To be a tree.

"Remember, Fluttershy. Shoulders back, eyes forward. Remember to make constant eye contact. Stallions love it when you stare right at 'em, that's how they know they've got your full, undivided attention. Turns 'em on, ya know?"

Fluttershy was trying her damnedest to follow the instructions her best friend Rainbow Dash had given her, but it was to no avail — her blind date was getting quieter and quieter by the minute. That was quite a feat, considering he had said all of six words the entire night, five of which were directed towards the waiter. Unsurprisingly, most of them were, 'eeeyup'.

Even though she was doing everything Dash had told her, her obvious advances were garnishing little interest from Big Mac. She had heard rumors around town, mostly during her trips to the spa with Rarity, that the fellow might be a stallion-snuggler, or much worse, that he may be interested in 'keeping things inside the family'. Then again, it was Applejack who had offered him up for the date, so the latter possibility seemed unlikely. Probably just a nasty rumor started by jealous mares. As for the first matter, Fluttershy had no issue with homosexuality. In fact, she rather liked it. Oftentimes she would fantasize that she was a strong, powerful, stallion; mounting another stallion to dominate him with her rock-hard, throbbing—

Fluttershy blinked a few times in rapid succession. "Um... Would you like to have more wine?" She asked, glancing down at the bottle.

"Eeeeenope."

Here I am. Again. Trying to get a stallion drunk enough to go home with me. Plain, boring, ugly, Fluttershy. But he knows what I'm up to. Just like all the others. I'll just have to go home and rub one out. Again. This always went better with Dashie as my wingmare. I always went home with a stallion by my side after I went out with her. She never did, though. That's odd... I had never noticed that before. Hmm...

At that moment, Fluttershy noticed that she had broken the oh-so-important eye contact that Rainbow Dash had insisted upon. Her brilliant sapphire-blue eyes shot back into their Dash-approved orientation, only to grant her a disappointing view of Big Mac's rapidly retreating gaze. What little interest he seemed to be showing dissolved as soon as soon as she had noticed it.

"So... Um... This is pretty good bread, isn't it? I mean... um... If you think so..."

"Eeeyup."

"Um..." Fluttershy squeed bashfully, growing more nervous with each word she uttered, "How's the farm?"

He turned his head to make eye contact with her, his face betraying deep thought, but his jaw clenched, dedicated to his characteristic silence.

Fluttershy idly played with her fork."Did you, um... plant any new trees lately?"

The corners of his mouth dropped. "Eeeeenope." Again, a simple, one-word response, but with hidden emotional undertones. He may not be much of a talker, but at least now Fluttershy had something to grab at; an emotional handle.

"I really like trees... Do you think I could come over to your place after dinner and see some?" she asked, propping her muzzle on her fishnet-adorned hooves. The composure Fluttershy maintained during her heat was nothing short of remarkable, though it probably was more to her disservice than her benefit; most other mares would be so dramatically changed that nopony could possibly miss it, and those mares were granted a heightened level of forgiveness and understanding during their 'time of the year'. In some extreme cases, it was possible for mares charged with rape to be acquitted on the basis of hormone tests. Heat is not a laughing matter.

After taking some time to ponder Fluttershy's request, Big Mac responded with a simple, "Eeenope."

"Aww... Why not?" Fluttershy asked.

"Eeeen-" He lurched uneasily. That answer wouldn't answer the question, but some unknowable force within him drove him to give her some kind of explanation. "N-not tonight... Ah... Ah had plans tonight."

"Plans? But it's so late already... Don't you think it would be better to... come to bed?" She reached out and touched his hoof, which he quickly pulled away.

"P-personal plans..." Big Mac stuttered, as he tensed up.

"Oh, well, how personal? I just might be able to help..." Fluttershy suggested as she struck her sexiest pose, putting her hoof behind her head and flaring her wings in a classic display of pegasus arousal. At least, it was supposed to be sexy. It probably would have gone over better if one wing hadn't gotten caught in her hair, and the other hadn't knocked a candle off the shelf behind her. Aroused, timid, and nervous is not a winning combination.

Big Mac hesitated before responding. "It's not like that..."

"What is it like?"

"N-nothing. You wouldn't understand."

Fluttershy was getting desperate, the burning heat between her legs driving her to pursue carnal relations with reckless abandon. She grabbed Big Mac by his collar and pulled him halfway across the table, yelling into his face, "just tell me what you want! I'll do anything! Is it a stallion waiting for you? I'll do a threesome! I'll even take it in the butt if that's what you want!"

She released him and slammed her hooves on the table, demanding, "just rut me!!"

Big Mac was jostled by the assertive demeanor and overt sexuality suddenly being demonstrated by the mare before him.

"Oh... I... I mean, if you don't mind... Oh dear..." She blushed and squeaked.

Awkward silence. Nothing but awkward silence. It was even more awkward and silent than before. If that was possible.

And then, without warning, something in Big Macintosh just snapped, and he spoke with a hitherto unseen passion. "I just.. I love those trees so damn much, but t'aint no way for me ta show it. All I ever do to 'em is kick 'em! What kind of way is that to treat somethin' ya love? I just wanna hold 'em, and stroke 'em, and show 'em how important they are to me!"

Big Mac's chest heaved, his eyes darted around the room to avoid Fluttershy's penetrating gaze, and the corners of his mouth twitched between a smile and a painful grimace. He had no clue why he just admitted that. Had he been a stallion of weaker constitution, he might have started blubbering on the spot. He was weird, and now Fluttershy knew it. There was no way to take it back, no way to make it seem like a joke, and no retreat. His only hope was that the mare before him would treat him with kindness and withhold judgement.

"I..." Fluttershy began, anxiously. She reached across the table and wrapped her hooves around one of Big Mac's, prompting him to look back up at her. With a lascivious look in her eyes, she finished her statement. "I've always wanted to be a tree..."

And with that sudden realization of their incomprehensibly stupid shared interest, the floodgates of desire burst open. Both ponies practically leapt up out of their seats, their muzzles meeting awkwardly over the candle-lit dinner as their tongues danced wildly in each-other's mouths...