The Tale of The Stone-turner

She vanished. Seriously, all that was left was a pegasus shaped cloud of white smoke and it confused the fuck out of me. I looked around the room and even up towards the ceiling, there was no Fluttershy to be found. My attention snapped back to the other five ponies as one of them had finally found words with which to speak.

“Now what in tarnation are ya'll doin' here.” I raised an eyebrow at Applejack.

“I came for breakfast.”

“But WHY are you out freely walking around now?” Rainbow Dash did not seemed pleased with me, I couldn't really blame her though.

“Well the princesses went and fixed my little petrification problem.” I motioned back towards the entranced and conked Luna on the nose, apparently the alicorns were as sneaky as I was. “Oops, sorry about that, didn't see you.” She scrunched her snout and gave me a dissatisfied look while Celestia smirked. I continued, “So now I'm non-threatening enough to be allowed out of 'solitary'.”

“Humph, well just remember these hooves before you try any more funny business.” She waggled her hind legs in the air, I know it was suppose to be threatening but I about squealed at the cuteness of it. “And apologize to Fluttershy for scaring her.”

“Alright then, when I find out where she vanished to, I will do that.”

“She didn't vanish anywhere silly.” I looked towards the Pinkie questioningly. “She just hid under the table.”

Curiously I lifted the tablecloth and bent over to investigate. Sure enough there was a little ball of yellow and pink who, upon noticing my gaze, let out an 'eek' and turned around as if not facing me would make me cease to exist. It was Ah-Fucking-Dorable. Can't get too distracted by the cuteness, I'm on a mission of peacemaking. I began to speak in the lightest, most non-intimidating voice I could.

“Fluttershy, would you please forgive big old Mr. Stone-turner, I had no intention of harming you, I just wanted to play a funny joke is all. I'm sorry.” With that I promptly smashed my head on the underside of the table while righting myself and let loose a stream of obscenities that probably earned me a place in the record books for inflicting verbal whiplash.

Righting my self fully and looking from pony to pony I could only grin sheepishly, even Pinkie was giving me a 'The fuck is wrong with you?' face.

“Sorry, the table hurt...”

“Well, it is good thing we managed to remove the link between your pain and your petrification powers, I fear the kingdom wouldn't last very long otherwise.” Thank you Celestia, I am staggering under the weight of your faith in me.

“Not that he even needs that power to create an incident.” Up yours too Twilight.

Grumbling, I sat slightly hunched and took a carrot from one of the veggie trays in the center of the table and munched. Despite my slight irritation I grinned a little as Fluttershy rose up from under the table to rejoin the meal, even if it was down across from Rainbow Dash and as far away from me as possible.

Breakfast resumed the way it was before my joining the table, with the exception of a quiet tension filling the air. I didn't eat so much as I snacked on veggies while looking around the table to observe the ponies in their 'natural' habitat. Twilight was chatting rapidly with the alicorns, who had both sat down across from her, and from the looks of the conversation it was very one-sided. Applejack and Rainbowdash were in a fierce battle of wills over who's stomach would burst first. Pinkie Pie seemed to be talking even more than Twilight, it was unfortunate for Rarity who was the sole target of this barrage and wearing the most fake smile I had ever seen. And Fluttershy, still as far from myself as possible, seemed to be trying to use her hair as an invisibility cloak.

As the eating of breakfast began to come to an end, and it was evident I had no intentions to further make an ass of myself, Celestia rose and declared she had an announcement to make.

“Now everypony I am very pleased with the work you did to bring Stone here to me and put an end to his inadvertent rampage.” Look at all their little faces, so full of pride, “And I would like to ask one last favor of the six of you.” Full of happiness. “I would like for all of you to take both him and The Elements of Harmony back with you to Ponyville this evening.” Full of insurmountable terror.

“What!?” Got three of those unanimously.

“Yay! Stoney gets to come with us!” I don't think its possible for Pinkie to see a downside to anything.

“Eek.” My word, the Fluttershy made a sound.

“But princess, why?” Ooh good question Twilight.

“Well my little pupil.” OK Twilight is the pupil of a being in charge of RAISING THE SUN I will not being getting on her bad side, ever. “I believe it would make the ponies of the kingdom feel more at ease if The Elements were making sure he stayed in line, and so that you can ensure he stays in line should it come to that.” Ouch, now I feel untrusted.

“But why are we even giving him a chance? He petrified half of Equestria!” Why you gotta bring that up Rainbow Dash?

“The Elements of Harmony themselves pardoned him and we now know he had no intention of doing what he did, I feel those are grounds enough for him to be given a chance.” Luna got up from the table and left with a yawn and a wave of the wing while Celestia spoke, she looked tired. “Now then, since you still have plenty of time until the train for Ponyville is scheduled to leave why don't you spend the day getting to know Stone.” And with that she strolled out of the dining hall, leaving behind myself and the six little ponies.

I looked towards the ponies and fired up old big n' stupid, my grin of choice, as I clapped my hands together.

“So, how are we gonna spend the day together?” All of the ponies looked very very nervous, well except Pinkie.

The sun was bright, I used a hand to shield my eyes as we walked out of the palace. The plan was essentially for us to just walk around the city to take in the sights and for me to not cause a panic. Simple enough. As we walked to the palace gates I noticed the guards were less threatening, though it was more a feeling in the air than any visual signs since they never elected to show any emotions at all. The door guards however did elect to show emotions, they even voiced opinions! Both were strongly against me going into the city proper during these busy times of day. My rebuttal was to place my thumb against my nose, waggle my fingers, and blow a raspberry. I am the pinnacle of maturity.

As we passed the gates into the city Twilight felt the need to ask.

“What was THAT?”

“My inner child.” And with that the gates shut behind us.

The city itself was vastly different from days previous, it was full of hustle and bustle with ponies shopping, chatting, and just generally being ponytastic.

“My my look at all the ponies, it will surely take us quite some time to get anywhere if the whole city is this crowded.”

“Hah, speak for yourself Rarity I'll just fly over the crowds.” I frowned.

“Well that's not sticking with the group at all.”

“Don't worry about it, once you figure out how to move thru Canterlot crowds it's almost as if they're not there at all.”

“Right, but we only have a day so if you don't mind Twilight I have my own special method that might do the trick.”

“Y- y- you're not gonna turn them to stone..... Are you?”

“Fluttershy, you wound me, of course not.” Besides I have no idea how. “Observe.” I cupped my hands around my mouth and called out in a very loud deep voice. “PONIES OF CANTERLOT!” Most of the ponies stopped and turned their heads towards me. I raised one hand high into the air and waved it. “Hi there!” Within moments the street had cleared. Twilight face-hoofed as we made our way down the street.

“You aren't going to do that at every crowd are you?”

“Nah, I was just curious if it would actually work.”

We strolled along idly looking in shop windows and at street vendors, the ponies attending them clearly allowing job security to come before fear of me, until we reached a shop that peaked my interest.

“Ooh a bookstore.” Twilight immediately looked up at me.

“You like books?”

“Of course! The only entertainment I got over the past months was from books I 'borrowed' while in towns.”

“Any specific books you enjoyed?”

“Well for the most part the books I got my hands on were non-fiction, things like history books, outdoor survival, magic theories. Things that might tell me where I was or how to get home. Although there was one fiction series that I did find interesting.”

“What was it?”

“Have you heard of 'Stallions and Saddles'?” Twilight, Rarity and Fluttershy all turned about the same color as Pinkie pie. “Oh, I see you have.”

“You read those books!?”

“Beggars can't be choosers, besides they had very.... imaginative plot development.”

“Imaginative is one way to put it...”

“So in regards to book three, can ponies really-”

“NO! We are not having this conversation, especially not in the middle of Canterlot.”

“Alright, alright. We'll just drop it... For now.”

With that we resumed strolling down the streets, Rainbow Dash and Applejack looking confused slightly, Pinkie pie being Pinkie, and the others clearly even more uncomfortable than before. The next few hours were spent just making small talk as we went from window to window.

The ponies seemed to be warming up to the idea of me being around, Fluttershy even began speaking so I didn't have to hurt myself trying to hear her. Hell, Rainbow Dash stopped threatening me with her hooves. Going over the progress made today in my head a thought suddenly occurred to me.

“So... What time exactly is the train to Ponyville?” The entire group stopped walking. “None of us actually knows do we?” My question was met with silence... “Should we run to the station?” And so we did.