Rainbow Dash is a Bang-Ended Newt.

Rainbow Dash looked up at Fluttershy with fear in her eyes.

"No!!!" she cried. "You can't do this!"

Fluttershy looked upon Rainbow Dash with disdain. Never had she met such a thing that repulsed her as much as the thrashing, writhing pony in front of her. She could think of nothing but revenge... and fudge.

Seriously, where's the fudge? How long has it been since you last had fudge? Tell me. I really want to know, because it seems like I haven't had actual fudge in forever. A little known fact is, ponies are the number one consumers of fudge in the world. Assuming, of course, that Equestria is in the world.

The show must go on, though! We return to the story, at a perilous time for Rainbow Dash. She hangs suspended in a cloud of magic, originating from Twilight Sparkle. Her former friends stand around her, judging. In the middle of the scene is a stake, on which Rainbow Dash will soon be burned, if everything goes according to plan. But when has that ever happened?

"Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy began, "are you ready to face the penalty for your crimes-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Rainbow Dash interrupted, "cut the crap. Just do what you need to do."

Fluttershy and all the other ponies stood aghast and open-mouthed, for a moment. Recovering quickly, however, Fluttershy continued, "The crimes with which you are charged with are first degree murder-"

"First?" Rainbow Dash asked.

For a moment, Fluttershy was caught off guard, so Rarity took the liberty of explaining.

"First degree murder is any murder that is willing and premeditated," she said, promptly.

"Okay, well then I'm free to go, right?" Rainbow responded.

Everyone was surprised at the audacity of their former friend. Did she really think that they would just let her go? She committed acts of violence against them all! At least, that was the conclusion they had all come to together, earlier that day.

Pinkie Pie stepped up this time. "No, you most certainly are not!" she said. "You caused me a lot of pain financially. And I had to pay for the emotional scarring of my employees. It's not that easy to get over the sight of a mangled corpse moving along a bakery conveyor belt and being mutilated and shaped and pressed before your very eyes!"

"Calm down, Pinkie Pie," Rainbow Dash said. "I did it accidentally. Do you really think that I would do that on purpose, to hurt you?"

"Well," she began.

"Don't answer that." Rainbow Dash said, quickly. "The point is," she started to explain, "I didn't do anything wrong. And I think that I'm being punished unfairly. I haven't even been given the right to a jury or a judge or anything."

Fluttershy stepped forward. "Actually," she said, "you have. I am your judge, and I say you have done all of us wrong."

"Exactly," Twilight said. " Now, if you don't mind," she said in between grunts of effort, " the magic is really starting to become hard to control..."

Rainbow Dash's bubble of magic faltered for a moment. For a second she thought there would be a chance to escape. She thought of running into the forest and starting a new life, with Zecora as her lesbian partner. Sadly, though, it was impossible. Even though Twilight was running out of power to control the magic, it was still strong. Just like Equestra could be, if we had faith.

"Put her down," Fluttershy commanded.

Twilight Sparkle did as she wished, and released the magic. Rainbow Dash fell to the ground in a heap. "Ow," she grunted.

(THERE'S THE CATCHPHRASE!)

"Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy bellowed, "you have been convicted of crimes against Equestria and her people. What say you in you defence?"

"Well actually, I haven't-" she began to say.

"Silence!" the mad pony yelled. "You will burn. You will burn like the heathen ponies of old!" She paused for dramatic effect. "Bring wood and oil!" she commanded her minions. You may also know them as Twilight, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie.

Fluttershy's new 'minions' grumbled, but did as they were told, and brought wood and oil. Even though previously in the story it has already been stated there was wood under the stake, but it's my fucking story and I do what I want.

"Do you fear death?" Fluttershy asked Rainbow Dash, getting close to her face, and whispering in her ear.

"I take my chances, miss," Rainbow Dash said shakily.

Fluttershy stood back and admired the scene before her. The burning area was ready, and all that was missing was one blue pony to melt from the flames. The thought pleased Fluttershy, that after all this time, it would finally be over. Rainbow Dash would be reduced to ash and bones and it would be... over. Suddenly, Fluttershy couldn't recall the taste of strawberries. The touch of grass... the sound of water. She was... naked in the dark. With no veil... between her, and- me looking through the window...

In the middle of all Fluttershy's musings and thoughts, Rainbow Dash was tied to the stake. Twilight lit her torch with magic, and Rarity and Pinkie Pie lit theirs off of hers. They were about to throw them onto the wood and oil when Fluttershy grabbed Twilight's arm. She looked into Twilight's eyes and said, "...That's my boy. That's my son."

"But I thought you hit a dog?" Rarity asked.

"Nobody fucking asked you, Rarity!" Fluttershy said, in a spiteful tone.

Rarity was hurt, and went to Pinkie Pie for comfort. Meanwhile, Fluttershy took the torch from Twilight and held it up.

"Are you ready to burn, little pony?" she asked.

Rainbow Dash, who had been quiet for some time, responded, "Yes. I will accept whatever fate is given to me."

Before Fluttershy dropped the burning torch onto the logs that would immediately go up in flame and consume Rainbow Dash, she paused and thought about the last words of her former friend. She pulled the torch up and questioned Rainbow Dash.

"How do you know that this is fate?" she asked.

Rainbow Dash looked at her accuser incredulously. "Well, how could it not be fate?" she said.

Fluttershy was confused. "How could it not? What do you mean?"

"Well you see," she said, "in God's plan, all people-"

Fluttershy dropped the torch on the wood and walked away with her friends.