To be a tree.

Behind a one-way mirror, two ponies watched something they never thought would happen in a million years take place before their very eyes.

Rainbow Dash leapt up and threw a triumphant hoof into the air before pointing at Applejack."YES! Ha! Told ya so, you owe me twenty bits!"

"Now wait just a gosh-dern minute, Rainbow, it's obvious Big Mac made the first move!"

"No way! You saw the way Fluttershy was talkin' to him! She was practically beggin' for the D!"

AJ grimaced slightly at her brother being referred to as a source of 'The D', before arguing, "Ah did see it. Right after Big Mac professed his love for 'er. Big lug could hardly look her in the eyes after it."

"That is so, not what he said! Pay up, AJ, a deal's a deal!"

"But—" AJ glanced around, desperate for an excuse, "You and Ah both knew this was impossible! That bet was just a joke!"

"Well, it's happening, so pay up, missy."

"I haven't got that much on me, can I—Holey-moley, what're they doin' now?!"

"Don't try to distract me fro— WOAH!"

Fluttershy left the ground, lifting herself with her wings a bit to lean into the kiss, and one of her hooves knocked over the wine-bottle. Taking it as an invitation, Big Mac swept an arm across the table, knocking everything else onto the floor. He pulled Fluttershy's delicate, hovering, form over the table and against himself firmly. With a quiet moan, their lips separated.

Dazed, confused, and already more sexually gratified than she'd been in months, Fluttershy said the only thing she could think of at that moment. "I'm a pretty apple tree."

That was all Big Macintosh needed to hear. Overwhelmed with passion, he laid Fluttershy down on the table, taking a moment to kiss her front left hoof as he lowered her. While he eyed Fluttershy's perfect, delicate, nether lips, his own genitals were readying themselves for intercourse.

AJ winced and covered her eyes with one hoof. "Ah can't watch this! That's mah brother!"

"Yeah, you go ahead and... don't... watch... Oh damn, he's big..." Rainbow Dash muttered.

"Rainbow!" AJ protested, throwing her hoof across the pegasus' eyes. "You can't be talkin' 'bout mah brother like— Holy cow! That thing is thicker than his leg!"

Dash pulled AJ's arm out of her view, and both ponies stared, mouths agape, at the monstrous member now dangling near Fluttershy's tight, yellow-fuzzed, marehood.

"It's not gonna fit." They both uttered in unison.

Fluttershy had gotten her wits about her, and was now hellbent on making this experience as good as possible for both parties. Tree roleplay. She practically lived for this shit. If only she had known, she would have brought her treesuit...

"Oh, I'm so lonely out here on the apple farm, if only a handsome farmer would come by and... taste my fruit..."

"What'd I ever do to deserve a pretty little tree like you?" Big Mac asked in response, as he brought his mouth down to satisfy the tree's desires. In his mind, the legs draped over his shoulders were not, in fact, legs, but rather, the branches of a beautiful tree. His thick, wet, tongue teased at Fluttershy's most sensitive areas, penetrating her every so often. Fluttershy wouldn't know it, but she smelled and tasted absolutely wonderful. Very sweet, a little salty, maybe a tiny bit of sour, with almost no musk. And, coincidentally, to Big Macintosh's great pleasure... A little like apples.

As a side note, the waiter had come by at that precise moment with their order. Normally, he would insist that such carnal behavior is inappropriate inside a restaurant, but what he had just seen and heard was beyond reasoning. He immediately turned around and left without a single word.

"Hah! Did you see the look on his face?"

"I can't see his face from here, Fluttershy's flank is blocking it."

"No, Ah meant the waiter."

"Waiter?"

Applejack sighed, and sat back on her haunches. "Rainbow, you think maybe we could give 'em a little bit o' privacy?"

"What for?"

"Uh, you know, maybe cuz this is really awkward?" She answered, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh come on. You were perfectly happy to watch her go on a mega-awkward date designed to fail, and now that she's happy you wanna look away? I'm all for practical jokes, but—"

"Why is she standin' like that?"

Fluttershy was balancing on one hoof, her limbs splayed apart like the branches of a tree, shuddering in delight as Big Mac continued to pleasure her.

"See, Rainbow, this is gettin' pretty weird. I don't think she'd be doin' that if she knew somepony was watchin'. What is she doin', anyway? Is that some kinda pegasus thing? Rainbow? Rainbow?"

The prismatic pegasus didn't respond. What she had just realized was too shocking to say.

"Raaaiiinbow... Rainbow. Hey! Look, Twailight's bendin' over!" AJ waved a hoof in front of her friend's eyes, to no avail.

Okay, there was no other option. She was going to have to do something totally inappropriate to get her attention.

"PFFFttt! No! Stop! Bahahahaha!" AJ's hooves ran mercilessly across Rainbow's belly, tickling her friend out of a coma. "No! Come on, AJ, you promised not to— AHAHAHAHAHA!! No! Stop! They're— Pff— gonna —haha— hear me!"

Rainbow pushed AJ away with some considerable force, and gasped for air as she complained, "Not cool! You know how much I hate getting tickled!"

"Sorry, Ah had to, you were totally out of it. Count yourself lucky Ah didn't touch yer hooves. So what's got ya spooked? What's Fluttershy doin'?"

"She's..." Rainbow chuckled awkwardly, "...posing as a tree."

"Ha, no, really."

"I'm serious."

"A tree?"

"And Big Mac seems to be into it... Really into it."

"There's no way that's what she's doin'."

"I swear! She's a um... what's the word... a 'leafer'. There's a bunch of 'em up in Manehatten. They dress up in tree suits and have big conventions and stuff. Some of 'em are into it sexually... And, uh... Fluttershy..." Rainbow glanced over to Fluttershy, who was still emulating a tree and enjoying herself quite thoroughly.

"Ah didn't even know that was a thing..."

"I was surprised too. But apparently some ponies really get off on that stuff."

"That's just buckin' weird."

"Well, I'm all for ponies doing whatever makes them happy in the privacy of their own bedrooms..."

"Yeah, but Rainbow, Ah mean... Don't you think this is a little much?"

"I've seen weirder stuff. Remember that jelly show?"

AJ's eyes shot open, and her body stiffened. "Don't you talk about that, Rainbow."

A cheeky smirk crept up on Rainbow Dash's face."...That stallion who climbed into the giant jar of jelly..."

"Rainbow, I swear to Celestia, if you don't shut your mouth..."

"And then he started to put it in his—"

AJ raised a hoof threateningly, prompting Dashie to stick out her tongue. "Ah'm never lettin' you drag me to another stallion show for as long as Ah live!"

"Oh, come on, that was hilarious!"

"T'ain't nothin' funny about what that stallion was doin'."

"Eh, as cool as you are to hang out with, you wouldn't know funny if it pinched your lip. Pinkie would've totally appreciated that."

"Whatever..."