The Tale of The Stone-turner

The ponies being used to me and not as afraid is one hell of a double edged sword. Sure it means that I can have a polite conversation with some or purchase goods from their market stalls, but it also means that when I am on a mad dash to get somewhere on time they don't get out of the fucking way! I had to have set a new record for number of ponies jumped over in one evening.

Eventually I reached the address that was written on the schedule, a small little house in that part of town that just reeked of lemon scented cleaning products. I later discovered that the scent came from actual lemons being used a ingredient for most cleaning supplies used in Ponyville, but back to the point; it was a nice and clean neighborhood.

So, dripping with sweat and probably smelling of body odor, I strode to the door and knocked politely. The door was quickly opened by a blue unicorn pony with a toothpaste mane, I had seen this pony a couple of times before in the Salted Stallion, but did not know her name.

“Can I help you.. sir?” I rolled my eyes, at least nopony had tried guessing ma'am yet.

“Could you tell me if this is the address for the SASBSFC meeting?” The unicorn got a wide grin at my words, a creepily wide grin, though her teeth were a blindingly bright white and did sparkle slightly so I guess she had reason to grin.

“Oh goody, another member! Come right this way please!” The pony turned away from the door and began to trot towards another room.

Oh goody?

I closed the door behind me while falling in line behind the pony. “So, what is the SASBSFC anyway?”

“You're in it, but you don't know?”

“I just got a letter telling me I was in it, I didn't apply or anything.”

“I think I have an idea who's responsible for that, but what it stands for is-

“Stone!?” I frowned at the interrupting voice, it was damn inconvenient, and yet I knew it from somewhere. “What are you doing at one of these meetings?” I turned to look towards the source of the voice. Hey, it's Gilda. Wait sitting next to her on the couch, isn't that-

“Hi, Stone!” Yes, that would, in fact, be Rose.

The pony leading me went to rest herself upon a large chair while I stood in the doorway to the room. “Hey Rose, hey Gilda.” Taking the wild assumption it was alright for me to sit down I flopped onto a chair. “So miss... umm...” I motioned towards the unicorn that led me in.

“Colgate.” Seriously? A toothpaste maned pony named Colgate?

“So miss Colgate, what were you saying before you were interrupted?”

“Just that SASBSFC stands for Stallions and Saddles Book Series Fan Club.” No wonder I got an invitation without needing to send anything in, the knowledge that I enjoy the series is far from secret.

“Well then, this is definitely a club for me.” I turned myself towards Gilda. “I didn't really get the impression that you're the type to pick up the series though.”

“I've never even heard of the books, but since the meeting is taking place at Colgate's house and she was cool enough to let me crash here while I'm.. grounded, I figured I'd sit in on a meeting and see what it's all about.”

“Well tha-

There was a very sudden and loud crash as a door was flung open.

“Sounds like our vice chair is here.” Colgate casually noted. “That just leaves the chairmare herself.”

I looked towards the entrance to the room just in time to witness a pile of confections jutting out from the top of a large bundle of cloth with pink legs strolling into the room.

“Da hell is...”

The bundle of cloth unfurled itself into a rectangular shape with four protrusions keeping it above the floor; several snack type foods and a punch bowl sitting atop the unfurled bundle, while Pinkie Pie stood on her hind legs holding one end of the cloth.

“She just.. unrolled a table.. how do you.. why would you.. is that even.. fuck it, I don't want to understand.”

“I brought the snacks for the meeting!” Pinkie dropped down onto all fours. “Hey Stoney! I'm glad you could make i-

She stopped mid-sentence, her mouth open in shock. I don't think I want to know what exactly could render Pinkie Pie so shocked she would become silent. With a great amount of trepidation I turned my head so that I could see the source of the pink one's shock, it's Gilda? The gryphon in question looked as if she was trying to vanish into the couch, odd.

The pink pony quickly zoomed over to Gilda. “What are you doing back in Ponyville!?” Not even gryphons get personal space when Pinkie Pie is involved, Gilda. “Are you here to be a big meanie mcmean pants again?” I guess Gilda had a run in with Pinkie last time she was in Ponyville, or is it the other way around? Ah well, it's rude to eavesdrop so let's check out that snack table Pinkie unfurled..

There were cakes, pies, muffins, cookies; if it was a pastry, it was on that table. I took a look around the room, did she really think this small gathering would be able to eat all this food? Welp, we'll find out if it's possible; let's start with a cupcake. Reaching for the delicious little morsel I was shocked to find my hand getting slapped away by a pink hoof. I quickly turned towards the source of the hoof and.. nopony was there...

Carefully I reach for the cupcake again, smacked away. I looked both right and left, still nopony anywhere near me. OK, third time's the charm, easy now.. we can do this.. just.. grab.. the cupcake! *SMACK*

“No snacks until the meeting starts.” That was definitely Pinkie's voice. I spun on my heels, she was still talking with Gilda.. I moved my gaze from Pinkie to the table then back to Pinkie again.

“How the fuck...”

“I wouldn't bother trying to figure it out.”

“And why is that, Colgate?”

“Because it's a Pinkie thing, and nopony can figure out or overcome a Pinkie thing.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Well, it's a good thing I ain't no pony.”

“Was there any proper Equestrian in that sentence?”

“Nope, it was all butchered English.”

The toothpaste brand pony gave me a quizzical look before resting back in her chair with a soft chuckle. “Whatever, it's your sanity.”

Turning back to focus on the cupcakes, I began to formulate a plan of action. “Maybe if I just-

I stopped as I could have sworn I heard a soft creaking, it almost sounded like a door closing, but it was just so quiet.

“I'm sorry I'm late everypony, some of the squirrels got into an argument with each other.. again.”

I near instantly recognized that voice, it belonged to Fluttershy. Wait.. Fluttershy was the chairmare for the Stallion and Saddles book club? I quickly looked to confirm that it was in fact her. Well, it could be her.

The pony was yellow, I think, she was covered with a large brown cloak almost completely hiding her coat and most of her mane. Over her muzzle was a small mask of a bunny or a dog or some kind of animal, it was really hard to tell exactly but that isn't important. What is important is that I am not the only one who realizes how awesome cloaks are.

“Is that you in there, Fluttershy?”

“Eep!” The pegasus leapt about a foot off the ground, her 'disguise' falling to the floor. “Oh, Stone, it's you.”

“Yes, yes it is. But that is besides the point, what were you doing hiding away in that cloak and mask?”

“I was making sure nopony outside knew I was coming here.”

I raised a brow. “Fluttershy.”

“Yes, Stone?”

“Why were you making sure nopony knew you were coming here.”

Fluttershy used her mane to hide her face ever so slightly. “It's a little... embarrassing.”

“What is? Being the chair of the club?” The pegasus gave me a small nod. “Well then, why are you the chair if it embarrasses you?”

“Well, because we needed a new chairmare after Twilight couldn't be it anymore and everypony else insisted that I would be good at it.”

“Why couldn't Twilight be the chairmare?”

“She was banned from the club.”

“Banned?”

“From the entire Equestrian branch.”

“O-

“And the Gryphon branch.”

“Wel-

“And every other branch.”

“What in the world did she do?”

“She got into an argument with the poobah.”

I tilted my head slightly. “So you're like an actual widespread organization then?”

“Oh yes, we have a branch in almost every town in Equestria.”

“Right.. well, I'm sure this will be an interesting experience then.”

Fluttershy gave a smile and a nod before moving past me to the front of the room. “Alright it's time to start the meeting, if that's OK with everypony.” There were several confirmations that everypony was in fact ready, none of them came from me for I was busy successfully grabbing a cupcake and biting into it, fucking delicious and yet would probably taste better if still forbidden.

The meeting itself was somewhat uneventful. The new members were introduced, that's me and technically Gilda although she hasn't read a single book, and important news was distributed. The news was that the newest book was confirmed to be in twenty weeks, huzzah, and that Fluttershy had a major announcement.

“S.H.C. has agreed to come to Ponyville for a book signing!”

S.H.C... Why does that ring a bell? Wait, duh, it's the author of Stallions and Saddles.

“That's amazing!” Well, Colgate seems excited. “How in the world did you get him to agree, I thought the only pony who's even seen him was his publisher.”

“I'm not really sure myself why he decided to agree, I just sent him a letter asking him to come to Ponyville and I got a reply yesterday.”

“So when's he coming in?” That was me, asking important questions, it's what I do.. on occasion.

“His letter said he would be here...” Fluttershy looked off to the side as if she were counting something in her head. “Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

“So should anything be done to prepare?”

“Like what?” Really, 'Like what'?

“I dunno, maybe some fliers, getting a table and spot for him to sign books at, that kind of thing.”

Of course she didn't have any plans like that in advance, so we all set to work on making some.

It wasn't that long later that I found myself walking around Ponyville with Pinkie Pie, hanging up fliers. How she managed to make so many, so elaborate, in such short time I may never know.

“Pinkie, I don't think the squirrels are going to be interesting in the book signing.” I watched as the pink pony scampered down the tree she had hung a flier in.

“You never know, Stoney, they might have a few book nuts in that tree.”

“Was.. was that suppose to be a pun?”

“Was what suppose to be a pun?”

“Never mind.” I taped a flier to the wall of the building next to me. “So Pinkie, how many more of these have we got?”

“About this many.” That is a pretty big pile of papers.. wait..

“Pinkie, where were you keeping those?”

“Beats me. Let's go hang up some more!”

“...Right...”

After an eventful evening of flier hanging I was stumbling my way back into the library, most of my energy drained from trying to keep up with the pink one. A pony carrying a book passed by me and out the door.

“I'm back! If anypony's interested..” I trudged over to where the couch was still sitting and threw myself down upon it.

“Stone!” Ah, the purple unicorn calls my name.

“Yes, Twilight?”

“I've come up with a plan to handle the problem!” The horned mare trotted into my vision as she spoke.

“Problem? I didn't know there was a problem... Unless you mean the lack of preparation for the Stallion and Saddles book signing tomorrow, but I think we fixed that today.”

“Not that.. wait, there's a Stallion and Saddles book signing tomorrow?”

I nodded in reply “Yup.”

“Well I'll have to rework a few schedules but... GAH!” She quickly shook her head back and forth. “That's not important, I figured out what we can do about your dream and this second power!”

“I thought we decided to leave it well enough alone...” And that is the look of a pony that is completely unwilling to tolerate that kind of answer.. fuck.

“Stone, that would be horribly irresponsible, you're not irresponsible are you?”

“Do you want the truth or the lie that lets you continue with whatever you have planned regardless of my objections?”

“Humor me.”

“...No, I'm not irresponsible.”

“Good, now the first step is to monitor your dream.”

“Monitor my dream? How exactly do you plan on doing that?”

Twilight's horn gave a soft glow as she magically began to close the library to the public for the day. “With a dream viewing spell, it will let me get a third pony perspective on your dream so we might be able to pick up some extra information that you were missing.”

“That seems a bit.. invasive.”

“How would you suggest we investigate this then.”

“We could just-

“Without ignoring it.” Twilight interrupted.

Shit, there goes my idea. “I got nothing.”

“So I can use the dream viewing spell?” I should probably be much more worried about that excited look on her face than I actually am.

“I guess it couldn't hurt to try.. it doesn't hurt to try, right?”

“Of course not. Now, you just lie back like you're getting ready to sleep and I'll do the rest with my magic.”

“Alright then.” I stretched myself out on the couch as best I could and settled down like I was preparing to conk out for the night. “So how does this dream view spell work?”

Twilight began to shut the curtains and remove any sources of light inside as she spoke. “Well first the magic will trace the activity taking place in your brain, then-

“No, no I mean physically, how does it work? Do you have to draw symbols on my skull, or just zap me with your purple lava-lamp juice, or something?” I spoke towards the pony-shaped blob as my vision began to adjust to the now darkened room.

“Purple lava-lamp juice?”

“That glowy stuff your horn makes when you do magic.”

“There's so many better names for it! Like.. Like.. ugh.” Twilight let out a small sigh of either frustration or resignation, it's very hard to tell which. “No I wont be zapping you with.. magic aura, since the dream viewing spell is a very invasive form of mental magic it requires my horn to be directly touching your forehead while we both fall asleep.”

“Wait, you have to maintain contact between my forehead and your horn while we are both asleep for this spell to work?”

“Yes.”

“So were you planning on sleeping standing up?” I gestured, somewhat of a stupid idea given how dark the room had become, to the couch I was completely covering. “Because it seems to me like that would be difficult and I am a little too long to lie only halfway on the couch.”

“Well... I guess we could just perform the spell on the floor?”

Now the normal person might not understand this, but laying on that couch I decided that I was feeling far too lazy to be bothered to get up and then lay back down on the floor. It was nothing personally against the floor, in fact I love sleeping on the floor at times, but it's just that it's all the way down there on the ground and the couch was so comfortable at the moment. So, I did the most sensible thing a man as far into the state of laze as myself could do.

With a great “Bleuuagh” and an audible 'THUMP' I rolled off the couch onto my front and then rolled over a second time so my back was to the ground.

“There, floored.”

“Right.” Twilight settled herself down so my head was laying between her forelegs. “Now you just relax like you normally would when going to sleep and let my magic do the rest.”

While attempting to relax myself as much as possible I felt a cool sensation press down upon my forehead, just before my vision was completely filled with purple light.

I blinked my eyes a couple times. It definitely didn't seem like the dream viewing spell worked right. For one my surroundings weren't the usual forest or bog, instead it was all featureless, colored like a pitch dark room when you have a blanket over your head only with the sensation of staring directly into a white LED, which I do not suggest you do... multiple times..

Not only were the surroundings wrong, but the general feel of the 'dream' was wrong. It all felt much more vivid. Where normally everything accept for the unexplained hunger were weak and in the back of the mind it all felt like all my senses were anything but dull. If I attempted to bite into myself it would probably hurt. So, naturally, I tried biting into my hand to test that out.

“Sonuvayetifuckingasssuckingwhoremongeringcuntburger that fucking hurt!” I cradled my hand that now had a large bite mark in it and blood pouring profusely against my chest. “Why the hell did I try that?!” The flow of blood slowed to a complete halt as my hand went about fixing itself as if it were just standard procedure for this kind of thing to happen. “Well, that's handy... I should slap myself for that later.”

I gave my hand a couple of flexes and a shake or two to ensure it was still in proper working order. “I guess dreamland or whatever the hell this place is called doesn't let injuries stick around long, or something.” I gave my surroundings another good looking at. “Though I'd like to know why it's so bland!” I had a moment of thought before my next shout into nothingness. “And where the fuck is Twilight at!?” My best guess at that one would be that the dream viewing spell is just that, viewing only.

I spun in a small circle, growing increasingly agitated at the complete lack of anything noteworthy. “How is this suppose to help figure out anything if there's nothing to work with, give me some scenery or that annoying ass voice or something!”

Ding Dong!

“Was.. was that a doorbell?”

Ding Dong!

“A doorbell works for me!”

Ding Dong!

I scanned the empty environment, trying my damnedest to determine the direction the doorbell was in.

Ding Dong!

“Thataway HOOOOO!” I took off in the direction I thought the doorbell was.

Ding Dong! DingDingDingDing Dong!

“I'm coming! I'm coming! Hold your hors-OOF!” I tripped and fell flat onto my face for those who might be wondering about the 'OOF!'. “OK, what in the world tripped me in a completely featureless space!?” Looking back towards the source of my most recent misfortune I found.. an orb? No.. wait.. it's a doorknob.. in the floor. “Of course, the door is embedded in the floor. Because that is exactly on par with everything else up until now.” Looking down at the door I began to bend over to open it, I stopped myself halfway. “If nothing else is going to function normally why should I?”

I brought my foot down heavily on one end of the door, the door responded to my forceful tactic by flipping upwards end over end and landing right side up directly in front of me. “Hah! Take that physics.. of the dream world.. I guess that's not impressive in the least when you put some thought into it. Ah well, at least it looked impressive.”

Seeing no point in delaying any further I reached out to open the door, only to be interrupted by a letter falling from the mail slot. “Alright then. Mail first, then the door that is most likely best left unopened but will be opened anyways because in the grand scheme of things I am just another curious bastard.” One fairly quick letter opening later I was reading a note.

Dear Fellow Human,

Hello there! If you are reading this message it means you managed to find the door that connects your inner mindspace with the outer mental realm. Now, if your mindspace seems cluttered do not worry. It is meant to be that way. The mindspace is a representation of all your inner thoughts and feelings.

I looked up from the note at the barren void around me. “Aww...”

Of course, there are more pressing issues at hand than the state of your mental landscape. If you would be so kind as to open your door and grant me permission to enter, we would be able to speak face to face.

Signed, Desmond.

So some random guy wants me to just let him into my mindspace for a chat? Why would I let him do that? What if he.. if he... Tracks mud? Really thinking about it that seems to be the most possible damage he could do to this featureless space.

“Might as well see what he has to say.” Prepping myself slightly, I put on gargantuan dipshit beam and pulled the door open. “Well hello-LY SHIT YOU'RE HUGE!”

Standing on the opposite side of the doorway was a human, which is incredibly nice to see having been surrounded by ponies for so long, who wore a faded brown outfit that made him look like a noble from one of those cable TV dramas about the medieval times. His face was seemingly unremarkable, not that I could see it well without hurting my neck since he had to have been at least seven foot and some change tall! On the top of his head, which I was very surprised I could see without a telescope, was aged gray hair and upon his chin was more hair only pure white, which seemed odd since he looked not too far past middle aged. His eyes had a sort of yellow glow about them. All in all he was completely fitting what I had come to expect the world to throw at me. Minus the height, that was a curve-ball.

He raised an eyebrow at me. “Hello to you as well. While I can't say this is the first time I've been greeted that way, I can honestly say it has been a long time since it happened.”

“Hey, you're that annoying voice!”

“I am so glad to see the manners that the human race have kept after all this time. I suppose pleasantries have died out after all these years.” He then began to stage a conversation with himself. “'Hi Desmond, nice meet you.' 'Well hello to you as well, good sir.' 'Please come in and have seat, I hear we have much to discuss.' 'Of course, of course. Let's talk over tea, shall we?'”

“Umm...” I held out my hand awkwardly. “Nice to meet you, I'm Stone?”

“A pleasure.” He gripped my hand and gave it a single forceful shake.

I stepped to the side of the door to allow the stranger inside. “So you mentioned having much to discuss?”

“Yes I did, glad to see you can pay attention. That skill tends to pay off.” He stepped into my mindspace. Once he was on the same side of the doorway as myself something became apparent. He wasn't just tall, this guy was thin. It was like a cartoonish kind of lanky. “Hmm, quite spacious. You wouldn't happen to be in the middle of renovations would you?”

“No.”

“That's a shame.”

“If you say so.”

“Perhaps this conversation would go better if we were both seated?”

“With what chairs?”

Desmond gave me a flat stare before pinching the bridge of his nose. “I see this is going to be harder than I thought.” With a sigh he removed his hand and held his arms out wide. “This, all of this, is YOUR mental landscape. It exists inside YOUR mind. If you want to alter it in any way simply think about the change and it will happen.”

“Oh.” I gave some thought towards what would be good seating for a discussion, it did not take long for me to decide on a seating arrangement at all. When important discussions come to mind I find myself always thinking of one thing. A pair of overstuffed chairs in front of a fireplace with a small table between them. It just seems right.

“Well, at least you have taste.” Oh hey, it worked, sweet. I sat in one of the chairs while Desmond sat in the opposite. The fireplace with the chunk of wall around in the middle of the void of nothingness was a little off-putting, but at least it wasn't bland.

“So then, this feast business, why are you plaguing my dreams with that word?”

“Because I need you to feast, obviously.”

“Right... So you just want to see me fat or something?”

“Why would you get fat from feasting?”

“OK I think we have two separate definitions of feasting going on here, what's your definition?”

“To consume the flesh of a magical creature so you may gain its magical abilities as your own.” He says with the straightest face I have ever seen.

“That.. That is a slightly different definition than the one I'm used to.”

“Perhaps we should just start from the beginning and work towards the topic of what needs done.”

“Umm.. OK then. What is the beginning?”

He leaned back and gave me a slight smirk. “Well I'm sure by now you're aware of the power we humans have.”

“Nope.”

I received a pair of blinks before I got a response. “What?”

“Not a clue.”

A great sigh floated across the void. “Humans have the ability to gain a variance of a magical creature's magic abilities upon eating a part of them, you simpleton.”

“Oh, is this some kind of a ritual or specific skill, or does it just happen when you eat something?”

“The only conditions are that the animal must be dead, in most cases, so its natural magic is released into the meat; and that it must be uncooked, since cooking the meat cleanses the magic so it no longer holds the structure of the ability. But, we are drifting off topic.”

“Right, the topic. What is the topic?”

“Why I need you to feast.” He paused and looked at me for, I assume, any objections. I gestured for him to continue. “In the past, humans sought after magical abilities without restraint. It was a highly respected trait to have many powers. Of course, the more unique the power or the more difficult it is to acquire, the more renown and respect it granted. This caused humans to go to extremes to hunt and devour whatever magic they could, in order to propel their own social standing forward. In turn, magical creatures began to die out, migrate away, or viciously attack human villages in retaliation.

“That is the first key piece of information you need to understand what is happening now, and how you got here.”

“Wait wait wait, this has to do with how I got to Equestria?”

“Yes.”

“Does it involve a way for me to leave Equestria?”

“Unfortunately, no.”

“Meh, alright then, continue.”

Desmond tilted his head questioningly. “You seem awfully apathetic about staying here.”

“I've already been here long enough that I could really go either way. Send me back, don't send me back. Whatever.”

“That is possibly for the best, for once all is said and done you most likely won't be able to go back.”

“No new news there, let's continue with story time now.”

“As you wish. “ Desmond settled back and continued where he had left off. “Now the second-

Desmond flickered several times like a bad light bulb.

“Drats. It seems I'm running out of the magic required to maintain this connection.”

“Does it take a lot?”

“It does, in fact. For some reason you have an unusually thick mental barrier, it takes most of what I have to send even a couple words through. Today, though, it had thinned for some reason.” He scratched his chin as he peered at the surroundings. “But perhaps another night we will be able to continue, now that you have granted me access once it should become less taxing for me to enter in the future.”

“I'm not sure I like the idea of you having an easier time getting into my head.”

“Don't be too worried about it. There isn't much I can do once inside, and I still will require your permission to enter.”

“So then, we do this again, some other time?”

“That would be best, until the next time.” With those final words Desmond flickered completely out of my mindspace.

“Alright then..” I gave a few glances around my now-empty mindspace. “So... what now?” I leaned back, closing my eyes briefly before opening them again, still in the mindspace. “Well, fuck. Guess I need something to wake me up... hmm...” I had a couple ideas on how to wake up from a dream..

The wind was rushing up past me, leaving a terrible ring in my ears as it whistled loudly. I laid lazily in the air as I fell, the exact same way I had been for the last fourteen and a half minutes. It was just beginning to occur to me that falling wouldn't wake me up, just like klaxon alarms, pinching, splashing water in the face, and getting the urge to piss. Perhaps ending the fall would help?

With a solid WHUMP I collided with the featureless ground, it hurt like hell, but I was still in the mindspace. “Ugh.” I rubbed the, now tender, back of my skull. “That didn't get me anywhere.” I let out a small groan of frustration. “I know I'll wake up eventually, but it's just taking so damn long.”

At about this time a spot of warmth decided to make its way onto my hand. “Eh?” The warmth slowly began to spread up my arms and chest. “I guess I need to put some A/C into my mindscape.” The warmth moved up onto my eyes, forcing them wide open.

My first action back in the waking world was to glare at the ceiling then to quickly turn the glare towards the curtain that had found its way slightly cracked at some point.

Sure it woke me up when I needed it, but really, in the eyes?

I moved to sit up and was quickly sent back to the floor as a tight pressure made itself known around my throat. “Hurk!” In a small panic I went about feeling the restraints around my neck. They were firm, somewhat thick, and.. fuzzy?

It took quite a bit of gumshoeing to figure out what was holding me. Apparently, at some point in the night, Twilight had wrapped her forelegs around my head and now I was held in a vice-like grip of fuzzy doom. Naturally I approached this problem in the most reasonable way imaginable, I reached up and used my arms to support Twilight as I stood, resulting in a very fashionable sleeping pony hat gripping onto my head, it would be all the rage come winter. Now that I had secured my place at the forefront of oncoming trends it was time to begin a task that was needing done for my own curiosity, research.

I was sitting on the couch, a small pile of books next to me while I browsed the contents of one page by page. “Not that one, not that one, not that one.” I turned the page of the book I was looking into as movement began to occur above my head.

“Mm.. m.. eh, huh?”

“Good morning, Twilight. Not that one, not that one.”

“Good morning, Sto-YAAA!” Purple hooves completely filled my vision as Twilight gripped tightly onto my head.

“Ack, my vision! Trying to read here!”

“Oh, sorry.” The hooves moves up to my forehead. “..Stone, why am I on your head?”

“Because you were holding onto it in your sleep and I didn't want to wake you, also it amused me.”

In a flash of purple light the unicorn transported herself from atop my head to just in front of me, an unamused expression decorating her face.

“Teleport spell? That's pretty cool, not that one, not that one.” I returned to sifting the contents of the book.

“The Complete Compendium of Creatures?”

“Yup, trying to find what it was I ate that could have given me the petrification power.”

“So you're just reading about every creature until you find the one it could have been?”

“That's the plan, though I did skip straight to 'H' to see if I couldn't figure out what the hydra could have given me.”

“You ate a hydra!?”

“Yea, it was back when me and Fluttershy went to the bog, kinda lost it a little and ate a chunk of hydra meat.” I idly flipped the page of the book. “Didn't learn anything though, apparently hydras can have a multitude of abilities partially influenced by their surroundings, so I'm just gonna let that sit idle until I can figure out what I got from it.”

“You ate a hydra?” She repeated.

“Yes, Twilight. Big multi-headed serpent that hangs out in bogs and swamps and likes to threaten ponies, I gulped bits of it down like it was a breakfast cereal. Stay on the ball and keep up with the conversa- ooh.” I grinned at the next creature in the book. “I think I found our culprit, a cockatrice. It's got qualities of both a snake and a chicken and it can petrify with its gaze. I do remember eating a weird chicken lizard looking thing when I first wound up in Equestria and its abilities fit the bill, although it doesn't pulse, gonna have to ask Desmond about that.”

“Speaking of Desmond, I don't trust him.”

“Really? Why not? Aside from the whole unexplained magical ability and apparent need to invade my dreams and get me to perform some sort of task for him that requires me to eat creatures for their magic.” I closed the book and set it down.

“It's just, something about him seems off. Like somepony you've met, but haven't.”

“And now you've lost me.”

“Sorry, that's not a very good description of the feeling I got. I just don't think it's a good idea to associate with him.”

“I will keep that in mind, Twilight. But, he is the only human contact I've had for quite some time, and he seems to know things that I should at least try to learn. Besides, the poor guy didn't even get to finish his exposition, we have to at least give him that before we completely dismiss him.”

Twilight gave a small sigh and lowered her head. “It's your decision, Stone. I just felt it wouldn't be right for me to not tell you about the feeling I got.”

From there the conversation moved toward our plans for the day, and once each of us completed our own morning routines, taking turns for things such as the bathroom, I was roped into assisting Twilight and Spike in gathering both her personal collection of the Stallions and Saddles series and the library's for the book signing.

“So, tell me again why the human has to carry all these books instead of the unicorn, who could just magically levitate them all?” I peered around the pillar of novels, I was forced to carry, at the horned pony walking the streets of Ponyville ahead of me.

“Oh, I didn't think about that, whoops.” Half of the pillar adopted a purple glow before moving to orbit the magic wielder.

We rounded a corner, putting us onto the same street as the bookstore, and were greeted by a small sea of ponies. “They had barely a day of warning... Damn, word of mouth travels fast in this town.”

“Well, Ponyville's number one traded commodity is gossip.”

“Twilight, was.. was that a joke, or was it an actual fact?”

“It was a joke, Stone.” Twilight lowered her ears in a slightly dejected fashion.

“Oh, honestly though, it would not surprise me in the least if Ponyville's economy was actually held up by information trading. It would probably be one of the most normal things I've encountered yet.”

“Stone, you keep saying things are not normal to what you know, but if most of the things you've experienced since coming to Equestria are 'not normal' wouldn't normal things be what aren't normal and the 'not normal' things be normal?”

“I... er... umm... shush.” With that most eloquent of responses, I picked up my pace to hurry ahead to the bookstore and signing.

Twilight quickly matched my pace. “What do you mean 'shu-

“Look Twilight, it's Pinkie. Let's see how everything's going with her.”

“Don't avoi-

“Hey Pinkie!”

The pink to the max mare seemed to part the sea of ponies as she hopped over to meet us. “Hiya, Stoney! Hiya, Twilight!”

“So how's the book signing been goin'?” Off to the side Twilight huffed slightly at being interrupted again, naturally I discreetly stuck my tongue out for a moment at her expense.

“It hasn't started yet, Stoney, S.H.C. hasn't shown up yet.”

“Really?”

“Yuperooni, but he will soon!”

“So then, that leaves us with the most accursed of options.. we have to... wait!...”

And so we did.