Once more into the fray
Into the last good fight I'll ever know
Live and die on this day
Live and die on this day

It was a beautiful day in Ponyville. But enough with the shitty exposition.

Rainbow Dash woke up in a cold sweat. It was still early; 6:02 in the morning, to be exact. She couldn't help but feel something was wrong... Which disturbeds her...

She jumped out of bed, reaching around in the darkness for a weapon, but no! Instead her hand closed upon a miniature TARDIS model.

It would have to suffice.

A rustling noise could be heard in the garage area of her house. Rainbow Dash faced an ultimatum that was very common in her life. "Do I get up and check it out, or do I just stay here and pretend nothing's happening?" Usually she would be faced with this dilemma at night, with the covers pulled up to her eyes. What no one knew was... Rainbow Dash was afraid of the dark. (And I thought she was so butch!)

BWAM!

"What was that!" The rainbow pony yelled. In hindsight it was most likely not a very smart thing to do, considering there may be an intruder in the house and she just gave away the fact that the resident is residing.

She proceeded to creep down the hall, towards the door that led to her one-car garage. Since she knew she had already blown her cover, she decided to call out to the unknown thing that may or may not be there.

"I'm warning you," she said in a threatening manner. "I have the right to bear arms, and I'm not afraid to use that right!"

Unfortunately, this was a bluff. Her bear arms were in the closet, and she did not have the sense to get them, in her haste to investigate the sound.

For a few moments the garage had gone silent. Rainbow Dash did not let her guard down, however.

Then she got a strange feeling. The feeling you get that there's something behind you, even though you know there's nothing there. Sometimes you get it late at night. Say, when you're sitting at a computer, in a basement, at 2:00 in the morning. Then you start to feel cold. Like... like you'd never be happy again. So you eat some chocolate.

Rainbow Dash's reasonable fear of the dark started to cloud her mind. In every corner she saw teddy bears with teeth, ready to devour her. In every window a dog with a wide grin leered at her, just beyond the shadows. Shakily, she placed her hand upon the doorknob.

It rattled, causing her to jump.

She gripped it tighter, and the noise stopped. After a deep breath, she threw open the-

OH, OH WAIT, NEVER MIND!

Just before she opened the door, a gloved hand reached around and held her mouth closed. Simultaneously, the other arm wrapped around her waist, and pulled her to the ground. A black mask was put on her head, cutting off all vision. Not that she could see in the dark anyway.

It only took a few seconds for this to transpire, and Rainbow Dash now found herself being dragged along the ground, picked up, and thrown into a trunk of a car.

Actually... how could she find herself being dragged? Really. Can you actually find yourself? I didn't think you could lose yourself in the first place, but now here we go talking about finding yourself...

Okay, yeah, I know, even I sometimes surprise myself at how bad I am at writing.

...

So three guys go camping. They all sleep in the same tent, and the next morning, both guys that slept on the left and right sides of the tent say they had a dream that their dicks were being ripped off. "Funny," says the guy in the middle, "I had a dream I was skiing."

Eh? Eh! Eh? Good, right? You see, Rainbow Dash was working on her stand-up bit, to pass the time. What else was she going to do, tied up in that trunk, right? Well I'll tell you what she not gonna do. Have a clopping scene with Applejack. You know why? Because Rainbow Dash has standards, and having relations with ponies of... that nature is quite simply against her creed.

Sometimes Rainbow Dash would find herself (there we go again) laying under the stars, thinking about life, it's meaning, things she had done, the non-existence of God, and sonic rainbooms. You know, everyday stuff. Occasionally, during those times, she would ask herself, "Why doth ponies shipeth Applejack and I?" She talks like that when she's alone, because of her class.

Very suddenly, the car screeched to a stop. "Ah, shit," Rainbow Dash cursed, as she flew around inside the trunk. How did she fly around so much in such a small trunk? Because she's anorexic, you bastard. Everybody on this show is. You just hate her because you don't have swag.

"Get her out!" a very angry voice bellowed, followed by a slammed door. Rainbow Dash huddled back against the wall of the trunk. Three other door slams were heard.

A blinding ray of sunlight beamed into the dark trunk, when it was opened. Fortunately it didn't hurt Rainbow Dash's eyes like it would have if she hadn't been wearing that black mask. The mask was quickly removed however, along with the duct tape over her mouth.

"Shouldn't we take the earbuds out?" a pony (who Rainbow Dash could now see to be Twilight Sparkle) asked.

"No," Pinkie Pie responded. "We'll torture her a little more."

So Rainbow Dash was carried out of the trunk by Twilight's magic. After swirling around in the air, a few times, she could see that her kidnappers were none other than her four pony friends. She was relieved now, for she thought it was all just a trick of some kind, and let out a chuckle.

"YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME?" a demonic voice, roared.

The shout was louder than the blaring music in Rainbow Dash's ears and she trembled at it. The same could be said for the other ponies, upon realizing the roar came from the gentle pony, Fluttershy.

"Fluttershy, wha- what are you-" Twilight Sparkle began to say.

"Enough." The simple word silenced the unicorn. I guess people were beginning to realize Fluttershy was strong. Strong with words.

Before the scene could progress any further, a strange male pony cantered up the hill. He wore a tan-brown jacket, and looked like a friendly, outdoors-y guy. You just felt immediately that you would trust him running Equestria, because he can relate to you. He started to speak.

"Now let's take a moment, here. I know we've all had fun so far, having a mild laugh at a few finer points of the story, but there's something serious on my mind. The issue today, is faith. Now do you know why Fluttershy can now roar like a rabid lion? It's not because she's angry and is using her voice very loudly, it's because she has faith. Now I'm not ashamed to admit that I believe in Celestia."

The other ponies nodded their heads in agreement at the kind man's words so far. He continued walking up the hill, and was just about five feet away from them all when he continued speaking.

"You know there's a problem in this country where gays can serve openly in the military, but our foals can't celebrate Christmas in schoo-"

A collective air-whistling-through-teeth sound came from the ponies.

"Ah... Yeah, let's try and be a little less offensive there, mkay?" Twilight Sparkle said.

"Yes," Rarity followed up, "when you talk about being gay like that, it kinda makes it sound like being gay is bad."

Fluttershy returned to her normal voice. "Well, you see, Mr, you need to be a little more careful of how you choose your words. And what do you mean, you're kids can't openly celebrate Christmas in schools?"

The tan-jacketed pony stammered, "Well I, uh, I... Well our kids... they can't celebrate Christmas in schools."

"Did anyone tell them they can't?" Fluttershy responded.

"Well, no uh, but-"

"Did anyone actively stop your kids from celebrating Christmas?" Twilight chimed in.

"Well you see-"

"All we're saying, man," Rainbow Dash began, "is that you can't have the school fund any kind of Christmas celebration. We're not saying you can't celebrate it, you just can't make the school pay for it or endorse it. Make sense?"

"FAITH MADE EQUESTRIA STRONG!" The slick pony roared, stamping his hooves, and snarling with rage. "IT'LL MAKE HER STRONG AGAIN!" He galloped off into the forest, leaving voting ballots behind, floating down to earth.

The five ponies stood transfixed for a few moments, still staring at the spot in the woods where the strange pony had disappeared. Then all of the sudden, they all realized they were there for a reason.

"To burn Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy said, menacingly, turning towards the camera, as it zoomed out and revealed a wooden stake and brush and logs beneath it.

"Muahahahaha!" Fluttershy began. "Mua ha ha ha!"

The other ponies, besides Rainbow Dash started in, as well.

"MUAHAHAHA!"

Author's Note

Yeah, by the way, the poem is from The Grey (which is a great movie and has no flaws) and it's there to make it seem like this is gonna be a serious chapter, and like a more mature ending.

It's not.

If you haven't seen Rick Perry's "Strong" ad, there is a part of the story you will not understand. Go watch it.

Oh, and as you may or may not have guessed, there will be another chapter.