The Tale of The Stone-turner

That little punk! There I was hoping that we would enact some devilish scheme or go on an exciting misadventure to endear me to the town, nope. She just rushed me out the door saying she had a plan to take care of everything and for me not to worry. I grumbled my way down the streets of town, betrayed by a pink ball of cotton, I had to find some new way to amuse myself now. As I walked I learned a very important rule for walking among the ponies when you're easily twice their size, look slightly downwards, not straight ahead. I tripped over a group of ponies.

With a certain amount of disdain for gravity I threw myself onto my feet and spun around to see what exactly I fell over top of. Aw, the three of them look so cute in a little pile with their eyes spinning around. The one on the bottom of the pile was light pink with a very light green mane and tail, the second pony up was also a light pink, but with a blonde mane and tail, a white flower tucked behind her ear, the pony at the top of the pile was more of a cream color, but the mane and tail was darkish pink with a lighter pink streak in each. I walked over to the pile of ponies and crouched down.

“Sorry about that, I wasn't watching where I was going. My bad.” The first one to remove themselves from the pile up was the pink with green.

“That's alright, just be more caref- f- f- ful.....

She fainted when she saw me, great.

“Daisy!? What's wro-

Pink and blonde spotted me and fainted right beside pink and green... I looked towards the last one, who had just spotted me with wide eyes.

“You too?”

She nodded just before passing out, swell. I suppose someone is going to blame me for this, whatever did I do to deserve this? Oh wait that's right, petrify half of Equestria is what I did... With a sigh I sat cross legged in front of the three fainted ponies, with any luck they wont just faint again once they woke up.

Ten minutes passed and the first to awaken was the last one that fainted, cream with pink. As she stood she looked right at me and her eyes began to roll back, oh fuck no, I quickly leaned forward and flicked her right on the snout. She shook her head and frowned at me, wriggling her nose.

“Sorry, didn't want you fainting on me again.” The pony slowly nodded but didn't speak, shaking slightly. “So, I'm called Stone-turner, sorry about tripping over you and then making you faint.” The pony nodded again and spoke timidly, clearly scared.

“I'm Rose....” I grinned.

“Well Rose, pleasure to meet you.” Rose sat there, about to say something.

“Why don't we just wait on your friends to wake up, so there won't be any repeat conversations.” The pony nodded once more and sat in silence. It wasn't long before I had to perform nearly the exact same series of events with pink and green, who has the name Daisy, and then with pink and blonde, who I found out was called Lily. “So then ponies, now that you're all awake and have been apologized to. Will you be screaming in terror or fainting again?” They each shook their heads. “Alright then, since I'm sure the three of you would like to get back on your way I shall leave you to your own devices.” I began to stand back up when one spoke.

“So you're not going to eat us?” Lily asked.

“Oh no, I don't eat ponies.”

“Or turn us to stone?” That was Daisy.

“Nope, I really try hard not to do that, but accidents happen occasionally.”

“Or... *gulp* have your way with us?” I choked on my tongue, my teeth, and every bit of air in the vicinity. Thanks for that imagery Rose.

“No! *hack* No, *cough* I would never even consider.” *Gag* The trio of flower themed ponies relaxed noticeably at this.

“Oh, well..” Rose began. “..I guess we just overreacted a little. Since you um...

“Look like a giant monster!”

“Daisy!” Lily scolded.

“What? He does.”

“You still don't just say that to his face.”

“You want me to lie instead?”

“No, just... be nicer about it.”

“Fiiiine.” I just chuckled to myself. Rose rolled her eyes.

“Well Mr. Stone-turner-

“Please, call me Stone.”

“OK, Stone, what exactly is the reason you're in Ponyville?” I sat back down and recrossed my legs.

“I suppose since I don't have anywhere to be I could give you all the rundown on it, if you don't have anywhere more important to go.” They looked at each other before each one nodded and laid down in front of me. Right, story time for ponies. “It all started when I got lost in the woods...”

I spent the next few hours telling them my tale. Sure I left out some lesser details like how I ate meat, I might not have been able to finish my story if I did that, or the exact events of each town. But for the most part I told it all, how I had been lost for a couple days, how I first pulsed, how I survived by hiding in town after town until I was eventually caught by the girls and the Elements, and how Celestia and Luna reeled in my power and sent me along to Ponyville. As I spoke ponies from around the town had slowly been stopping to listen in on my story, some laying down around me, others just standing or flying nearby. By the end of my story I had at least twenty-odd ponies in a semicircle around me, and had to ask a few times for no more questions until I had finished speaking.

“And that night we sneaked ourselves off the train and to the library where I've been staying the night.” The audience of ponies I had gathered gave mixed reactions, some who had arrived to hear most of the tale gave me looks of sadness or pity, others who hadn't heard much before the towns I went slightly mad in still had a bit of fear hanging about them, and others seemed happy that it had a reasonably decent ending. Lily was the first to speak once I had finished.

“So, you were just lost and alone all that time?”

“I guess you could put it that way.”

“You didn't want to petrify anypony?” I shook my head to Rose.

“You actually like 'Stallions and Saddles'?” Lily and Rose just looked at Daisy. “What, it's a trashy romance.”

“Hey, I find it to be quite enjoyable.” The group of ponies that had gathered was split between head nodding and head shaking, it seemed there was some difference of opinion on the issue. “Well, that was my whole story. Make of it what you will, but that's my perspective on this whole monster business.” The crowd that had gathered began to slowly disperse, talking amongst themselves, until it was just myself and the three flower ponies again, the silence was slightly unnerving. “So then-

The three ponies all stood and whispered to each other before coming towards me.

“What're y-

I found myself suddenly in a pony group hug.

“We're sorry for judging you Stone.”

“If you ever need friends don't hesitate to ask us.”

“But right now, we thought you could use one of these.”

I gave a small chuckle as I freed one arm and wrapped it around the ponies lightly, if I knew telling my side of the story would get such positive feedback I'd have done it much sooner. Releasing my side of the hug very shortly after it began I motioned for the ponies to let me get up, they complied.

“Well my new pony friends, I feel I have delayed you from your original destination long enough. Have a wonderful day and thank you very much for giving me a chance.”

The ponies nodded to me and began on their way.

“See you later Stone!”

“Good luck adjusting to Ponyville!”

“Try not to get into trouble!”

I couldn't help but grin, why did everypony think I was gonna get into trouble? Looking upwards I figured it wouldn't be too long before night fell, it must have taken a longer time to tell my story than I thought it would. I decided to try and find my way back to the library before I got lost.

My logic was severely flawed. I was technically lost before I even started to return to the library since I knew nothing of the town's layout. It took me a full two hours to find my way back to that tree of written knowledge, and night had begun it's shift on watching Equestria. I might have gotten back sooner had I asked somepony for directions, but I am still a man damn it! Regardless of all the evidence that pointed otherwise.

Reaching the threshold to Twilight's home I found a note tacked to the door.

'Dear Stone,

Urgent matters have arisen concerning your person. I have already gone to town hall to confront the issue, please hurry there as soon as you can.

Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle.'

Her last name is Sparkle? Oh wait, urgent matters I should be more worried about those. To town hall! Now how do I get there.....

It only took me thirty minutes to find the town hall, mostly because it was the tallest building in Ponyville so spotting it was relatively easy. Walking back towards the door for a second time I stopped mid-step. Now I knew why everypony thinks I'm gonna get into trouble, it's because I just can't do what they would expect. I quietly made my way around the large building looking up at the wall, I had to go completely around the building before I found what I was looking for. The open window was slightly high up, even by human standards, so I had to jump as I grabbed onto its ledge and pulled myself inside. Frowning I peered into the building, it was pretty dark but my eyes were quickly adjusting. Why would it be dark inside? Silently dropping into the room I began to make out the shapes of many ponies in the low light. I felt my grin appear as I began to make out other shapes, long tables with what smelled like snacks, floating ovals with lines leading downwards, and one very poofy pony head along side five others, all crouched down and looking towards the door.

I see your plan now Pinkie, time for one of my own. I sneaked towards the group of six, glad all the pony-blobs in the room were focused on watching the door. Once I got close enough I was able to hear whispering.

“What do ya reckon is takin' em so long?”

“I don't know, he should have gotten my note and been here by now.”

“Do you think he might have gotten lost?”

“That is a possibility, I doubt he has learned his way around town by now.”

“Should we go look for him?”

“But that would ruin the surprise!”

I stuck my head right into the little conversation currently ongoing.

“Who're we talking about?”

Well, there went my eardrums, ponies can scream pretty loud it seems.