The Tale of The Stone-turner

We arrived at the train station gasping for air and sweating, except Applejack, Pinkie pie, and Rainbow Dash, who weren't even phased by our sudden physical exertions.

“According.. -gasp-.... to... -breath-.... the schedule...” Twilight waved a hoof towards the station wall. “We still -pant- have twenty -inhale- minutes.”

“Perfect... -my own air intake- just enough time... -deep breath- for a heart attack.” Rainbow landed lightly in front of me, damn her flaunting those wings about.

“For being on the run for months, you're really outta shape. Especially if that bit of running wore you out.” I caught my breath and began my response.

“Hey, most of being on the run was more stealth and subtlety than any actual running.” I waved her off with a hand. “I had to ensure I was difficult to find rather than able to escape.”

“Yes, because a path of petrified ponies is perfectly impossible to pursue.” I narrowed my eyes at Twilight, unsure if I should compliment her on that tongue twister she created or squeeze her like an orange for that juice called cuteness.

“I can see your point, and now I completely disregard any weight it holds on the matter.” I wave my hand a second time, but this one aimed at Twilight. “Besides, all of that has led us to here and I find the outcome of it all to be much better than what I expected.” This statement got me some nods of agreement. And Rarity added her two cents.

“Well some things could certainly have been worse, although your outfit is not one of them.” I let out a small gasp and was about to inform her how tattered shreds were always stylish when Pinkie bounced in front of me.

“I'll say things coulda been worse, you coulda been a big meany mic mean face instead of a nice silly pants.” I just patted Pinkie on the head in reply and she didn't seem to disapprove.

“So then, we've got a bit still before we need to be on the train and I don't believe we have enough time to actually take in any more sights....” The others tilted their heads slightly. “So why don't we talk about our favorite scenes?” A voice drifted from behind a veil of pink hair.

“Um.. Favorite s-scenes?” I reactivated the grin known for being both large and intellectually challenged.

“Why the parts we enjoyed most from 'Stallions and Saddles' of course.” Had the ponies not been standing firmly still I would have assumed they were moving away from me at near light speed. (Learn yo physics!)

“I thought we were gonna drop that subject?” Twilight did not seem very happy.

“We did, I just felt it was time to pick it back up and dust it off.”

“Well put it back where you found it.”

“Oh come on, you can't tell me you don't have a favorite scene.”

“Not talking about this!” I cleared my throat and put on my worst performance ever.

“Come now Miss Softskin you can't be sayin' there isn't a thing I could do for a mare in your woeful predicament?” Several passing ponies turned from being just cautious to also quite red, must be a popular book series.

“Oh Captain Strongback I am afraid that's the case, for there isn't a stallion alive who could make me feel the same as my lost lover.” My own head along with those of five ponies whipped around with wide eyes, that voice was Pinkies! We all just stared at her, mouths open. “What? That was a good part of the series.” My only reply was to impersonate a large mouthed bass.

“Alright now I think this should stop before ya'll act out any scenes you'll regret.” I could only nod. Step one: find bleach. Step two: pour into ear canal. Step three: shake vigorously. We waited until the train arrived with few words spoken after that.

As we were boarding our ride to Ponyville I noticed several ponies were getting out of the boarding line or even stepping back off the train once they spotted me. I swear they act as if I almost put an end to their civilization or something.

The outside of the train was.... unique. The engine was hot pink with heart decor and while I am not one to judge, given my preference in both company and books at this point, I could feel my testosterone levels dropping as I neared our ride. The cars themselves were simple, yet bright, colors and design, save for the caboose and a single car that very much resembled a baked good. After ducking thru the door into a car towards the back, I quickly banged my head on an overhead storage rack,

“GAH! Why do ponies have to be so damn short!?” Any ponies already in that car quickly found another to ride in. Six particular ponies paid me little mind as they seated themselves.

The interior of the car was very nice despite the lack of room for a full standing Stone-turner. It had a plush red carpet, two sets of overhead storage racks, one of which I have already been acquainted with, and just under the windows were long plumply cushioned benches, the backs under the windows looking to be sectioned off into segments while the seat itself was one very long cushion. Upon examining a segment I found they folded down into a table of sorts resting on the seat, convenient. I claimed myself a space to sit upon while the others laid out on their bellies in their own territory.

“So then ponies, how far away is this Ponyville?”

“It's not too far away, we should arrive in town around midnight at the latest.” I nodded to Twilight.

“I see, and do we have any sort of plan as to how to integrate me into Pony society? I only ask because me stepping off the train may be enough on its own to cause a panic.”

“Hmm, we should probably sneak you off the train then and warn everypony that you're gonna be living with us first thing in the morning.”

“That may soften the blow a little, but I think regardless of what we do the town will panic.”

“So what do you suggest then?” I shrugged in reply.

“We just roll with it for day one and spend the next couple days as damage control.”

“So we just let them freak out for a day then spend the rest of the week introducing you to everypony so they can see how big of an idiot you are?”

“If that is what will work, and on a side note, ouch your words hurt me.” I then had a face full of Pinkie Pie eye.

“Ooh if you get to know everypony in town then we can throw a big party for everypony knowing Stoney is nice and not gonna destroy Equestria. I don't think I have a party banner for that.” With that she rolled out a giant red fabric from who knows where over the seats and Rainbow.

“Hey, Pinkie watch where you're rolling that thing.”

“Oopsie, sorry Dashie.” She then threw the banner fabric around her like a large red sash and hopped down the car a ways. Twilight resumed talking to me.

“Ugh, it's going to be tough enough to get them to accept even the idea of you being in town, I don't know how we're going to get them to accept the actual you.” I'd almost think she was suggesting something was amiss with my personality from that tone, cheeky.

“Twilight you underestimate me, converting ponies will be as easy as wololo.” I noticed in my vision that Pinkie was hopping to the opposite end of the car, now with a blue sash. Twilight just tilted her head at me slightly.

“Whatever you say, just don't provoke more panic than necessary when we arrive.”

“What makes you think I would ever dream of provoking panic?” She just gave me a look that told me exactly how serious she was on this issue. “Don't worry, I will be on such good behavior you'll mistake me for Fluttershy.” The aforementioned pegasus looked up from her position and gave a small smile before laying back down, these ponies are too cute damn it.

“OK, I'll trust you.” And with that our conversation on the matter ended and I turned to look out the window at the scenery.

After about an hour of staring out the window I started getting... bored. Looking around I noticed the ponies had taken to napping or just relaxing, even Pinkie was less hyper than the norm. Grumbling about there being no alternative I sprawled myself out as best I could and I let myself fall asleep.

There was a poking at my side. I tried to wave it off.

“Come on we're in Ponyville, it's time to get going.” There's that poking again. I opened one eye to see Twilight prodding me in the side with a hoof.

“Alright, I'm up already, what's our plan?”

“The others are all on look out around the station and between here and the library. We're going to move when nopony is around to spot you and hopefully get there without incident. Then in the morning we can introduce you to the town and with any luck not throw everypony into a panic.”

“Wait, why are we going to the library?”

“Well, that's where I live.”

“Oh.... OK...” Then Rainbow's voice drifted in.

“All clear, get going.” Twilight led the way as we moved off the train and into the dark of Ponyville.

It was not easy staying hidden, between this town having very few objects large enough for me hide behind, not being able to hear Fluttershy's signals, and the complete inability to decipher whether or not Pinkie was saying there was somepony ahead or the path was open. It was amazingly surprising we got me to the library without incident.

Oh, by the way, it's a fucking tree. Crouched in front of it, I didn't even realize what it was at first until Twilight announced we had made it. Looking up at it I just shook my head, too late at night to question it. She led the way in and I crouched thru the door, no more worrying about scaring the town's ponies tonight.

“So, what's the plan now?” Twilight yawned out a reply.

“I've got enough spare bedding we can set you up a temporary bed in the basement. Then, in the morning, we can introduce you to the town and hope they don't run you out.” I nodded my thanks and followed Twilight down to her basement. “Well, have a good night Stone-turner.”

“Good night, Twilight.” And as she left the basement and closed the door I threw myself onto the pile of blankets and pillows she left for me to cobble a bed together and quickly fell asleep.