It was an ideal day. In terms of weather, the breeze was gentle, and the sky partly cloudy in a pleasant way that only muted the sun's intensity to be easy on the eyes. Mid-spring in Texas meant the winter birds had already left, and the summer birds were just arriving, so it was quiet for the most part as I stepped out to my back yard to sit and pluck at my ukulele for a while. Sitting on the bench next to my fire pit, I let my fingers wander a bit, fiddling around with a chord or two here and there, mostly practicing along some pentatonic scales trying to find some good riffs. I'm no virtuoso by any stretch of the imagination, and must admit to a great many sour notes being played, but after a few minutes I found myself closing my eyes and playing over a few interesting patterns aimlessly. It was in this time, with my eyes closed and fingers finding a rhythm all their own, my life changed in the least probable way imaginable.

Happily picking along I started to hear a few more noises that weren't my own. A couple of leaves must have blown into the yard from a few houses over and found a vortex, rustling for a while as I paid them no mind. I also started to hear a tone, muted but present, but also neither high nor low. With my eyes still closed I focused on this tone, wondering which neighbor's air conditioning might be going on the fritz, but the direction didn't line up. Stopping my own noise making and muting my strings to get a better bearing on this new sound, I started turning my head in search of it as the leaves suddenly stopped and the strange tone also muted shortly after my strings. 'Huh, that's odd,' I thought, and decided to go over the basic chords again before heading back inside to get some food and maybe a lunchtime beer for this day of relaxation. Going over a simple scale before hitting the basic chords, I heard both strange noises pick up again, so I lightened my picking and slowed considerably; the tone stayed, but the 'leaves' slowed almost as much as I did. Eyes still closed, I started searching for the source of the leafy sound, now noticing that it wasn't as 'leafy' as I'd thought.

Zeroing in on the source was easy for me; my ears may not catch everything after my years as a mechanic, or days spent shooting empty cans, but mostly my hearing is pretty good, and direction is especially easy for me. Having pinpointed the direction I turned quickly towards it and gave a loud muted strum. Hearing a loud gasp and something dropping I opened my eyes and pointing with a "HA!" of my own, and froze. 'What the... is that?... uh...' What was before me was, as far as I knew, impossible, on multiple levels. I sat there, frozen, arm outstretched and pointing at what my mind refused to process, for some unknown amount of time. After a while of this a few more impossibilities walked up, and started inspecting the two of us. What happened next was that my mind decided to move again, and the best translation I can give from the language of thought is 'BRAIN;OS has performed an illegal operation and must be shut down.'

Returning to consciousness was slow. Bright light shone through my eyelids blocking out other sensory input. 'What the fuck was that dream? And why is my light on?' I thought as my head buzzed slightly from the overpowering light. What I saw could only be possible in a dream; horses don't come in pastel colors, especially not purple. Pegasi and unicorns only exist in myth, and for damn sure never as the same creature. Then there were others, only three of which had almost possible colors, one damn near possible with its lack of mythical appendages, but then it had a cowboy hat on. 'What did I eat last night? When I remember it, I need to never have it for supper again.' Raising my hand to cover my eyes, I felt the bill of my cap and pulled it down to get relief from the light. The world of sensation returning, I noticed a few things rather quickly; my hat was on my head, I was wearing my clothes I had put on that morning, in my left hand was the neck of my ukulele, I was laying on what felt like my bench, the birds were making more noise than usual, and a most peculiar conversation was being had nearby. Focusing on the conversation, I listened for a while as pieces fell into place.

“Dash, I don't think it's a spy. If it was it would probably have tried to disguise or hide itself rather than sit in the middle of the park making all that noise. Did you seriously not hear it?”

“Hmph, I guess that makes sense. And I had my ears plugged because AJ's apple bucking was interrupting my nap.”

“It ain't my fault your cloud drifted over the farm. And besides, I was at the market, it was Mac's turn at bucking this morning.”

“Maybe we should get back to the matter at hoof, hmm? We don't know for certain what it is, but maybe we could make more progress by discussing what we do know about it, don't you agree Twilight?”

“Yes, thank you, Rarity. Well, it seems to be civilized, based on its wearing clothes and playing music, however strange those clothes and that music may be.”

“It was playing music? Um, I could ask if any of my songbirds heard it, maybe they can help.”

“Ooh! If he likes music, then maybe he likes parties! *GASP* I gotta throw him a 'Welcome to Ponyville New Guy' party!”

“Wait Pinkie, how do you know it to be male?”

“My 'Pinkie sense' told me a new guy was coming to Ponyville this morning!”

“Care to elaborate on that for us, darling?”

“I thought you knew about my Pinkie sense Rarity. Oh, by the way, he's been listening since Twily dismissed Rainbow's 'spy' theory.”

“WHAT?!?”

At this point I straightened my cap to its usual position, sat up, and stretched my arms out over my head with a yawn. Sitting upright again, I prepared to see a collection of impossible creatures. This time, I opened my eyes and looked out to see six pairs of eyes fixed on me. “At this point I guess I should say hello,” I said with my friendliest smile.

“Um, hello?” said Twilight. She had the distinctive, educated sounding voice.

“Heh, so, sorry about earlier. I was sorta caught off guard. Uh, where am I?” I asked her.

“Ponyville Public Park,” Twilight replied. Realizing how useless this answer would be she continued, “In the town of Ponyville, country of Equestria.” She paused for a moment before adding as an afterthought “Planet of Equus.”

“Planet. Of. Equus.” My left eyebrow climbing on top of my head, she nodded in confirmation. “Balls.”

“Huh? Anyhow, I have to ask, how did you get here?” She asked my question for me.

“Hell of a good question there,” I said, starting to hope even more that I would wake up at home any minute now. “I was hoping you might know.”

“So wait a minute here,” said the orange one with the hat. “Ya don't know how ya got here? How in the hay is that possible?”

“Twilight beat us at the Running of the Leaves,” said the one that must be Rainbow, given her rainbow striped hair, or mane I guess. “But that is a bit easier to explain, as much as I hate to admit it.”

“Duh, it was a one way Trans-dimensional Rift,” Said the pink one, who must be Pinkie. “Anywho, I've got a party to plan, hey mister, I need your info, name and birthday please,” she requested with a smile that stretched her face to meet its spatial requirements.

We all stared at her for a minute, the others because of what she first said, myself because of her smile proving the potential truth behind the claim. “ Um, Pinkie, I think, well, I think you might be scaring him,” said the butter colored one.

Pinkie backed down her intensity, allowing sanity to reenter the area. “Oh, sure thing Fluttershy, you get the details and bring them to me before the party later! Gotta go, bye!” She dashed off behind a tree and vanished, only to appear almost immediately at my left on the bench, nearly loosening the contents of my bowels. “OOH, OOH! I almost forgot, what's your favorite food?!?” she asked excitedly.

This time I mustered an answer, “um, I'm not picky...” I managed with a grin.

Pinkie was not satisfied with this, “Okay... So what do you like to drink?” She continued after a short pause, “So I can pick the foods based on that.”

“Beer, beer would be awesome.” I hoped like hell there might be a bottle around if this is really going to be my life for a while. “Really any beverage in the 'adult' category would be fantastic about now,” I said to make sure that what I meant was understood, or that my hopes would be crushed in their youth rather than suffer more greatly at a later time.

“I guess by 'adult category' you mean booze?” I nodded vigorously. “Ah, Mister Cake will have to take care of that then,” she slumped a bit, “I can still manage the party though. Fluttershy, bring me the info.” This time she jumped behind the bench, I looked but she wasn't there.

“Word of caution, don't bother trying to figure out how Pinkie works, that road leads only to migraines,” Twilight warned while stepping also to see where the bizarre pink pony went, to no avail. “For now though, I have some paperwork for you to fill out, since you're going to be in my country for at least some time. Let's go to the library, we can start on your papers, talk about how our worlds are different, and get you some refreshments.” I looked at her, half surprised, half hopeful. She recognized both, “Just come on, suddenly you're looking like a lost puppy,” she giggled. I shrugged and stood to follow.

Something I realized shortly after standing from the bench, none of these creatures (people?) stood more than nipple high. Really most of them only stood almost to the top of my belly, including their hair. Back in Texas I stood about as close to exact average as one could get, but here I towered over these beings. That is, until the orange one decided to balance on her hind legs, and put her face even with mine, to then be tapped on the hat by the blue pegasus hovering over her with a grin.

“Hah, well I reckon we aught to get to know each other's names, if'n we're gonna be all friends like. I'm Applejack, you can call me AJ for short,” she said coming back down to reach out with a fore-hoof. Bending to rest myself on one knee I took the offered hoof and shook twice. “So what's your name, neighbor?”

“I'm Hoyt, pleased to meet you Applejack.” I couldn't help but to notice her accent, and how it sounded like a lot of the people I know back home, but thought better of asking about it just yet. Turning to the apparent leader of the group, “From hearing your conversation earlier, I take it you're Twilight?” I asked while offering a hand.

“Oh that, eheh, yes. I am, Princess Twilight Sparkle, but please just call me Twilight,” she said before placing her hoof in my hand.

A Princess? Well a little humor never hurt. Why not?

“Ah, your Majesty!” I said removing my cap and bringing the hoof to my brow as I bowed my head. But I knew my attempt at humor worked when I heard a muffled giggle. Looking up to see the reaction I saw Twilight looking away, but met the eyes of the white unicorn with the springy purple mane, muffling her merriment with a hoof. Setting down Twilight's hoof I couldn't help but continue the joke as I turned to the source of the giggles. “And whom might you be?” I asked with a bemused expression and deepened my voice in that way I knew to make some of my friends nervous.

Turns out that alabaster fur does not do well to hide a blush. “Aha, I am, Lady Rarity. Quite pleased to make your acquaintance, I'm sure.” She offered her hoof much higher, I'd watched 'Robin Hood' enough times to know the response to this, even if it was Mel Brooks' version. I cupped the offered hoof in my hand and, maintaining eye contact, brought it to my lips, just enough really to tickle the polished surface with my mustache. As I released the hoof it, and her other fore-hoof shot to cover her face in a poor attempt at hiding a blush that would require something far more substantial to hide.

“Pleased to make your acquaintance as well, fair Lady Rarity,” I said with a wink that ruptured a floodgate of giggles that was quickly pressed into the side of the princess next to her who now sat mouth agape, lavender fur proving far more successful at hiding a blush. After a very short moment of this I heard one very delicate, very restrained bit of giggling to my side, followed by a pair of other voices bellowing in laughter. Turning to see who was left, I saw Applejack and the one I assumed to be Rainbow with their legs in the air kicking about in unrestrained glee, and a rosy cheeked Fluttershy.

Sensing that her name was a good fit, given her posture, I softened my smile and gave a chuckle while returning my cap to its proper place. I then offered my hand to the yellow pegasus, “and you're Fluttershy, right?”

Her name was indeed a very good fit as she moved to hide behind a wall of hair, but with a barely audible sound like a squeak, she moved her hoof forward and very quickly took my hand and left it. Straightening herself she came from behind her curtain, and faintly smiled and said “n-nice to meet you, Mister Hoyt.”

“Nice to meet you too.” Turning lastly to the blue one, who had only just managed to regain control of herself, still shaking with a giggle here or there. “And you're Rainbow, right?” I asked while again offering my hand in greeting.

“Rainbow Dash, The one and only!” She replied with an aerial flip for emphasis. Taking my hand for a brief shake she added, “You're pretty funny, I think we'll get along just fine.” As she finished she looked again to her horned companions and snorted to hold back a new bout of laughter.

“Sorry if my humor was uncalled for,” I said to the Princess and still blushing Rarity. “I saw the opportunity and couldn't help myself.”

Sobering from her giggles and forcing her blush away with a coupe of deep breaths, Rarity answered first, “Think nothing of it dear. Actually, I wouldn't mind that brand of humor a bit more often.” Seeing my raised eyebrow her blush visibly threatened a forceful return, quickly she continued, “So, um, Twilight, you said there was paperwork to be done at the library regarding our uh, guest?”

Catching her friend's cue, Twilight seized the change of topic, clearing her throat “Oh, right, let's head on over so we can get things settled.”

As we started away from the near exact copy of my bench in the park, I turned to grab my ukulele, only for it to float away to Twilight. “Sorry guy, but I can't let you play anymore until I can run some tests to make sure nothing bad will happen. Don't worry, it shouldn't take long,” she explained as my brain when to stupor mode. I froze, again. Getting curious looks while dumbfounded would seem to have become my style.

Rainbow Dash was the first to investigate, flying up and waving a hoof in front of my face. “He seems to do this a lot. I wonder if he's broken?” she asked as she looked into my eyes, which were still locked on the floating instrument on the other side of her head.

Rainbow was pushed aside by Fluttershy, who looked intently into each of my eyes, pulled back a moment, and turned to Twilight. “Um, Twilight, I don't think he was ready to see magic. I think.”

“Magic?” I muttered as I noticed the odd tone from before. Suddenly I notice a strange magenta glow around my uke, and the Princess's horn. “This world has magic?”

On the way out of the park Twilight set about explaining magic to me. Needless to say this confused the hell out of me. Rarity was able to help simplify a lot of the jargon which made things almost understandable.

Soon AJ split off from the group to close her stall at the market, something about hoping her sister didn't get their permit revoked. Rainbow left to manage a stray cloud bank, chuckling at my apparent shock. A little later Fluttershy excused herself to take care of her animals.

Once it was only me, Twilight and herself, Rarity turned to me, “My Good Sir, I must also be leaving your company. But please, if you find yourself staying here with us for an extended period of time you simply must come by my boutique. I would simply love to make an ensemble for one such as yourself. Ta-Ta!” She sauntered off with a sly smile and a wave of her hoof.

Later, in the library, I was presented with a decent stack of papers to fill out. It was my turn to impress Twilight as I pulled my space pen from my pocket. After reading a few pages something even more unexpected than talking alicorn princess ponies walked in the door; a dragon. Twilight watched from the sidelines as us bipeds had a staring match born of surprise awkward, and she nearly fell over laughing at our response to each other;

“AHH! What is that?!?” We shouted simultaneously.

“What the-! It talks!” Again in unison.

“Well yeah I talk you-!” We both realize what has happened as Twilight fell to start pounding a hoof on the floor, crippled by her own laughter.

We both turned to the crippled Princess expecting answers. Seeing her current condition, and realizing what happened, I couldn't help but join her in laughing at the situation. The dragon for his part put on a straight face and tried to act miffed, but soon followed suit.

Sometime later we all managed to recover. Now sitting on the floor in the main room, Twilight decides to prompt our conversation to avoid another bout of laughter. She's mostly successful save for the odd chuckle here and giggle there. Turns out the dragon is named Spike, and is her adopted brother. 'Talk about a progressive family,' I thought to myself. After proper introductions it turned out the little guy was pretty cool. Then he almost trimmed my beard with fire.

After calming down from nearly getting a face full of green fire I found out the fire brought a letter, apparently from another Princess. “Well, I guess you don't need to worry about finishing those forms. Princesses Celestia and Luna also felt your entry to our world and want you on the first train to Canterlot in the morning.” I watched as Twilight's eyes moved rapidly across and down the letter, her face unreadable to me. “There's a P.S.! 'Enjoy the party responsibly. Both of you.'”

Could've swore I saw her blush a little as she read that...

Author's Note

First chapter of my first story, tagged 'mature, sex' because later chapters will likely end up there. WILL end up there I should say.

Anyhow, figured it was time there was a HiE fic in first person, second person can work but generally annoys me, so here it is, my first person HiE fic, hope you all like it.

Many thanks to Sneaky, for returning the favor of proofreading that I've been doing for him for a little while now. Be sure to check out 'Derpy's Protector' and 'Close Bonds' over on his page, good stuff for sure.

(EDIT; OK, so I decided to put in the proper style page breaks, and added one word to the final scene. Made it "After reading a few pages..." to better fit later context.)