon of unknown power and the instructions of ‘do-it-yourself’ when it comes to a solution.

“Ohhhh, that sucks. Oh well! Looks like I'm staying here!” you say with a malicious grin. This is going to be more fun than you’ve had in centuries.

Twilight looks between you and the letter several times, seemingly ready to burst into hysterical tears. Good, day one isn't even over and you know how to push her buttons. Maybe before your time here is over you get to push her OTHER buttons. Huehue.

"Well," she starts as she takes a calming breath “what in the world am I supposed to do with you? In fact, where do we even start?”

“Well, what were you doing before you brought me here? I mean, only a dipshit would think of just going off some random tangent after a problem.”

She scowls at the indirect insult. “I was learning the finer points of summoning. Seems I didn't do too well when it came to you.”

You feel your grin lesson some. Traditional magic is not your strong suit and the conjuration falls within the irritatingly wide net of “traditional”. “Yeah, have fun with that. I'm total shit at magic, so no help from me. Got a TV around here?” you ask, looking around some.

"TV?” She asks with a raised eyebrow. “And that is…?”

“Yeah, um… Okay, picture your mother. Got that?”

You get an unsure nod in return.

“Good, you picture her NOT being a filthy whore then turning into one while shamelessly vying for attention on cameras where millions of others can see her. Now you have half of the reality TV shows there ever were.”

"T-that didn't answer anything!”

“The contrary,” you say with a finger raised an exclamation, “you weren't specific enough with your question so I gave you an answer that fit the badly worded context. Reality TV is garbage and only promotes attention whoring, remember this little life lesson. Since you obviously don't have idiot-boxes here then at least I don't have to deal with that shit anymore.” You raise yourself up and take a glance at the book still in your hand before tossing it back to your summoner, who catches it in aura of purple.

She looks the conjuration manual over for any damage and smiles when she finds none. Looking back up at you, Twilight frowns and says, “You know, I don't really know that much about you. Maybe you could answer some questions?”

Oh lawdy here we go. You may as well indulge her since she's going to let you stay here. That and she showed you her tits. “Yeah, I guess. Just try to make sure that it's not really convoluted stuff.”

For the first time today a real smile comes to her face. Leading you over to a couch as she levitates some parchment and a quill, Twilight racks her brain for her questions.

"Okay, I guess first things are first-”

“They would have to be, you can’t really have anything before ‘first’, numbnuts.”

She narrows her eyes at the interruption. “As I was saying... What exactly are you? As in species or race?”

“Well,” your hands come together in a clap “I happen to be the personification of an old world information sharing superhighway capable of connecting any and all persons on the globe together using specific input devices. It was all called the Internet. More specifically I am the idea of the anonymity that users have when conducting interactions within said Internet given form. Give a man a mask and he will show you his true face, and none of us are as brutally honest as all of us. You getting all of this?”

Twilight looks back between you and the parchment, her expression a rather hilarious mix of frustration, confusion, and intrigue. "Sooo, you’re an idea? But how does that work? Ideas can’t be tangible! That’s impossible.”

What’s this chick’s deal? She can do magic and summon creatures from other planes of existence, yet she wants to go on about what is possible and not? The autism is strong in this one. “I’ve never been one to play by the rules, I guess. So fuck you and your impossibilities,” you say, using your best Donte voice for the ‘fuck you’.

Fucking Crapcom, they had to go and totally sink that series...

By now, Twilight is just going along with what you say and obviously trying to stave off some sort of breakdown, if her frazzled mane and slowly dilating pupils are anything to go by. Seems like it’s always the brainy ones who are prone to snapping and totally losing their shit. It’s sad, but funny. Maybe if you’re lucky this will end in some kooky genocide.

"Fine, okay, be that way. What I meant to ask is what sort of summon are you?”

“It’s not obvious? I’m a Demon Lord, did you expect something else? Heh, sorry, cunt.”

Twilight stops and feels her blood turn to ice in her veins. Did she just hear that correctly? A Demon Lord? As in the ruthless engine of destruction capable of killing low-level gods? This guy? Her fright leaves her just as quickly as it came. There’s no way that Anonymous is that high up on the proverbial summoning totem pole. He outright claimed to be bad at magic and so far has just caused trouble that hasn’t been overly difficult to manage. He doesn’t even have the building-crushing size or the aura of malevolence that one would expect from a demon of any sort. So he must be another weak summon. One who just likes to blow smoke and make trouble. After all, his summoning page was in the beginning conjuration book, so it must’ve been there for a reason. Content with her reasoning, the mulberry unicorn smiles and thinks of her next question.

You watch the entire time as Twilight’s face shifts between different emotions before finally settling on one of self-assurance. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that she decided not to believe you. How delightfully sperg-like. Deny it if it doesn’t fit into your plans and wants. Her loss though, so you’re not going to cry over it. Maybe you can actually get away with more like this...? No time like the present.

"Say, Twilight? How would you like to learn a special technique? Just as a way to kind of say ‘I’m sorry’ for the stuff I pulled.” Holy shit, if she takes this bait and you can die happy. You force down your laughter as her eyes light up at the prospect of learning something new. Nerds never change.

"I can see that you’re in agreement with that. This is something that everyone back in the day knew about and the results always surprised them.”

"Well? What do we do!” she exclaims excitedly.

So trusting... Too bad it’s going to come back and bite her in the ass. “Ok, first things we need are some metal spoons and duct tape...”

Author's Note

Next one is up. Let me know if you see anything wrong.