Having a few hours before the party, and Celestia canceling the need for finishing the papers, we decided to have a late lunch. We Headed to a café near the market district, a small unassuming building with several small tables out front. It struck me as odd that there was no seating, but Twilight quickly floated over two bales of hay for Spike and I to sit on. As I was about to ask what she was going to sit on, a cream colored pony with slicked black hair rushed out with a large cushion in his mouth, and positioned it with considerable care at the table. “Thank you, sir. Today we will need a menu, my friend here is new in town,” she told the waiter. Before he left I could see, now that he didn't have a large cushion in his mouth, that he wore a thin mustache and only the collar and cuffs of a fancy shirt. No shirt body to keep it together, or to justify the presence of the parts.

While he was gone I turned to Twilight, “I guess he needs to get paid better, poor guy can't afford a whole shirt.”

“What? That's one of Rarity's more popular designs,” she said before seeing my smirk. “Oh, you're terrible,” trying her best to suppress a laugh, and glaring at Spike for failing to do so.

I smiled and laughed at their interaction, until I noticed her staring intently at my face. No, she was staring at my mouth, “What? Is there something stuck in my teeth?”

“Let me see them again,” she said. I quickly set about using my tongue to check for any debris before complying. Opening my mouth wide to let her see, I noticed several other ponies giving us awkward looks before I closed my mouth. “So, what is your species' typical diet?”

“Hah, well now, there is a question to which I will give a more specific answer than is requested.” I sighed, “I personally try to maintain a vegetarian diet when finances allow. And yes that does mean that 'other' stuffs are often more cost effective nutrition back home.” Looking around, I noticed several ponies eying me suspiciously, “I think it would be prudent to continue that particular topic away from your public.”

Giving a furtive glance around she said, “They can accept a dragon in their midst, but I think I see your point. So you're a vegetarian. By choice?”

“That's about the gist of it. Thank you sir,” I said taking the offered menu from the waiter. Looking at the menu a red flag popped up in my mind. “Where are the prices?” I asked, pointing at the menu.

“Ah, well this is one of the nicer places to dine in Ponyville, it is customary for such establishments to exclude the prices from the menu. To prevent customers ordering something less than they would be satisfied with because of the price,” she explained. At my incredulous look she continued, “This meal is from my personal funds, and I, Princess Twilight, am telling you to order that what is most appealing to you,” She finished with a firm look that brokered little argument.

“Alright, alright. Let's see,” I looked at the menu. Upon seeing a section for sandwiches I focused, 'onion, lettuce and daffodil?' I continued onward, 'spinach, dandelion and daisy?' This was starting to get weird. “I see a 'lettuce and tomato' sandwich available, could they add spinach?” I asked.

“I don't know why not? That actually sounds really good, think I'll order the same if that's what you're having,” she said with an approving smile.

Spike finally spoke up, “That does sound good.”

“Food is something I know pretty well, especially the tasty stuff. It's something we Texans pride ourselves on,” I explained with a slap of my belly.

“I'm sold. He can't be all bad, knowing tasty food so well,” Spike said to Twilight while pointing at me.

Observing my smile again, Twilight said, “I guess you're right Spike.” Turning to me she said, “You'll find the wine list on the back.”

Quickly closing the menu and flipping it I found something amazing. “The names are the same! Is the 'cabernet sauvignon' a dry red?” I asked excitedly.

“Most would describe it as 'dry,' yes,” she said with a quizzical look at me. “If you speak it's name so clearly, then how do you not know it?”

“I'm just making sure it is what I'm expecting, I am in a new world after all. Think I'll have a glass of that and some iced tea to drink.” As I turned to call the waiter over I was surprised to find him only inches away. “GAH!” I yelled as I fell from my hay bale.

“I take it you have our orders Bon?” Twilight asked the waiter, who nodded the affirmative. “Then we'll have our lunch, thank you sir.”

“Good at his job, isn't he?” I asked as I rose again to the table.

“Yes, and sufficiently paid as well,” she said, giving me a half teasing look.

“Well played, you might be catching on,” I replied with three slow claps.

“Don't smart-allek the smartest pony around,” she warned with a competitive grin.

“A battle of wits is most fun with one who is equally armed,” I smirked back at her.

“So you consider yourself my intellectual equal then?” she asked smiling a bit more.

“Roughly, based on what I've observed thus far,” I replied, smile still tugging at my cheeks.

“How is it you can speak so openly to royalty?” she asked with her smile now turning interested.

“Heh, well my country has done without royalty for almost two and a half centuries now. We even had a pretty big war to make the point clear that we didn't like our government being run by people appointed by birth. There was a lot more detail but that is the gist of it,” seeing her shocked look I saw fit to explain further. “What this means more recently is that, when royalty visit from foreign nations, we civilians treat them as equals for the most part. It's still like meeting someone famous, yeah, but nothing to get carried away over.”

“You had war to run royalty out of your country!” She nearly shouted.

“Whoa Nelly! I did not, my grandparents about ten or twelve generations back did. And they had good reasons too; unfair taxes, tariffs, laws with unreasonable fees and fines attached, criminal punishments far too severe for crimes far too insignificant. All that compounded by an undercurrent of religious oppression to boot,” I explained.

“Religious oppression?” she asked. “What do you mean by that?”

“That King George wanted to tax, and otherwise penalize, people for practicing religion in a way that he didn't see fit,” I explained. “It was more of a side note really, but people get all kinds of uppity about religion.”

“I mean, what does 'religious oppression' mean? 'Oppression' I understand, but 'religious,' what does that mean?” she asked. At my shocked and amazed expression she said, “Seriously, what does 'religious' mean?”

“Religion, the belief in and worship of a god or superhuman being. I guess it'd be 'super-pony' for you guys? Do you seriously not have religion here?” I was doing my level best to keep anything but curiosity off of my face.

“Well,” she paused with a hoof to her chin. “I'm not quite certain what you mean. I think that question would be best saved for Celestia and Luna when you meet them tomorrow.”

“Hmm, guess I'll take that as a good sign for now,” I said, not quite satisfied with the answer. At this time habit finally forced me to look at my watch, 1:34 pm. Suddenly I realized what a very vital piece of information that was, the measurement of time, “Hey Twilight, what's the local time?”

Pointing into the distance to my right, she said “Looks like about 2:45 in the afternoon. Pinkie's party for you is at ten, so we have just over seven hours to go.” Seeing me looking at my watch again she continued, “So, does that also translate? Like the wine?”

“Not so precisely, I'm about an hour and ten minutes slow it would seem, but I would like to ask, for sake of certainty, how is your time divided here? I'm used to sixty seconds per minute, sixty minutes per hour, twenty four hours per day, seven days per week, twenty eight to thirty one days per month and twelve months per year, is it the same here?” I asked.

Pausing to think for a moment, Twilight replied, “On minutes, hours, days, weeks and years, yes. Months however are thirty days, yours vary? Oh, and I guess I'll need to measure your watch's timekeeping, to ensure an accurate translation to our time system. Quite an interesting thought to bring up.”

“Well alright,” I said while removing my watch and handing it over. “Just make sure you get it back to me. Yes our months vary, I never can remember the little rhyme that kids are taught though. All but February are either thirty or thirty one days. February though, is twenty eight days, except every fourth year when it gains a day to keep the calendar in line with the seasons.”

As I explained the basics of the Gregorian calendar Spike was writing it down, knowing Twilight's focus was on the watch held between herself and the clock tower. “So why not change your seasons earlier to make the year three hundred and sixty days and avoid this complicated mess?” Spike asked.

“What? 'Change the seasons earlier,' how?” I asked as we looked at each other as if the other had just said one of the dumbest things ever.

“For accuracy's sake I'll need to check this again in the morning. Uh, what's going on?” Twilight asked, having missed the last piece of the conversation and now seeing two bipeds giving each other the strangest looks.

“He doesn't know how the seasons change,” Spike proclaimed pointing at me.

“Of course I do; as the earth revolves around the sun its tilted axis causes the northern and southern hemispheres to be heated differently, thus resulting in the weather patterns that make the seasons,” I explained. “How would you propose it should be done?”

“Wait, what? You don't control your weather? Your world is tilted? No magic users or fliers to correct these issues?” she asked too quickly to be answered. “Oh wait, you explained earlier your world's lack of magic.”

Thinking for a moment to put the answers in correct order, I rested my elbow on the table and my chin on my hand. “Hm, no, we can't control the weather, as a matter of fact there are a number of law suits almost every year where someone was fool enough to pay for a 'weather modification service.' Yes it is tilted, eighteen degrees as I recall. Fliers? You mean like, uh, Rainbow Dash?” I paused, she nodded. “No, we are quite incapable of flight without technological assistance.”

“Huh, we'll have to talk more about that later, but so you know, we have to actively change the seasons ourselves. Don't give me that look again, ours IS a world of magic. Ah, here comes our food,” she finished as the waiter came out with a trey on his back.

With deftness that I would never have expected in a thousand years the waiter deposited three plates, five drinks, silverware, napkins and a small vase of flowers on the table, everything landing exactly where it should. Looking at everything spread before us, I was reminded of my hunger. Clapping my hands in preparation I said, “Bon Appétit!”

“Something else monsieur?” The waiter asked.

I turned back to see him looking at me expectantly, “Hm? Oh, I guess some salt and pepper would be nice, thanks. What's your name by the way?” I offered my hand in greeting as I had done before.

“Bon Appétit,” he said, ignoring my hand.

“You already brought the food, I meant to ask your name,” I said. A restrained giggle coming out as a snort from Twilight drew my attention, “What'd I do now?”

Stifling some more giggles, the princess shed light on my confusion, “You just said his name, and immediately afterwards asked for his name.” At this time Spike joined in the laughter.

“Ah, sorry about that, 'Good Appetite,' my name's Hoyt, good to meet ya,” I said, again offering my hand in greeting, and getting another laugh from Spike. Looking at my hand, 'Enjoy Your Meal' turned up his nose and trotted back inside. “What's his problem?” I asked Twilight.

“Bon? He's always a little stuffy, but I think the problem here is that typically stallions are nowhere near as... Boisterous as you seem to make a point of being. Also shifting the butt of the joke to him probably didn't win you too many points,” she said with a slight smirk. 'That smirk keeps getting cuter... damn.'

Shaking my head I conceded, “Alright, fair enough.” Picking up my wine glass, I gave it a good look, deep red. The smell, just a touch of oak, and the standard bouquet I have come to expect from my favorite variety. Taking a generous sip I was again pleased; the flavor was perfect, exactly as dry as it should be, cool and warm at the same time. Ponies make some very good wine.

Just as I was about to swallow, Twilight voiced a rather sudden, and very unexpected question, “What's the gender distribution for humans on Earth?” At this time I learned firsthand that the childhood experience of snorting milk out your nose has two distinct differences when the milk is replaced by a strong wine; first, the alcohol that feels warm in the mouth or throat, burns in the sinus, second, the sinus absorbs alcohol presented in this fashion with incredible haste.

SNORT! GASP! COUGH, COUGH! Taking a few deep breaths, blowing my nose, and clearing my throat repeatedly, I finally recovered. “Please, please don't do that again.”

“I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to... is that?” she paused to look intently at my face, her own lighting up in realization, “Did you snort the wine out your nose?!” My response was to roll my eyes and nod as I used the napkin to clean my face of the red liquid. Spike fell off his hay bale from gales of laughter, while Twilight screwed her face up and pointedly focused on breathing deeply.

“Alright, alright, I'm going to return that favor. Just so you know, it's coming, and you won't know when,” I said, pointing a threatening finger at her. “Not during this meal though, revenge should be served slightly chilled. Anyhow, to answer your question, it's really close to an even split, one for one. Why do you ask?” Having recovered from my nasal ingestion of wine, I finally started in on the meal, it was a tasty sandwich.

Concealing the last of her smirk behind a hoof, she cleared her throat and rejoined the conversation. “Really? One for one, that's odd, we've got five to one. Uh, five mares to each stallion,” she clarified as she finished.

“Really? Huh, that must make for a wildly different social dynamic. Yet I've had no trouble talking with you or your friends. Spike seems like he'd fit in back home just as well as the rest of you would, provided you were humans of course. The only interaction I've had thus far that wouldn't easily file under 'amiable' would be that a few minutes ago with the garçon.”

“Garçon is the waiter over at 'The Gilded Bale' two blocks that way,” Spike declared.

Seldom have I face-palmed so hard before, “Really?”

“Yeah, pegasus, likes to show off by carrying up to twelve plates on his wings. Still can't get them through the door though,” Twilight chuckled. “Oh, back on topic though, um... consider your interactions so far. I think you'll find a few answers, but I want to hear your thoughts,” she said as she resumed eating with an interested look.

“OK, so that's how it is,” I said, and took another drink of wine while her mouth was full. “Let's see, the six of you that I met first, almost immediately openly friendly, all female. Oh, uh 'mares'?” I asked, she nodded yes in response. “All mares, all openly friendly, even though with various levels of reservation. Will move on for now to Spike; male, dragon, mid-childhood, raised by you, a pony. Initial reaction was surprise, followed closely by nearly equal acceptance as given by yourself and friends. Lastly we arrive here, at 'Café' with 'Enjoy Your Meal'; pony, stallion, adult, representing one sixth of the populace, initial reaction was to ignore me in favor of catering to the approaching princess, expected, further interaction revealed very little, until he did not appreciate my shifting a joke to him, more specifically his name, I can understand that though.” I sat stroking my beard for a moment while thinking and taking in a bit more of the meal. After finishing all but the last half of my wine, I continued my verbal thought process while sipping some of the best wine of my life. “All I can really conclude so far is a possibility that mares are more socially active, and given the sample size and circumstances I have to say it's a weak hypothesis at best. You mares have certainly been more friendly to me than most women back home now that I think about it.”

“Alright, we need to get you some more interactions in order to better discover the differences in our cultures. Applejack has a big family, and they are all friendly. And we can stop by Rarity's on the way, she'll probably insist on making you something for your meeting in Canterlot by the way.” She paused, looking me over. “Hopefully that won't take too long, we may end up going straight from there to the party. Then again, we could just use the party for social observations, would that bother you?”

“I'm easy,” I said with a shrug. When she raised an eyebrow at me I realized what I had said. “I mean that's fine. 'I'm easy' is just a saying that means either way is fine by me,” then I lowered my voice, “Of course, the other meaning may still apply,” I finished with a wink, and smiled at her blush.

Author's Note

Yep, first two chapters of my first story in the same day. These were already done, as I wanted to make sure I'd be able to continue this story before posting it to a destiny of cancellation.

Again many thanks go to Sneaky, he helped a lot with making sure this all flows well, and with thoughts for where future chapters are going to end up. Be sure to check out his stories, 'Derpy's Protector' and 'Close Bonds' even though the second one has less bondage than implied by its title. Just kidding, it has plenty bondage. Ok so there's not really any bondage, just go read a really good second person fic alright?